Kanye West was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today, where he went on rant saying he could make the world a better place. If somebody would just give him money. he didn’t really go into detail about exactly how he would make the world a better place, because he mostly talked about himself. Apparently his father living in a homeless shelter means he’s meant to change the world? He wasn’t clear. Then something about the Oscars and stopping bullying in school by giving everybody nice clothes. He also compared himself to Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, and Picasso. He also called himself “the Michael Jackson of apparel”. I’ll let you figure this all out.
Kanye West headlined the Paradise International Music Festival in Manila, Philippines where he Kanyesplained why he made “Famous” the first single off Life Of Pablo. If you were somehow unaware, “Famous” includes the line “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.” You can watch the video or read what he said below. This may come as a shock to some, but Kanye spent 2:26 talking about himself. I don’t think that beats his high score. Judges?
There’s really no realistic scenario where Taylor Swift‘s 1989 should have beaten Kendrick Lamar‘s To Pimp A Butterfly for Album Of The Year, except the scenario where Taylor Swift and the Grammys planned this ahead of time so she could use her perfected surprise face to walk on stage and deliver the prepared speech her team wrote for her to passive aggressively talk shit about Kanye West for this. Roll that calculated, focus group tested footage!
In typical Taylor Swift fashion, she doesn’t mention anyone by name when she shits on them, because she’s classy like that. If you don’t respond to one of her texts within ten minutes she’ll write an entire album about you with clues about your identity that can be easily solved with Google. Oh, sorry. I meant, GIRL POWER! Or whatever delusion and shared psychosis this continues to be.
Kanye West live streamed his new album The Life Of Pablo on Tidal yesterday, and since their servers are powered by squirrels on a treadmill, you might have missed the track “Famous”. Which included this line:
I feel like me and Taylor might have sex / I made that bitch famous
BREAKING: I love Kanye again. ALSO BREAKING: Taylor Swift and the whole Girl Squad is pressed.
“I’m only doing two percent of the work,” West, 38, explained to radio host Big Boy on Real 92.3 Thursday morning. “God is doing the rest of the work.” He also gave credit to his late mother Donda West and father-in-law Robert Kardashian for watching over the production of his album. Discussing his wifeKim Kardashian West’s late dad – who helped defend O.J. Simpson when he was accused of murdering Nicole Brown Simpson – West said, “He’s still doing deals for controversial black people from up in heaven.”
I guess we can give Kanye credit for not believing the Earth is flat, then we can remember every else he’s done the last two weeks and the fact that he believes a guy, who has been in the ground for 13 years since Kris Jenner can’t exhume his body and mic him up for her show, is spending his time thinking about how he make Kanye’s album hot lava.
Like Jesus before him, Kanye West was betrayed and killed in front of friends and family because he didn’t know “kk” meant weed. Unlike Jesus before him, the prostitutes he texted with did not mourn. Also unlike Jesus, he arose a mere two days later to clarify accusations that he likes fingers in his ass.
I’m not into that kind of shit… I like pictures and videos Me and my wife got the kind of love that can turn exes into best friends
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 29, 2016
Exes can be mad but just know I never let them play with my ass… I don’t do that… I stay away from that area all together
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 29, 2016
If you didn’t already know how fragile Kanye’s ego is, he spent two days in the afterlife and the part about his ass is the thing he needed to address. Like, really address. Like he really wants us to know he doesn’t like stuff in his ass. He likes pictures and videos. Since I assume that’s where Kim looks the best. He knows that exes can be mad when you drag their child into something because her ex-husband questioned your choice in album names, but he never lets them play with his ass. He’s doesn’t do that, guys. For real. He stays away from that area all togther because his insecurity would rather him sound like he doesn’t wipe his ass. Kanye, you let a stripper trap you.
TMZ caught up with Kanye at LAX. His anti-psychotic meds kicked in around the :40 mark.
Kanye has distracted from my creative process. Any word on Twitter if Kendall Jenner likes fingers in her ass? Or anything, really. Lemme know.
You don’t need me to tell you this, but Kanye West lost his damn mind on Twitter yesterday on January, 17th of all, 2016. Shortly after, his soul was snatched out of his body when Amber Rose checked her mentions and saw where Kanye, filled with peace and positive energy, informed Wiz Khalifah that “you let a stripper trap you” [ tweet redacted ]. The lack of self awareness aside, Kanye probably didn’t realize all the other strippers he sent dick pics to also have Twitter accounts.
Last chance for popcorn: