Jon Hamm Is Trying To Bang Kate Beckinsale Repeatedly
Jon Hamm Is Trying To Bang Kate Beckinsale Repeatedly

 

Jon Hamm supposedly has a huge penis. Kate Beckinsale has gone on record many times saying she’s a freak. Why hasn’t this love connection happened before?

Jon Hamm’s attention was on Kate Beckinsale at the debut of his new film “Baby Driver” in LA. “They were flirting and he kept going back to her all night. It was like he couldn’t leave her,” a spy said of the single stars. “She had a friend with her, but they were kind of ignoring her and just talking to each other. He was leaning in to talk . . . [Kate] was laughing and giggling.”

I’m confident Jon Hamm effectively closed this moments later, so congrats to him. I would have sex with Kate Beckinsale at a family member’s funeral on top of the casket and nobody there would question it. If anybody did, I’d just play the first Underworld and they’d be like “ah ok, I see”.

 

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Michael Bay Body Shamed Kate Beckinsale
Michael Bay Body Shamed Kate Beckinsale


We can debate the hotness of Ashley Graham all day, but not Kate Beckinsale. Never Kate Beckinsale. We’ve all seen Underworld. Saying Kate Beckinsale isn’t hot is  just not something one does. Except I guess Michael Bay who did it repeatedly while promoting Pearl Harbor.  Roger Ebert said it was, “redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality”. He probably just copied and pasted that into every Michael Bay movie review. Take it away, Kate:

“I don’t think I fitted the type of actress Michael Bay the director had met before,” she shared. “I think he was baffled by me because my boobs weren’t bigger than my head and I wasn’t blonde. “I’d just had my daughter and had lost weight, but was told that if I got the part, I’d have to work out. And I just didn’t understand why a 1940s nurse would do that.

Then this bullshit.

“And then, when we were promoting the film…when he was asked about me, he’d say, ‘Kate wasn’t so attractive that she would alienate the female audience’ “He kept saying it everywhere we went, and we went to a lot of places.”

I probably shouldn’t say this, but I have a friend in LA with boobs bigger than her head (and three successful businesses) who went on a date with Michael Bay once. It was once, because apparently he talked about his car the whole time and told the wait staff (repeatedly) how lucky they were to have him dining in their establishment. What’s that all about? 



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Jim Bob Duggar Said People Who Commit Incest Should Be Excecuted
Jim Bob Duggar Said People Who Commit Incest Should Be Excecuted

WARNING: This post contains a gallery of Kate Beckinsale‘s Memorial Day legs. Guard the eternal souls of your children carefully!

In 2002, Jim Bob Duggar ran for U.S Senate, and since anybody named Jim Bob obviously has life figured out, he explained on his campaign website that “rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes.” I mean, not Josh of course. Josh was free to molest because Jesus and stuff. Speaking of religion and politics, if any religion truly believed in an malevolent invisible man, wouldn’t they stay out of politics since the dude said he would eventually handle it? Jesus idgaf to politics, but since this America and you can’t go around killing people without repercussions unless you’re a cop, we can’t stone gay people or women who get abortions anymore, so they just try to make laws while saying they love and will pray for you. vegas doesn’t hedge bets this much. It makes sense I guess if you don’t think about it too much. But back to the story, Jim Bob said incest was punishable by death unless, you know, if your sister brushes her hair seductively in front you and your parents can cover it up unlike Kate Beckinsale’s hot ass legs.

 

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Hey There, Kate Beckinsale

If God was real, he would have made every woman look like Kate Beckinsale in Underworld, but since God is most likely a chick, we have some women who look like Lena Dunham and that’s why the weather in Georgia can’t seem to make up it’s mind. And that’s okay. Variety and all that. Luckily for us, Kate Beckinsale still shows up to events and stuff, and WENN tells me she went to something called L.A. Launch Of Frank Gerhy Designed Battersea Power Station. I have no idea who or what that is, but kudos to them for making this happen. Good job.

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Kate Beckinsale Celebrates Memorial Day

I always forget how stupidly hot Kate Beckinsale is, then she shows up in pictures like this from Joel Silver's Memorial Day party, then I remember again. I'm too tired to decide on what I'd like to do to her first, but if she could leave the heels on, that would be cool. You know what would also be cool? You clicking through this gallery. Don't act like I haven't noticed. I'm tired of you coming here everyday and not buying shit. Where you going? Nope. Bathroom is for customers only, bruh.

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Kate Beckinsale Looks…Ummm…Different

 

Hey, remember when Kate Beckinsale used to be one of the hottest chicks on Earth and would talk about banging and wearing lingerie around the house all the time? Good times, good times. Now instead of doing all that, she must must have found a really good groupon on Botox because she looks like this now. Specifically, like something you could order from Japan that would come to your door in discreet packaging..

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Kate Beckinsale Says Good Morning, Links

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Sup, Kate? Again.



Once again, here’s Kate Beckinsale promoting MILFWorld: The Awakening this time at the Berlin premiere. Goddamn, she’s hot. She’s hot right? I mean, I think we’re all secure with ourselves enough to say that, right? C’mon, ladies. Say it. Kate Beckinsale is hot. No, don’t be like that. Just say it…you can do it…say it with me…there you go. That wasn’t so bad was it? Now don’t you feel better? Awww, that’s okay. You know daddy’s here to help don’t you, baby?

Ladies, some advice from Kate (please read carefully):

“I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in. I’d rather he didn’t order in the sex.”

“I don’t like to walk around wearing no make-up with my hair rolled on top of my head on my days off. I think my husband would be a bit bummed out if I did. It’s nice to feel like you’re wooing the other person a bit, as once it degenerates into wearing yesterday’s sweatpants and farting on the sofa, you lose a bit of the spice. You’ve got to keep up the seduction phase – it’s fun.”

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Sup, Kate?



Every time I write one of these I take myself outside and kick my own ass because I always forget to include Kate Beckinsale. Mostly because I just take for granted that she’s physical perfection and will seemingly always be hot. Sorry, Kate. Or you’re welcome. Call me. Anyway, here she is at the Madrid premiere of Underworld: Awakening in a red dress and showing how easy it would be for her to trap me in a relationship with a pregnancy. My penis would refuse to pull out just on general principle alone.

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The 69th Golden Globes Were Last Night










Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The “you’re getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home” look.

The Oscars’ half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you’d imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I’m pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here’s who won:

Best Motion Picture – Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director – Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:

George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I’m Dating George Clooney Don’t Know If You Heard:

Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:

Gerard Butler and oh look Jess’ ovaries just dropped and she’s knitting something now:

Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:

Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I’m sleepy :

Salma Hayek and Siri what’s Spanish for “motorboat”?:

Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that’s right tits:

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