What’s Your Deal, Justin Bieber?
 

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on



Last time I had to check on Justin Bieber he was dating the other Baldwin chick and still being an asshole.  The last time I had to check on Selena Gomez being asked about Bieber, she shut it down. So who knows why Bieber posted this pic to Instagram yesterday. He’s been making duck faces with Marilyn Manson lately, so life probably isn’t going so well. People say suicide is selfish, but Bieber should keep his options open. No need to limit himself. 



I feel you, though.

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Justin Bieber Thought He Would Try Ariana Grande, It Didn’t End Well
Justin Bieber Thought He Would Try Ariana Grande, It Didn’t End Well



Justin Bieber is supposedly dating the other Baldwin girl from the other Baldwin guy, but ask yourself, can a man truly be at fault when he tries to penetrate Ariana Grande? Let’s not rush to judgement.

(more…)

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Justin Bieber Tried To Climb An Ancient Mayan Ruin Naked, Got Kicked Out
Justin Bieber Tried To Climb An Ancient Mayan Ruin Naked, Got Kicked Out


“If God’s for me, who can be against me? That’s helped me in a lot of situations where I feel judged.” – Justin Bieber, Complex Magazine (September 2015)

The star was reportedly kicked out of a Mexican archeological site yesterday after allegedly stripping off and trying to climb one of its off-limits ruins. Justin, 21, was asked to leave the ancient Mayan fortress of Tulum on Thursday afternoon after a row over his behaviour. Adriana Velazquez, director of the National Institute of Anthropology and History (INAH) which is responsible for managing the country’s archaeological sites, told a local news agency his bodyguards got into an argument with site security guards after he tried to climb the ruin.

How did this story start? Probably like most stories like this start.

The report indicates the first incident occurred when the singer “tried to enter with a beer in his hand,” the paper said. “He was prevented from doing so and after getting rid of his drink, he entered with his four companions. “However on the first structure he pulled his underpants down, leading to INAH personnel asking him to leave the area without concluding his visit. “The young man is said to have threatened and insulted the INAH workers and police were even called although their intervention wasn’t finally necessary.”

Wait, these people expect me to believe Bieber is a unrepentant and insufferable douchebag? Get out. 

Local newspaper Sipse, describing the singer’s behaviour as “inappropriate” said he was invited to leave after leaving roped-off public areas and causing potential damage to the ruins by entering restricted areas. It said: “The singer ignored the signs and decided to climb onto platforms and restricted areas. “He was asked to desist and after repeating his behaviour, he was invited to leave the area escorted by security guards.”

I don’t know. This was in Mexico. Maybe it was some sort of retaliation against Selena Gomez. Bieber is racist against Mexicans now. This is the only way to explain this. He also kicks little children I heard. Call me, Selena.


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Selena Gomez Is “So Beyond Done” With Justin Bieber



New year, new Selena Gomez. Not sure if 2016 Selena Gomez still has Lupus or not. But based on her interview with Rolling Stone, we definitely know what 2016 Selena Gomez doesn’t have: Fucks to give about Justin Bieber. 

Recently, we saw an Instagram video of Justin Bieber singing to you just before the American Music Awards. What is happening there, and what is it like to have the world see that?

Well, I am sorry, first of all. And honestly, what I would love to be printed is that I am so beyond done with talking about that, and him.

Well, damn. Does this mean we can’t talk about his new hair? I’d like to talk about his hair. Why can’t we talk about his hair? What’s your problem? 


 

Hailey made me get corn rows like an absolute douche bag, these will be off tomorrow trust me Danny

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on



Selena > Hailey.


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Justin Bieber Is Banging A Baldwin



Justin Bieber is banging Stephen Baldwin’s daughter. What a time to be alive.

Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin aren’t hiding their relationship … at least around their closest 200 friends. Justin and Hailey were making out for everyone to see at a New Year’s Eve party thrown by Richie Akiva at a villa in St. Barts.  Akiva, a big-time nightclub guy, had a bunch of people over at his party, Justin performed and they were sucking face for everyone to see at the bar. We’re told this isn’t the first time the two have locked lips.

I guess Hailey Baldwin isn’t the most Down-er Syndrome looking Baldwin chick, so that’s a plus. Ireland Baldwin is pretty much hit or miss. I can’t speak for Justin Bieber’s penis, but its probably checking Selena Gomez’s Instagram right now and writing a poem. 


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Adriana Lima Says She Never Banged Justin Bieber

Two weeks after Adria Lima announced her split from her Serbia basketball player husband, she was at party at 1 Oak where she took a picture with Justin Bieber. Even though it’s possible Lima thought she was supporting the LBGT by taking a pic with a transgender man, people apparently thought they hooked up. They didn’t.

