Kacey Jordan Is Sane

Charlie Sheen‘s former receiver, Kacey Jordan, was hospitalized earlier this week for a suicide attempt and put under psychiatric hold. She denies this. E! Online says:

“It was not as bad as the first report said,” Charlie Sheen’s former good-time gal tells E! News, referring to reports that police were called to her room at the Peninsula Hotel in Chicago, where they found her with cuts on her arms and her room littered with prescription pills, booze and broken glass.

But Jordan can explain.

“The cops were called because I was a disturbance in the hotel and I was mad when they got there,” she says. “I chugged a glass of Jack and Coke in front of them and threw the glass on the ground before telling them to take me.”

With police concluding that a handful of disturbing tweets she had posted were not serious, Jordan was taken into custody and put on a 48-hour psychiatric hold at Northwestern Memorial Hospital after reportedly charging at one of the officers while holding a corkscrew.

She admits to having cut herself earlier in the evening, but not with the intent of killing herself.

“They took me away in handcuffs and took me to the ER and later sent me to the psych ward,” Jordan says. “I was the only sane person in there.”

Right. Claiming to be the only sane person in a psych ward is generally a good sign that you’re fucked up. Also good signs that you’re fucked up? Attacking cops with a corkscrew, having sex with Charlie Sheen, and having “specializes in DP” on your resume.

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Kacey Jordan Is Suicidal, Insane

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Kacey Jordan, the porn star/prostitute, who tweeted this from Charlie Sheen’s house during his now infamous 36-hour cocaine binge then blew up his spot a day later, was rushed to a Chicago hospital last night where doctors diagnosed her as “oh damn that’s a crazy bitch”. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us … the Chicago Police Department raced to the Peninsula Hotel around 6:51 PM last night after receiving calls from the hotel after Kacey twittered several suicidal messages … saying she had taken a bunch of pills and alcohol and was waiting to die. We’re told when cops got to the hotel, Kacey was sitting on her bed — with prescription pill bottles, broken glass and alcohol all over her room. Law enforcement sources tell us Jordan had cuts and scrapes to her wrists and arms … but insisted the suicide messages were merely a publicity stunt. While Kacey was talking to police, we’re told the porn star grabbed a corkscrew bottle opener … tried to run out of the room … and attempted to cut herself. Cops eventually subdued Kacey before she could further harm herself and took her to a nearby hospital for a mental evaluation. We’re told cops reported the incident as a non-criminal suicide attempt.

This chick’s Twitter is everything people thought Sheen’s would be. Pure, unadulterated daddy never loved me insanity (she tweeted this 7 hours ago. btw, “kpuff” is her vagina). In conclusion, she’s an attention whore who thinks a suicide attempt is just something to do when there’s nothing good on TV. Awesome. Does this hospital have a Fukushima location they could send her? That would be cool. If nothing else, her ovaries could use the radiation.

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Kacey Jordan Is Pregnant For Now

It looks like her registry is listed at Planned Parenthood. Per TMZ:

TMZ obtained the text message Kacey sent Charlie yesterday afternoon (see above). After dropping the bomb — which must’ve floored Charlie — Kacey continued, “I don’t believe it’s yours, but I’m going to Oregon to take care of the situation.”

As for why Kacey thinks Charlie is in the clear … he used protection, but Kacey says both of them were so out of it she’s not sure if it did the trick.

According to our sources, Kacey plans to terminate the pregnancy in the next few days.

We’re told Kacey never heard back from Charlie. He probably hasn’t picked up his jaw off the ground yet.

Weird. I always assumed an abortion was a way of avoiding taking care of a situation. In any case, you can see the full text here, where Kacey Jordan says she “never wanted any of this crazy attention.” Right. Kacey Jordan is a porn star who spoke to the media multiple times about partying with Charlie Sheen. If she were really that bashful she’d find a way to make sure her texts don’t get intercepted. She’d probably also go into another line of work–or at least have stuck to just boning her high school boyfriend and letting him show her skills on X-Tube.

