Katie Price Has A Pretty Fiance, Links

People are straight up stealing from Kim Kardashian now [The Superficial]
Jennifer Love Hewitt knows why she’s famous [Popoholic]
Just let this Spring Breakers movie come out already so I never have to mention it again [Hollywood Tuna]
Nicole Kidman forgot how to get out of cars (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Craig David‘s workouts seem to be working [Dlisted]
Olivia Munn is just okay at twitter (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Madonna probably hates Lady Gaga [Celebuzz]
Michael Fassbender is a Star Wars geek, gets more perfect every day [Celebitchy]
Kim Kardashian forgot her bra (NSFW site) [The Nip Slip]
If celebrities were addicted to meth [COED Magazine]
The worst triquels of all time [College Humor]
It’s JFK’s 95th birthday [The Chive]
Irina Shayk is… actually does it even matter? [Moe Jackson]
Victoria Silvstedt is hard at work [Celebslam]
Soccer tried to kill Will Ferrell and Gordon Ramsay [The Blemish]
Will Smith is still married [Evil Beet Gossip]
Eva Mendes is in Marie Claire UK [Amy Gindhouse]
Jake Gyllenhaal in leather [Lainey Gossip]
Kendell Jenner is in many bikinis, still not legal [Egotastic]
Simon Cowell is messing with the competition [Popcrush]
Lindsay Lohan owes $40k to a tanning salon [Allie Is Wired]
Kanye West wants to build a theme park [Celebrity VIP Lounge]

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Katie Price is a Model

In her first public appearance since she announced she was divorcing her husband Peter Andre, Katie Price took part in a fashion yesterday to promote her clothing line. Um, maybe she should have stayed home. The Daily Mail reports:

The glamour model made her catwalk debut in a white bikini at the Clothes Show Live at London’s ExCel Centre – her first public appearance since the couple’s announcement on May 11. While the mother-of-three declined to discuss her personal life, fans were stunned by her concave stomach and visible rib-cage as she strutted down the catwalk. The model has regularly attracted headlines over the last year with her skinny figure, but it appears she has lost even more weight since the split. Her estranged husband Peter admitted this week he had lost a stone in weight since their relationship broke down.

Eh, she looks the same to me. Maybe because I couldn’t give a shit. I’m just glad she didn’t have to go topless, because her boobs look like they just fought a wolverine. I don’t know what criteria they use to select chicks for a catwalk, because I can assume having a plastic surgeons with hooks for hands may drop you down a few spots on the list.

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Links Approved By Thumbman

For those of you guessing if I am secretly Thumbman, I wish. I am far less attractive and have much more hair. Maybe to a fault. Wait. Certainly to fault.

Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow is actually up for a Grammy. Like people care about the Grammys. [LaineyGossip]

For some reason, this video of three relatively hot chicks shotgunning a beer is really interesting to me. Maybe because I’m afraid this is some sort of stupid viral thing. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

During Chuck’s pointless 3D episode, Yvonne Strahovski got down to her underwear. It looked like this in 2 dimensions. [Popoholic]

It took about a week of Demi Moore being on Twitter before it was recognized by the gossip rags. [Popwatch]

This Katie Price picture takes 2 seconds to (more…)

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Without Your Dagger To Defend You, You Have Only Links

“Acting isn’t about escaping, it’s about running towards yourself.” If that makes sense to you, you’d probably like this Oscar noms roundtable [LaineyGossip]

If it doesn’t, there’s always part of Marisa Miller‘s bikini bottom slipping off…Site NSFW [TaxiDriverMovie]

This slutty outfit would have been awesome on so many people that aren’t Katie Price [HollywoodTuna]

I don’t know why no one noticed before, but Sam Ronson looks a lot like Michael Lohan. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rented this place on Long Island. I wonder if I can live in teh pool house. [CityRag]

Somethings wrong when your kid needs a police escort to get out of elementary school. [JustJared]

Pete Wentz wears boots that make me want (more…)

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Paris Hilton and Katie Price are a Whore Combo

There must be some kind of physics law that’s being broken in these pictures of Katie Price and Paris Hilton in London last night, because this level of whore can’t possibly occupy the same space. This is like Narcissus and the pool, but with way more chances for future outbreaks.

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Katie Price is Totally Sober

According to The Sun, Katie Price went out with her sister Sophie this weekend where they hit up the London club, Embassy. Then she left there and went to another club called Silver. Then she left there and went to Maddox (here’s a hint: it’s a club). Then she went to Blush (take a guess), where she was carried out at 5am. I don’t want to give away the ending here, but I bet her panties aren’t where she thought she had them.

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Katie Price is Different

Katie Price had about a billionty surgeries on her tits, most recently a reduction, but hey, why stop there? The Sun reports:

Jordan has ventured out in LA for the first time since her boob reduction op last week. The glamour girl wore a baggy top to disguise the work she’s undergone, but failed to hide her noticeably fatter lips. Still, she evidently wasn’t feeling too much discomfort from the surgical procedure as she wandered around carrying countless bags of purchases from Fred Segal.”

Please, whore. Just stop. Please. Stop. Your doctor has made you look like I should be at a pond feeding you bread. I can’t help but think that wasn’t the look you were going for. Seriously, I’ve seen more realistic looking faces on that cartoon about the magical Mexican dragons.

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Katie Price is Not a Writer

You might want to sit down for this, but you know those eight books Katie Price has published since 2004? Yeah, turns out she didn’t write them. Gasp! The Daily Mail reports:

Far from writing her own novels, Miss Price – better known as Jordan – instead reveals she merely thinks up the plot – leaving the complex task of conjuring up the golden prose to an assistant. “I’m not going to lie, I don’t sit there with a typewriter and write it, of course I don’t,” she said. “I don’t have time to do that. I say how I want the storyline to be, each chapter is done, I read through it change it and then it goes away to be written. “So I’m not going to sit here and say I write it word by word because I’d be lying. I actually say how I want the story and that’s how it happens.”

That was unexpected, because the first thing I think of when somebody says “best-selling author” is a vapid whore with gigantic mutilated tits and a sex tape. Or Charles Dickens’ centerfold in Playgirl.

Katie Price at her latest book signing on July 17th:

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Katie Price Has Scars

When I’m volunteering at local area summer camps, children often come up and ask me to tell them stories about the old days. “Did Katie Price used to be hot?” they have been known to ask. “Yes,” I explain as I place the key into great book and turn it’s dusty pages, “This is her in 2002. From our last lesson, you might also remember that breath strips and the virtual keyboard were invented in that same year.” What can I say? I’m a teacher first, but now, my soul is troubled. What will I tell the children about these pictures of Katie Price out partying in London a couple nights ago and showing off her sliced up tits? How will they deal with their pain and disappointment? Who will speak for them? Curse you, Katie Price!

Photos: Splash

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Katie “Jordan” Price is Perfect

People complain about fake tits all the time. Katie Price’s mangled, been fed through the wood chipper tits have been stabbed and sliced more than O.J. Simpson’s victims and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

Click for the NSFW scarred darkness:

Bonus: When I think of dark nipples, I think Al B. Sure! nn-gurrll…

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