Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week
Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week

 

Seen here in a picture that fully encapsulates their relationship (Kanye overreaching, Kim propping herself up), Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were booed at the Lanvi show in Paris because they arrived late to the front row. Fashion show are on a very tight schedule, because Anna Wintour’s human mask only lasts 99 minutes and the heroin they give the models doesn’t last that long. You have to stop the show, shoot them up again. It just becomes this huge ordeal.

 

 

pic source = Instagram

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Kanye Is Putting Kim In An Armored Car Now

Let’s brush over the fact that Kanye West is wearing legit leg warmers in these pics and focus on the realization that we live in a world where Kim Kardashian‘s self-importance has reached ‘I need to be in an armored car” levels.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are bulletproof — or will be very soon — because they’re ramping up their personal security – complete with ARMORED VEHICLESafter a frightening assault in Paris. Our Kim and Kanye sources say … K&K were “freaked out” after Kim was almost tackled to the ground by a crazy man. They’re especially upset because the Paris paparazzi are following them in hordes … and crowd control has become extremely difficult. Our sources say … they’ve hired 2 additional teams of armed bodyguards who will encircle them whenever they’re in public during Fashion Week.

“After a frightening assault”? Not sure I would classify it as that, but okay. Whatever you need to say to justify getting an armored vehicle, I guess. Kanye could probably get a discount if he buys one without a door in the back, because if Kim gets shot in the ass there’s a good chance she won’t feel it. Or in the forehead. Or basically anywhere in the face. if somebody really wants to scare Kim, I’d suggest saying all the laser hair removal places in Paris have been shut down.

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Oh No, You Guys
Oh No, You Guys

 

At least it was longer than 72 hours. That’s a plus.

The latest issue of In Touch Weekly talks up a “Nasty $250M Divorce” on the way for the couple dubbed Kimye, as they allegedly got involved in the “fight to end all fights” and their union will be over. Kardashian supposedly “wants out” because she’s tired of her husband’s big ego and controlling behavior, an anonymous insider hilariously claims, while the tabloid writes that the pair has never even “lived together full-time.” Kanye is also mad about the Kim Kardashian nude photos that leaked this week because they were snapped (a long time ago) for another man, while he’s been pushing her to “quit” her reality show – and Kim just can’t take it anymore.

OMG, you guys. Two narcissistic, ego maniacs who would shrivel and die unless they get put outside in the spotlight once a day can’t get a long? Why didn’t anybody see this coming? And why does North have a comb over? And what was worse than Kendra knew? That new show Gotham? It’s pretty bad.

 

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Kim Is Defending Kanye Over The Wheelchair Thing
Kim Is Defending Kanye Over The Wheelchair Thing

 

As you’ve probably already read, Kanye West‘s tour was in Australia this weekend where he threw a hissy fit and refused to perform a song unless everybody stood up. When some people couldn’t because they were confined to a wheelchair, Kanye had some dude go into the audience to confirm that yes, they were handicapped and therefore couldn’t stand up simply by hearing Yeezus’s to rise. Keep in mind, all of this is on video. All of it. You can watch the video and see everything that happened. But Kim Kardashian wants you to know that the media twists things.

What an amazing Australian tour! Its frustrating that something so awesome could be clouded by lies in the media. Kanye never asked anyone in a wheel chair to stand up & the audience videos show that. He asked for everyone to stand up & dance UNLESS they were in a wheel chair. #JustWantedEveryoneToHaveAFunNight #TheMediaTwistsThings

“Clouded by lies in the media”? Bitch this is on video. If he wanted everyone to have a fun night, how about sing the damn songs they paid to hear when they bought their ticket. How about write better songs so people will stand up on their own. How about I stop writing this post because I really want to go to Willy’s and get an adobe chicken burrito. Yeah. How about that?

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Kanye West Believes He Can Make Crippled People Walk
Kanye West Believes He Can Make Crippled People Walk

 

 When you truly believe you’re some transcendent being worthy of worship and praise even though your omnipresence is called into question because you married a Kardashian and routinely say really dumb shit, you might believe you have the power to make wheelchair-bound people stand up and dance to one of your shitty song. You know, like Kanye West did TWICE at concerts in Australia this weekend.

