Justin Bieber Jumped Off A Cliff, Bursted His Eardrum
Justin Bieber Jumped Off A Cliff, Bursted His Eardrum

 

When you’re rich and white, you have to do things that make you feel more alive by being closer to death, because being pulled over by police or walking down the street just doesn’t cut it. So you have to do things like skydiving, getting in a shark cage, and date raping girls in a fraternity. Also cliff diving.

If anyone was going to be injured after deliberately hurling themselves off a cliff, it was going to be Justin Bieber. The singer was left potentially needing surgery for a ruptured eardrum after he attempted to leap into the sea from a particularly high piece of land. “Busted my ear drum cliff diving,” he told his followers on Twitter. “Doc says might need surgery now. Sucks.”

Now for the bad news.

“My ear drum might back us up a little but I’m still bringing you this new music,” he commiserated.

Can I burst my eardrum instead? That would be pretty helpful.

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Justin Bieber Stripped At Fashion Rocks, Got Booed
Justin Bieber Stripped At Fashion Rocks, Got Booed

 

Justin Bieber was at 2014 Fashion Rocks to introduce Rita Ora, and as soon as he walked on stage everybody started booing, because that’s what you do when you see Justin Bieber if you’re not close enough to kick his teeth to the back of his brain. Then he took off all his clothes, because he learned in Bible study that Jesus told his followers to renounce all their worldly possessions and to follow him. Not to a fashion show specifically, but I’m sure everyone in the audience was touched by the holy spirit. 

 

 

 

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Justin Bieber Slams On Brakes To Cause An Accident, Compares Himself To Princess Diana
Justin Bieber Slams On Brakes To Cause An Accident, Compares Himself To Princess Diana

 

Justin Bieber is attends Bible study classes, so everybody should know that when it comes to traffic, Bieber only yields for the holy spirit.

Bieber was driving his red Ferrari in West Hollywood early Tuesday afternoon when he noticed a photog following him in a Prius. We’re told an annoyed Bieber slammed on his brakes and the photog crashed into him.

And if you thought Christians were just being persecuted in Iraq, you should stop watching Fix News, and realize Christians are being persecuted right in our own backyard.

 

 

I’m not sure how it goes down in Canada , but check the manual, there are laws that would have prevented you from experiencing what you just experienced. The law is (if I can paraphrase) don’t slam on your fucking brakes when somebody is following you. I don’t know the side effects of sizzurp personally, but when you cause an accident, try not to whine about how it could have been prevented. I know this might be a little confusing, so have Selena give me a call and I’ll explain to her.

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Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery, Theft
Justin Bieber Is Being Investigated For Attempted Robbery, Theft

 

Being a born again Christian is hard.

Justin Bieber is under investigation for several crimes — including attempted robbery — for lunging at a fan at an arcade and sports bar … attempting to get the guy’s cellphone. Justin and Selena Gomez were at Dave & Buster’s Monday night when a fan starting taking cellphone pics and video of the two. Law enforcement sources say … Justin lunged at the guy … in an attempt to take his cellphone and presumably erase the pics and video. Justin’s security held him back and he never made contact with the fan. Police were called but before they arrived Justin booked it out of there. Our law enforcement sources say the fan wants to press charges and Justin is being investigated … and the possible crimes are attempted battery, attempted theft (stealing the pics) and attempted robbery (grabbing the camera in an attempt to permanently deprive the fan of the pics and video). Justin could be in big trouble, because he’s on probation in the egging case and violating the law could trigger a probation violation which could land him in jail.

It’s obvious that Justin Bieber is no angel. His past crimes and continued run ins with the law clearly show that he has a propensity for violence. If he was to be shot by police, even if he was unarmed, don’t mourn him, because the world would be a safer place with  one less thug off the street. It’s sickening that the liberal media and girls who haven’t had their first period yet will go to great lengths to paint him as a martyr when he’s gone, but maybe America should focus on his victims instead. They’ll want to demonize the officer who shot him, but don’t let them tell you it wasn’t a good kill. Police are under constant attack from belligerent, violent criminals, and sometimes they have no choice but to shoot to kill when faced with such a threat. The linked video clearly explains that a trained police sometimes can’t remain in control when dealing with a dangerous criminal and must use deadly force, because the end of the day, they should be the ones who go home to their families.

Note: LOL

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Selena Gomez Is Back With Bieber Because Of Jesus
Selena Gomez Is Back With Bieber Because Of Jesus

 

LOL

The wild hitmaker was reportedly seen attending bible study with former girlfriend Selena Gomez on Wednesday night, at the City Church, in Los Angeles. The 20-year-old born-again Christian is thought to have arrived after the service had started, before sharing a photo of the pair looking loved-up on his Instagram page. A source told the Daily Mirror: ‘The pair sat next to each other while partaking in Bible study and seemed very close. They then left together in Bieber’s car. ‘Justin looked really comfortable with Selena as he still thinks their bond is unbreakable and knows that Selena will always love him.’ He took to Twitter later to post: ‘God is good’, which was retweeted by his fans 68,000 times.

