Jon Hamm Is Trying To Bang Kate Beckinsale Repeatedly
Jon Hamm Is Trying To Bang Kate Beckinsale Repeatedly

 

Jon Hamm supposedly has a huge penis. Kate Beckinsale has gone on record many times saying she’s a freak. Why hasn’t this love connection happened before?

Jon Hamm’s attention was on Kate Beckinsale at the debut of his new film “Baby Driver” in LA. “They were flirting and he kept going back to her all night. It was like he couldn’t leave her,” a spy said of the single stars. “She had a friend with her, but they were kind of ignoring her and just talking to each other. He was leaning in to talk . . . [Kate] was laughing and giggling.”

I’m confident Jon Hamm effectively closed this moments later, so congrats to him. I would have sex with Kate Beckinsale at a family member’s funeral on top of the casket and nobody there would question it. If anybody did, I’d just play the first Underworld and they’d be like “ah ok, I see”.

 

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Jon Hamm Is Single, Ladies

Since everyone is getting divorced, Jon Hamm and his wife of 18 years, Jennifer Westfeldt, decided they might as well.

“With great sadness, we have decided to separate, after 18 years of love and shared history,” the couple tells PEOPLE in a joint statement. “We will continue to be supportive of each other in every way possible moving forward.”

Jennifer Westfeldt is 45 and Jon Hamm is Jon Hamm and likes when you look at his junk, so I’m not sure why this hasn’t happened sooner. I hope Kim Davis protests this whenever her retirement fund has reached it’s goal so she can leave jail.


UPDATE: Somebody informed me they weren’t actually married, but it was 18 years so whatever.

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Jon Hamm Was A Violent Douche Frat Bro

Well, this is disappointing. Apparently Jon Hamm attended the University of Texas at Austin where he was a member of Sigma Nu. And the one thing we know about the ancient Greeks and the Greeks on college campuses, it’s that they were/are violent and everything is borderline gay. Daily Mail (via ONTD) reports:

Court documents have been unearthed regarding Jon Hamm’s matriculation at University of Texas/Austin

 

Jon was a sophomore at UTA in 1990 and a member of the frat Sigma Nu

 

A 21-year old pledge was called to the Sigma Nu house at 2:30 AM

 

The still unidentified pledge was alledgely subjected to two hours of physical abuse as part of his frat hazing

 

The victim told police that he was hit with a paddle 30 times and lifted off the floor by his underwear. Jon & co swayed him back and forth causing him ‘great pain’

 

He then states that Jon led him to the basement “pit” where his face was slammed into the ground while doing push ups. The pledge also states that Jon stood on his spine with his full weight

 

The pledge also alleged that his pants were set on fire and he was forced to blow them out instead of patting

 

The pledge was then *allegedly* taken to the “Party Room” where Hamm ‘hooked the claw of a hammer underneath his genitals and led him by the hammer around the room’

 

Jon went moved on to another pledge after he was done with the victim

 

The victim was found by his mother the next morning hiding his in apartment closet full of bruises. He begged his mother not to file a police report, but she did anyway

 

As a result, 8 warrants were issued for Hamm and seven other frat members. Three of the members were sentenced to 30 days in prison and Hamm was charged with assualt in 1991

 

The Sigma Nu chapter was closed on the UTA campus and Jon reached a plea deal with authorities in 1995

If you go to college and need to pay to get laid (whether the girls want to bang you or not)  and have other dudes always want to do something with your balls or put something up your ass to build brotherhood, you might consider joining a fraternity to become a sociopath with a paddle made of a sense of entitlement and date rape. Or you can just, I don’t know, have a personality and don’t make your self-worth solely based on the opinions of dudes who try to humiliate you and teach you how to use chloroform. Of course, people can change in 25 years, but look at Jon Hamm’s face. At one point that face was trying beat another dude’s balls with a claw hammer for fun. Hannibal even thinks that’s suspect.

 

 

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Jon Hamm Went To Rehab For Alcohol

You’ve probably read this story already, because stories like this are exciting and fun! Anyway, if you haven’t read it, Jon Hamm went to rehab for alcohol abuse. Not sure if you caught that in the headline or not.

Jon Hamm completed a 30-day rehab program for alcohol abuse, just days before the premiere of the last season of “Mad Men.” We’re told Hamm checked himself into Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, Connecticut at the end of February. It’s a high-end facility. The final season is already in the can.  Hamm’s people tell TMZ, “With the support of his longtime partner Jennifer Westfeldt, Jon Hamm recently completed treatment for his struggle with alcohol addiction. They have asked for privacy and sensitivity going forward.”

Mad Men jokes aside, I’m just glad he didn’t join AA, because they’re worst than Mormons. Now, I don’t want a pamphlet or think modest is hottest. Please pedal away.

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Jon Hamm Annihilated Justin Bieber
Jon Hamm Annihilated Justin Bieber

 

Jon Hamm is on the cover of the May issue of Men's Fitness, and inside, he discusses his life, Mad blah blah blah blah he just called Justin Bieber a "shithead".

