Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner went out to dinner last week then he spent the night with her at Bruce Jenner's beach house leading many media outlets to speculate that the pair are dating. Let me clear this up, they are not dating. They're bonin'. Happy Monday. Daily Mail reports:
They have been touted as the celebrity world's hottest new young couple since they were spotted enjoying a cosy dinner date last week. And it would appear that Harry Styles has already secured a welcome nod of approval from Kendall Jenner's Olympian father, Bruce. The One Direction heartthrob was spotted tucking into a pot of yoghurt and a cup of coffee in Malibu, California, after reportedly spending the night at the former athlete's beach house…The young couple reportedly struck up a close friendship when they met at The X Factor USA studio while One Direction recorded their performance for last week's show.
And to tell you all you really need to know, Kendall Jenner was asked about Styles last night and said they were "friends".
Speaking to E!'s Giuliana Rancic on the red carpet, she said: 'We're friends. He's cool, yeah, he's cool. You go out with one person, you're automatically dating them.'
If a chick says a guy is her friend, she has either banged him previously, is currently texting him when she's drunk for him to bang her, is banging him at this moment, or will bang him eventually in the near future. And if she has no interest in banging him, it's only a matter of time when she stops being his friend because he just tried to bang her. Those are your only options. So the people saying that they are dating really need to open their eyes. I hate to be the one to raise my hand in the class here, but Harry Styles is white.
Welp, that didn't take long, guys. Kendall Jenner is already posing topless. You can see the NSFW version here, or you can wait until she makes a sex tape with Jennifer Hudson's little brother or whatever the Brandy/Ray J equivalent is. Janelle Monae's little brother? To be honest, there's lots of possibilities here.
pic source = Instagram
People are going apeshit since Kendall Jenner turned 18 over the weekend (she's already getting porn offers), but I'm just cool that I can now officially call her the hottest Kardashian. I mean, have you seen Khloe and Kylie? You have right? What's up with that? At least Khloe lost weight since campers couldn't feed her during that whole government shutdown thing.
pic source = Instagram
Kendall Jenner hasn't even turned 18 yet, but since Kris Jenner buys plastic surgery in bulk, Kendall appears to have a new set of lips. At first I though this was Kim, but this was posted on Kendall's Instagram and Kim is a blonde now, this procedure must have been thrown in for free with Bruce Jenner's sex change.
You might want to sit down for this, because it might be a shock, but Kendall Jenner was dating a black guy. I know, I know, it just doesn't fit with the rest of her family. Anyway, she dumped him because he was cheating on her. Radar Online reports:
Khloe Kardsahian and Lamar Odom aren’t the only ones dealing with heartbreak in the family – Kendall Jenner has unceremoniously dumped her boyfriend, Julian Brooks. Kim Kardashian’s 17-year-old younger sister was romancing her high school sweetheart, but she pulled the plug on the relationship after suspecting he was cheating on her a bombshell new report in Star magazine claims. “He would disappear for days and not answer Kendall’s text messages,” a close source says about Brooks, who is a University of Nevada football player. He and Kendall met when they were attending Sierra Canyon School together and they started dating in May 2012. Star claims that she promptly dumped him after her friends confirmed her cheating fear, because she “couldn’t live with the doubt.”
Kendall Jenner is 17, so I need Ted Cruz to come in read "Green Eggs and Ham" to filibuster what I was going to say. Also, what was up with that? That was pretty dumb, right? How would a Canadian know about Dr. Seuss when his father was a Communist? Lots of things don't make sense here.
Pic source = Instagram
Because I assume he's just happy somebody wanted interview him, Kim Kardashian's stepbrother, Brody Jenner, says he is upset how cruelly the media treated Kim (HAHAHAHAHA) when she was pregnant and gained enough weight for five babies. He also said it gave her lots of sads. Take it away, Radar Online:
“A lot of very cruel things were written about her,” Brody, who was prominently featured on this past season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, told the U.K.’s Now magazine. “When you’re pregnant it should be a great stage in your life and you shouldn’t have to go to every newsstand and see pictures and headlines saying: ‘Kim’s a whale.’” He gave insight as to how rough things got, saying that “for a while, Kim was all bummed out with all the ridicule she was getting about her weight during her pregnancy … it was definitely getting to her. “I know it upset her — it should have been one of the happiest times of her life and it wasn’t,” the hunky star of The Hills said. “People gain weight when they’re pregnant and there’s nothing wrong with that. It upset me to read some things about her.”
