Hey, remember when Scientology auditioned wives for Tom Cruise then they settled on Katie Holmes then she agreed and signed a contract then they sucked every last bit of hot out of her? Then remember when they she filed for divorce and Scientologist had her followed and tracked her every move? Man, I wonder why she left.
When lawyers first asked Cruise about claims that Holmes divorced him “in part to protect Suri from Scientology,” he lashed back. “Listen, I find that question offensive,” he exploded, according to a 36-page deposition transcript obtained by RadarOnline.com. “I find it, those statements offensive. Like with any relationship, there are many different levels to it. You know, I, I find it very offensive. There is no need to protect my daughter from my religion.” They pushed further, asking, “And Ms. Holmes has never indicated in any way that was one of the reasons she left you? …To protect Suri from Scientology?” Finally, Cruise admitted, “Did she say that? That was one of the assertions, yes.” “Is Suri currently practicing Scientology?” they asked. Cruise answered, “No.”
Boy, religion is great, isn't it? I know, I know, Scientology is totally different from Christianity. In Scientology, an evil galactic warlord stacked people around a volcano and killed them with hydrogen bombs shot out of his 747 causing their ghosts to inhabit you and make you sad. In Christianity, god date raped a married chick so she could have a baby that god could force to suffer a miserable death then come back as a zombie because he screwed up the first time with Adam. You're right. One sounds crazy and one doesn't.
Since Scientology is a religion found by a drug-addicted, science fiction writer who thinks all your bad thoughts are caused by ghosts from a spaceship, you don't have to take a huge leap to figure out that all Scientologists are batshit. I know what you're thinking, Christians. But you should really sit this one out because, well, dinosaurs and the whole God is a pissy queen who isn't above genocide if you don't love him thing. Anyway, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise divorced over a year ago, but Scientology is still tracking her every move. Cool. Daily Mail reports:
A list star Katie Holmes' security guards are on the look out for Scientologists who may be watching her a year after her divorce from Tom Cruise, photographers have revealed. Photographers on the set of Katie's latest film Miss Meadows in Cleveland, Ohio, on Monday morning were approached by a plain-clothed guard, who then asked if they had been dispatched by the controversial church. The guard allegedly said the actress's security detail had been told to 'keep our eyes open for anything suspicious and to report it', according to one photographer. Once reassured of the photographers’ credentials, Katie's six-strong security team appeared to relax and the star chose to walk the short distance from base camp to movie set, abandoning her usual routine of being driven there in a heavily blacked out SUV.
Hey remember when Katie and Tom first split and suspicious looking vehichles were following her around everywhere? Yeah, that was Scientology. Chill, bro. She's just not that into you. Shouldn't you be following Jayden Smith or something? He's dating a Kardashian. You don't want to be associated with that kind of thing do you? It might ruin your reputation.
Being married to Tom Cruise sucked every last bit of hot out of Katie Holmes, and when he was done, he cracked open her bones and sucked the marrow to make sure there wasn't any hot left, but apparently she wants another guy to have sex with her. She's already dating her Mania Days co-star Luke Kirby (I don't know who he is either, sorry), and she and her ovaries have agreed that he's the best candidate. National Enquirer reports:
Lovestruck KATIE HOLMES is telling pals that she wants to be a mom again – and new squeeze Luke Kirby is her dream baby daddy!..“Katie is so ready to start a new chapter of her life, and she wants to make Suri’s dream of becoming a big sister come true,” divulged an insider.“Suri has been pestering Katie for a baby brother or sister for a few years, but Katie and Tom were having such terrible problems that she didn’t want another child.“After she and Tom split last summer, Katie gave up on her baby dream. But since meeting Luke, Katie feels reborn. She’s so ready to start fresh with him and put the past – and Tom – behind her.”
Despite that blockquote sounding like a part of a novel for written for tween girls, I'm not sure how Tom Cruise is going to feel about this. I say "feel" because does Tom Cruise really feel? One of the worst kept secrets in Hollywood is that Tom Cruise stalks and kills homeless people for sport and makes prostitutes wear their skin.
Katie Holmes created a PR nightmare for Scientology when she dropped the divorce bomb on Tom Cruise‘s head, because if you’re a Scientologist, you’re supposed to cut off all contact with anyone who turns their back on the teachings of the floating L. Ron Hubbard head in David Miscaviage’s office. Even your own kids. But unfortunately, if Tom Cruise did that, people might not buy tickets to his movies and Scientology just can’t afford that. So they’ll discredit Katie Holmes instead. The Daily Mail reports:
‘Internally, the wheels are in motion to discredit Katie. We have moles that are pretending to be good Scientologists who report back to us on the outside. I’ve seen internal memos about Katie.’ Samantha, former daughter-in-law of opera singer Placido Domingo and ex wife of his son Placido Jr, told the publication that ‘disconnection is the main weapon of Scientology.’ Samantha left Scientology back in 2009 after 24 years and claims she was immediately declared a ‘suppressive person’ by the Church. Former Scientology spokesman Mike Rinder agreed with Samantha, saying: ‘Katie Holmes is probably the biggest suppressive person out there right now. ‘Tom, if he were an ordinary Scientologist, would be ordered to disconnect from Katie and because Suri will be living with Katie, he couldn’t see her either. ‘But because Tom is so high-profile, it would create a total furore if the public knew he was cutting Suri off. This is an example of the church at its most hypocritical.’