“Look at Bieber or whoever,” he says. “You’re like, ‘What the f**k, man? What are you doing? Why?’ There’s no one telling those people no, and it’s a shame.” What young celebs like that really need, Hamm says, “is a mom or a dad or a really good friend who can say, ‘Hey, sh**head!’ You see people in the world and you’re like, ‘Do you know how a washing machine works? Do you know how to wash a dish? Life skills are something we’re missing. “There used to be a class that kids had to take in high school called home economics, which was cooking and sewing and just s**t you needed to learn in life.” Bieber isn’t the only person Hamm takes aim at — and he’s not afraid to get political. He believes in success, and notes “this weird backlash” against being ambitious and upwardly mobile in America. “It’s this Sarah Palin kind of conversation where they’re like, ‘Oh, the elites,’” he says. “It’s become a thing to just aspire to be a regular person. No, actually, you should desire to be better.”

He kinda lost me at we all need to learn how to sew, but yeah, instead of teaching algebra and chemistry and other stuff most people will never think about again after they graduate high school, how about teach a class that teaches kids how to be decent human being. Let's have Empathy 101 and How Not To Be A Dick: The Science Of Making Friends And Forming Lasting Relationships. Or a class that makes students understand the world doesn't revolve around them. You can still do the cooking class, I guess. Just make sure you spend a whole semester on tacos.

 

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Jon Hamm Got Turned Down On A 90s Dating Show

 

Jon Hamm was a contestant on a 90s dating show called The Big Date when he was a waiter, and the woman he was trying to win a date with said she had a foot fetish. Apparently she doesn't have a penis fetish. She's married now, and I bet that house is pretty damn quiet. Really quiet when they see Mad Men promos. "You're going to bed already?" the husband w

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One Of These Dudes Might Be The New Batman

If Warner Brothers wants any continuity to their DC universe that they've created, and if they want to be true to the source material that Zack Synder claims the Man of Steel sequel will be based (The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel), then it would make sense that Batman would be the older, even more crazy vigilante who fights crime now with an AK-47 and a heating pad for his back. With that said, then of course they should cast an older actor. BatmanOnFilm says that's the case and these are the rumored names to take over the role.

BatmanOnFilm has been working around the clock to get more details on this movie. And according to that site’s sources (stating it’s more than one and less than ten unnamed people), an older actor will be targeted to play the Dark Knight. So it means that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is definitely out if this rumor is true. And the site stated a few names, including Josh Duhamel, Jude Law, Gerard Butler, Josh Brolin, Jon Hamm, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Jim Caviezel.

Whoa, Jon Hamm as Batman? A millions vaginas just screamed out then fell silent because the women they were attached to just slid off their chairs.

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Jon Hamm Has A Lot Of Situational Awareness



Jon Hamm and his girlfriend/writer/director/actress, Jennifer Westfeldt, were in London earlier this month when her purse was snatched. The purse that carried their room key. The room key that the thief used to also rob their hotel room. Oops. Life & Style reports:

They were dining at a restaurant and Jennifer’s purse was snagged by someone,” the source reveals to Life & Style. “That person took the hotel key in Jennifer’s purse, which had the hotel name on it, and robbed their room. They had to contact the police, it was horrible.” Jennifer confirmed the devastating news to Life & Style. “What a mess,” she told Life & Style at Tropfest New York on June 23. “[I’m not feeling] great. It is under investigation.”

A woman would rather you call her a whore for fifteen minutes than steal her purse and look in it, so I’m sure it was pretty quiet when Jon Hamm and this chick went back to the hotel. Mostly because nothing in this article says Hamm did anything whatsoever. But in his defense, he was probably combing his hair and winking in the mirror.

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Kim Kardashian Just Responded To Jon Hamm



“I called you all here today because I usually want to get paid when I hold a black hose.”

Brace yourselves, a woman who took a nut in the mouth from Brandi’s little brother on video for the sole purpose of skyrocketing to fame so she could shamelessly cash in on every product and fabricated story her mother could stack on her desk is taking the high road. On Twitter.

“I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.

“Calling someone who runs their own businesses (hooker prints made by kids in a Chinese sweatshop), is a part of a successful TV show (scripted and heavily edited “reality” pimped relentless by E!), produces (producer credit because your name is in the title), writes (sponsored tweets), designs (shit for Sears), and creates (?), ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.” FIXED

Pic source = WENN

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Jon Hamm Says The Kardashians And Hiltons Are “Fu%*ing Idiots”



Although Don Draper went into business with Conrad Hilton, Jon Hamm thinks his granddaughter and her former BFF are fucking idiots. Agreed. Elle UK

Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly. Incuriousness has become cool… it’s celebrated. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

Granted Jon Hamm is a little late to the party, it’s refreshing to see legitimately famous people call these whores out for being fame whores cashing in on America’s stupidity and willingness to believe anything they see on television. For instance, I called that number on my screen several times and no hot singles in my area want to meet me. Will I ever find love?

Whores on parade:

Pic source = WENN, Fame Flynet

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