This Is What Happens When You Turn A Blind Eye To Child Rape

Penn State has been in a spot of bother over this whole “willfully ignoring that their assistant coach was raping at risk boys in the school showers” thing. This weekend the statue of Joe Paterno was removed from outside the football stadium. This morning the program’s punishment was handed down by the NCAA and boy is it a doozy.

TMZ reports:

NCAA President Mark Emmert just announced PSU will be BANNED from bowl games for the next 4 years. The NCAA will also vacate all PSU football wins from 1998 to 2011.

The elimination of PSU wins will have a dramatic effect on Joe Paterno’s all-time carer win record. In fact, he will lose 111 total wins from his record — dropping him BEHIND Florida State football legend Bobby Bowden and Alabama’s Bear Bryant. Paterno will go from #3 all time to #12.

Penn State’s football team will also have its football scholarships reduced from 25 to 15 per year for the next 4 years. All PSU football players are allowed to transfer out of the school to any other school as soon as possible while keeping full eligibility. [Ed: At least one has already chosen to do so.] Football players are also allowed to quit the football team and keep their scholarships while continuing to attend the university in pursuit of a degree.

The PSU athletic program will be on probation for 5 years. The NCAA said it reserves the right to launch an investigation into individuals to impose even more sanctions, if necessary.

The $60 million fine is equivalent to the football program’s gross revenue for 1 season. The NCAA said the money “must be paid into an endowment for external programs preventing child sexual abuse or assisting victims and may not be used to fund such programs at the university.”

The NCAA said it considered the “death penalty” (the elimination of the school’s football program for 1 season) but decided the punishment it chose will have a deeper impact in changing the culture at Penn State. “By perpetuating a ‘football first’ culture that ultimately enabled serial child sexual abuse to occur, the Pennsylvania State University leadership failed to value and uphold institutional integrity.”


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Joe Paterno Broke His Hip (because he’s old lol)

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“Some little kids got raped, you say? Watch as I fold my hands and pretend to look concerned.”

Not to tell the universe how to do its job, but I think the wrong person’s pelvis was broken. 254 Sports reports:

Former Penn State coach Joe Paterno was in the hospital Sunday after re-fracturing his pelvis in a fall at his home, a source close to the family told The Associated Press. The person, who requested anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, told AP surgery wasn’t required. Paterno initially injured the pelvis after a player accidentally blindsided him in preseason practice. Paterno is also being treated for lung cancer. The person said it was determined he should stay in the hospital to keep his regiment of treatments while recovering from the injury.

It’s interesting this would happen two days before Jerry Sandusky is due in court, but I’m sure he did it accidentally and not to garner any sympathy. He was probably trying to take the batteries out the remote to save on his power bill or heating up applesauce or whatever the fuck it is old people do.

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Jerry Sandusky: “I’m Not A Pedophile. Well, Kinda. I Mean, Kids Are Sexy If That’s What You’re Asking.”

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Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State assistant football coach and heir apparent to Joe Paterno who raped away a legendary institution, went on NBC News’ Rock Center on Monday night after agreeing to be interviewed by Bob Costas AND OH GOD WTF?! Huffington Post reports:

In an interview with Bob Costas, Sandusky, once considered the heir apparent to coaching legend Joe Paterno, proclaimed his innocence in the face of a series of startling allegations detailed in a grand jury report issued last week. “I am innocent of those charges,” Sandusky said. “… I could say that I have done some of those things. I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them, and I have touched their legs without intent of sexual contact.” Sandusky is accused of sexually assaulting eight boys over a 15-year span, with some of the alleged crimes happening at Penn State, where he had access to campus as an emeritus professor following his 1999 retirement as Paterno’s top defensive assistant. Asked whether he was sexually attracted to underage boys, he said “sexually attracted, no. I enjoy young people, I love to be around them, but, no, I’m not sexually attracted to young boys.” Asked if there was anything he had done wrong, Sandusky said, “I shouldn’t have showered with those kids.”