The Church of Scientology uses the term “suppressive person” to describe any person or group with “antisocial personalities” (on their website, they list Hitler and psychiatry as examples). But in reality, it’s mostly used by anyone who they perceive as their enemy. Like Katie Holmes. A sweet 30-year old actress who regularly takes her adorable 6-year old to the park. No wonder they want to the destroy her. Obviously she’s a ticking time bomb who could kill six million Jews at any moment.
Pic source = WENN
Last week, Katie Holmes was alone in her four-corned room staring at candles because Scientology had dispatch spies to follow her every move as she attempted to escape the clutches of a religion that was founded by a sci-fi writer in an ascot, then suddenly, she and Tom Cruise release a joint statement pretending to be friends and that their split was amicable. Why? Oh, no reason. They apparently realized they had a fucking kid. TMZ reports:
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise went from zero to nuclear war in an instant when she filed divorce papers, but it was little Suri who became the peacemaker … sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ. Our sources say … a week ago Thursday, after Katie filed, the hostility between the two was palpable and Suri became a weapon. Katie wanted to strip Tom of all decision-making power in Suri’s life, and Tom responded by unleashing the biggest legal guns around to fight her. We’re told what turned everything around was a series of conversations that Suri would be irreparably damaged by parental warfare. It registered big time with both Tom and Katie, and it allowed their lawyers to strike a deal in what could be record time for this type of divorce.
This story gets even better when you realize that Katie Holmes is just Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby, and Suri Cruise was born because Scientology inseminated Holmes’ with L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm. Yes, that’s true. What? You say somehting, Scientology?! COME AT ME, BRO!
At this point, you really don’t need me to tell you that Scientology is a freakish cult whose main tenets include emotional torture, murder, and fuck bitches get money, so it really should come as no surprise that David Miscaviage has dispatched spies to track Katie Homes‘ every move. TMZ reports:
Katie Holmes believes Scientology now views her as a threat to the organization and has put a team on her tail … sources close to the actress tell TMZ. We’re told Katie believes in recent weeks — as the discord between her and Tom Cruise grew — Scientology has been following her moves, especially in New York City. This does not appear to be the mind of a paranoid person. People who have photographed Katie multiple times tell TMZ there have been several “mysterious” men and vehicles around Katie’s apartment and following her when she’s out. Specifically … a white Cadillac Escalade and black Mercedes SUV (see above) have been seen near Katie’s NYC apartment for the past week. FYI — there is a publication that has put a tail on Katie, but the people doing that are separate from the people Katie believes have been dispatched from Scientology. It is unclear if the two vehicles that have been constantly spotted near Holmes’ pad are from Scientology or from the publication.
Like every religion, Scientology deals in manipulation and fear and preys on the weak, so yes, the mysterious men are Scientologists. They might be Jenna Elfman and Danny Masterson, we can’t be too sure. And please don’t tell me that Scientology isn’t a religion. It has the same tax code as yours. Christianity only seems real because it’s been around longer. If your grandma believed in the apathetic, divine leader and his zombie son, then it must be true. God is nothing more than Kim Jong Il with a slightly better publicist. Oh, yeah. This post is about Katie Holmes. Back to that. RUN BITCH THEY’RE FOLLOWING YOU!!!
Katie Holmes might not be the deluded, star-struck robot that we all thought she was, because yesterday she filed for divorce from Tom Cruise, her crazy, possibly closeted husband of five years. Considering he’s been saying to every journalist who will listen over the past month how “amazing” his wife is, people are speculating that she sprung this on him out of the blue. When they got married it was reported that they had an iron clad prenump that was very fair to Katie (her dad is a divorce lawyer and was reportedly involved in the negotiations so you know she is gonna get bank) but this is going to get really ugly when it comes to custody.
Various outlets are reporting that Katie filed in New York and not California because New York (more…)
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Here’s Katie Holmes in Miami yesterday. Cool. Anybody know what that knob on her stomach does?
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Tom Cruise attended the premiere of The Kennedys with his wife Katie Holmes. Although it’s hard to tell in the banner picture. Mostly because Tom Cruise isn’t wearing stilts or one of those jet packs that you see flying over car dealerships when there’s balloons and guy in a gorilla suit holding a sign that says they’ll take your trade no matter how much you owe.
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Katie Holmes‘ 32nd birthday was this weekend, so she got all dolled up and took Tom Cruise to Gemma in NYC. So, just throwing this out there, but does Tom Cruise wear stilts when he’s on set? That has to be it, right? Because I think it’s obvious that in real life, Tom Cruise couldn’t dunk on a Care Bear. The banner picture looks like it should include a pony and a tea set.