If Justin Bieber is a “born-again Christian”, I guess he was stillborn, because well, you read this site. I don’t need to tell you. And I thought God had a thing about premarital sex. And wasn’t the New Testament basically Jesus saying, “Hey, you. You over there being a dick. Don’t do that, bruh.  Not cool.  Look, uhh, anybody know a place I can crash for a like a few days? I’m kinda in between places right now”?  Anyway, maybe it is some kind of miracle, or Justin Bieber had his penis removed and bought another one that was perfectly molded to Selena’s vagina, because I refuse to believe she’s this dumb.  If she is, she could probably pass the Ferguson PD exam.

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Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom
Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom

 

Selena Gomez understands that when you pull the pin on a grenade, you don’t hang around to watch it blow up, so she’s now distancing herself from this Bieber/Bloom thing. Also, “Bieber Bloom” sounds like a shitty law firm.

Selena Gomez says she’s never done the nasty with Orlando Bloom … and she has absolutely zero to do with his raging battle against her ex-BF Justin Bieber. Sources directly connected to Selena tell us … the reason she was with Orlando back in March is because their manager organized an event for his clients at We Day in Oakland. As for the widely-circulated photo of Orlando and Selena at a Chelsea Handler show in L.A. a few weeks later … it was nothing more than a smoke break. They were actually with their respective groups of friends and happened to be next to each other when the pic was snapped.

Selena seems really defensive, because the picture in question (here) looks like Selena regrets letting Orlando talk her into anal and letting him wait with her while her Uber driver tries to find an alternate route through traffic. “Your driver will arrive in 4 mins”?! You said that 5 mins ago!

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Justin Bieber Is A Little Bitch

 

It looks like this Justin Bieber/Orlando Bloom “feud” isn’t going away any time soon, because a day after his bodyguards blocked Bloom’s punch then safely escorted Bieber out of the club and tucked him into his race car bed, he posted this picture on Instagram. That’s what bitches do. Post shit and troll people on social media then do…not much else, because well, they don’t have much else to do. I bet Orlando Bloom has some cool pics he’s been waiting to post. Can’t wait to see them!

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Orlando Bloom Swung On Justin Bieber

 

Besides being tunnel brothers, Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are not related. So this is just two bitches fighting over two other bitches. For the lack of a better phrase: Ain’t nobody got time for that.

New video shows what went down inside the restaurant. You can see Bloom deliver a right hand shove to Bieber’s face, though Bieber’s bodyguard appears to deflect the brunt of the blow. Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber early Wednesday morning in Ibiza … and Justin fled the restaurant — this according to 2 eyewitnesses. The eyewitnesses tell TMZ … Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, and Diddy. You don’t see Orlando swing, but the eyewitnesses tell us that’s exactly what happened. We’re told Justin ducked the punch. That’s where the video starts and you hear Justin scream, “What’s up bitch?” We’re told when Bieber left the crowd applauded. The backstory is almost legendary … Justin partied with Orlando’s then-wife Miranda Kerr after a 2012 Victoria’s Secret fashion show in NYC and they got very VERY close. And in April of this year, Orlando was hanging out with Justin’s on-and-off GF Selena Gomez. So the bad blood is flowing.

I don’t even know how Bloom got close enough to Bieber to get a punch(?) off, because Bieber can’t even try to put a straw in a juice box without his bodyguards stomping on it, but we should all just take the time to salute the real hero this story: the crowd. The only issue is that they didn’t wrap him in the Canadian flag and set him on fire. Canadians are well-known for hating us for our freedom.

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Justin Bieber Sent This To Ella-Paige Roberts Clarke

 

Justin Bieber‘s selfie app is still a thing, and its making news again today because he basically sent a dick pic to Ella Paige Roberts-Clarke. Google tells me she’s a singer or something. It didn’t say anything about if she liked guys who dress like they’re about to blow their paycheck on a bunch of lapdances.

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Justin Bieber Has To Pay $80K, Go To Anger Management For That Egg Thing
Justin Bieber Has To Pay $80K, Go To Anger Management For That Egg Thing

“Probably should gave him those eggs instead. Looks like he’s been heavy carb.”

 

Hey, remember that time Justin Bieber was a douche (no, the other time) and egged his neighbor’s house? Yeah, he pled no contest to misdemeanor vandalism and now has to attend anger management classes and pay his neighbor $80,900. I guess because the eggs weren’t free range and organic? Not too clear on that. They have weird laws in California.

Justin Bieber is required to take anger management classes as part of his plea bargain in the egging case … and he has to pay his neighbor a fortune. Justin’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, was in court with the prosecutor as the plea was entered. Justin pled no contest to misdemeanor vandalism and was placed on 2 years probation and ordered to perform 5 days labor — probably picking up trash or graffiti removal. Justin was ordered to pay his neighbor $80,900. Law enforcement sources had told TMZ … the victim submitted estimates totaling around $20K but in court Wednesday the judge said the actual damages exceeded $80K. The prosecutor said, “The house is a dream house” and a lot of work had to be done. As for anger management … Justin is required to attend 12 weeks of classes with a minimum of 1 per week. And Justin was ordered to stay 100 yards away from the victim and his family. That won’t be a problem since Justin has moved.

I don’t know if this will do anything to keep Bieber from eventually being found in a ditch with his panties stuffed in his mouth one day, but that $80K might hurt a little bit. That was his entire pedicure budget.

 

 

 

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