I always forget how stupidly hot Kate Beckinsale is, then she shows up in pictures like this from Joel Silver's Memorial Day party, then I remember again. I'm too tired to decide on what I'd like to do to her first, but if she could leave the heels on, that would be cool. You know what would also be cool? You clicking through this gallery. Don't act like I haven't noticed. I'm tired of you coming here everyday and not buying shit. Where you going? Nope. Bathroom is for customers only, bruh.
Hey, remember when Kate Beckinsale used to be one of the hottest chicks on Earth and would talk about banging and wearing lingerie around the house all the time? Good times, good times. Now instead of doing all that, she must must have found a really good groupon on Botox because she looks like this now. Specifically, like something you could order from Japan that would come to your door in discreet packaging..
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Once again, here’s Kate Beckinsale promoting MILFWorld: The Awakening this time at the Berlin premiere. Goddamn, she’s hot. She’s hot right? I mean, I think we’re all secure with ourselves enough to say that, right? C’mon, ladies. Say it. Kate Beckinsale is hot. No, don’t be like that. Just say it…you can do it…say it with me…there you go. That wasn’t so bad was it? Now don’t you feel better? Awww, that’s okay. You know daddy’s here to help don’t you, baby?
Ladies, some advice from Kate (please read carefully):
“I’m the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can’t be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in. I’d rather he didn’t order in the sex.”
“I don’t like to walk around wearing no make-up with my hair rolled on top of my head on my days off. I think my husband would be a bit bummed out if I did. It’s nice to feel like you’re wooing the other person a bit, as once it degenerates into wearing yesterday’s sweatpants and farting on the sofa, you lose a bit of the spice. You’ve got to keep up the seduction phase – it’s fun.”
Every time I write one of these I take myself outside and kick my own ass because I always forget to include Kate Beckinsale. Mostly because I just take for granted that she’s physical perfection and will seemingly always be hot. Sorry, Kate. Or you’re welcome. Call me. Anyway, here she is at the Madrid premiere of Underworld: Awakening in a red dress and showing how easy it would be for her to trap me in a relationship with a pregnancy. My penis would refuse to pull out just on general principle alone.
The Oscars’ half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you’d imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I’m pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here’s who won:
Best Motion Picture – Drama
Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help
Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners
Best Director – Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:
George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I’m Dating George Clooney Don’t Know If You Heard:
Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:
Gerard Butler and oh look Jess’ ovaries just dropped and she’s knitting something now:
Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:
Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I’m sleepy :
Salma Hayek and Siri what’s Spanish for “motorboat”?:
Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that’s right tits:
Oksana Grigorieva wanted to disavow her $15 million settlement with Mel Gibson because she felt Mel would pay a lot more to avoid the bad publicity … this, according to an email obtained by TMZ.
The email — sent on June 2, 2010 from Oksana to Eric George, the lawyer who negotiated her $15 million mediation package — is riddled with buyer’s remorse, complaining that George never told her about a domestic violence claim, which could have upped the ante.
Underscoring how important the tapes were during the mediation, Oksana says, “Forget about the tapes for the moment. This is the case of domestic violence.” The point — no one raised the issue of domestic violence during the mediation — it was about the tapes.
Oksana explains to George her relationship with Mel ended “because of Mels (sic) domestic violence, the only reason and the fact, with proof, and I run away to save my children.”
I would go into detail on just how fucked up this all is, but it was my birthday last night and I’m still recovering, so I’ll just say this: If Oksana really wants a lucrative case, Chris Brown is single. Hopefully this time he can finish the job.
To make up for having trollish unfit mothers as the banner photos twice in a row, here’s Kate Beckinsale in a bikini. Because she seems like a good mom, especially in photo 6.
Esquire named Kate Beckinsale the Sexiest Woman Alive this year. Sure, okay. She’s hot as hell and every interview she does turns into her talking about how great her vagina is or how she always wants to look hot for her man even around the house, so whoever is up for actual Woman of The Year, they might want to start practicing smiling politely and clapping in the audience, because it should be pretty obvious to them at this point that they’re playing for second place.
I have no idea when or where this picture was taken, but it showed up today, so I’m gonna assume it’s new. Or not. Mainly because I really don’t care if it is. To reiterate, it’s Kate Beckinsale’s ass. If I got up in that I’d probably cum a Skittles rainbow at some point.
These pictures of Kate in a bikini last year have nothing to do with the banner pic, but turns out I really don’t care either. Yay me!
If you’re having trouble convincing your significant other to let you film your…um…private acts, maybe we have a lead in for you.
NetFlix is having a contest to see who can best re-create famous kisses from film. They’ve set up a YouTube page and everything.
The best part is that it’s vote-based, so if you’re popular and attractive, you can get your friends to watch you make out with someone, and that making out might get you two free trips. The top three videos win trip to New York where the participants will kiss on stage. The winning couple gets flown to Las Vegas for some sort of getaway (we’re guessing “romantic’).