Here’s The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event
Here’s The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event

 

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2018 Launch Event was in New York City last night, and everyone was there. Like the five people you might recognize. Just realized Alexi Ren was asked to be in the issue, and think it probably has to do with her classic model face and not her 12M Instagram followers. Her 12M Instagram followers wasn’t even a factor in her being chosen by something that requires to be shared on social media. Good for the SI Swimsuit Issue team.

 

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Kate Upton Has A #MeToo Story

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Since I am an official Kate Upton historian, I’m here to let you know that Kate Upton became “Kate Upton” by starring in campaigns for Guess. Here’s one of the commercials. What precious memories.

 

 

Turns out the memories weren’t all that precious for Kate since she accused Guess co-founder and creative director, Paul Marciano, of using his power in the industry to sexually and emotionally harass women.” She also tweeted about it. Look down.

 

 

I was under the impression that every dude in fashion was gay, so this is troubling news for me. And Kate, obviously. And to other women models. I guess if Paul was gay, he’d be sexually harassing male models, so male models must have a lot of stories. All of this is very depressing. Can we talk about this super moon though? Pretty wild stuff.

 

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Kate Upton Is Today’s 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar
Kate Upton Is Today’s 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar

 

Continuing this year’s theme of “Chicks Who Don’t Workout Pretending To Workout”, Kate Upton is now pretending she exercises in the 2017 LOVE Advent Calendar. In retrospect, I might have focused to much on her boobs back in the day while ignoring the rest of the weird mess. She’s 25 and looks like a 35-year-old soccer mom who was Prom Queen once. Nobody’s hit the wall this hard since since a Dreamer’s cousin.

 

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Kate Upton Got Married
Kate Upton Got Married

 

Dating since 2014, former model and former actress, Kate Upton, and pitcher Justin Verlander got married.

Capping off a perfect week after watching her fiancé win the World Series, supermodel Kate Upton is now a married woman. Upton and Houston Astros pitcher Justin Verlander wed on Saturday in an intimate ceremony in Italy, a source confirms to PEOPLE.

Kate Upton’s latest movie has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and was direct to video even though it showed her titties the whole movie. Her then boyfriend had just won the World Series, so marrying him just seemed like the obvious choice. You can seen pics from the wedding here if you want. Congrats to the happy couple, but especially to Kate Upton.

 

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Alexandra Daddario & Kate Upton Suck At Promoting ‘The Layover’
Alexandra Daddario & Kate Upton Suck At Promoting ‘The Layover’

 

If you don’t remember the trailer for The Layover, it’s the movie where Alexandra Daddario and Kate Upton are friends until they met a dude then they turn on each other and use their titties as weapons in a war to see who will get to bang the dude. It probably won’t have any all-female screenings. Last night they showed up to the premiere of The Layover without showing their titties. Maybe because they don’t want to be seen as objects. Feminism is weird some times.

 

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Kate Upton Did “Lip Sync Battle”
Kate Upton Did “Lip Sync Battle”

 

Kate Upton is in the stage of career where she tries to avoid calls from Dancing With The Stars, but tests the market for her eventual run by appearing on Spike’s Lip Sync Battle.  She did Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time, because they had to put her in a schoolgirl outfit for the obvious reasons. It’s not like they were gonna invite Kate Upton on and have her lip sync Adele. That wouldn’t make  good promo ad.

 

 

Here’s something called the LSB Preshow where Kate sounds out of breath. Not sure if this was before or after.

 

 

I don’t even know why Kate Upton dances anymore when the greatest dance video of all time is readily available on the Internet. Why even does this to us?

 

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Kate Upton Has A Video
Kate Upton Has A Video

 

I just realized this video of Kate Upton for the 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue existed, but I wrote about how she got the cover after throwing a hissy fit if she didn’t so, so I’m gonna be like Christopher Nolan and close out this trilogy. Except this doesn’t have as many plot holes as it does huge tits and feigned modesty.

 

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Kate Upton Got The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Anyway
Kate Upton Got The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover Anyway

 

After demanding to be on the cover of the 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Kate Upton is on the cover. Why? Oh man, the totally best reason.

The theme of this year’s issue centers on body diversity and age inclusion, something that was very important to SI Swim editor MJ Day. It’s also one of the reasons Upton was “proud” to return to the magazine.

Spin it, Kate!

To have an issue that focuses on that is really an amazing moment for me because I think it’s important for everyone to be the best they can be, but not to strive to be a company or industry’s idea of perfect,” Upton tells Sports Illustrated. “For SI to emphasize every different type of perfect is really inspiring. Those are the campaigns I want to do and the career I want to have — to inspire women to love themselves.”

I agree. Nothing says “body diversity and age inclusion” like a 24-year old skinny blonde with huge tits. Really breaking new ground here. They should do a food diversity issue next with tacos and chicken nuggets.

 

@kateupton is BACK!

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Kate Upton

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Kate Upton Is Demanding The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover
Kate Upton Is Demanding The 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

 

Kate Upton, who could bee seen dazzling critics and audiences alike as “Chick With Big Tits” in The Other Woman, “Chick With Big Tits” in The Three Stooges, and “Chick With Big Tits” in Tower Heist, rose to Big Tit fame in 2011 in the SI Swimsuit Issue. She appeared on the cover twice. Flash forward to 2017, where the SI Swimsuit issue is “likely they will have three covers starring tennis champ Serena Williams, 63-year-old model Christie Brinkley, and possibly Kate Upton.” She’s not happy with that decision.

Sources tell us that an appearance by Upton — whose Rookie of the Year pictures in the mag in 2011 helped make her a star — is still up in the air because of her diva demands. “There was drama,” says the source. “Kate demanded that if she did the shoot, that she absolutely must get the cover. She also had a list of photographers and hair and makeup people she would only work with.”….The source continued of this time around, “She was being a big f - - king diva. She’s thinks she’s better than everyone because she’s an actress.”

I normally  don’t put too much into what Page Six has to say, but remember when this happened? And this? But not this. That was okay. I used to post about this chick everyday, so I guess I’m partially to blame. We all are. This is what happens when you let blonde chicks with big tits and no high school diploma into your country. They try to take over.

 

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