Fergie Is Pregnant

Us Weekly sounds way too excited about this.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel have some exciting news to share: they’re going to become first-time parents later this year! “Josh & Me & BABY makes three!” Fergie announced via Twitter Feb. 18. The Black Eyed Peas singer also shared superimposed pictures of herself and the Safe Haven star as children. They just found out and tweeted it to the world,” a source tells Us Weekly.

Fergie used to be a meth freak, then she joined the Black Eyed Peas. Josh Duhamel was in a Transformers movie. Let’s all hold off on giving any congratulations until we see how excited the baby is about all this.

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It’s About Damn Time

Either his family got freed from their captors or Josh Duhamel finally realized he was married to the banner picture, because it’s being reported that he’s been cheating on her. When asked for comment on what it’s been like to have been married to Fergie for 10 month his penis said,”AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” National Enquirer says:
In a blockbuster exclusive interview, the red-hot exotic dancer provided all the details of her marathon sex session with the handsome actor she said is “the best lover” she ever had. Josh tied the knot with the 34-year-old Black Eyed Peas singer this past January. But stripper Nicole Forrester – who passed a lie detector test and whose story was confirmed by independent sources – told The ENQUIRER that marriage to super sexy Fergie didn’t stop the actor from hooking up with her. Josh, 36, first met the dancer in early October at Atlanta’s totally nude club Tattletales Lounge, where she performs under the name “Delilah.” The actor was in Georgia filming the romantic comedy Life As We Know It. Days after they met, Josh, who starred on NBC’s “Las Vegas” for five years, invited the blue-eyed beauty back to his $820-a-night hotel room at the St. Regis hotel – touching off an X-rated tryst that lasted until morning.

For his sake, let’s hope this is true, because Josh Duhamel is hotter than most of the chicks I’ve dated and Fergie looks like something a Rabbi animated from clay. I’m not even halfway joking when I say I’d rather stick my dick in a mouse trap.

Note: Of course his publicist is denying it. That’s what publicists do.

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Happy 33rd, Butter Face

Fergie celebrated her 34th birthday yesterday at LIV nightclub in Miami. She, of course, dragged along Josh Duhamel, who must cover up her face or wear a blindfold during all their romantic encounters.

I feel for her crystal meth addiction, because minus the meth face, she’s hot. But she messed (methed!) that up for herself and still managed to ensnare Josh Duhamel.

I dunno, I dig her humps, I just wish they didn’t come with that face.

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Fergie is Pregnant

It turns out Fergie hasn’t started sleeping in vats of ice cream lately. She’s pregnant. Page Six says:

Fergie and her fiance, Josh Duhamel, are moving up their wedding date because the “Glamorous” songbird is pregnant, according to gossips at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammys bash at the Beverly Hilton. “She picked up a wedding dress while she was in New York for Fashion Week and wants to move the wedding up so she is married before the bump becomes too obvious,” one insider said. “At Clive’s, she just drank water.”

This would normally be the part where we would say Fergie looks like a cartoon ninja turtle then play “guess the baby’s species,” but I’m just more concerned that there appears to be no end to the pregnancy epidemic going on in Hollywood. Everybody is pregnant. To be honest, that’s why I canceled my trip. I don’t trust myself. After two glasses of wine and some intimate conversation with a cute guy, I lose all self-control. Calm down boys!

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Josh Duhamel and Fergie are Exciting

It’s always been a great mystery why Josh Duhamel would want to marry this, but these pictures taken in Mexico might give you a clue as to why. Josh Duhamel is on a Mexican beach painting. Seriously, he has an easel. Painting. Maybe next time he can sit under a parasol and wear a silk scarf. Which would be about 100 times better than what Fergie is wearing. Apparently she went to Mexico to read people’s fortunes. Is she some sort of gypsy? If so, will I get that big promotion? Oh Fergie, please do tell what the stars have foretold!

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Fergie is a Mess

Fergie performed the Wings’ classic “Live and Let Die” at the first annual Movies Rock on Friday night, and some critics are calling it the greatest performance in the history of music. With her perfect pitch and sexy dance moves, boy, it’s easy to see why. They should erect a monument of Fergie in a bejeweled crown riding a great stallion, or parade her down the streets on that thing Xerses had, because it’s obvious she’s a musical legend.

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Josh Duhamel Wants Babies

Josh Duhamel clearly doesn’t read this site, because not only is he still dating Fergie, he now says he wants to have kids with her. He tells OK!:

I’ve got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me – so I got to get on the horse!”…”I don’t know. [I feel a little bit] jealous [of my friends]. But I’m taking my time. We’ll do it when it’s right. It’s busy right now for me and my girl. It will happen.”

Josh Duhamel must’ve been joking around since Halloween is tomorrow, because he has to know that Fergie is a monster. You normally only see faces like hers on haunted pirate ships or punching out of graves. If I was Josh, I’d probably drop by Home Depot and pick up and ax. I mean, I guess an actual baby could come out, but why take a chance?

Fergie performing for her fellow trannies in Thailand on October 13th:

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