Katy Perry Took Way Too Long

Hey, sorry my post about Katy Perry and her huge rack at the 2014 MTV VMAs is so late. She was in a bunch of pics with Riff Raff where he was apparently dying of unquenchable thirst and I’ve already spent a lot of time last week bringing awareness to ALS that I didn’t want to tackle the global issue of proper hydration. Anyway, here’s her bangs and boobs. Feel free to do whatever with this information.

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Katy Perry Did The Ice Bucket Challenge In A Bikini And In Slo-Mo

 

Not entirely sure what this has to do with ALS research, but Katy Perry did the ice bucket challenge on a pirate ship in a bikini. And in slow motion, because why not make a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord sexy? There’s simply no reason why you shouldn’t.

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Katy Perry Is Mad “Roar” Wasn’t Nominated For A VMA
Katy Perry Is Mad “Roar” Wasn’t Nominated For A VMA

 

Because a MTV VMA is the true barometer of an artist’s success (haha “artist”), Katy Perry is understandably upset that the video for “Roar” wasn’t nominated for a VMA this year. I mean, it’s her in a jungle showing off her tits and swinging on vines and things like that. It’s pretty groundbreaking stuff. She even wrote the lyrics by going online and hitting refresh on a cliche randomizer, so it should be obvious to anyone that she put a lot of effort into this album. Just check the track listing. “Walking on Air”, “It Takes Two”, “By The Grace of God”, “Choose Your Battles”, “Dark Horse”, etc. Like David Bowie, Jackson Pollock, and other geniuses before her, she’s going through her cliche period, and one day MTV will look back and regret the day they snubbed such a landmark album. Until then, she’s getting pissy and passive aggressive on Twitter by telling the world she gets a bunch of views on YouTube. So did the dramatic chipmunk. So maybe shut up and take off your top? That would be ideal. Cool, thanks.

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Nope
Nope

 

Katy Perry bleached her eyebrows then got a new hairstyle that's generally reserved for chicks who want to get sexed into the Latin Kings. She also got her nails done in Koreatown. Would I still have sex with her? Yes, yes I would. My penis stresses diversity and doesn't subscribe to your racism as long as you're brunette and have blue eyes and a nice ass. We can buy the boobs later after I clear some things from my credit report.

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Robert Pattinson Really Wants To Bang Katy Perry

Hey, here comes another "Robert Pattinson is trying to date Katy Perry" story.

Robert Pattinson and Katy Perry were looking cozy at an LA after-party for his movie “The Rover.” We’re told Perry sneaked into a Loft & Bear vodka-sponsored bash at Whiskey Blue at the W through the kitchen just before midnight and headed for a patio. “Later on, Robert joined her,” said a spy. Another witness said, “They were heavily flirting. At one point, Robert sauntered to the bar with a pal and was heard saying, ‘She’s so [bleeping] hot,’ nodding in Katy’s direction.”

Say what you want about Robert Pattinson playing a vampire who liked glitter and Kristen Stewart, but his great grankids will still be spending that Twilight money. Not that Katy Perry needs his money, but she should consult with her financial advisor to see if dating Robert Pattinson could alleviate a few expenses. She could probably get him to pay her phone bill and give her his Netflix login.

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Yawn
Yawn

 

Katy Perry and Madonna did a photoshoot for V Magazine, and I really don't even know where to start. Oh, wait. Yes I do. 1.) they both have bangs 2.) Madonna is like 70 and they Photoshopped her arms  3.) Katy Perry is wearing something that covers her rack  4.) it's dumb, 5.) hasn't Madonna done this like a thousand times already? We get it. You're "sexual". Now go take your Actvia and knit a sweater, grandma. Tell Miranda Kerr to swap clothes with you on the way out.

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Katy Perry Is Single. Again.
Katy Perry Is Single. Again.

 

About five minutes ago the Internet learned that Katy Perry was dating Diplo (an American DJ, not a type of yogurt), now they already split up because Diplo saw her boobs once and started picking out baby names.

Multiple sources tell In Touch the pair have split after a one-month courtship, and it's because the 35-year-old DJ decided to call things off. “Diplo broke up with her because she does not want to be in a serious relationship. She's doing OK and not too sad about it. They wanted different things," a friend of Katy's tells the mag. "She freaked out when he wanted to introduce her to his parents. She doesn’t want to get married again — at least not anytime soon. “She wants to date and he wanted something much more serious. It was too much, too soon."

Diplo. Dude. We've all been there, but a month? Bro. This chick just got out of a two-year relationship, and you wanted your parents to meet you two at Olive Garden for some breadsticks? C'mon now. She just wanted to show you her boobs and give it up once in a while, but you started making a remix of the Kay Jewelers jingle. Just so we're all clear, you willingly decided to stop seeing Katy Perry's boobs because Katy Perry didn't want your parents to see her face. Do your parents have to meet the chicks you jack off to while watching porn, too? What is your endgame here?

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Katy Perry Is Banging Diplo
Katy Perry Is Banging Diplo

 

Or not. I mean it's Page Six, so who knows.

Katy Perry has moved on from her split with John Mayer by hooking up with top music producer and DJ Diplo at Coachella. Perry, 29, was spotted with Diplo, 35 — the LA-based producer and recording artist who’s worked with Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Usher and Bruno Mars — backstage at the music festival and also at a series of parties. A witness told Page Six: “Katy and Diplo hooked up at Coachella. They were together behind the main stage, where she had a tour bus or trailer, and a group of her friends were hanging out.” The music spy added, “It was very obvious that Katy and Diplo were together. They seemed inseparable and at one point they were seen getting onto her bus together.”

Hey. Cool. That's all I got. If people call you "Diplo" and you can still bang Katy Perry, I say go for it, man.

 

pic source = Instagram

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Katy Perry Has Green Hair Now
Katy Perry Has Green Hair Now

 

Katy Perry dyed her hair green for spring for some reason, I guess because nature and stuff turns green in spring. If she really wanted to celebrate spring, why dye her hair?  Just put on a bikini. Doesn't she watch The Kardashians? You have gigantic boobs. Hair is irrelevant at that poount.

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RaP gAmE KaTy pErRy
RaP gAmE KaTy pErRy

 

Rumors of Katy Perry and Riff Raff dating hit earlier this week, and like most of the world who knows or cares who those people are, I thought it was a joke between friends. Except they actually went on a date once and this post is really needed to fill up space because today is boring. Look, I'm always honest with you. Don't make me regret telling you that.

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