But during the Yeezus tour in Sydney on Friday night, rapper Kanye West went a step further, stopping the whole show at Qantas Credit Union Arena when two seated fans wouldn’t get to their feet – because they were in wheelchairs. Fans at the performance confirmed the incident to Daily Mail Australia on Saturday after a series of Tweets about the moment flooded social media, with one saying ‘He wanted the crowd to stand up and couldn’t see why they were seated. Once it clicked that they couldn’t, he started the song.’  An eyewitness told Daily Mail Australia Kanye had refused to perform until the crowd were on their feet, saying, ‘I can’t do this song, I can’t do this show until everybody stand up.  Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking and s**t.  ‘Imma see you if you ain’t standing up, believe me, I’m very good at that.’  When the musician saw a concertgoer waving a prosthetic limb to explain why they weren’t dancing, he acknowledged them, saying: ‘Okay, you fine!’  But when another fan remained seated, he stopped the song Good Life, saying, ‘This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song, it’s unbelievable,’ before sending bodyguard Pascal Duvier into the arena to check whether the person was in fact in a wheelchair- which they were. ‘The crowd was also yelling that he was in a wheelchair but he waited for Pascal’s confirmation,’ the witness said, while others said the crowd made ‘wheelchair motions’ to alert the singer to his mistake.  ‘When he sent Pascal up there he said, ‘He is in a wheelchair? It’s fine!’ the witness reported.

It really is hard to wrap your mind around this level of narcissism and complete lack or perspective on oneself, but please understand that Kanye West only pulls his head out of his own ass long enough to stick it up Kim’s, so it might be a little difficult for him to understand that if crippled people could walk, they’d probably walk by the arena. They got rolled there against their will.

 

 

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Kanye West Went To The Hospital Because Of A Headache
Kanye West Went To The Hospital Because Of A Headache

 

Possibly from keeping his head up his own ass for too long or struggling to convince his brain that Kim Kardashian is the most beautiful woman in the world, Kanye West got rushed to a Melbourne hospital last night because he had a migraine.

Australian news reports had suggested that the star’s emergency admission to Epworth Hospital in Richmond, Melbourne on Wednesday, Sept. 10 had potentially been quite serious. West was reportedly admitted to the hospital around 2:30 p.m. after suffering a migraine while playing basketball, and was given an urgent MRI scan. Woman’s Day magazine quoted the mom of a fellow hospital patient, Lorraine Terry, who claimed doctors feared West, 37, had suffered a seizure. But a source told Us Weekly that Kim Kardashian’s husband is doing fine, and his brief hospitalization was never a grave concern. “Kanye just had a headache and wanted to be extra clear for his show,” the source said. “It wasn’t seizures or anything like that.

Whew, glad he’s okay, but he could have just taken some Midol. I think E! producers thought him opening a bottle might not give them enough options in the editing room.

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Kanye West Continues To Be Delusional
Kanye West Continues To Be Delusional

 

Kanye West is finally sitting down for his deposition for that time he beat up a photographer, and as expected, West defies the laws of physics by sticking a head that large up his own ass. We’ll get to the rest of it, but first, Kanye had to take a selfie.

Kanye West swears under oath, “I’m the smartest celebrity you’ve ever f***ing dealt with. I’m not Britney Spears.” 

I think anyone’s intelligence is up for debate when they marry Kim Kardashian, but again, we’re dealing with Kanye West.

