Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom
Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom

 

Selena Gomez understands that when you pull the pin on a grenade, you don’t hang around to watch it blow up, so she’s now distancing herself from this Bieber/Bloom thing. Also, “Bieber Bloom” sounds like a shitty law firm.

Selena Gomez says she’s never done the nasty with Orlando Bloom … and she has absolutely zero to do with his raging battle against her ex-BF Justin Bieber. Sources directly connected to Selena tell us … the reason she was with Orlando back in March is because their manager organized an event for his clients at We Day in Oakland. As for the widely-circulated photo of Orlando and Selena at a Chelsea Handler show in L.A. a few weeks later … it was nothing more than a smoke break. They were actually with their respective groups of friends and happened to be next to each other when the pic was snapped.

Selena seems really defensive, because the picture in question (here) looks like Selena regrets letting Orlando talk her into anal and letting him wait with her while her Uber driver tries to find an alternate route through traffic. “Your driver will arrive in 4 mins”?! You said that 5 mins ago!

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Justin Bieber Is A Little Bitch

 

It looks like this Justin Bieber/Orlando Bloom “feud” isn’t going away any time soon, because a day after his bodyguards blocked Bloom’s punch then safely escorted Bieber out of the club and tucked him into his race car bed, he posted this picture on Instagram. That’s what bitches do. Post shit and troll people on social media then do…not much else, because well, they don’t have much else to do. I bet Orlando Bloom has some cool pics he’s been waiting to post. Can’t wait to see them!

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Orlando Bloom Swung On Justin Bieber

 

Besides being tunnel brothers, Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are not related. So this is just two bitches fighting over two other bitches. For the lack of a better phrase: Ain’t nobody got time for that.

New video shows what went down inside the restaurant. You can see Bloom deliver a right hand shove to Bieber’s face, though Bieber’s bodyguard appears to deflect the brunt of the blow. Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber early Wednesday morning in Ibiza … and Justin fled the restaurant — this according to 2 eyewitnesses. The eyewitnesses tell TMZ … Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, and Diddy. You don’t see Orlando swing, but the eyewitnesses tell us that’s exactly what happened. We’re told Justin ducked the punch. That’s where the video starts and you hear Justin scream, “What’s up bitch?” We’re told when Bieber left the crowd applauded. The backstory is almost legendary … Justin partied with Orlando’s then-wife Miranda Kerr after a 2012 Victoria’s Secret fashion show in NYC and they got very VERY close. And in April of this year, Orlando was hanging out with Justin’s on-and-off GF Selena Gomez. So the bad blood is flowing.

I don’t even know how Bloom got close enough to Bieber to get a punch(?) off, because Bieber can’t even try to put a straw in a juice box without his bodyguards stomping on it, but we should all just take the time to salute the real hero this story: the crowd. The only issue is that they didn’t wrap him in the Canadian flag and set him on fire. Canadians are well-known for hating us for our freedom.

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Justin Bieber Sent This To Ella-Paige Roberts Clarke

 

Justin Bieber‘s selfie app is still a thing, and its making news again today because he basically sent a dick pic to Ella Paige Roberts-Clarke. Google tells me she’s a singer or something. It didn’t say anything about if she liked guys who dress like they’re about to blow their paycheck on a bunch of lapdances.

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Justin Bieber Has To Pay $80K, Go To Anger Management For That Egg Thing
Justin Bieber Has To Pay $80K, Go To Anger Management For That Egg Thing

“Probably should gave him those eggs instead. Looks like he’s been heavy carb.”

 

Hey, remember that time Justin Bieber was a douche (no, the other time) and egged his neighbor’s house? Yeah, he pled no contest to misdemeanor vandalism and now has to attend anger management classes and pay his neighbor $80,900. I guess because the eggs weren’t free range and organic? Not too clear on that. They have weird laws in California.

Justin Bieber is required to take anger management classes as part of his plea bargain in the egging case … and he has to pay his neighbor a fortune. Justin’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, was in court with the prosecutor as the plea was entered. Justin pled no contest to misdemeanor vandalism and was placed on 2 years probation and ordered to perform 5 days labor — probably picking up trash or graffiti removal. Justin was ordered to pay his neighbor $80,900. Law enforcement sources had told TMZ … the victim submitted estimates totaling around $20K but in court Wednesday the judge said the actual damages exceeded $80K. The prosecutor said, “The house is a dream house” and a lot of work had to be done. As for anger management … Justin is required to attend 12 weeks of classes with a minimum of 1 per week. And Justin was ordered to stay 100 yards away from the victim and his family. That won’t be a problem since Justin has moved.

I don’t know if this will do anything to keep Bieber from eventually being found in a ditch with his panties stuffed in his mouth one day, but that $80K might hurt a little bit. That was his entire pedicure budget.

 

 

 

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Justin Bieber Just Wants To Get On A Yacht, You Guys :(
Justin Bieber Just Wants To Get On A Yacht, You Guys :(

 

You know what's the worst? Pulling up in your chauffeur driven , blacked out SUV to a Miami yacht party and not being to get your drink on because your roid freak bodyguards are beating up paparazzi who recorded the whole thing.

