The Fappening taught us that Kate Upton‘s vagina looks like somebody punted a head of lettuce. So that was pretty gross. It also taught us that she’s pretty much topless all the time. And, oh hey, look! She’s topless in this video for Sports Illustrated. Just stare at her boobs and nothing else, because you’ll be like, “wha? this doesn’t make sense. what’s happening here? were her hips sold on the black market? what is the meaning of this? I need answers.” Sorry to tell you this, but you will find none.