Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom Now
Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom Now

 

Continuing in her phase of banging efeminate white dudes, Selena Gomez is now reportedly banging Orlando Bloom. Sources say Justin Bieber is so mad he threw his Barbie Princess Unicorn against the wall. Every princess needs the perfect pet, and what could be more perfect than the enchanting unicorn? Barbie Princess doll's unicorn has a gorgeous wavy mane that girls will want to brush and style! A glittery saddle and tiara of its own make it the perfect riding companion for Barbie princess! An enclosed brush lets girls beautify the unicorn's mane!

Justin Bieber, 20, is furious over Selena Gomez, 21, allegedly flirting with Orlando Bloom. The Biebs is used to being “king of the hill” when it comes to his lady-love’s affections, so this latest interaction between Selena, and Orlando must be a huge slap in the face to the troubled pop bad-boy.  Selena and Orlando recently participated in the We Day California conference on March 26. The 21-year-old singer gave a moving speech and later, backstage, posed with Orlando and Seth Rogen — who has been one of Justin’s biggest haters. The picture  was posted to her Instagram account, and was probably the reason for Justin’s alleged  jealous accusations. Additionally, Seth has openly expressed his disdain for the “Never Say Never” singer, which could have also triggered a reaction in Justin.

I don't know why Justin Bieber is so upset, because Orlando Bloom is the real loser in this whole thing. Because, uh, up until last year, he had his own table and an open reservation in Miranda Kerr's vagina. Now a waitress is telling him the drink specials at a Taco Mac.

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Justin Bieber Thinks He’s James Dean
Justin Bieber Thinks He’s James Dean

 

Taking a break from pretending to be black, Justin Bieber posted this photo on Instagram comparing himself to James Dean because that's what real thugs do.

This is James Dean inspired. Don't ask me if I smoke ciggys cuz I don'

Whew. He doesn't smoke cigarettes. I was beginning to wonder if he was making bad decisions there for a while. But yeah, this photo is James Dean inspired or something. I don't remember James Dean having issues with troublesome breakouts. Also, did you know that James Dean was gay and had a thing for little boys? You didn't? I bet you still post Marilyn Monroe quotes, don't you? You need to cut that shit out.

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Justin Bieber Got A Banksy Tattoo
Justin Bieber Got A Banksy Tattoo

 

Because he's predictable and unoriginal, hardcore rapper Justin Bieber got inked with Banksy's "Girl With A Balloon" (see original here). I know three girls with the same tattoo. That seemed appropriate to point out to everyone.

 

Justin Bieber

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Here’s Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Dancing

 

There's rumors going around that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back on, mostly because they've been seen together a lot recently and this video that Bieber posted on Instagram. Its supposedly a video of them dancing, but I'm not really sure what you're supposed to call this. I wouldn't call it dancing. Selena looks like the roofies are about to kick in and Justin looks like he's trying to do math in his head. I've seen more sexual chemistry on the periodic table.

 

Note: If they get back together, can we call them "Biener"? I say we call them Biener.

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Justin Bieber’s Deposition Went Great
Justin Bieber’s Deposition Went Great

 

In a lawsuit filed in June, Miami Beach paparazzo Jeffery Binion, Justin Bieber and his bodyguards allegedly are violent thugs and douches who assaulted him outside the Hit Factory recording studio in North Miami. Binion wants millions in punitive damages because I guess that's what you get when you get called bad names by a rich, famous person. Anyway, Bieber sat down for his deposition yesterday, and it went about as well as it could when a narcissistic wigger with a messianic complex is forced to answer questions.

The deposition of troubled pop star Justin Bieber in a lawsuit filed in Miami-Dade County ended about 4 p.m., and sources are telling me Bieber’s behavior during the six-hour ordeal was odd at best. “The guy proved today he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed,” one source familiar with the court proceeding said. Bieber got so angry that he attempted to walk out and risk the wrath of a judge — but he was held back by his five lawyers. Why was he ticked off? Some questions focused on his failed relationship with singer/actress Selena Gomez, a sore point for Bieber. Later, Bieber appeared to fall asleep and claimed he couldn’t remember the names of the members of his entourage, or whether his bodyguards even worked for him or someone else. The ultimate humiliation: Bieber faced questions, under oath, about whether he took legal or illegal drugs 24 hours before the hearings, or whether he drank alcohol within 12 hours of the hearing. He answered “no!’ to those questions. Bieber, 20, spent most of the day in the conference room of famed criminal defense lawyer Roy Black‘s law firm. Black reps the singer in his DUI case but sat in on the civil court deposition.…One source described Bieber has having “selective amnesia” during today’s questioning.

 
Question: Do you remember being in Australia in November?
Bieber: I don’t know if I ever was in Australia.
Question: How about Seoul, South Korea?
Bieber: I don’t remember.
Question: Do you remember being at the Hit Factory in North Miami in June?
Bieber: I don’t remember being in Miami in June.
Question: How many managers to you have?
Bieber: Oh, I might have 100 managers.
Question: What are their names?
Bieber: I don’t really know.
 