Adriana Lima joined Andy Cohen on the Watch What Happens Live couch to address year-old rumors of an unexpected fling between the Brazilian beauty and the younger pop star. “I read somewhere that you and Justin Bieber hung out,” Cohen pried. “Did you two ever date?”…Regardless, Lima held her ground during the interview Thursday night, debunking the allegations with insight into her sound requirements for dating. “Anybody below 6-foot-7, you know how I call them? Friends,” she said

Well, damn. Adriana  is cold-blooded. Makes sense because she was probably built and designed in a lab to sell lingerie to women who think it’ll make them look like that.


Shout out to Bieber tho:


 

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Justin Bieber Wants To Fight Ronda Rousey
Justin Bieber Wants To Fight Ronda Rousey


In addition to his hat appearing on Today this morning to be a stark reminder to Charlie Sheen, Justin Bieber finally sorta, kinda got around to apologizing to Ronda Rousey for dissing her sister at the Cannes Film Festival. (via TMZ)

Bieber sat down with Entertainment Tonight and was asked about Ronda’s beef — which she claims started when he refused to take a picture with her sister at the Cannes Film Festival.  “I guess, supposedly, she asked for a picture with her sister or something, and I guess I said no?” Bieber said … “But I don’t remember this happening so, Ronda, I’m sorry. Don’t kick my ass!”

Then, well, he kept talking.

Wrong … because moments later, Justin was asked if there was anything he’d like to improve on outside of music — and he WENT IN on Rousey! “I would like to get better at boxing … did you see Ronda Rousey? She got knocked out cold! Oh my God, she got knocked out so bad. Yeah no, she got pummeled.”

Everything Bieber said in that last part is factually correct, but I hope after Ronda Rousey spends that Roadhouse advance on reconstructing her face, and replacing the soul Holly Holm sidekicked out of her body before she even hit the ground, responds to this. Hopefully not with the thing Stephen Hawking uses. It’s important to note that Bieber and Floyd Mayweather are Netflix and chill buddies, so maybe Bieber is trying to start some kind of proxy war. Thanks, Obama.


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Bieber’s New Song Is Begging For Selena Gomez

Three days ago, Justin Bieber went on Ellen and said he and Selena Gomez would probably get back together. Two days ago, Selena Gomez was seen holding hands with some dude named Samuel Krost. Also, this happened in August. Well, Bieber’s new album, Purpose, leaked early and one of the songs is called “No Pressure”. Here’s the lyrics. It reads like something a chick is ignoring on Tinder.

“You don’t gotta answer none of my calls
I’m believin’ you’ll pick up one day
I don’t wanna add to your pain at all
I’m praying that time makes a change in your life
I’m realizing how much you made a change in my life
And I don’t wanna spend it with nobody else
Hear me…?
Don’t nobody deserve myself
Oh no, baby what I’m saying is

You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Right now, don’t rush, no pressure
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Calm down, don’t rush, no pressure

In his defense, Justin Bieber tried to party with Jose Canseco’s hot ass daughter then immediately got friend zoned, so he might have to try a new strategy. Not begging might work. Or not being an asshole. If you can’t handle Selena at her Lupus chemotherapy weight, you don’t deserve her at her not Lupus chemotherapy weight. If that’s an actual thing. I’m still not sure that’s a thing. Sounds made up.

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Justin Bieber Is Still An Asshole

Probably devastated at just hearing the tragic news of coffee cups persecuting his fellow Christians, Justin Bieber was caught on camera flipping a chair at a restaurant in Cannes a week after pouting and storming off the stage in Norway after one song because the crowd refused to let him walk on water. After the incident, Bieber tweeted that he’s “letting the music do the talking”, but I think the music is still on the phone with Adele.


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Justin Bieber’s Lawyers Are Gonna Sue You For Looking At His Dick

Let’s try to ignore the fact that if Taylor Swift‘s vagina was captured by a telephoto lens while on vacation then put online, half of the Internet’s bandwidth would be used for think pieces explaining how we’re all collectively complicit in her invasion of privacy and how the crushing boot of the patriarchy is reducing her to nothing but a sex object. But since this leak came with a dick, we get articles like this. But as the meme points out, that’s none of my business. However, we can talk about the fact that Justin Bieber’s dick hit online yesterday, and know his lawyers are planning to figuratively stick it up your ass.

Justin Bieber and his team are sending a strong message — the nude photos of him published this week invaded his privacy, and anyone who posted them should take them down immediately. TMZ has confirmed Bieber’s legal team has sent multiple cease and desist letters to news outlets that published the pics, saying remove ’em or else. They claim the photos were taken without Bieber’s knowledge. They show a naked Bieber in Bora Bora … right before jumping into a pool. We’re told his team will sue if the sites don’t remove the pics ASAP. 

To Bieber’s credit, he doesn’t really give a shit since he’s not Asian or Diplo.

Justin’s anger faded when the pics went viral … for one seemingly larger than average reason: Bieber’s a really big deal, and we’re told he’s happy the world knows it now.

Texts I got from girls yesterday: “it’s too early for this”, “but is he a grower or a shower tho?”, “his fluffer needs a raise”, “selena I feel you girl”, and “you and bieber have something in common I see”. That last one was sent from my mom. She’s the best.

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