Amanda Seyfried Is Single

Sad news today, friends. I didn’t know Amanda Seyfried and Justin Long had been dating since 2013. I’m really bad at this. Good thing her freakishly big eyes saw this coming for like six months. Seriously. What’s up with her eyes? She’s like an owl you’d bang.

Amanda Seyfried and Justin Long are back to walking red carpets solo…“It happened a few weeks ago,” a source close to the couple reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly. “He’s really heartbroken.” While Long, 37, declared on the Today show in 2014 that the couple was “in it for the long haul,” another source says their relationship has been quietly unraveling. “They had different schedules and different lives,” explains the source. “They just grew apart.”

Justin Long has also put his penis in this, so my sympathy is only gonna last until I get to the end of this sentence. That would be now. It’s now.  He’s outkicked his coverage enough for a dude who does the voice of Alvin. Sorry, bro. Sometimes the universe corrects itself. And since this is an Amanda Seyfried post, I’d like to remind everyone again that she has a dead horse in her house.

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Shut Up Kirsten Dunst

Hey, don’t look know! Kirsten Dunst is bitching about something! Stop the press! Contact Music says:

Kirsten Dunst has hit out at the media – accusing the press of constantly portraying famous women in a negative light. Dunst is convinced that women in Hollywood are often treated more harshly by the media – in comparison to their male counterparts….he tells U.S. magazine Harper’s Bazaar, “I don’t buy the rag mags, but I was looking at the cover of one, and an actress’s husband apparently had cheated on her. Who knows if it’s true? But they don’t put the guy on the cover, going, Look at what this guy did. They put the girl on the cover, going, Look at what he did to her. “That is the stuff that I have no tolerance for. Guys will go do this, that, and the other and they’re cool, and girls will go out with their friends and do this and it’s ‘horrendous’. If a guy’s flirting with me, I’m the slut. It can kill a girl’s spirit.”

Seriously, why is this chick even famous? She’s one of the biggest bitches in Hollywood and she looks like something that was dug up and reanimated for the zombie apocalypse. If Harper’s Bazaar had any balls they would’ve air dropped Kirsten Dunst over Hurricane Ike.

Kirsten and that computer commercial “star” at a paparazzi photo-op lunch:

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Justin Long Gets All The Chicks

Sorry fellas, but Kirsten Dunst is taken. Turns out Justin Long, the guy from the Mac commercial, has conquered her heart. New York Daily News reports:

Now it’s Justin Long’s turn on the Kirsten Dunst train. The “Mac guy” was snogging Dunst, who’s been with Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Hartnett, Andy Samberg and Orlando Bloom, in L.A. at Sunset Junction. The duo “were making out hard-core while waiting in line for margaritas,” says our spy. “They were holding hands and were all over each other.”

Please keep in mind that Justin Long’s last girlfriend was Drew Barrymore. Now it’s Kirsten Dunst. Drew Barrymore. Kirsten Dunst. When asked for comment, his penis said, “Hey man, do me a favor. You see that brick over there?”

Justin Long and some fans on August 22nd:

Photos: Splash

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