Jon Cryer Has Full Custody Of His Child, Still Has To Pay $8K In Child Support

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Just so we’re clear, this is why Lifetime movies get made. TMZ reports:

Jon Cryer’s efforts to get out of paying child support to his ex-wife — who no longer has custody of their kid — have been stymied after an appeals court ruled the actor MUST shell out $8,000 per month. The “Two and a Half Men” actor had been waging the battle for years — claiming he shouldn’t have to fork over a single cent to Sarah Trigger Cryer because she only looks after their young son 4% of the time. The two divorced back in 2004 — and since then, the courts have SIGNIFICANTLY reduced Sarah’s parental rights because a family court does not believe she’s a fit parent. But the California Court of Appeal believes lowering Jon’s child support obligation could have a negative effect on the child — and yesterday, it rejected Jon’s appeal. The court explained, “Although, understandably, Jon may have found the situation unfair, the primary focus must remain on the child’s well-being, not the parents’ feelings.

As you read this, please keep in mind that John Cryer has full custody of the child, a court has deemed the mother an unfit parent, yet he is on the hook for $8K a month to a woman who only brought a pair of working ovaries to the party. It seems totally fair when you think about it. Because why shouldn’t this chick get $8K a month? Raising a child two days out of the month can get pretty expensive.

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Jon Cryer Is Sarcastic

Admitted troll Jon Cryer released a statement responding to Ashton Kutcher‘s casting in Two And A Half Men. E! Online reports:

The Two and a Half Men star, who remained notably mum throughout the Charlie Sheen hullabaloo that took down their hit show midseason (minus a couple of pointed comedy sketches in which he admitted to being a troll and took a job with Ellen), has let it be known that he’s grateful for what came before but now he’s looking forward to what’s ahead.

And that includes working with Ashton Kutcher.

“I’m jazzed about the news this morning that Two and a Half Men is coming back!”
Cryer said in a statement to E! News, via his rep. “For all the rest of the cast and crew I’m sure they are equally excited.

“I want to express my enormous gratitude to Charlie Sheen for eight great seasons. I’m extremely proud of the work we’ve done together, and I will miss him. But I’m also looking forward to this new beginning.”

And he can’t be the only one. Rumor had it that CBS was scrambling to get the Kutcher deal in place ahead of Wednesday’s upfront presentation in New York. You know, so they’d have something promising (two whole men!) to show advertisers so that they’ll be compelled to spend money to advertise during Two and a Half Men.

“Ashton is an extraordinarily talented guy, and his presence will be an asset to our show,”
Cryer continued. “We are old friends from our male modeling days, and we’re both looking forward to being judged for our comedic artistry, as opposed to our exceptional physical beauty.”

It’s nice that Jon Cryer’s not going to spend his days pining away for an unemployed cokehead now that he’s got someone relevant only for boning Bruce Willis’ sloppy seconds on board. Seriously, why isn’t Jon Cryer’s publicist on the writing staff for this show? I laughed harder at the thought of Ashton Kutcher being “extraordinarily talented” than at anything Charlie Harper’s ever done.

All images via WENN.

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