Katy Perry Is Probably Banging Chris Martin
Katy Perry Is Probably Banging Chris Martin

 

Katy Perry performed at the 2017 Glastonbury Festival  this weekend, because British people also have bad taste in music. She also wore some weird catsuit(?) with crystals all over it and the Illuminati eye in the middle of it. No clue why. Probably something about Trump that she thinks we’re too dumb to understand. Unlike like her lyrics, which are dumb enough so everyone can understand. She’s also probably banging Chris Martin.

She has a penchant for British men and he’s reportedly newly single. And Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and Katy Perry certainly seemed to get on like a house on fire as they partied together at the UK’s Glastonbury music festival over the weekend, following Katy’s set….an onlooker spied the two musicians holding hands as they watched Stormzy together on Saturday night. A source said: ‘Chris and Katy were walking hand in hand through the hospitality area and looked like they were really enjoying each other’s company. ‘She was wearing a big coat and hood to hide her face but kept whispering in his ear and laughing. ‘As soon as a fan recognised her, though, she dropped Chris’s hand and they both raced into the Winnebago area,’ adding that ‘they were sticking together for the whole evening.’

Holding hands is cute and sweet and whatever, but if you’re over 21, a dude doesn’t hold hands with a chick unless he’s gay and running to brunch, or he’s not gay and has has her nipples in his mouth in the last 6 hours. In the last 12 hours if it’s been 24 hours since he’s had her nipples in his mouth. So if you ever wanted to bang Katy Perry, and you’re a moderately talented white musician, shoot your shot.



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Katy Perry Ranked The Dudes She’s Banged
Katy Perry Ranked The Dudes She’s Banged

 

Remember that weird ass Katy Perry livestream? It got weirder.

During her four-day livestream to promote new album ‘Witness’, Perry was joined by James Corden, who asked her to rank the bedroom prowess of three of her famous lovers: Diplo, Orlando Bloom, and John Mayer. Perry called all three “amazing lovers”, adding jokingly that she “wants to have sex with all of them when I get out of this place!” But when pressed by Corden, she ranked Mayer first, followed by Bloom in second, and then Diplo third because “he’s a DJ”.

Diplo was not pleased. Not that we should care.

In his defense, he’s probably still bitter about the time Lorde told the world he has a little dick. Russell Brand is probably too busy making a YouTube video while high on shrooms to care. John Mayer probably printed this out and had it framed or attached it to his resume.

 

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Katy Perry Apologized For Cultural Appreciation Or Something
Katy Perry Apologized For Cultural Appreciation Or Something

 

Katy Perry has album to promote that isn’t selling, so I guess she’ll keep talking about Taylor Swift until Taylor Swift talks to her. Oh, and it’s 2017 and Katy Perry is white, so that meant she had to sit down with a black person and apologize for trying a hairstyle.

 

 

I could have just posted the thumbnail for this video and you’d probably figure out what was happening here. Deray would rather get lynched that take that damn vest off. The actual discussion and apology was a useless waste of time, because well, the usual.  Anyway, we’d could speed this whole thing along if people understood the difference between cultural appropriation and cultural appreciation. Pretty soon white people will telling black people they can’t fly on airplanes or use the Internet because white people invented them, and until black people get a white friend to explain that to them, race relations will never improve. Yes, this is how dumb you sound. I’d much rather we will join forces in unity to speak out against Katy’s new hairstyle.

 

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68% Of Katy Perry’s 99 Million Twitter Followers Are Fake Bots
68% Of Katy Perry’s 99 Million Twitter Followers Are Fake Bots

 

Katy Perry has 99.3M Twitter followers. Does that seem right to you? 99.3M people can’t want to know what Katy Perry is up to every day. Jezebel has answers.

The world’s gone mad for double-checking numbers after news broke suggesting that almost half of Donald Trump’s Twitter followers are either fake accounts or bots. Naturally, the supposed most followed person on Twitter, Katy Perry, is ripe for scrutiny—Digital Spy plugged her handle into the TwitterAudit service and found that of the pop star’s alleged 99.3 million followers, only 32 percent (31,498,471 at the time of publication) are real. That means 66,934,252 are fake. Adding insult to injury, the pop-star rival Perry is most vocal about feuding (and wanting to patch things up) with, Taylor Swift, has supposedly 88 percent real followers (74,230,872 real versus 9,740,703 fake).