Kanye explains to Nate Goldberg, the photog’s lawyer, “I’m in the business of trying to make dope s**t for the world. You’re in the business of representing scums and trying to make as much money as long as there’s this lapse in the law.” Goldberg grills Kanye about his song, “Flashing Lights,” — a rant against the paparazzi. Goldberg quotes from the song, “Till I get flashed by the paparazzi, damn, these ni**as got me.” At that point Kanye interrupts, “You have to ask for a hall pass. You can’t just say the ‘n’ word around me.” adding, “It offends me because you’re a white person saying ‘ni**a.’” Kanye says there’s a parallel between blacks fighting for civil rights in the ’60s and celebs fighting for theirs today: “I mean in the ’60s people used to hold up ‘Die N****r’ signs when my parents were in the sit-ins also.” Goldberg asks if he equates the struggle of blacks in the past with celebrities today and Kanye says, “Yes, 100 … I equate it to discrimination. I equate it to inequalities.” Kanye goes on, “We, as group of minorities here in L.A., as celebrities have to ban together to influence guys like this — guys trying to take the picture, guys trying to get the big win, guys trying to get the check.” The depo is riddled with Kanye’s sarcasm. When Goldberg asks where he lives, Kanye replies, “Earth.” 

I hope I’m not the only one to point this out, but does anyone else see the disconnect between Kanye not wanting a white man to say “nigger” in his presence, then comparing getting his picture taken to the civil rights movement? First, you sound dumb, and second, you cheapen the people who you pretend to honor. Also, you can’t get mad when a white man says the word “nigger” in front of you when you threw a hissy fit when Nike didn’t make you theirs. Also keep in mind that your wife’s life force is replenished every time a photog takes her picture, so she’d probably do a sit-in with you as soon as her mom clears it with Getty Images.

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They’re Married
They’re Married

 

Just so we're clear, I'm spending zero time on the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West wedding today. Not because I think I'm somehow above it, there's just a lot of crap and I really don't feel like being here all day. Plus it's dumb. So, if you need quick recap of everything that went down, head on over to The Superficial and he'll take you on the sexual journey of your life. Also, did you know that Lebron James has never signed an NBA max contract? Pretty crazyt, right? I never would have thought that. So glad we had this talk. Hit me up later.

 

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Kim And Kanye Still Don’t Have A Prenup

If there is anything Kim Kardashian and Kanye West love more than themselves, it's money, so true love has to wait until they can trust each other in writing before they continue to emotionally manipulate each other into believing monogamy and life long love are sustainable concepts.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West can't get married, because their prenup is still being hashed out … TMZ has learned. Sources connected with Kim and Kanye tell TMZ … the prenup won't be signed until next week — probably Wednesday at the earliest.  We're told the marriage will NOT take place until both sign on the dotted line. Our sources say — unlike Kim's prenup with Kris Humphries — the current negotiations are friendly … there's no fighting.  We're told there's just a lot to work out, and it got complicated by the fact that Kanye recently changed management. As for the wedding … it's looking like Paris … around Memorial Day.

And by "their prenup is still being hashed out" they mean Kris Jenner is trying to use phototherapy on Kanye to squeeze every last dime she possibly can. "You’re waking now. Waking. Calm. Waking in a pleasant room. Safe. Open your eyes."

 


 

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Kanye Might Be Cheating On Kim With Pia Mia
Kanye Might Be Cheating On Kim With Pia Mia

 

This is Kanye's "E! won't let me out my contractual obligation to marry this ho" face

 

In March, Radar Online published a story claiming Kim Kardashian was getting jealous over Kanye West's relationship with his new protege, 17-year old singer Pia Mia (her). Mia claimed the relationship was strictly professional, but apparently they've been "flirty and romantic". Then DUN DUN DUUUUN.

So, with all this gossip flying around, Pia must have known what she was doing when she posted the Instagram photo below with the caption “@TheOtherWomanMovie trailer…story of my life. Guna be so hilarious! #OtherWoman #sp”.

Feel free to read into this however you want, since everybody else seems to be, but if you listen to Kanye, he truly believes Kim is the most beautiful woman in the world despite plenty of evidence that she's not. So I don't know if he would cheat on her with a 17-year old who looks like a swap meet Rihanna. Or he might, because please keep in mind that Kim Kardashian is insufferably annoying and an unhinged narcissist. But then again, so is Kanye. This is way too confusing for a Monday

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