Look, yes, a woman gains weight while she's pregnant. It's gross and stuff, but that's what happens when another human being is growing inside of you. But most women aren't trying to squeeze their fetus into things like this and this. And, brace yourself, this. Also, when you and your mom continually manipulate the media by putting you on the cover of every magazine in a bikini and it looks like Pixar did the post work, expect some backlash when you gain 200 pounds. Babies aren't some magical force fields that deflect jokes about your weight. Sorry. People put babies in barrels now. If they had any special powers, they would probably try to destroy the barels with their minds instead of making you feel better when you eat chocolate pizza.
Note: Why pictures of Kendall Jenner in tiny shorts instead Kim Kardashian? Bro. Never ask me that question again.
Apparently photographer Russell James was paid a lot to take pictures of Kendall Jenner (seen here with no ass) in the Australian Outback, and now those pictures were on display at a private viewing called "Nomad: Two Worlds". No idea what thant means, but "E! News exclusively caught up with the 17-year-old" (translation: E! News was had this scheduled for weeks and were prepared with questions to further Kris Jenner's agenda), to ask her about her future modeling plans. I give her credit. Bitch is trying to outkick her coverage on this one . E! reports:
Since James' credits include campaigns for Victoria's Secret, we asked her if she'd ever consider modeling for the world-famous lingerie brand. "It's always been kind of a dream of mine," Kendall admitted. "It's something I'd love to do."
A Victoria's Secret model? I mean, she mean JC Penny model, right? Because good luck with her walking into a room with Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge and somebody not mistaking her for a witch then setting her on fire.
Despite all logic and reasoning, Kris Jenner has pushed to make Kendall Jenner a model. She's also pushed her to wear bikinis at every oppotunity and wear revealing clothing like some Armenian mail order bride. And since Kris' other
cash cows are either married, pregnant, or have had their DNA spliced with the great and powerful Kong, she needs fresh meat so her harem can keep pumping out Sears brand stripper clothes, black girl perfume, and the endless onslaught of "reality" shows that film (and reshoot) every mundane detail of these hookers' lives as Bruce Jenner sits in the back and slowly dies inside. TMZ reports:
Kendall Jenner is less than a year from the most coveted treasure in Hollywood — and her predicted rise to power happens to coincide with her 18th birthday. Strange how that works, eh?
Kendall turns 18 in 207 days according to TMZ, and like a Christian, her sister's vagina was sacrified on video so she could have fame and fortune. Sonext year, prepare to be assualted with Kendall as Kim, Kourtney, and Kong are all taken out back and shot or whatever Kris specified in ther contract. The only good thing is that we don't have to worry about Kylie. To be honest, I don't even think she's a real person. I'm pretty sure they just made her up.
Before you read this, please understand that Kendall Jenner is famous because her older sister followed Paris Hilton around like a lost puppy to be in full view of photograpers at all times, and when that didn’t work, she leaked her own sex tape. Then E! was there to wipe up the semen, so they could give her a show. A show that Kendall Jenner was in, because she happened to be in the house because Kim had to visit her mom every episode per Kris Jenner’s contract. So it makes perfect sense that she would go on a Twitter rant complaining about the paparazzi.
Bitch, shut up. You’re on television show in the same way your mom’s coffee table is on a television show. You just happened to be in the room. If you don’t want your picture taken, tell your mom to stop putting a paparazzi GPS up your ass. Also, stop with the model thing. You’re not fooling anyone.
Here’s Kendall Jenner
in Malibu this weekend playing with her nephew, Al-Qaeda Bin Disick, and as you look at these pictures, please keep in mind that Kris Jenner is doing everything she possibly can to turn this silver spoon fed hooker into a model. A model. Let that sink in. Kendall Jenner. Model. When asked for comment, Linda Evangelista and Helena Christensen said, “This bitch…”.