Umm…duh. I’m not attracted to amputee burn victims, so that’s why I make it a point not to take showers with them while hugging them and caressing their thighs. Then raping them. If I did, people might get the wrong idea. With the idea being that I’m sexually attracted to amputee burn victims so I rape them. If you’re gonna rape little boys, at least have the decency to have a theme park and a zoo at your house. A bouncy house full of money for the parents also helps.

“You tried these new Berries and Cream Starburst?” – Jerry Sandusky to himself, just to see if this would happen.

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Ashton Kutcher Is A Damn Moron

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In September, specifically on 9/11, Ashton Kutcher tweeted it was “the greatest day of the year”, because it was the opening day of the NFL season. That didn’t go over too well. Why did I bring that up? Oh, because I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s been some other football news recently. Ashthon tweeted about that last night, too.

How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.

You’ll never guess what happened almost immediately after his 8M+ followers saw that in their timeline. No, wait. You probably can.

Kutcher was attacked by people informing the actor about the situation — writing things like, “F**k you. He covered up child rape you sick, geriatric f**k.” Roughly 30 minutes later, Kutcher removed his original tweet — and replaced it with, “Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn’t have full story. #admitwhenYoumakemistakes.”


He added, “As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case.” Kutcher also replied to people who called him an idiot — saying, “I am” — adding, “Honestly just had half facts man my bad … I need 2b more responsible 4 my voice.”

If you were unsure whether or not most celebrities are only just mindless lemmings who attach themselves to causes and issues just to seem smarter than the talking monkeys who make millions by reading words other people wrote that they are, Ashton Kutcher has made several anti-child sex slavery PSAs this year (read more of that here), but he can’t be bothered to know or care that the Penn State locker room is a child orgy romper room before he opens his mouth and ignorant comes out. I honestly don’t know what’s worse, his blatant stupidity or that run-on sentence I just wrote. Sorry, Mrs. Roller. I know you tried when I was in your 4th grade class. Also, thanks for not raping me. That was pretty cool.

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Joe Paterno Got Fired

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Joe Paterno, the legendary head football coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions and the winningest coach in football history (but let’s be honest, if you you were at a place for fucking 45 years, you would be too), has been summarily fired for failing to do a damn thing while his former defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, systemically raped young boys in his locker room for years. Go choke on your Denny’s, motherfucker. New York Post reports:

Joe Paterno is history. The winningest coach in college football will be sacked by a child-sex scandal involving a former Penn State assistant that has rocked one of the nation’s most storied college football franchises and tarnished the legacy of one of its biggest names…“Paterno’s in a state of shock,” said a source close to the coach. “He can’t believe the vortex of hell that’s around him. “He can’t believe how this happened on his watch,” the source added. “He’s fluctuating between disbelief and trying to do what he’s done for the last 60 years — coach his team.’’…Six of the eight alleged victims have been identified by investigators, but their names have not been made public. Since Monday, more victims have come forward, raising the total to almost 20, reported last night. A new report contradicted Paterno’s claim that he wasn’t told the details of an alleged sexual assault committed by Jerry Sandusky, his former defensive coordinator. A source told The New York Times that the graduate assistant who witnessed the alleged assault provided “explicit details” during a face-to-face meeting the following day with Paterno. Officials said the administrators failed to notify authorities about the allegations against Sandusky, 67, who has been charged with 21 felony counts for allegedly abusing eight victims over a period of 15 years. According to the indictment against Sandusky, Paterno notified Curley in 2002 after the graduate assistant on his coaching staff reported that he witnessed Sandusky having sexual intercourse with a young boy in the Penn State locker-room shower. Sandusky was no longer a coach at the university at the time, but had access to the locker room as part of a nonprofit organization he ran for at-risk children. Paterno’s legal requirement was that he notify his superior, but on Monday, Pennsylvania State Police Commissioner Frank Noonan suggested there was a “moral responsibility” for the coach to make sure police were contacted.

Say what you want, but if he didn’t know, he was incompetent and if he did know (which he did), it’s obvious he was more concerned about his legacy than the bleeding anuses of the at-risk kids in the shower. Anyone who stands around and allows this to happen shouldn’t be deified, they should be dragged out into the street and shot. And if his colostomy bag should fall off on the way, hey, no harm done.

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