Kate Upton’s Ass, Anyone?

Kate Upton is going back to modeling since that acing thing didn’t work out, and tomorrow she turns 23. Last night she had a birthday party at The Blond in NYC. But if she wants to get back into modeling, somebody should tell her that her ass was never star of the show. Hint: It’s her titties.


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Kate Upton Was Enaged At The MET Gala
Kate Upton Was Enaged At The MET Gala


Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander will never recreate his 2011 season or 2010 Kate Upton, but he’s been dating her for three years so I guess he had to ask her to marry him before people started asking questions. The point of this is that she was wearing an engagement ring at the MET Gala and people must have noticed. 

The model-actress is engaged to longtime boyfriend Justin Verlander, E! News can exclusively confirm. The 23-year-old bride-to-be debuted her stunning engagement ring, designed by her fiancé, on the red carpet at the 2016 Met Gala. “I’m really excited, he asked me right before season started so we’ve been keeping it on the down low for quite a while,” she told E! News exclusively. “So I’m excited to finally be able to share it with the world!”

Verlander signed a 10 yrs/$219.5M contract in 2009, so what a career path for Kate Upton. Job well done. They’ve both been pretty average since 2012 and if you’re a couple it’s good to have things in common. 


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Welcome Back, Kate Upton
Welcome Back, Kate Upton


Remember when I used to post about Kate Upton pretty much everyday and didn’t know how pic galleries worked? What a time to be alive. I don’t anymore because she’s been effectively replaced by this, and because Kate had to settle for a millionaire instead of a billionaire as was her original plan, I’m assuming. Anyway, she wore this to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party to show off what we’ve all not been missing (hint: not her face).


As is the custom, here’s the Kate Upton video I used to put in every Kate Upton post, because why wouldn’t I? It just didn’t make sense not to. 



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Kate Upton Did Harper’s Bazaar Australia

Quick story: I wasn’t going to post these, but I thought that when I already had them downloaded, so here they are. “They” being Kate Upton in  Harper’s Bazaar Australia. She looks like Katherine Upton. I think pic #3 wants to tell me about the benefits of a reverse mortgage. They do a great job of  lighting and flattering angles over there in Australia. They also do a great job with the whole minimum wage thing. So, yeah. I guess look at these. Or don’t. I really wouldn’t blame you either way.

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Nice Try, Kate Upton

Does anybody remember this? I remember this. This was fun. Then Kate Upton just kinda disappeared and the mobile home game version took her place. Look, I know she picked out this see through shirt and wanted to walk in front because she knew paps were gonna be there, and I honestly appreciate the effort involved here, but now she kinda looks like a Tinder rotation who is always down for Netflix and chill as long as you got weed and pizza. Nothing wrong with that. The world needs those. Carry on.


 #neverforget

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RIP Kate Upton

Remember this? It was a simpler time then. I don’t know if Kate Upton just doesn’t care anymore since her boyfriend is MLB’s first $200M pitcher or what, but she went to the Harper’s BAZAAR ICONS event last night and her tits looked like Katy Perry’s eyes. It also looks like most of Justin Verlander’s contact is going towards Hot Pockets. Please light a candle and hang these pictures in a prominent place above your mantelpiece.

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Charlotte McKinney Wants You To Stop With The Kate Upton Comparisons

Page Six has gone all in on Charlotte McKinney, so they had a Twitter Chat with her today where she answered questions from readers. Because when I think of Charlotte McKinney, I think what are her likes and dislikes? What are her inner most thoughts? Does she think the science of atmospheric conditions can be refuted as they apply to #DeflateGate? Haha jk, when I think of her I think about her not talking and me banging her. Also, she’s really over the Kate Upton comparisons, you guys.

@mikeblaustein  I’m over it. I believe we’re two totally different people and we have different career paths. #AskCharlotte

I think the biggest difference is that Kate Upton has been on the cover of Vogue and Sports Illustrated and Charlotte McKinney has been on the cover of a club flyer. Not sure what kind of career path she wants, but somebody should point out that careers go to DWTS when they have nowhere else to go. The only thing that’s really left for her to do know is go topless and any and every opportunity so she can marry a baseball player so she can get pregnant immediately and just worry about the path to the ATM.

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Kate Upton Is Mad At Terry Richardson For The Cat Daddy Video
Kate Upton Is Mad At Terry Richardson For The Cat Daddy Video

If you can think of a time you knew who Kate Upton was before this video was released, please feel free to let us know other events that will happen in the future before you go back to your home planet that’s filled with mystical psychics.

“That was disrespectful, you could have told me!” the 21-year-old said she told photographer Terry Richardson, who posted the clip in 2012, after it went viral. The former Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover model told Vogue UK in a new interview that she was horrified to see the minute-long video of herself dancing while wearing an extremely small bikini go viral, in part because she thought it had just been filmed for fun and wouldn’t be seen by anyone who wasn’t at the photoshoot. But whether or not she wanted the video to be released, it was an immediate hit and has garnered more than 21 million views in the last three years, which might be why Upton’s opinion of it has softened slightly. “Now, obviously, it’s fine,” she said.

I can think of a lot of stuff to be mad at Terry Richardson about, like his glasses and the fact he’s probably a serial rapist who preys on young, desperate models, but a releasing a video of Kate Upton’s tits bouncing in slow motion isn’t really one of them. Like if ISIS released a video if them beheading Ted Cruz or Flo from the Progressive commercials, I’d create multiple Facebook accounts so I could like it more than once.

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