Jordin Sparks is Upset



Russell Brand, the British comedian(?) who hosted the MTV Video Music Awards last night, made fun of all the stars who wear “promise rings.” Apparently, Jordin Sparks didn’t like that, so when she got on stage she informed everyone that she wears a promise ring because she doesn’t want to be a slut. What else does this ring do? Is it the one that the Green Lantern wears? It has to be, because I was unaware that a fucking ring could keep you from attacking penises. Don’t look now, but my Amazon wishlist just got updated!!

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Jordin Sparks is Too Fat




Meme Roth of National Action Against Obesity is going to be pissed today because she said Jordin Sparks is too obese to win American Idol. Roth says that Sparks, the 17 year old winner of this year’s American Idol and daughter of former NFL cornerback Phillippi Sparks, sends a bad message to a society in the midst of child obesity crisis.

When I look at Jordin, what I see is heart disease, I see diabetes, I see high cholesterol.”

Yikes. Sparks is a huge Amazon who looks like she could move the pile on 4th and 1, but in her defense, she’d look ridiculous if she lost 50 pounds. Almost as ridiculous as Blake Lewis. Look dude, we get it. You can beat box. Congratulations. Too bad it’s not 1984. When asked to defend himself, Blake was unavailable for comment because the fate of Middle Earth is in his hands.


Not fat:

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