 

IDLYITW

 

Haha, take that, Katy! If you would also like to follow us at not be fake, please do so here. Pretty please? I’l do that thing you like.

 

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Katy Perry And Other People Are Performing In London This Weekend
Katy Perry And Other People Are Performing In London This Weekend

 

Two days ago, a suicide bomber blew himself up after an Ariana Grande concert, killing 22 people (mostly kids) and wounding 59 others (also, mostly kids), in Manchester. After that, the UK raised their terror threat to critical. But good news, everyone. Katy Perry and The Chainsmokers are coming to perform this weekend. Be sure to head out with your kids and loved ones.

Katy Perry, Lorde, Lana Del Rey, Imagine Dragons, Shawn Mendes and The Chainsmokers are not bowing to the terrorists, because they’re fully committed to performing in England this weekend … with an asterisk.  They’re all performing at the BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend Saturday and Sunday, and all have pledged to take the stage as planned. Here’s the rub. 50,000 people are expected to attend, and the fan base is young … similar to the crowd at Ariana Grande’s ill-fated concert. Our sources say the various teams representing the artists are working with the venue to ramp up security in a huge way. We’re told security was already at red alert level, but it pales by comparison to the new plan keeping the venue and the crowd safe.

Pretty awesome of them to not bow to terrorists by getting 50,000 people together in a confined area in a country that just pretty much accepts getting shredded by a nail bomb as just another day in the life. Because haven’t you heard? Love conquers all. Hugs not hate will defeat terrorism. That must be why all those victims from Monday have come back to life. Too bad if you don’t believe that. You must be racist. I feel so sorry for you. Something about Timothy McVeigh and The Crusades and George Bush.

 

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Katy Perry’s New Song Is Garbage

Fresh out the oven! Listen everywhere: link in profile.

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You might not believe this, but Katy Perry released a new single called, “Bon Appetit” that she wrote with her Cliches About Food and Totally On The Nose Sexual Innuendo books then called Migos. Here’s some highlights of the lyrical genius!

 

“Spread like a buffet”
“Appetite for seduction”
“Fresh out the oven”
“You could use some sugar, because your levels ain’t right” (I guess the person is a diabetic?)
“You want what I’m cookin'”
“Under candlelight, we can wine and dine, our table for two”
“Eat with your hands”
“I’m on the menu”
“So you want some more, I’m open 24”
“Hit that sweet tooth”
“Running back for seconds”

 

Not to bring this up again, but Katy Perry campaigned for Hillary. You guys need to own that.

 

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Katy Perry Doesn’t Care For Your Unicorn Frappuccino
Katy Perry Doesn’t Care For Your Unicorn Frappuccino

 

Even though I live in the South, I don’t like spending $5 to drink pure diabetes, but Starbucks has a new Unicorn Frappuccino and just like most of the stories on your Snapchat, Katy Perry tried it. The results were fascinating!

(more…)

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Katy Perry Has Even Shorter Hair Now
Katy Perry Has Even Shorter Hair Now

 

After cutting her hair off when Orlando Bloom broke up with her, Katy Perry cut more of her hair off yesterday for some reason. Maybe it’s like that story in the bible except when she cuts off her hair she gains the power to actually sing or ward off John Mayer.

 

fifth element flow

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Ryan Phillippe Really Wants You To Know He’s Not Dating Katy Perry
Ryan Phillippe Really Wants You To Know He’s Not Dating Katy Perry

 

Ryan Phillippe got Reese Witherspoon knocked up in her prime. Then he got the hot one from those Pitch Perfect movies knocked up after like two months. So you can understand why he doesn’t want 32-year old Katy Perry on his vagina resume.

I don’t even know where the rumor came from or how it started, but he seems pretty adamant about not dating Katy Perry. As you know, Katy Perry Googles herself a lot so she responded. 

 

Is Katy trying to flirt here? Do we care about this at all? No? Ok, sorry. Ending this post now.

 

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Katy Perry Googles ‘Katy Perry Hot’ A Lot
Katy Perry Googles ‘Katy Perry Hot’ A Lot

 

Katy Perry posted some unattractive pics on Instagram yesterday (this and this), then Googled “Katy Perry hot” to make herself feel better. See the results below!

 

was feeling insecure about my last two posts so

A post shared by KATY PERRY (@katyperry) on

 

Google’s algorithm returned a result from 10 years ago for “Katy Perry hot”, so you know they really have it figured out over there. Very advanced code. Hats off to them.

 

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