When Katy Perry posted this on the cyber last night, I figured it would be a concept created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive, or it would be a Funny or Die skit. And I was right! Many people are saying I was right.
So here’s Katy Perry‘s ass on a bike in France. I don’t think she hires professional Instagram photographers to follow her around like Taylor Swift, so that might explain why this pic was retaken after they saw whatever is happening with her left ass cheek. It looks like it’s folding on itself. This is how wormholes are created. Not sexy, Katy!
While Trump stans were busy shitting on the Muslim parents of a Purple Heart recipient while complaining that the American flags on stage weren’t big enough then celebrated when their candidate got baited into an unhinged Twitter rant, they probably missed the part where world has passed the scared white man by. RIP. They also probably missed Katy Perry, who looked hot as hell. Look, whatever your thoughts on Hillary Clinton, at least she didn’t invite Taylor Swift. I feel that we should take a moment to acknowledge that fact.
And if I pissed off Trump stans, my apologies. I hope this makes you feel better and gives you good vibes while you punch an immigrant to get an erection.
As if the world wasn’t suffering enough after the terrorist attack in Nice (you’ll never guess which religion!), Katy Perry dropped, “Rise“, her first new track since 2013. It’s supposed to be playing all over NBC’s coverage of the Rio Olympics, because what better soundtrack for athletes competing for the gold in an open sewer than Katy Perry. Anyway, here’s the lyrics to this bullshit:
“She still doing it?”
Since Selena Gomez has better things to do besides be up Orlando Bloom’s ass every waking moment, Katy Perry filled in nicely by following him to amfAR’s 23rd Cinema Against AIDS Gala last night in France.
Katy Perry, 31, very quickly decided she didn’t want to break up with Orlando Bloom, 39, after he seemed to be caught kissing Selena Gomez, 23, in Las Vegas. However, the pair walked the red carpet separately at the fabulous anfAR gala on May 19, despite the fact that they showed up together at the Met Ball.
Jesus, she even wore a Quinceanera dress to trick Orlando into thinking she was Selena. These pictures don’t show us if she was wearing soccer shoes or not. She’s a month away from Instagramming J Iron Word quotes.
Katy Perry is tweeting songs that pose existential questions, guys. This should be fun.
Say what you want about pointy ears and blue contacts, but Orlando Bloom turned that into quality getting pussy for life even though they’ve ran out of Hobbit books. He’s like a budget Leonardo DiCaprio, but Leonardo has never banged this. Orlando Bloom has. Katy Perry also calls him her boyfriend. I mean, probably not so much now since he banged Selena Gomez last week. You do you, Orlando.
Orlando Bloom and Selena Gomez found love in the club — for at least one night — when things got VERY physical in Las Vegas, and TMZ got pics of the hookup. It went down Friday night at Light in Mandalay Bay — Selena had the after-party for her Vegas concert there, and sources in the club tell us Orlando was a surprise, late addition to the party … and made a major impression when he got there. We’re told things got very “touchy feely” quickly before 23-year-old Selena and 39-year-old Orlando started neck-nuzzling and embracing in a booth. However, we’re told Selena absolutely went back to her room alone.
This also happened.
What’s the cut off age of being able to say “I want to grow old with you” like 50? 65? 31? :-/
— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) May 7, 2016
Yeah. 31 sounds about right. Selena Gomez is 23 and looks like this most of the time. Katy Perry is 31. She also wore this to the MET Gala. What was that about? That must have factored into Orlando Bloom’s decision here.
The Sean Parker And The Parker Foundation Launch The Parker Institute For Cancer Immunotherapy event was last night to raise money for cancer and awareness for the name “Parker”. I guess “Parker Cancer Immunotherapy” isn’t a type of cancer treatment or they would have added that in I think. Katy Perry went and this is what she wore. When she dresses like this, you’re not distracted by her rack so remember that she looks like Paula Deen made enough money to have a clone made. No? When was the last you saw Paula Deen? You took to long to answer. Goodbye.
You would have thought after Katy Perry strayed from Jesus’ path that country music would be a natural fit for her overly simplistic and cliched lyrics. That was not the case. She became a fake lesbian and let people focus on her titties instead so they’d forget all her stuff is shit. Which is fine, I guess. Gotta make money somehow. But plot twist: she performed and did a duet thing Dolly Parton last night at the American Country Music Awards after calling Dolly Parton “her hero”. I assume Dolly Parton had no say in this.
This post is about Katy Perry and Dolly Parton, so you don’t have to take much of a leap to figure out what Katy’s opening joke was about.