Justin Bieber´╗┐'s bodyguards got physical with paparazzi trying to shoot his arrival at a yacht party in Miami — prompting Justin to get a little whiny … pleading about how difficult his life has become. Watch the vid … Justin was about to kick off his booze-filled 4th of July bash when one of his bodyguards — who's already been arrested in Miami — threw a hard forearm into the chest of a pap running up to the scene. To his credit, Justin tried to calm the situation from the backseat of his SUV limo — asking the paps to just back up 10 feet, but when they didn't he went into woe-is-me mode. You gotta see Justin beg a female photog, "This is so ridiculous. Look what happens in my life." And then he got on the yacht and partied without a worry in the world.

Damn. Why they gotta do my man Biebs like that? Let the man walk through. Sizzurp can only sit for so long before it goes bad.

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Justin Bieber Wants You To Buy An App Or Something
Justin Bieber Wants You To Buy An App Or Something

 

Justin Bieber fans are mentally slow, so of course they'll buy this dumb ass app called Shots. Guess what you do with it? "Share what you are doing through selfies and photos." Man, what a novel concept. Instagram and Snapchat should really find a way to crack this market.

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Justin Bieber’s Mugshot Is In The ‘On The Run’ Tour
Justin Bieber’s Mugshot Is In The ‘On The Run’ Tour

 

The On The Run tour is three days in so far, and it's already pissed off Justin Bieber fans. Why? Because they're dumb. What? I'm dumb? Your mama's dumb. Oh, your mother is dead? How did she pass?  I'm so sorry, I didn't know. Take comfort in the fact that she lived a long full life.

They've already shocked fans by showing video footage of their 2008 wedding and Blue Ivy's birth, and now Beyonce and Jay Z have pulled another shocker out of the bag. Audiences were treated to a series of mugshots, projected onto giant screens on stage – including singer Justin Bieber's – as Bey told fans: "Even the greatest can fall." Fans posted about the apparent diss to the 20-year-old , who's been arrested and in trouble countless times in recent months. Justin fans seemed torn with some furious Beliebers calling it "disrespectful," and saying, "Justin is gonna freak." Others agreed with the 32-year-old singer, tweeting: "She is totally right. Respect", and "She was proving a point, it was not an Insult".

Let's just all agree to ignore the fact that Beyonce is singing about bad life decisions while standing next to a dude who could have saved 15% or more on licensing fees if he would have used the same kids to sing the chorus of Hard Knock Life that he used to sell his crack. Let's focus on the real issue here: Justin Bieber fans. I don't know what the diagnosis is for somebody who publicly worships this asshole, but it's gotta be some Shutter Island type thing. Ask your doctor if getting stabbed in brain through your eyeball is right for you. That wasn't a joke. You should really do that.

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Selena Gomez Is Getting A New Rack For Justin Bieber
Selena Gomez Is Getting A New Rack For Justin Bieber

 

I approve this message.

Selena Gomez, we’ve learned exclusively at HollywoodLife.com that you are considering getting a boob job so you can be even sexier than you already are — and it’s all for Justin Bieber! Unfortunately, we hear from a source close to you that you are feeling less than confident about yourself, and it’s because you are so afraid of losing Justin again. Your roller coaster relationship with Justin has definitely been a self-esteem-killer for you and we understand that, but we don’t want you to make a regrettable, permanent decision because of it. “Selena is putting a huge amount of pressure on herself because she’s afraid of losing Justin,” an insider reveals exclusively to HollywoodLife.com. “She feels like she needs to be the hottest girl in the world to keep his attention. She’s studied every girl that he hooked up with while they were broken up, at least the ones she knows about, and compared herself to them down to every last detail."

No disrespect to HollywoodLife, but let's calm down to see how this all plans out, because bigger boobs is never a bad idea. And I'm not sure what's happening, but this makes the second time I've kinda defended Justin Bieber. He's a douche and an idiot, but good job on emotionally manipulating a hot chick into thinking she's not. That's becoming a lost skill. Like most NBA GMs, I tend to draft on potential. Selena Gomez is a raw prospect with plenty of upside.

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Cops Busted Up A Selena Gomez Party
Cops Busted Up A Selena Gomez Party

 

They did not find undocumented workers.

Selena Gomez had a rager at her house Tuesday night … and it got so out of hand cops were called. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Selena's Hidden Hills, CA neighbors were so pissed off at the loud noise coming from her house at around 11:30 PM … they called police. The cops responded and warned Selena and company to turn down the volume or else. One neighbor tells TMZ … the noise was so ear-crushing her windows were rattling. Sources connected with Selena and her family tell us … the singer has told her kinfolk she's back with Justin Bieber because he's cleaned up his act. But they tell us … they don't think it's coincidental at all that in the last few days … she's spent a late, late night at a Hollywood club with Bieber and had an out-of-control party on a Tuesday night. Short story … Selena's family and close friends don't think Bieber is safe territory.

11:30? Do house parties even start that early? Or did they just have the Frozen soundtrack playing too loud while Selena was making the salsa? And how fucking boring have the last two days been? Celebrity news, not my life. Yesterday I bought a new kind of bread that doesn't have crusts. That should hopefully save my mom a lot time.

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