While Israel was blowing up children because they won’t get off their lawn, Katherine Webb was posting this bikini pic on Instagram. And I feel that this is the type of subject matter I should be covering on this site. It’s not offensive to anyone, except maybe fat girls. I understand that you don’t want to spend your hard money for the subscription fee you pay to read this site to listen to me ramble about things that upset the balance of your lie, so here’s a chick with a perfect body in a bikini. She’s also white, so that’s just an added bonus.
AJ McCarron dropped to the 5th round in the NFL draft because he was a douche in interviews and it turned out none of his teammates actually liked him, so now he's backing up a ginger in Cincinnati. On the other hand, he's marrying Katherine Webb because they're both good Christian folk who need 31 knives for some reason. That's weird, right? Maybe this is some kind of loophole for Demi Lovato.
So yeah, here's Katherine Webb without makeup. Damn. She says on Instagram:
Feeling confident enough today to post this, finally. I have quite a few imperfections too! Grew up feeling insecure and self-conscious about my skin and the white patches that cover half my body, but I don't care what people think anymore. I just had to get really good at doing makeup. "That's why I began doing makeup in the first place: I was hoping that through helping people see the beauty in themselves, I could try and find it in me." -Kevin Aucoin (celebrity makeup artist)
If you were waiting for me to say she looks bad, sorry. She looks fantastic. More of this please. Look, I understand the importance of makeup for women since they are unfortunately judged by their looks (yes, I just typed that), and I'm not saying makeup is bad, but a woman should wear and do whatever makes her feel the most beautiful. I can tell you you're beautiful all day, but if you don't believe it, the words won't matter. And yes, it is kinda brave for a woman to post a pic like this, because men and women are always ready to project their insecurities onto to you. On the other hand, and I'm not speaking for all men here, but the more makeup you wear the more scared I'll be of what's underneath. Sure, you look hot in a club and we'll take you home, but this picture is what we want to wake up to. Then have morning sex. Twice. Then again in the shower. And don't worry about the sandwich. You just lie back and relax. The waffles will be ready in a minute.
Because I guess she had to, Katherine Webb attended the AllState Sugar Bowl last night where her boyfriend, Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron, played his final game by getting destroyed by Oklahoma 45-31. Notice I didn't say "final collegiate game", because that would infer that he'll eventually be playing quarterback in the NFL. The only way he could be an NFL quarterback is on Halloween. That being said, sup Katherine?
When you're a Christian, you never know what God's plan might be for you, so how lucky is Katherine Webb that God wanted her to show his light by having simulated sex with a Carl's Jr. Buffalo Blue Cheeseburger and causing men to commit adultery in their hearts. I tried mastubating to this, but then I realized after they stopped filming she stuck her finger down her throat. Haha, you won't fool me, Satan!
While her boyfriend AJ McCarron is trying to start a flame war with Johnny Manziel, because the NCAA can't keep Maziel poor like they do other athletes, Katherine Webb attended the ESPYS the other night and I completely forgot to post the pics. My apologies. But now that I have, if for some reason you have a penis and are attracted to women and wouldn't impregnate Katherine Webb just to say you did, go ahead and cut it off and give it up for adoption to a loving person who desperately wants one. Like Madonna or Drake.
As every man knows, it doesn't really matter how hot a chick is, at some point you get tired of having sex with them because all women are born with the power to nag and point out everything you do wrong in your life and after a while you just want them to shut up more than you want to see them naked. That being said, Alabama quarterback, AJ McCarron. probably had sex with a chick who was in Maxim (this chick) because she got drunk at his house and he "didn't want her to drive". Classic play, AJ! Radar Online reports:
“We were hanging out at his house, and I had been drinking, so he didn’t want me to drive,” Maxim hometown hottie contestant Margaret Wood tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “I did not stay at a hotel. That’s all I can say. I’m trying to be careful about what I say because I feel really bad. Margaret and AJ go way back, she claims — before Katherine was even on the scene. “I’ve known AJ for a long time,” Margaret explains. “He asked for my number back in the fall when I was on the sidelines at the Ole Miss-Alabama game. I didn’t even know who he was. I had no idea he was even talking to Katherine. I thought he was cute.” AJ then met Katherine at an event in December, 2012. But he didn’t tell Margaret. “I was making plans to go see him, and then I saw on ESPN about Katherine. I was like, whatever, thanks for telling me,” Margaret says. “But it’s not like he had to tell me, I guess, since it wasn’t serious like that. I’ve kissed AJ, but it’s not a big deal.”
