Just Add 17

Trophy husband Jesse James cheated on Kat Von D. With how many skanks? Radar Online says:

Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year,” Kat wrote. “I kept going back and forth in my mind as to what the best way would be for me to release and let go of any residual feelings remaining from that toxic relationship. All of this may sound petty or immature to some, but I assure you this is coming from a place of pure honesty and love.” Kat says she tried desperately to prove people wrong after Jesse’s marriage to Sandra Bullock crumbled when he was found cheating and he was labeled a serial cheater. “There was a time when I was confident and excited at proving the world wrong, because I believed so deeply in people’s ability to change for the better,” she wrote. “Although this was not a primary purpose in the relationship, I did feel like it would be a positive thing for those who judged Jesse solely based on what they read in tabloids, to see that change is always possible — even in the people who seem hopeless.” Kat called Jesse out for his philandering ways and urged him to focus on other things in his life. “I think it just made me sad today to imagine him still in that dark place — where seeking validation through the attention of women takes precedence over being a good father, a sincere friend, a better coworker, and a happy individual,” she wrote. “I tried my best to go through all of this without venting, or complaining, or fueling more tabloid mumbo jumbo — but this isn’t about any of that… This is about me making peace with myself, and forgiving myself for making some bad mistakes.” But at the end of it all, Kat thanks Jesse for the lesson he forced her to learn. “Time is something you can never get back, and what we do with this very present moment is the most real thing we have. So if that’s the lesson Jesse forced me to face and learn by all of this, than all I can say is Thank You,” she wrote.

I don’t know where he found the time to bang 19 whores behind someone’s back, but more power to him. I’m pretty sure the only way Jesse James can be satiated is if someone puts a black wig and some swastikas on this dude.

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Jesse James Is Still An Asshole

Jesse James has a book to sell, so he spoke with Howard Stern. You’ll never guess what they talked about! From Us Weekly:

Set to marry for the fourth time, Jesse James isn’t afraid to compare his future wife to his most recent, and most famous, ex.

During a typically freewheeling interview on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM radio show Thursday, the motorcycle mogul, 42, didn’t shrink when the shock jock asked him the obvious.

“Who’s more fun in bed? Sandra Bullock or Kat Von D?” Stern, 57 asked.

“That one’s an easy no-brainer,” James replied.

“Kat von D?” Stern asked.

“Yes, sir. 100 percent. She’s a vixen,” James said of the L.A. Ink star (real name: Katherine Drachenberg), 29. “The way she gets in my head and makes me feel.”

After stepping out as a couple last August, James and von D (they met about six years ago when they were both Discovery channel stars) announced their engagement in January.

“It’s a mental thing,” James gushed of sex with his bride-to-be “We’re just connected on a whole different level.”

Fair enough, but there’s more.

James confessed to Stern that he never felt quite so secure with third wife Bullock, 46.

“I always felt like any moment that rug was going to be yanked out,” he said, and looked back on her emotional March 2010 Oscar acceptance speech, in which he watched teary-eyed in the audience. “Yeah, she could stand there in front of the world and say she loved me, but in my mind I was thinking, yeah bulls***…’You don’t love me.”

James didn’t cheat on the actress, whom he married in 2005, right away. “It took a couple years,” he explained. “It was like a very short bubble…It was hard. I married America’s sweetheart, and she’s one of the biggest stars in the world, but I’m still this f***ed up kid from Long Beach [Calif.],” he explained.

“I did really love her and I did really care for her,” James insisted to Stern “The stuff that I did that was bad I don’t think necessarily nullifies everything I felt…I really did have real feelings for her. The problem was me.”

Things unraveled when his mistress Michelle “Bombshell” McGee sold the story of their affair to a tabloid; Bullock’s publicist tipped off James about the incoming story, and he came clean with his wife. James’ name has since been taken off of Louis’ adoption papers, he confirmed.

