Katy Perry is dating a dude who tweets like a teenage girl saying Taylor Swift doesn’t have an ass, even though Katy Perry’s thighs look like she recorded her last album in Dunkin Donuts, but she attended the 28th Annual ARIA Awards last night in this dress that put a black mesh thing over her thighs and covered up her only redeeming quality (her rack), so you’re just left to look at her big ass forehead and lazy eye. Pretty sexy stuff, bro.
Since Katy Perry‘s tits have infected his brain, Diplo started some shit with her sworn enemy, Taylor Swift, over Twitter then got smacked down by Lorde. That really should have been the end of it, but I guess Katy Perry told him he had to keep it going if he wanted to titty fuck her again, so her posted this pic on Instagram with the caption “MY DICK GETS MORE HITS THEN TAYLOR SWIFT“. All these chicks in this picture look like they were freed from a cargo tanker by the Coast Guard, yet he wants to make fun of Taylor Swift’s ass. I don’t know, it looks pretty lickable to me. I guess it’s just kinda hard to figure out who the girl is in this whole scenario.
Katy Perry dresses up like normal girls dress up for Halloween everyday, so instead of her rack and ass hanging out, she decided to dress up like one of America’s culinary favorites: Enriched corn meal, ferrous sulfate, niacin, thiamin mononitrate, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, lactic acid, and artificially colors (including yellow 6). I’d lick my fingers after eating this, too. Heeyyoooo!
The Super Bowl is usually the most boring game of the NFL season, so who better to ensure it stays boring than Katy Perry? She’s an auto-tuned pair of tits who rhymes “Mariah Carey” with “Japanese-y”. Fun for the whole family.
There are unconfirmed reports claiming Perry is set to star in the Super Bowl XLIX halftime show next February, beating out Coldplay and Rihanna for the gig. While it remains to be seen whether the pop star will take over sports’ biggest stage, there is no question that Katy Perry is perfect for the Super Bowl.
Roger Goodell has made it clear that anybody on the field can punch Katy Perry at least once without a lifetime ban, so hopefully they’ll use the opportunity to take one for the humanity team. I mean, they’re already at the Super Bowl, and teams usually don’t make it back the next year, so go ahead and serve that suspension when you know you won’t make the playoffs anyway. This, of course, doesn’t apply to Dallas Cowboys’ players, because it’s pretty hard to punch someone through your television. I mean, you could, but it would take a better understanding of physics and time travel. It’s pretty complicated stuff.
Katy Perry abandoned Christ for fortune and fame, and she kinda has a weird eye, but Satan has turned into some kind of football oracle, because she went on ESPN’s College Gameday on Saturday and predicted Ole Miss would upset #2 Alabama. And they did. The only thing I really know about Ole Miss is that it’s where people who own Taco Bells send their adopted black kids, so this should make a better recruiting video.
Haven’t kept up, but I think Katy Perry might have just went through another breakup, because she just dyed her hair red and is comparing herself to a muppet. Man, it’s really hard to figure out why dudes always leave her. She seems really down to earth and perfectly mentally stable.
“I’ve always been very attracted to gentlemen who have quite large vocabularies. One of my favorite apps is the Dictionary.com app,” – Katy Perry, Harper’s Bazaar, October 2014 issue.
Taylor Swift‘s interview in this month’s issue of Rolling Stone pretty much confirms everything you need to know about Taylor Swift. She’s legit crazy. Not normal girl crazy, like for real. But if she was ever sent to death row for killing a boyfriend, the Governor would commute her sentence, because she’s mentally slow and more than likely has the brain development of a 8-year old. Anyway, since she hasn’t dated anyone since Harry Styles, she can’t really fill any more of her platinum selling burn books with shit about dudes anymore, she wrote a song about Katy Perry. Oohh, drama!
According to the magazine, Swift has this to say about the unidentified female celebrity: “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life? [Then last year] she did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy!” Swift further explained: “It had to do with business. … She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational — you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”
So how do we know this about Katy Perry? Because Katy Perry’s Google alerts informed her then she tweeted this. So who really wins here? Nobody. The answer is nobody. This is a fight between an asexual sociopath and a record label created abomination who has a song on the radio right now that rhymes “Japanese-y” with “Mariah Carey”. Let’s put Katy Perry’s top half on Taylor Swift’s bottom half so we can all win. Also, while they’re both under, fix Katy’s weird left eye.
Hey, sorry my post about Katy Perry and her huge rack at the 2014 MTV VMAs is so late. She was in a bunch of pics with Riff Raff where he was apparently dying of unquenchable thirst and I’ve already spent a lot of time last week bringing awareness to ALS that I didn’t want to tackle the global issue of proper hydration. Anyway, here’s her bangs and boobs. Feel free to do whatever with this information.
Not entirely sure what this has to do with ALS research, but Katy Perry did the ice bucket challenge on a pirate ship in a bikini. And in slow motion, because why not make a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord sexy? There’s simply no reason why you shouldn’t.