Kendall Jenner Is Getting Spanked By Santa

Kim Kardashian Jesus took a load in the mouth for her brothers and sisters, and in exchange, Kendall Jenner gets to tell people she’s a model, because magazines and media outlets use her built in audience to get more pageviews and links, until she is no longer of use. Porn will come later. So keeping in the tradition of capitalism Christmas, Love Magazine told Kendall Jenner to put on some lingerie and get spanked by Santa. They also asked her to dance sexy, but I think they just gave up after a few takes.

 

 Check out her sexy xanax dance after the jump.

 

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Kendall Jenner Hates Jesus
Kendall Jenner Hates Jesus

 

Christmas is about celebrating the birth of a man who wasn’t born in December while simultaneously trying not to go into debt over forced consumerism or remembering it’s the highest suicide rate of the year, because you have to buy your whole family expensive shit even though Jesus only got some oil and some cologne and some gold his parents probably pawned because their kid was sleeping on hay and goat shit and maybe to get Mary into therapy because God Billy Cosby’d her while she was sleeping. Any possibly some anger management for Joseph, because he was all like, “bitch, what?”.  Then an angel came down and was like, “bro, chill lol, we didn’t even have to tell you tbh but take care of this kid anyway. btw some people are coming to kill it so I’d probably leave imo”. Then Joseph said, “k”. And then they left. Then nothing happened for 30 years then Jesus did some stuff with a bunch of dudes then he died.  Then 2,000 and something years later Kendall Jenner is bent over in lingerie in a Santa Hat. I’m not seeing the connection.

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Kendall And Kylie Jenner’s Book Has Sold Only 13K Copies Since June

 Hey remember that time Kendall and Kylie Jenner wrote a dystopian science fiction book called Rebels of Indra in between manicures and stem cell facials? Good times.

According to data from the Nielsen BookScan, obtained by Radar, the Jenner sister’s tome, penned with help from author Maya Sloan, has sold just 13,000 copies since going on sale in June. (Nielsen’s book data accounts for approximately 75% of book sales.)…Even more embarrassing for the Jenners, their attempt at dystopian fiction sits at a measly 9,556 on the Amazon sales chart, and is ranked two of five stars with 136 customers weighing in with reviews. “Garbage from start to finish,” one reader wrote. “Don’t bother wasting your time or money on this piece of trash. The trees that died to make this would have been better off as toilet paper.” Others slammed it as “unoriginal,” “blatantly stupid,” “dumbed down” — in short, “the worst book ever.”

Read that blockquote again. Now realize Snooki and Nicole Richie are New York Times best-selling authors. Fucking Snooki. And Snooki thinks a book is something you do to get an appointment at a tanning salon. They’ll sell more copies if they wrote a suicide note.

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Kendall Jenner’s Butt Is On Instagram
 

the Gunnar commentary. @gunnarfitness

Un vídeo publicado por Kendall Jenner (@kendalljenner) el

 

If you haven’t realized by now, today is really slow unless you want to read about child molesters and Marvel news. I’m not down with that. However, I am pretty down with butts, so here’s Kendall Jenner and her butt working out. Also, the Pope said evolution was real today. Not sure what that has to do with this post, but don’t say I’m not giving you people news here. And also butts.

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Kendall Jenner Is Obsessed With Chris Brown
Kendall Jenner Is Obsessed With Chris Brown

 

Kris Jenner uses Chinese child labor and her contract with E! The Devil to finance her empire of vapid whores who hypersexualized and overexposed as soon as their first eggs drops. Rob, who was cursed being born with a penis, is regulated to sleeping on couches and making socks, because he serves no other purpose in Kris Jenner’s world than being a write-off. Kendall Jenner just turned 18 and has already been naked in practically every photoshoot since, so it’s clear she doesn’t care what a dude does with her body. Even if that man wants to punch it a few times. And not in the good way. Oh, she’s also really dumb.

