John Edwards Is Indicted, A Douchebag

Former vice-presidential candidate John Edwards was charged with a slew of shit this week. From The Huffington Post:

A federal grand jury indicted two-time presidential candidate John Edwards on Friday over $925,000 spent to keep his mistress and their baby in hiding during the peak of his 2008 campaign for the White House.

The case of USA v. Johnny Reid Edwards contains six counts, including conspiracy, four counts of illegal campaign contributions and one count of false statements.

The indictment said the payments were a scheme to protect Edwards’ White House ambitions. “A centerpiece of Edwards’ candidacy was his public image as a devoted family man,” the indictment said.

“Edwards knew that public revelation of the affair and the pregnancy would destroy his candidacy by, among other things, undermining Edwards’ presentation of himself as a family man and by forcing his campaign to divert personnel and resources away from other campaign activities to respond to criticism and media scrutiny regarding the affair and pregnancy,” the indictment added.

The indictment and an arrest warrant were filed in Greensboro, N.C., which is in the district where his campaign was headquartered.

Negotiations between Edwards’ attorneys and federal prosecutors to settle on a charge to which Edwards was willing to plead guilty continued through Thursday, but proved fruitless, according to people with knowledge of the negotiations. Prosecutors had insisted on a plea to a felony, which would endanger his ability to keep his license to practice law.

A federal grand jury indicted two-time presidential candidate John Edwards on Friday over $925,000 spent to keep his mistress and their baby in hiding during the peak of his 2008 campaign for the White House.

The case of USA v. Johnny Reid Edwards contains six counts, including conspiracy, four counts of illegal campaign contributions and one count of false statements.

The indictment said the payments were a scheme to protect Edwards’ White House ambitions. “A centerpiece of Edwards’ candidacy was his public image as a devoted family man,” the indictment said.

“Edwards knew that public revelation of the affair and the pregnancy would destroy his candidacy by, among other things, undermining Edwards’ presentation of himself as a family man and by forcing his campaign to divert personnel and resources away from other campaign activities to respond to criticism and media scrutiny regarding the affair and pregnancy,” the indictment added.

The indictment and an arrest warrant were filed in Greensboro, N.C., which is in the district where his campaign was headquartered.

Negotiations between Edwards’ attorneys and federal prosecutors to settle on a charge to which Edwards was willing to plead guilty continued through Thursday, but proved fruitless, according to people with knowledge of the negotiations. Prosecutors had insisted on a plea to a felony, which would endanger his ability to keep his license to practice law.

An Edwards spokeswoman said she wasn’t aware of the filing and declined immediate comment.

The indictment is the culmination of a federal investigation that lasted more than two years and scoured through virtually every corner of Edwards’ political career. That included his political action committees, a nonprofit and a so-called 527 independent political group. It even examined whether he did anything improper during his time in the U.S. Senate, which ended seven years ago.

But the centerpiece of the investigation has long been the hundreds of thousands of dollars privately provided by two wealthy Edwards supporters
– his former campaign finance chairman Fred Baron and Rachel “Bunny” Mellon, the 100-year-old widow of banking heir Paul Mellon. That money eventually went to keep mistress Rielle Hunter and her out-of-wedlock baby in hiding in 2007 and 2008, during the apex of the Democratic nomination campaign.

The indictment refers to $725,000 in payments made by Mellon and another $200,000 made by Baron. It said the money was used to pay for Hunter’s living and medical expenses and for chartered airfare, luxury hotels and rental for a house in Santa Barbara, Calif., to keep her hidden from the public.

It accused Edwards of lying when he told the media he never knew about any payments.

Former campaign staffer Andrew Young, who initially claimed paternity of Hunter’s child, has said Edwards was aware of the private financial support that helped keep the mistress satisfied and secluded. Prosecutors believe the private gifts should have been considered campaign contributions since they aided his candidacy.

To summarize: John Edwards allegedly used campaign funds to hide his butterface mistress from not only the public, but also from his dying wife. To be fair, he’s innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but in the court of public opinion, it’s pretty safe to assume he’s sentenced to the chair. Or to eternal teabagging by Rush Limbaugh.

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John Edwards Is Screwed

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If you want to unleash penis for a vagina tasting tour of America, here’s a hint: Don’t be married. Just a thought. The National Enquirer reports:

The ultimate fall from grace, a Federal grand jury is about to indict John Edwards, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively. In another shocker, close sources say Edwards’ estranged wife Elizabeth could help send the former presidential candidate to jail! Edwards, the disgraced two-time Presidential loser, is being investigated by the feds, including the FBI and IRS, for possible campaign violations related to paying his mistress Rielle Hunter. The grand jury has been meeting since April 2009, and insiders say an indictment is imminent. “John is terrified that he’s going to be indicted,” a friend told The ENQUIRER. “While he believes he’s done nothing illegal in trying to hide his extramarital affair with Rielle and their daughter, he thinks the Feds are going to make an example of him.”

Edwards is a Southern lawyer, so what did you expect? Just be glad this story didn’t include a giant turkey leg from the State Fair or somebody hanging from a tree.

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John Edwards Has a Sex Tape

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Former NC Senator and current playa, John Edwards, reportedly has a sex tape with Rielle Hunter, the mother of his bastard child. Gawker reports:

Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains “several sex acts.” And that his aide, Andrew Young found it on an unmarked DVD. The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards “is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says ‘whoa’. She’s behind the camera at first.” When rumors of the affair first broke Young was so loyal to Edwards that he pretended that he was the father of Hunter’s daughter Frances Quinn, now 2. But part of Young’s disillusionment with the 2004 vice presidential candidate and 2008 candidate came one day as he went through a stack of DVDs at Rielle Hunter’s house. It was this betrayal that prompted Young to write his tell-all book, The Politician, out February 2. It’s expected that he’ll reveal further details in that story, and in the 20/20 interview to promote it, to air on Friday. “It [the tape] was kind of the last straw for people who had sacrificed savings and jobs to lie for John,” said one of our sources. “You should expect to see plenty more stories about him coming out of the woodwork when more people realize how… complicated… his motivations were.” Up until he discovered the DVD, says one of our sources, Young’s devotion was typical of the “cultish” fervor Edwards brought out in his staffers. This is why, says our source, who is close to Hunter, major media organizations could not stand up the affair story despite well-intentioned efforts. “They [staffers] would do anything to stop it coming out — they lied, they bullied, they called reporters’ editors and bad-mouthed them, they exchanged access.”

John Edwards was my friend’s high school soccer coach, and I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but he probably wanted to bang her. That seems to be his thing. I mean, I guess that’s his thing. Because people who make sex tapes are immoral and hate Jesus and do bad things like smoke cigarettes and don’t wash their hands before eating God’s precious bounty.

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