Karissa Shannon Is A Victim



Karissa Shannon went through great pains to feign shock and disbelief that Vivid was threatening to release her sex tape that was “stolen”, so you can see by these totally not staged at all pics (click the banner pic) that she’s been up nights crying because she’s been stripped of her dignity and privacy. The only thing missing from these pictures is an elderly dragon sitting by a giant oak tree and reading from a book about self-esteem.

The tortured couple leaving STK last night:

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Whips And Chains And Handcuffs, Oh My!

Let’s just hope this little publicity stunt doesn’t turn Karissa Shannon into the next Paris. We already have too many useless bitches to make fun of.

According to TMZ:

When we caught up with Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch outside STK last night, he told us the Karissa tape was “definitely the most extreme video that I’ve ever seen, as a celebrity tape. There’s everything you can imagine — whips, chains, handcuffs. It’s absolutely crazy.”

That all sounds like a typical Tuesday in my house, so I’m not really getting the “extreme” part of it. It consists of a barely B cup blonde engaging in some light bondage with a black dude. There are 12 different versions of that behind the counter at 7-11. I mean look at how Hirsch even (more…)

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Karissa Shannon Is A Pornstar

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Man, I totally saw this coming from a mile away didn’t see this coming. TMZ reports:

Playmate Karissa Shannon is about to be semi-celebdom’s next sex tape debutante — that is if Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch gets to release the homemade XXX flick he calls “extremely erotic.” Hirsch tells TMZ he actually laid eyes on the tape which co-stars Karissa’s boyfriend, “Smallville” actor Sam Jones III. Hirsch says it was sent to him from “a reputable third party” and that he’d “love to be able to release it.” The XXX footage in question sounds a lot like the sex tape Karissa claims Spencer Pratt stole from her house — which, as we first reported, she’s threatening to sue him over if he doesn’t return it. Vivid’s chief isn’t divulging who dropped the tape in his lap, but does say he’s “very impressed with the quality and content” — which sounds like executive speak for … it’s smoking hot! But before you scour the Internet for clips — we spoke to Jones who said, “I understand that the guy from Vivid saw footage with Karissa and I in it. We have spoken to our legal team and they will be dealing with this ASAP.” Let the XXX games begin.

What? You mean to tell me she said she was in a pretend sex tape with Heidi Montag to get her name in the news then her real sex tape mysteriously ended up at Vivid?! What a coincidence! It’s almost like the whole thing was planned!

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Karissa Shannon Is Elegant



Karissa Shannon is famous for blowing Heff and being in a fictional sex tape with Heidi Montag, so with all her new free publicity she showed up to add class and understated elegance to the OK! Magazine 5th Anniversary Party. I don’t want to give anything away, but you might want to click on the second thumbnail (NSFW). I think Martin Luther King, Jr. can finally rest knowing his work here is done.

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“It’s Just Me And Heidi, That’s It”

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Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon publicly admitted yesterday that she made a sex tape with Heidi Montag. In even better news, Spencer Pratt isn’t in it.

While out to promote her new signature milkshake with boyfriend Sam Jones III at Millions of Milkshakes in West Hollywood on Thursday, Karissa confirmed to RadarOnline.com, “there is a sex tape of me and Heidi,” emphasizing that Spencer was not present when they shot it. “It’s just me and Heidi, that’s it,” she said. For more than a week, Spencer has been taunting the media and his estranged wife Heidi, threatening to release the tape. But According to Karissa, Spencer doesn’t even own the tape, and she tells RadarOnline.com that he stole her video camera containing the footage. “Me and Heidi were hanging out at her house in Malibu and he came over to pick up some stuff and he ‘accidentally’ took my camera,” Karissa told RadarOnline.com. “I talk to Heidi every single day and I tried to be there for her when she was going through her divorce, but now it’s starting to affect my life. Spencer had no right to steal my camera. There are other things on there that I don’t want to come out, including the video of me and Heidi.” Karissa told RadarOnline.com that she has no plans to promote the tape and doesn’t “want people to see it.” She does, however, have one regret. “I don’t know, I just wish I’d done it [the sex tape] with Lindsay Lohan,” she quipped. “At least it wouldn’t be on the market right now!”

Spencer Pratt “stole” her camera much in the same way a homeless person steals money from a person that hands it to him, so let’s don’t start feeling bad for this chick. Especially since she probably had final say on Spencer’s storyboards.

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Screw You, Pete



Sam Jones III, who played Pete Ross in Smallville (I still need to get Kristin Kreuk pregnant, btw), is dating/banging Karissa Shannon. The chick in the sex tape with Heidi Montag. Other than being knuckle deep in a Playboy Playmate and Clark Kent’s best former best friend, Sam Jones III was arrested in 2009 due to his involvement in a plot to illegally purchase and distribute over 10,000 oxycodone pills. He faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted. Which begs the question, why hasn’t Kim Kardashian dated him yet? Somebody should tell her to Google him so she can start picking out wedding invitations.

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Heidi Montag Made A Lesbian Sex Tape With This



Spencer Pratt has now sent a sex tape featuring Heidi Montag and Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon to Vivid. I wonder how much she’s getting? TMZ reports:

We’re told not too long ago Spencer was at the Malibu house he once shared with Heidi … moving out some of his stuff. Sources tell us Spencer came upon a camera with XXX video of Heidi and Karissa — and the light bulb went off.
Sources say it was then that Spencer decided he could make a fortune selling his “library” to Vivid Entertainment
— much of it featuring naked, fornicating Speidi. We could not reach Heidi and her reps were mum. As for Karissa Shannon — she tells us such a tape does indeed exist, but she’s not convinced Spencer really has it. Karissa says if the tape ever sees the light of day, she’ll sue the pants off him.

Man, this sounds like so much drama! That is until you realize that if the tape “sees the light of day”, it means that both Heidi and Karissa Shannon will have signed consent forms. Which of course is just a formality at this point so they can feign shock and disgust in the media while cashing their checks from Vivid in private. See how that works? Good. You know what also works? Emery Cat. It not only satisfies your cat’s need to scratch but also trims its nails at the same time! No more shredded furniture! A cat scratching post and nail grooming board all rolled into one! Thanks, Emery Cat!

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Hugh Hefner’s Twins Are Felons



As you know, Hugh Hefner has replaced his old whores with two 19 year old twins. Specifically, Karissa and Kristina Shannon. That’s what their probation officer calls them. E! Online reports:

“Florida police records show that 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, who appear to be seeking permanent quarters in the Playboy Mansion, are currently on probation for a battery bust in St. Petersberg. The sisters were arrested in the early morning hours of Jan. 10 and booked on suspicion of felony aggravated battery, per arrest reports obtained by E! News. They were released from custody after posting $10,000 bonds and were later given probation and ordered to pay restitution for the incident, the details of which have not been determined just yet. Prior to that run-in with the law, Karissa Shannon was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery last November. No further information about their dual arrests was available, but their records do indicate that the blonde, blue-eyed twins aren’t exactly identical. Turns out Karissa has a cross tattooed on her lower back, while her sister has no identiyfing scars, marks or tattoos.”

Crazy white blonde chicks are hot, so hey, whatever. And let’s keep this in perspective, because to reiterate, they’re two blonde white girls. It’s hard to build a case for felony aggravated battery when the victim orgasms at some point.

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