Katy Perry Gave Out Her Phone Number To 86 Million People

We’ve all heard Katy Perry’s lyrics, so we can’t really accuse her of being smart, so at some point I guess she would blast her phone number to everybody.

Whoops! Katy Perry accidentally gave out her phone number to her 70 million Twitter and 16 million Instagram followers on Wednesday, April 1. The “Wide Awake” singer, who also shocked (or possibly pranked) her fans by cutting her hair into a “Kris Jenner” pixie cut earlier in the day, posted a video of her beloved dog Butters without realizing his dog tag perfectly displayed her phone number. “BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY IF BITCH WANTS SAUSAGES!” she captioned a snap of her pooch, giving Rihanna’s new jam “Bitch Better Have My Money” a shout-out. Soon after she blasted the picture on both Twitter and Instagram, a majority of her fans tried to call the fail to her attention. After receiving likely millions of calls, Perry quickly deleted the video and then deactivated the numbers.

This was pretty dumb, but who are the people calling this number? Riff Raff? What did you expect her to say if she answered the phone? Make plans to go to Coffee Bean? I actually know celebrities and have their phone numbers, but like, who wants to answer when I call? I misspell things when I talk as well.

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Taylor Swift Is Over Katy Perry

I think the only way to end this feud is for Katy Perry and Taylor Swift to smoke a bowl then scissor each other, but I also put mustard in my ramen. My methods have always been controversial. Katy Perry is obsessed with Taylor, but Taylor sat down with an interview for Telegraph and refused to talk about Katy. Until, you know, she did. It’s all very confusing.

I’m not giving them anything to write about. I’m not walking up the street with boys, I’m not stumbling out of clubs drunk. But I’m never going to talk about her in my interview. It’s not going to happen..[In five years] I’ll probably still be single, let’s be honest. No one’s going to sign up for this and everything that goes with it. Like, ‘Hi, nice to meet you, want a date? Do you love camera flashes? I hope you do!’ I don’t know what’s going to happen if I’m ever content in a relationship – no idea how that’s going to work. I don’t even know if that’s possible with the life I have. ‘In five years’ time she’ll be so afraid of everything, she doesn’t leave her house. She’s just surrounded by cats. So many cats, they’ve divided themselves up into armies and she wanders around lint-rolling the couch that no one’s going to sit on because she’s afraid to have people over…'”

Besides her legs, Taylor self-deprecating humor (but not really) is kinda hot, but you know she’s melted candles and made a voodoo doll of Harry Styles at least once. Taylor hangs out with chicks all the time for the same reason all chicks hang out with chicks: she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Let her get a boyfriend or any man who shows any kind of interest in her. Her chick friends will only be able to send her FB messages and the cats will eventually starve to death.

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Katy Perry Is Super Mature

Katy Perry really hasn’t made a secret about her seething hatred for Taylor Swift, even promising Diplo to show him her titties every time he publicly made fun of Swift on Twitter because they’re both in junior high. So allegedly, Katy is writing a “diss track” on her next album for Taylor. Ooooohh, a diss track! It’s on now!

Venture Capital Post  (via ONTD) is reporting that Katy Perry is writing a diss track for Taylor Swift that she plans to include on her upcoming album. A source tells Venture Capital Post that Taylor Swift tried to make nice with Katy Perry at the GRAMMYs, but Katy turned the other way and ignored Taylor. The source explains: “Taylor’s tried to reach out to make amends with Katy, but Katy is not going to accept it nor is she interested in having a friendship with Taylor. She wants nothing to do with Taylor. In Katy’s mind, Taylor shouldn’t even attempt to make a friendship happen. That ship has sailed.” It was recently reported that Taylor Swift was collaborating with Kanye West on a remix of “Bad Blood,” but Taylor Swift was quick to deny that rumor in a Tumblr post. Despite Taylor Swift denying claims that she’ll release “Bad Blood” as single, Katy Perry is intent on making sure she release a diss track for Taylor. The source reveals: “Of course she will leave room on her album for a diss track about Taylor Swift. Katy loves controversy and the feud with Taylor is great for that. She is definitely going to write a new song based on how two-faced she thinks Taylor is.”