Here’s Kacey leaving Good Morning America. Don’t look at her! She’s shy.

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Charlie Sheen’s Parents Want A Conservatorship

Charlie Sheen is a depraved lunatic who cares nothing about himself, his kids, or those around him; content on shoveling blow and beating up women. You’d think at 45, he’s know that might not be cool. Apparently not. Good thing his parents do. RadarOnline reports:

A source tells us: “Charlie looks awful… he is very, very depressed and feels like the world is going against him. Charlie’s parents are discussing getting a conservatorship of their son. Martin and Janet know that it’s highly unlikely their petition would be granted, but they are trying to do whatever possible to save Charlie’s life.” As in the case of Britney Spears, a conversationship would give family member(s) control over his personal affairs and vast estate. Charlie’s health is also cause for concern. The source tells us: “Charlie is coughing a lot, and he doesn’t seem to care what he is doing to his body… Charlie truly thinks he is invincible, and that he can do as much drugs as possible with no ramifications.” As RadarOnline.com previously reported, the Two and a Half Men star, 45, is refusing to enter rehab after yet another coked-up bender with porn stars and is holed up at his mansion in Los Angeles. Martin Sheen recognizes “that Charlie isn’t rehabbing at home. That term just doesn’t exist. Charlie is calling the shots, he hasn’t surrendered to sobriety, and until that happens, this cycle won’t end. Charlie is absolutely refusing to go to rehab. He is a 45 year old man, and no one can force him to go. That is why his parents are exploring what legal options they have if any to save his life,” the insider told us.

Whatever. Fuck him. He’s a grown man. If he can’t get his shit together, they should see how this whole coughing thing plays out.

Kacey Jordan leaving Good Morning America as part of her “I’m A Whore And I Can’t Shut Up So I’m Going To Make As Much Money Off This As I Can And Hopefully Get My Own Reality Show, Too Because That Would Be Cool And Then I Would Be Like Totally Famous” Tour.

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Charlie Sheen Is All Good

Let a man live. Radar Online says:

Charlie Sheen has spoken out for the first time since his wild party with porn stars that landed him in the hospital.

“I’m fine,” Sheen told RadarOnline’s Senior Executive Editor Dylan Howard via text message on Friday afternoon around the same time it was announced he was checking into rehab.

“People don’t seem to get it…. Guy can’t have a great time and do his job also?”

The Two and a Half Men star finished the text with a characterization of his detractors: “Bunch of turds.”

It’s not clear who Sheen was referring to, although RadarOnline.com revealed his father Martin was the one who convinced his son to seek help, along with his employer CBS which said in a statement it was “profoundly concerned for his health and well-being.”

The network announced its hit sitcom is going on production hiatus while the $2 million an episode star seeks help.

Sheen’s exchange with RadarOnline.com also draws into question an earlier statement, from his rep, that suggested he “voluntarily entered” an undisclosed rehabilitation center.

Of course Charlie Sheen didn’t “voluntarily” go to rehab. The man is a professional. The only things Charlie Sheen would voluntarily seek help for are finding his lost briefcase or Vivid Rolodex. Charlie Sheen’s biggest problem is only having two hands for all the high-fives he should be getting.

Kacey Jordan has a Twitter:

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Kacey Jordan Tweeted This From Charlie Sheen’s House
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Like most professional, intelligent bloggers dedicated to giving you the news as it happens, The Superficial has covered this ongoing Charlie Sheen story like Mark Cuban covers a bet, leaving no coke mirror unturned in his pursuit of the truth. However, very much unlike most professional, intelligent bloggers dedicated to giving you the news as it happens, I've decided to post the pic of Kacey Jordan's crotch that she tweeted from Charlie Sheen's house during his 36 hour cocaine and porn extravaganza. It's obvious right before this was taken, Moses parted it to help him and the Israelites escape Pharaoh.

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