Even though there seems to be something going on between Kendall and Justin Bieber, KJ reportedly has her sights set on Chris Brown. And friends say she’s crossed the line between infatuation and unhealthy fixation. “Kendall is obsessed with Chris!” a source tells Us Weekly. Apparently, Kendall developed a thing for the rapper after Brown went clubbing with the Jenners back in July. Whatever happened that night must have made quite an impression on Kendall, as friends say she’s been hatching plans to cross paths with Breezy ever since.

It must take some kind of next level self-loathing and stupid to want to date a dude who beats up on women and throws fits during interviews, but please understand, we’re talking about the Kardashian family. They’d date a member of ISIS if he had a hookup at Vogue.

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LOL
LOL

 

So, apparently some gossip magazine called Famous photoshopped some cellulite on Kendall Jenner and said she was too fat for the runway. You can see the real, not too fat  pics here, so I wouldn’t say she was too fat for the runway. She’s too meh for the runway. But people are actually pissed about this saying that Kendall was fat shamed despite not being fat or in shape or whatever. She has the classic sorority girl body type. Not really sure why people are upset. This magazine just took some of the fat that’s been photoshopped off Kim Kardashian and put it on her. Maybe the people who run this magazine are Native Americans and just don’t want to waste shit, you ever think about that?  Let’s try to respect other cultures.

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Actual Models Hate Kendall Jenner
Actual Models Hate Kendall Jenner

 

All things being relative, Kendall Jenner for some reason actually gets praise for “hard work” for putting on clothes and walking down a runway, because she’s the only person in her family who doesn’t base their entire existence on being on a reality show. Turns out that models who put on clothes and walk down a runway who aren’t there as a novelty, ain’t got time for that.

Her modeling career continues to soar, but at New York Fashion Week, Kendall Jenner got a taste of how catty the modeling world can be. “The other models worked so hard to get a spot on the runway and didn’t think it was fair that she was there,” a source tells the new issue of In Touch, revealing that as revenge they decided to mess with her. “Some [of the models] put out their cigarettes in Kendall’s drink!” the source explains. “They thought she was getting special treatment and just weren’t OK with it.”

I really can’t think of anything more pointless and so far up it’s own ass than NYFW except maybe this site, but some people think it’s great because they have the fashion propaganda film The Devil Wears Prada on DVD that makes people think some self-important evil bitch and some gays control everything you wear and buy. I just bought some camo shorts. What self-respecting gay man would wear those? Actually they were bought for me and I threw them awaybbut still.

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They Still Trying To Make Kendall Jenner Happen

 

It’s pretty clear that Khloe and Kim eat up all the food in the house, so Kendall Jenner is left to starve and not workout, and when you do that, sometimes you can be a runway model. So here’s some photographic evidence of that at the Tommy Hilfiger show during NYFW. Too bad Kris Jenner couldn’t fly in one of her Photoshop experts she has on retainer. That would have helped out immensely.

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Okay Then
Okay Then

 

I don’t know how many takes this took until Kris Jenner was satisfied, but here’s Kylie Jenner (17) and Kendall Jenner (18) getting their usual hypersexualized on. But here’s the twist: they’re doing it with each other. Two sisters. Nobody finds that weird and kinda creepy? And since I’m legally allowed to comment on Kendall’s ass now, is there some type of reward if I find it and facilitate it’s safe return?

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The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown
The Kardashians/Jenners Were Texting During The Moment Of Silence For Mike Brown

 

Kardashians Michael Brown

 

You’d think if anyone would mourn the loss of a black man (especially now that he’s famous and a popular SEO search term), it would be the Kardashians/Jenners, but what will be a shock to nobody, their undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and complete disconnect from any reality that doesn’t involve them or their self-absorbed family of rented vaginas, texted and talked during Common’s poignant plea for a moment of silence for murdered, unarmed teen Mike Brown and all the shit that’s going on in Ferguson. Or maybe they already knew the parenthetical part of that run on sentence and found a way to insert themselves into the SEO and get more white fans at the same time.  Well, hos. Well played.

 

source = Twitter and Twitter

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