The singer of Baby and Boyfriend took frequent breaks throughout the session, sometimes every 15 minutes. At times, I’m told Bieber looked like a deer in the headlights. At others, he appeared to fall asleep.
“He denied being asleep,” someone familiar with the deposition said. “He said something about being frustrated with the questions and trying to focus.” I’m told Bieber did complain about the court-mandated deposition being “unfair” to him
 

I really have nothing to add to this except Binion-Bieber sounds like a law firm who wants to represent you if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with malignant mesothelioma or suffer due to asbestos exposure. Do you have trouble breathing? Pain under the rib cage? Lumps in the abdomen? It's important that you know your rights.

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Here’s The Video Of Justin Bieber Peeing In Jail

 

Christ. This thing actually exists. There is an actual video of Justin Bieber pissing in jail. And yeah, I'm posting it. I thought the time I ate a half a donut I found on the top of the trash was the bar to measure my all time low, but I think this is pretty much it now. I'm posting a video of Justin Beiber peeing. Like, I'm still writing and I'm gonna hit publish soon. This is happening. But hey, back to the donut thing. In my defense, I was really high.

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Justin Bieber Still Enjoys A Refreshing Sizzurp

 

You'd think after getting popped for a DUI and freely admitting you were turnt up to the police, that Justin Bieber might keep a low profile when you move to a new city. But please keep in mind, I'm coming from the place of reason where I don't have a God complex or believe that my snapback makes me invincible. TMZ reports:

It's better than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster — it's Justin Bieber holding one of his fabled STYROFOAM cups on his way into an ATL nightclub … a clear sign of lean … and it's all on video. TMZ has obtained security footage at Tongue & Groove — showing Bieber entering the club Monday evening holding a tall, white styrofoam cup … the telltale container for lean … aka sizzurp. It's the first time Bieber's been seen holding one of these cups — and our sources say he had the cojones to continue partying with it inside. As we reported, Bieber's drug use — specifically lean and weed — has spiraled out of control in Atlanta … in fact, one source said he was constantly high … drinking more lean, smoking more weed than ever.

Atlanta seems like the perfect place for Justin, because you literally can't walk five feet down the street without somebody trying to give you weed or asking you if you have weed. And if you go to any after party, it's like Golden Corral set up a new location, but instead of steak and self-serving ice cream, there's a shit load of drugs that people will pass out like Tic Tacs. So basically what I'm saying is that Bieber will probably be dead soon. No harm done,
 
 
 

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Here’s A Video Of A Drunk Justin Bieber At A Police Station

 

The last time we heard from Justin Bieber he was brushing a pony's hair and blowing Usher, or maybe I just made all that up we can't really know for sure. But remember his DUI arrest back in January? Well here's the video of him taking his sobriety test. Philip Seymour Hoffman could take a better sobriety test right now.

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Blake Griffin Didn’t Beat Up Justin Bieber. Sorry.
Blake Griffin Didn’t Beat Up Justin Bieber. Sorry.

 

As much as we'd all like to believe it, Clippers' forward Blake Griffin didn't beat up Justin Bieber in a Starbucks. Sorry, guys. I know how much that meant to you. The story was first reported here (which should have been your first clue). They use WordPress like me, so I'm not sure what kind of news you were expecting. The problem with fake stories is that they get way too specific (“He came in with no shirt on and his pants hanging down and underwear showing and tried to order a caramel apple machiatto.”,) and include quotes that sound completely made up (“He smacked the shit out of him” said one witness, “then I saw Justin stumble out of the door looking like he was crying.” ) If Blake Griffin really did smack the shit out of Justin Bieber, Bieber wouldn't be stumbling. Bieber would be in ambulance suffering a massive head trauma and shitting himself. So yeah, this story is fake. Much like democracy. Aliens are real though. Aliens are all around you! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

 

Since we're talking about Blake Griffin, here's my favorite Nike commercial of the past year. Not only is this commercial basically accurate of what Griffin does every game, but Bieber would so be Daryl. Also, I have those kicks.

 

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Justin Bieber Says Selena Gomez Is “Always The Drunk At The Party”

Selena Gomez secretly checked into rehab last month, because I assume rehab is the once place Justin Bieber wouldn't be. She then blamed the stint on Bieber because he's a douche wigger who only cares about himself and weed and stripper titties. But according to Bieber, Selena can outdrink Nemo. TMZ reports:

Justin Bieber is scoffing at Selena Gomez, telling friends she has no one to blame but herself for her addictions … TMZ has learned.
Sources with daily Bieber contact tell TMZ … Bieber and his friends are laughing at Selena's "bad influence" claims, because they say she's always the drunk at the party.  Bieber acknowledges he gets wasted, but whenever he had parties Selena was downright competitive … smoking as much weed as the guys and sometimes outdoing them.  They say she was also HEAVY into booze. We're told Justin believes Selena's parents are behind the blame game, because they HATE him.  He thinks they are fueling Selena's anger and making him a scapegoat.

It's really hard for me to take Bieber's side on anything, but I know a lot of 21-year old girls, and if they're not doing shots, they're shopping and thinking about doing shots. Because all their shots are free. Always. Until they hit 30. 30? Ewwww. Nobody wants to see that.

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