Oh, man. A diss track. I bet that will show Taylor. A diss track which I assume will be filled with cliches that rhyme over a track her label bought. Can’t wait. Should be some pretty powerful stuff.

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Here’s Some More People At The Grammys

Hey, look! Here’s some people who also attended the Grammys last night. You might know some of these people, or you might now. My only real criteria for choosing these pictures was “titties”. I know 2014 was about the ass and all that, but I’m in Atlanta so I see enough of that.

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Aww, Katy Perry Thinks We Watched The Super Bowl For Her
Aww, Katy Perry Thinks We Watched The Super Bowl For Her

If you watched the Super Bowl just to watch Katy Perry‘s performance, raise your hand. Now put it down really quick because your 7th grade math teacher might think you know the answer. We both know you don’t. Your last pop quiz wasn’t on fleek, dummy.

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The More You Know

Christ. Like I don’t even know where to start. As expected, Katy Perry had no business performing at the Super Bowl halftime show. I was just a bunch of bright, shiny things to distract you from the fact that lip-synching chick with the weave is a mediocre talent with a big rack who sells a lot of albums because America is mostly dumb. Lenny Kravitz was probably on beach right at dawn scrubbing his soul with a rock, but at least Katy Perry was just an opening act for Missy Elliot. I would say the halftime show was as depressing as the commercials, but you can’t really compete with amputees and dead kids if you’re trying to depress someone. I was seriously waiting for a Wendy’s commercial where they shot a puppy in the head and euthanized a homeless man to promote their new Frosty campaign.

Check out the whole performance after the jump. I like the part where Katy Perry tries to learn Missy Elliot’s dance routine on the stage.

(more…)

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They’re Serious About This Katy Perry Superbowl Thing

I thought somebody at the NFL would realize they said “Katy Perry” when they announced the halftime show performer then issue a written apology, but it looks like we’re stuck with listening to a prerecorded track filled with lyrics that make you dumb (seriously, her lyrics are fucking dumb) while you’re packing your bowl for the 3rd quarter. So here she is at the Pepsi Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show press conference. She confirmed she hates Taylor Swift and said she wants her halftime performance to be “quintessential Katy”, whatever the fuck that means. Hoping we stare at her rack long enough so we notice her glass eye? I guess it’s worked so far.

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Katy Perry Went To Something

Katy Perry is dating a dude who tweets like a teenage girl saying Taylor Swift doesn’t have an ass, even though Katy Perry’s thighs look  like she recorded her last album in Dunkin Donuts, but she attended the 28th Annual ARIA Awards last night in this dress that put a black mesh thing over her thighs and covered up her only redeeming quality (her rack), so you’re just left to look at her big ass forehead and lazy eye. Pretty sexy stuff, bro.

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Diplo Seems Pretty Mature
Diplo Seems Pretty Mature

Since Katy Perry‘s tits have infected his brain, Diplo started some shit with her sworn enemy, Taylor Swift, over Twitter then got smacked down by Lorde. That really should have been the end of it, but I guess Katy Perry told him he had to keep it going if he wanted to titty fuck her again, so her posted this pic on Instagram with the caption MY DICK GETS MORE HITS THEN TAYLOR SWIFT. All these chicks in this picture look like they were freed from a cargo tanker by the Coast Guard, yet he wants to make fun of Taylor Swift’s ass. I don’t know, it looks pretty lickable to me. I guess it’s just kinda hard to figure out who the girl is in this whole scenario.

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Katy Perry Dressed Up Like A Cheeto

Katy Perry dresses up like normal girls dress up for Halloween everyday, so instead of her rack and ass hanging out, she decided to dress up like one of America’s culinary favorites: Enriched corn meal, ferrous sulfate, niacin, thiamin mononitrate, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, lactic acid, and artificially colors (including yellow 6). I’d lick my fingers after eating this, too. Heeyyoooo!

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