Lindsay Lohan Thought She Had A Hood Pass
Lindsay Lohan Thought She Had A Hood Pass

Sometimes when white girls are at a concert or the club, they get too turnt up in the moment and forget to lock down their casual racism. It happens. It’s adorable. Cue Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan is about to learn a life lesson … nothing on the Internet is ever really gone … because her attempt to delete the N-word from social media has failed miserably.  Lohan went to see Kanye West perform Tuesday night as part of Paris Fashion Week. She posted a photo of Kanye onstage that included the caption, “#kanye&kimAlldaynigga$.” Lindsay deleted the corresponding tweet and edited the Instagram post to remove the N-word ... but her followers noticed and called her out on it.

Obviously, Lindsay Lohan isn’t racist as much as she is just dumb, because as we all know, if you’re gonna say “nigger”, you should say it at the privacy of your own home or in your fraternity. Or replace with words like thug. Or criminal.  Or welfare queen. Or socialist. or Kenyan. Or President. Christ, has Fox News taught you nothing?

 

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Cool. Kanye Made A Blonde Sex Robot

Much like when Asian chicks dye their hair blonde and look dumb, Kim Kardashian has also dyed her hair blonde to continue her transformation into Kanye’s sentient sex robot with a plugin that allows it to reproduce and nod when Kanye speaks. I don’t know how much this cost, but she might have saved money in the long run if she dyed her body hair blonde as well.

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Amber Rose Just Responded To Kanye

The Amber Rose/Khloe Kardashian twitter feud was stuff of legend earlier this week, in which Amber Rose held Khloe’s severed head above the Internet and ate the marrow from her bones before making a necklace out her rib cage. But since it wasn’t Beyonce being attacked, Kanye West took a few days to respond (you can hear the whole interview here). He basically confirmed that Tyga is dating 17-year Kylie Jenner, and seemingly condoned statutory rape by saying Tyga, “got in early”. He also said he daughter, North West, “has a chance to be as voluptuous as Kim”. I guess he’s set aside a trust for the surgeries since he’s already thinking about dat ass on a toddler. A far as Amber goes, Kanye said he had to “take 30 showers” after he dated her. Then Amber replied.

I don’t know much about Amber Rose, but I assume she can throw shoryukens in real life.

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The Voices In Kanye West’s Head Blamed For The “Mis-Wording”

Kanye West went on Seacreast yesterday to offer his kinda sort not really apology for “joking” around with Beck by being a crying kid in the aisle at Target because he couldn’t get the toy he wanted. Brace yourself for lots of Kane West talking about himself in the third person as sociopaths often do.

“You know, I felt like just the whole Grammys, right when that happened, everybody was looking at me, and then people started screaming, ‘Kanye! Kanye! Go do it!’ Okay, that didn’t really happen, these were voices in my head,” he quipped on Seacrest’s KIIS FM radio show. “So the voices in my head told me to go up, and then I just walked up, like, halfway up the stage.”…”You know, what I really wanted to do is just joke around with what had happened before [with Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs], but I just really didn’t want to take away from Beck’s moment or the time he’s having to talk, because, you know, the Grammys, they play music really quick no matter who you are and everything,” he added. “So I didn’t want anything to take away from his screen time. So I just walked back down because, you know, it was kind of a joke, like the Grammys themselves.”…”The weird thing is — and I don’t feel like I have the right to take away from people’s moments, but the reality of it is — it’s almost like a chiropractor,” he continued. “You know, you just get a little crook out, like, ‘Wow, this crook has been there!’ It’s just a little jolt of truth, right? And then, you know, everyone feels better after the fact, or everyone sells way more albums after the fact, and then Kanye just goes on being an a–hole to everyone.”…He admitted, however, that his comment about Beck needing to “respect artistry” may not have been the best way to get his point across. “I think it came off the wrong way, and that was a mis-wording on my part, because obviously Beck is one of the most respected artists and respects artistry,” he explained.

This story has been written about so much that there’s actual published think pieces about the backlash to the backlash. They say Kanye is “fucking real” and “speaks” his mind”. You know who else does that? Three year olds. They also say, “Kanye West doesn’t care what you think about him”. No, Kanye West cares very, very much what you think about Kanye West. Just like his wife can’t pass a bathroom mirror without taking a picture of herself, Kanye West can’t show up to an event and not think he’s the only genius in the room. And if you don’t agree, he’s gonna cry about it. He’s quick to point out the Grammys are a joke when he or his friends don’t win, and in the same breath, he’s quicker to tell you he has 21. Kanye is that dude who comments, “who cares?”, on a Facebook post. If Kanye wasn’t famous, he’d be in Bed, Bath & Beyond asking to speak to a manager then going home to write a six paragraph Yelp review because Kanye West truly believes Kanye West’s  opinion is that important. Please keep in mind that he inserted himself into Taylor Swift and Beck’s acceptance speeches, but wants to lecture us all on disrespect. On his next album, I hope Kanye samples some self-awareness. That’d be a pretty dope track.