But don't worry, guys. The last thing Magaret wants to do is cause drama, so she spoke to Radar Online and remained as vague as possible and not denying if anything happened. Best way to stop all the drama, amirite ladies?!
“We went out and we just hung out,” she says. “It wasn’t a big deal.” (We have a feeling Webb might think it is.) Pretty soon, they took the party to AJ’s pad. “We were hanging out at his house, and I had been drinking, so he didn’t want me to drive,” Margaret says. “I did not stay at a hotel. That’s all I can say. “I’m trying to be careful about what I say because I feel really bad. “It’s his business, and he should be able to do what he wants to do. He was texting me this morning about the story coming out, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what to tell Katherine,’” Margaret told Radar. “I don’t know her personally, but I would tell her, ‘I’ve known him longer than you. We’re just friends and it’s not a big deal’. “If I need to tell Katherine, I will call her. The last thing I wanted was to cause any drama. This all makes me looks like some hooch and I’ve known AJ for a long time.” Throughout their night, and morning together, Margaret says, AJ rarely mentioned Webb. “We don’t talk about her when we’re hanging out,” she says. But Katherine did come up once. “We were just hanging out on the couch, and one of my friends was picking on him because he had a bunch of blankets, and one of them was really girly,” she reveals. “I was like, ‘Whose blanket is this?’ and he said it was Katherine’s.” “AJ and I are just friends. People are blowing this out of proportion. One, I’m not a porn model. Two, it’s just stupid. Why do people care. He should be able to do what he wants to do with friends. I should be able to do what I want to do. I feel bad for him.”
Awww, she feels bad for him But she doesn't feel bad about all the attention she's getting, because if Katherine Webb can become instantly famous from being 100 yards away from AJ McCarron, imagine how famous you'd be if you blew him under a blanket?! GAWD, WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST BE HAPPY FOR HER?!
If you're a female and you're still wondering how to become famous without chloroforming your child or discovering uranium and polonium, you can do it in four simple steps: 1.) Be hot. 2.) Have big boobs. 3.) Be skinny. 4.) Be hot, have big boobs, and be skinny and wear lots of bikinis. Katherine Webb shows you how to complete step 3. People reports:
The 5'11" model revealed that she eats only about 1,120 calories a day (an average menu: homemade smoothie for breakfast, green apple for snack, spinach salad with almonds and strawberries for lunch, frozen yogurt bar for snack and grilled chicken fingers with sweet potato fries for dinner).
Haters gonna hate!
But an expert points out that that she could easily be eating more. "Katherine does an amazing job eating three meals and two snacks, fueling her metabolism," nutritionist Haylie Pomroy tells PEOPLE. But with her workout schedule "she could add at least 600 more healthy calories."
I'm sorry if you're reading this while dipping your Cool Ranch Doritos in chocolate, but don't worry. Your boyfriend loves you just the way you are. haha jk no he doesn't.
It's strange to think that reality show that takes celebrities with no diving experience and forces them to leap off high dives for our amusement would be dangerous and cause injuries, but Katherine Webb is now the third contestant on Splash to leave the show citing an injury. Wait, it's not her boobs is it? Please tell me it's not her boobs. YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS ABC!! Extra reports:
Following in the footsteps of Chuy Bravo, who also quit due to injury, Webb explained to the audience on Tuesday, "I went to the doctor, and unfortunately, he told me I'm out of the competition." Later she tweeted, "Thank you guys for all the support! Means so much. Love you guys."
I mean, diving? This is what's cool now? Diving in front of a live studio audience with Joey Lawrence providing the commentary. It must be. CNN just reported it's been renewed for 25 seasons. Oh, that CNN! Always on top of breaking news!