Katy Perry Doesn’t Care For Your Unicorn Frappuccino
Katy Perry Doesn’t Care For Your Unicorn Frappuccino

 

Even though I live in the South, I don’t like spending $5 to drink pure diabetes, but Starbucks has a new Unicorn Frappuccino and just like most of the stories on your Snapchat, Katy Perry tried it. The results were fascinating!

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Katy Perry Has Even Shorter Hair Now
Katy Perry Has Even Shorter Hair Now

 

After cutting her hair off when Orlando Bloom broke up with her, Katy Perry cut more of her hair off yesterday for some reason. Maybe it’s like that story in the bible except when she cuts off her hair she gains the power to actually sing or ward off John Mayer.

 

fifth element flow

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Ryan Phillippe Really Wants You To Know He’s Not Dating Katy Perry
Ryan Phillippe Really Wants You To Know He’s Not Dating Katy Perry

 

Ryan Phillippe got Reese Witherspoon knocked up in her prime. Then he got the hot one from those Pitch Perfect movies knocked up after like two months. So you can understand why he doesn’t want 32-year old Katy Perry on his vagina resume.

I don’t even know where the rumor came from or how it started, but he seems pretty adamant about not dating Katy Perry. As you know, Katy Perry Googles herself a lot so she responded. 

 

Is Katy trying to flirt here? Do we care about this at all? No? Ok, sorry. Ending this post now.

 

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Katy Perry Googles ‘Katy Perry Hot’ A Lot
Katy Perry Googles ‘Katy Perry Hot’ A Lot

 

Katy Perry posted some unattractive pics on Instagram yesterday (this and this), then Googled “Katy Perry hot” to make herself feel better. See the results below!

 

was feeling insecure about my last two posts so

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Google’s algorithm returned a result from 10 years ago for “Katy Perry hot”, so you know they really have it figured out over there. Very advanced code. Hats off to them.

 

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Katy Perry Got Break Up Hair

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom broke up, and Katy Perry is cliche enough to get cut all her hair off after a break up. So here’s her new hair that her gay stylist talked her into after seeing pictures of Scarlett Johansson. Now her music and hair suck.  Please enjoy.

 

I WASNT READY TILL NOW

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Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom On Are A Break If You Believe That Kinda Thing
Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom On Are A Break If You Believe That Kinda Thing

 

Hey, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom haven’t taken a break from their year long relationship. That means they broke up and feel the need to publicly drag this out.

“Before rumors or falsifications get out of hand, we can confirm that Orlando and Katy are taking respectful, loving space at this time,” a statement to PEOPLE from both of their reps reads. The couple dated for a little over a year.

Man, glad they cleared that up before “rumors or falsifications get out of hand. Unlike Orlando Bloom’s penis that was probably in the hand of this chick at a pre-Oscars party. Just to warn you, that chick isn’t Katy Perry. I can’t speculate on Orlando Bloom’s game, but he banged Selena Gomez and got this pregnant. Katy Perry is 32, kind of annoying,  and looks like her left eye is finally gonna melt off after years of teasing us. A year with Orlando probably exceeded Taylor Swift’s voodoo doll’s expectations. Eh, there’s always John Mayer or a DJ.

 

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Katy Perry’s Live Mic Of Her Grammy Performance Has Been Leaked
Katy Perry’s Live Mic Of Her Grammy Performance Has Been Leaked

 

My apologies for hitting you with two Katy Perry posts today, but the live mic feed of her Grammy performance has been leaked to YouTube. While nothing will every be as horrific as this, but you know when Katy asks “are we tone deaf?” in her new song? Yeah. Sounds like it.

 

 

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Katy Perry’s “Chained To The Rhythm” Video Hates America
Katy Perry’s “Chained To The Rhythm” Video Hates America

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: a couple escape a socialist/communist hellscape, migrate to America, start a business, put their kids through college, then their kids tweet “ugh America is the worst” on their iPhones. Tale as old as time. Luckily, Katy Perry‘s video for “Chained To The Rhythm” wants you to STAY WOKE. You’re all slaves!!!! America sucks, but it’s a fun amusement park where one day a black guy will pop out of a screen to share a Slate article with you and change your whole world view so much that you have to make a music video or something like that.

 

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Katy Perry Brought Them Out For The Grammys
Katy Perry Brought Them Out For The Grammys

 

Katy Perry finally remembered she was Katy Perry last night at the Grammys after parties because she had her rack out. This almost almost makes up for what she wore to the actual Grammys and her new song she performed at the Grammys. The song still sucks even when she’s singing behind a fence. You can’t even see her boobs when she stands behind a fence. That’s dumb.

 

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Katy Perry’s New Song Is Exactly What You’d Expect From Katy Perry
Katy Perry’s New Song Is Exactly What You’d Expect From Katy Perry

 

If you were expecting something groundbreaking from Katy Perry‘s new song “Chained To The Rhythm”, sorry. Like most of her shit, it’s a song trying to be deep that she wrote with a cliche randomizer and a hook that’s garbage. To make it worse, the video actually has the lyrics on the screen but doesn’t have Katy Perry’s tits to distract you. Not sure who made that call. Probably somebody who hates Katy Perry. I’m not even sure why Taylor Swift is even in a feud with this chick. Taylor could write a better song even if a dude loved her back.

 

Katy Perry Chained To The Rhythm Lyrics

Katy Perry

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