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BREAKING: Kanye West Is Still A Dick

Kanye West performed twice at the 2015 Grammys last night. The first time, he told a ghost story in a velvet track assistant basketball coach suit. The second time, he performed a song where Sir Paul McCartney, one of the biggest influences in the history of pop music, had to sing the word “wildin'” on national television. You’d think that would have been enough Snickers for Kanye’s ego, but then Beck‘s Morning Phase won AOTY. When Beck went on stage to accept his award (also, Beck was surprised he won, but for the exact opposite reason everybody else did), Kanye walked on stage, but was unable to say anything, because Prince is magical and created a force field around Beck forcing Kanye to sit his dumb ass down. The came the E! aftershow:

“I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain’t gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should’ve given his award to Beyoncé. Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you’re disrespectful to inspiration. And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place. Then they do this whole promotional event, they’ll run the music over somebody’s speech, the artist, because they want commercial advertising. Like, no, we not playing with them no more. By the way, I got my wife, my daughter and my clothing line, so I’m not going to do nothing to put my daughter at risk but I am here to fight for creativity. That’s the reason why I didn’t say anything tonight. But you all know what it meant when ‘Ye walks on the stage.

Okay, let’s not pretend here. Kanye will be sitting at the Grammys when his 80, because his entire existence is entirely based on the amount of gold trophies his gets. If he doesn’t win a Grammy for tying his shoes, mankind has failed in Kanye’s mind. Second, ever single track on Morning Phase is great. Hate to break it to you. So if you want to protect artistry, then you clap when Beck wins his award. Beck isn’t Mackelmore. If you don’t know who Beck is, that says more about you than it does it about him, so I’m sorry your music choices are limited to what radio stations tell you. And if we can really sit here and call “7/11″  a “monumental feat of music”, the alien invasion can’t come soon enough. Beyonce wasn’t robbed, she just lost. If you want to feel bad for somebody for being robbed, Ledisi was suppose to perform ““Precious Lord, Take My Hand” (the gospel track she performed for Selma) and got bumped because Beyonce said, “nah bitch”. Beck sings and performs his own songs. Just wanted to throw that out there. In closing, I honestly hope Kanye keeps walking on stage when he’s throwing a tantrum, because one day he’s gonna walk up on the wrong person and get his jaw wired shut again. Fuck Kanye is really all I’m trying to say here.

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Here’s The “FourFiveSeconds” Video
Here’s The “FourFiveSeconds” Video

I’m not going to pretend that I know what “FourFiveSeconds” is about or if Paul McCartney knows who any of these people are, but here’s the video. It stars lush black and white cinematography and Rihanna‘s massive forehead. When she dies, she’s gonna donate it to Barbados for her people to use as a movie theater screen. I don’t think they have those there.

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Rihanna Posted Some Of The “FourFiveSeconds” Video
Rihanna Posted Some Of The “FourFiveSeconds” Video

Remember that song “FourFiveSeconds” Rihanna dropped with Kanye and that new guy Paul McCartney? It’s pretty dope. Anyway, Rihanna posted a sneak peek of the video on Instagram last night. I hope Paul McCartney wins and this video looks great so far, but I think Missy Elliot is a lock for Best New Artist.

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Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week
Kim And Kanye Got Booed At Fashion Week

Seen here in a picture that fully encapsulates their relationship (Kanye overreaching, Kim propping herself up), Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were booed at the Lanvi show in Paris because they arrived late to the front row. Fashion show are on a very tight schedule, because Anna Wintour’s human mask only lasts 99 minutes and the heroin they give the models doesn’t last that long. You have to stop the show, shoot them up again. It just becomes this huge ordeal.

pic source = Instagram

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Kanye Is Putting Kim In An Armored Car Now

Let’s brush over the fact that Kanye West is wearing legit leg warmers in these pics and focus on the realization that we live in a world where Kim Kardashian‘s self-importance has reached ‘I need to be in an armored car” levels.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are bulletproof — or will be very soon — because they’re ramping up their personal security – complete with ARMORED VEHICLESafter a frightening assault in Paris. Our Kim and Kanye sources say … K&K were “freaked out” after Kim was almost tackled to the ground by a crazy man. They’re especially upset because the Paris paparazzi are following them in hordes … and crowd control has become extremely difficult. Our sources say … they’ve hired 2 additional teams of armed bodyguards who will encircle them whenever they’re in public during Fashion Week.

“After a frightening assault”? Not sure I would classify it as that, but okay. Whatever you need to say to justify getting an armored vehicle, I guess. Kanye could probably get a discount if he buys one without a door in the back, because if Kim gets shot in the ass there’s a good chance she won’t feel it. Or in the forehead. Or basically anywhere in the face. if somebody really wants to scare Kim, I’d suggest saying all the laser hair removal places in Paris have been shut down.

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Oh No, You Guys
Oh No, You Guys

At least it was longer than 72 hours. That’s a plus.

The latest issue of In Touch Weekly talks up a “Nasty $250M Divorce” on the way for the couple dubbed Kimye, as they allegedly got involved in the “fight to end all fights” and their union will be over. Kardashian supposedly “wants out” because she’s tired of her husband’s big ego and controlling behavior, an anonymous insider hilariously claims, while the tabloid writes that the pair has never even “lived together full-time.” Kanye is also mad about the Kim Kardashian nude photos that leaked this week because they were snapped (a long time ago) for another man, while he’s been pushing her to “quit” her reality show – and Kim just can’t take it anymore.

OMG, you guys. Two narcissistic, ego maniacs who would shrivel and die unless they get put outside in the spotlight once a day can’t get a long? Why didn’t anybody see this coming? And why does North have a comb over? And what was worse than Kendra knew? That new show Gotham? It’s pretty bad.

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