Silas Timberlake Likes His Milk From The Tap
Silas Timberlake Likes His Milk From The Tap

I know this is the first picture of Silas Randall Timberlake and we’re supposed to believe he’s a Memphis Grizzlies’ fan even though his brain and motor skills haven’t been completely formed yet, but there’s one thing we know for sure here: he’s waiting for a titty to pop out. It probably popped out after Justin took 12 pics for Jessica to choose from. Then Silas got a titty and took a nap then a shit because that’s what babies do. They’re like old people, except people visit babies.

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Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel Had A Kid

Ten months ago, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had unprotected sex then Timberlake shot semen into her vagina. Due to a 4 billion year old biological function, Timerlake’s sperm then fertilized Biel’s egg and now another human is added to the 7 billion who are already here. Congrats to the couple for such an accomplishment!

It’s official: Justin Timberlake will be passing on his suit and tie. The singer-songwriter and his wife, actress Jessica Biel, have welcomed their first child, son Silas Randall Timberlake, their reps confirm to PEOPLE exclusively. Reps say mom and baby are doing well and dad is “ecstatic.” Further details are not being released at this time.

“Silas Randall” already sounds like a douche who will die on a sidewalk on the Sunset Strip at some point because his album of electric banjo NSYNC covers didn’t sell. Anyway, moving on.

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Jessica Biel And Justin Timberlake Have A Restaurant Covered In Human Shit

Ewwwww.

Pop star ​Justin Timberlake’s Italian restaurant Destino was forced out of business by ruptured plumbing that spewed human waste on the walls, the ​former restaurant partners reveal for the first time in a ​new ​lawsuit against their insurance company. The celebrity-friendly ​eatery, which the “Sexy Back” singer opened in 2006 with two partners at First Avenue and 50th Street, was twice flooded with raw sewage, ​according to the ​the Manhattan civil​ suit filed Tuesday….The insurance company rushed Destino to reopen in November 2013, the suit claims, but a few days after re-launching, a pipe fell from the basement ceiling and drenched a recently stocked food area with sewage, which led to a mold infestation. Reports on the eatery closing down had pegged it to mere flooding problems….The insurer denied Destino’s claims, including $275,000 for repair and unspecified business losses.

This restaurant billed itself as “celebrity-friendly”, and one of the regulars was Bill Cosby, so there’s probably some higher force at work here.

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Jessica Biel’s Growing Fetus Has Been Confirmed

Note: Yes, these pictures are of Zooey Deschanel, but they were labeled “Jessica Biel” on WENN. Much like Justin Timberlake, it’s too late to pull out now. We just have to all make the best of it.

Hey, remember when we all speculated like Jessica Biel was pregnant? Turns out she really is pregnant! Oh, man! What exciting news this is that people we don’t know are having a baby we will also never know! Fantastic!

Biel’s having a baby! Jessica Biel is pregnant and expecting her first child with Justin Timberlake, multiple sources reveal in the new issue of Us Weekly. “Right now they are just enjoying the news for themselves,” one pal tells Us of the Blunderer actress, 32, and Timberlake, 33, who dated on and off for five years before getting engaged in January 2012. “They just want a happy baby.”

I am so glad that Obama’s radical, Kenyan, Illuminati alien, lizard socialist policies are over, because as soon as Republicans took control of Washington last night, a rich, white couple announced they were having a baby. lol suck it libtards! #america #freedom #tcot #vote #blessed

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Do Not Attempt To Grab Justin Timberlake’s Ass

 

Justin Timberlake took his 20/20 Experience tour to Philly on Tuesday, and since Philly is a shit hole of degenerates and drunks, of course someone would attempt to sexually assault him. You can clearly see Timberlake slap a hand away twice and give the face the hand belongs to a stare down, then he just dances away. Note: Dancing away after an attempted unwarranted sexual advance has not been shown as an effective rape prevention tool. Us here at IDLYITW suggest you contact the authorities immediately if you or someone you know is the victim of a sexual assault. But do not dance to the phone.

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Justin Timberlake Can Basically Do No Wrong

 

Whenever Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon get together its always a good time, so naturally when they performed The History Of Rap 5, they crushed it. Although, they performed a few songs that weren't actually rap songs. Did you notice that? You did? Why do always have to find the negative in everything? What's your problem, man? Gawd.

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Justin Timberlake Has Good Taste
Justin Timberlake Has Good Taste

 

The People's Choice Awards were last night and Justin Timberlake won three, so what better way to celebrate than to go to Taco Bell? Everybody loves Taco Bell. You know, except maybe people who are dead inside.

What do we do after we win 3 PCAs?!?! Easy… Go to Taco Bell!! People's Champ, baby!!

I mean, Taco Bell is fantastic and everything, but I really hope Jessica Biel's ass was Timberlake's fourth meal. Nutritionists say it is part of a well balanced diet.

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Justin Timberlake Is One Of GQ’s Men Of The Year
Justin Timberlake Is One Of GQ’s Men Of The Year

 

Despite the abysmal Runner Runner, which would have made more money if tickets were free, Justin Timberlake has had a pretty kick ass year (speaking of ass, have you seen his wife's ass? GOOD LAWD). You can read his interview here, where he comes across as equally humble and entitled douche. Long story short, it's basically impossible to hate on Timberlake, mostly because he's still doing his thing after having that hairstyle he had in NSYNC. Also, not gonna lie, I'm pretty gay for that suit.

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Justin Timberlake And Jessica Biel Dress Alike Now

Since they haven't found a wy for their periods to synch up yet, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are now wearing matching tuxedos to places. Like the premiere of Runner Runner. Now word yet on what color they decided for their toenails.

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Jessica Biel Changed Her Name To Jessica Timberlake

Doing her part to contribute to the evil patriarchy, Jessica Biel has officially changed her name to Jessica Timberlake. Life & Style reports:

Eleven months after marrying Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel has officially taken her man's last name. "It's all official!" a source tells Life & Style. "The paperwork is done and she's now legally Jessica Timberlake."

She'll still be known as Jessica Biel professionally, so this is strictly a proactive move for the eventual divorce proceedings when she states "irreconcilable differences". The only difference after the divorce being is that she'll have a lot more money and an extra check every month. How long must the patriachy grind its boot heel into the faces of our women? How long must we sit back and watch this happen? Diamond engagement rings are an archaic and oppressive symbol of a man's ownership of a woman started by a jewelry company who have the blood of millions of African children on their hands. We should ban them forever to show women that we truly see them as our equal haha lol you bitches got nervous there for a second. Love you!

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