“I’m angry with myself for not doing the right thing,” he admitted. “I should have just left her.”

The Monster Garage star said that being married to a beloved, blockbuster movie star forced him “in a certain type of box” that inhibited him. “I’m one of those dudes that like, ‘Hey, somebody owes me money. Cool, I’m going to knock their teeth out until they pay me.’ But all of a sudden I couldn’t do stuff like that before, because then it would become about Sandy. Everything would have a reflection on her…All of a sudden I had to kind of live in this certain perception so no one got embarrassed and no one’s movie was affected.”

Because Sandra Bullock wasn’t known for being covered in chintzy pin up girls, script, or Nazi symbolism, Jesse James didn’t believe she could really love him. Jesse James couldn’t handle the pressures of the public expecting him to act like a reasonable, responsible adult instead of racking up dental bills for everyone to whom he lent five bucks. Jesse James felt inhibited by the need to act civilized instead of like a Vanilla Gorilla. Boo fucking hoo. Hey, Kat von D? When he leaves you for wife number five, give him some parting ink. And borrow your tattoo needle from Tommy Lee.

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Jesse James And Kat Von D Are Engaged

Because she’s the downgrade most likely to keep him almost somewhat relevant, Jesse James proposed to Kat Von D. Radar Online reports:

Jesse James and Kat Von D’s engagement came as a shock to most everyone, and now RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting that the inked couple plans on tying the knot within the next month.

“Jesse and Kat don’t see any reason why they should wait to trade vows,” a source close to the couple explained.

“They are madly in love with each other and want to make everything official.”

Jesse James has been married four times. Kat Von D has to be retarded to think anything permanent will come out of this union other than tattoos and genital warts. And even those can be removed with lasers.

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Kat Von D Is Different
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I'm not gonna lie, Kat Von D is hot. She doesn't have the prison ink that my girlfriend has but she's covered from head to toe in girly shit, so I guess looking at pretty roses while you're trying to pin her knees to her ears could be kinda romantic. If you don't want to think about that, here's Kat with all her tats removed with Sephora's new tattoo concealer. Enjoy. That way you won't realize that jokes have also been removed from this post. Haha, sucka!


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Link Von D

Lindsay Lohan checked out of rehab [Dlisted]
George Clooney uses a sex ramp [Hollywood Rag]
Hayden Panettiere wears panties [Hollywood Tuna]
Brad Pitt plays Benicio Del Toro [City Rag]
Wentworth Miller is sweating bullets [Just Jared]
Catherine Zeta Jones is still a beautiful zillionaire [ASL]
Anna Kournikova is in a bikini [Popoholic]
Look up Katie Price and Alex Curran’s skirts (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Jessica Alba likes cold treats [Popsugar]
Kate Beckinsale gets frisked [Egotastic]
Dita Von Teese is a mime (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Finally! A Film Featuring Vaginal Flatulence! [Pajiba]
Martina Stella is hot [Horny Oyster]
Futurama: Bender’s Big Score [College Humor]

Kat Von D @ the Rolling Stone “Hot List” party Oct. 4:

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Kat Von Link

People who defend Michael Vick are stupid [Dlisted]
Richard Gere won’t have a butt double [Hollywood Rag]
Hayden Panettiere got milk [Hollywood Tuna]
Beyonce flashes boobs you can’t see [Egotastic]
Slutz Fashion Dolls [College Humor]
I’m convinced Heather from Rock of Love was born a male [VH1]
Zac Efron is an underwear flasher [Just Jared]
Foxy Brown goes to jail [ASL]
Jenny McCarthy is still really hot [Popsugar]
Siegfried and Roy are gay [City Rag]
Rachel Bilson is for no reason [Popoholic]
Anna Faris has short shorts (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Look up Hilary Duff‘s skirt (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Cut the Shit, Ass Bag (The Hottest State) [Pajiba]

Kat Von D
at Les Deux on August 22:

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