Ashley Greene Is Single

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God is great. Us Magazine reports:

Joe Jonas is ready to go solo in more ways than one. Two sources confirm to that the Jonas Brothers singer, 21, has parted ways with Twilight star Ashley Greene, whom he began dating in summer 2010. Adds one insider: “They broke up shortly before her birthday, then got back together.” Indeed, Jonas organized Greene’s 24th birthday blowout at West Hollywood’s STK on Feb. 18. “He wanted to make sure everything was perfect,” another insider told Us at the time. “He was really sweet and conscientious.” What a difference a few weeks makes. Explains the second source of the sudden split: “Joe wasn’t that into it.”

According to other sources, Joe Jonas was at Trousdale earlier this week where none of this happened. E! Online reports:

“He was very flirtatious all night, and if I were Ashley Greene I would not want my boyfriend acting like that towards a bunch of hoes,” dishes a girl who was seated at a table near Joe last Tuesday. “He had his hands all over this girl’s ass saying he couldn’t take his eyes off her when she danced,” explains the surprised onlooker.

His friends explain why it never happened because girls don’t have prostates.

“He was there with his boys, just out having fun,” dishes a member of J.J.’s entourage. “But grabbing some gal’s ass? That’s not Joe, he never behaves like that.”

Too bad this didn’t happen over Valentine’s Day. She would have really liked the heart I got her. The homeless guy I got it from seemed pretty attached to it.

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Joe Jonas Sets The Record GayStraight

Prissy, Disney manufactured pop star Joe Jonas was leaving Street Lounge Restaurant last night when a paparazzo straight up asked him if he was gay and if Ashley Greene’s “contract as beard partner” was gonna expire next month. What happens next is the most shocking and brutal attack on a photographer that the world has ever seen. And by “shocking and brutal attack” I mean, Joe Jonas saunters to his jeep and smiles then asks them to “show some respect”. Man, I sure am glad he told those reporters off. I was beginning to think he’d leave with us still questioning his sexuality. You go Joe!

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Ashley Greene Is A Saint

From Nina: I met Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene at the Orlando airport today. Joe was a sweetheart even though he seemed angry about something. Ashley was a bit of a snob! I asked her to take a picture of me and Joe with my camera and she said ‘You don’t want one with me? Uh what?’ and walked away from us. He apologized to me because of what she said and someone took the picture for me. Let’s just say, Twilight will not get my money again.

Ashley Greene is very pretty, and this girl in this picture not, so it doesn’t take a investigation to see that this girl is lying. How can pretty people lie? I met this hot chick a bar once and she said she couldn’t give me her number because she probably couldn’t get service aboard the spaceship that was taking her to her missionary trip to Endor. When she gets back, I’m really hoping we can catch a movie or something. She seemed really into me.

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Ashley Greene Doesn’t Need A Ring

Joe Jonas’ beard doesn’t care about marriage. Us Weekly says:

Don’t expect to see Ashley Greene walking down the aisle with beau Joe Jonas anytime soon. “I’m indifferent about marriage. I think sometimes people get married so they can say they have that person forever, but a ring doesn’t ensure that you’ll stay together,” the Twilight actress, 23, tells Cosmopolitan. “Watch, now that I’ve said that I will be the first of my friends to get married!”

She’ll definitely get married before her boyfriend, if only because Proposition 8 seems to be messing that up for him. Good to know she’s a cheap date though. Now Todd can save his money for something else. Like hormone therapy. I can’t cuddle every ten minutes, man. What am I, a machine?

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The Show Must Go On

The Disney Channel is giving Demi Lovato all the time she needs to recover from being a stereotypical child star. Per Variety:

With Lovato off receiving treatment for personal problems, Disney and “Sonny’s” producers have decided to rework the series (at least temporarily) to focus on its show-within-a-show, the comedy/sketch/music-variety “So Random!”

That means writers on “Sonny,” which had been picked up for a third season, will center their writing efforts on “So Random!” sketches. “So Random!” will feature guest stars, comedy sketches, musical performances and digital shorts.

Move will allow the show to resume shooting in January, as planned, even if Lovato isn’t available.

“This allows her the time she needs to get well, without distraction or pressure,” a Disney Channel spokeswoman said. “Again, we extend our ongoing support to Demi and her family as she works to overcome personal issues.”

Meanwhile, Demi’s also been replaced on her Brazilian tour with the Jonas Brothers. Radar Online says:

The Jonas Brothers are using Brazilian Demi Lovato look-alike Juliana Vasconcelos Povoas (known as Jullie) to stand-in for the Disney favorite while she is being treated in rehab, can reveal

And while Lovato receives treatment, Brazilian beauty Jullie is stepping-up to the plate to fulfill her obligations by performing with the famous brothers in South America.

On Saturday, November 6, at their concert in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Joe Jonas was seen hugging Jullie before introducing her to the crowd where she performed Lovato’s original hit song with him Wouldn’t Change A Thing.

That’s awfully nice of Disney. There’s no better way to a rapid recovery than knowing you’re immediately replaceable by a gong or a Brazilian chick who’s by default hotter than you. You know what’s irreplaceable? Fathers. But in case Demi wants to keep trying, the line of dicks starts to leff.

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Ye Of Little Faith

Oh, yes. My day will come Joe Jonas. My day will come:
If you’re thinking that this romance between the singer and the franchise actress is fake, well, you’re right. These two have absolutely no interest in each other other than the increased paparazzi attention celebrity coupledom brings. In reality, she prefers more mature men. Actually, so does he.

One day the world woke up and Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas were dating. Before they were seen holding hands, they were never photographed together or mentioned in the same sentence. So either their relationship is a complete fabrication to generate publicity and interest in a mediocre actress and a Jewish guy with a flat iron or there is a good reason why this would spread her legs for this. My guess? He needs her vibrator for his prostate when she’s done.

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Joe Jonas Is All Man

The Jonas Brothers are prancing gaywads in skinny jeans and Captain’s hats who wear purity rings and have flat-ironed Jew fros. I realize that sounds bad, but not as bad as what happens when one of their girlfriends tries to show them her vagina.
After just a few months of dating, Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato have called it quits, a source confirms to Adding insult to injury: Jonas dumped Lovato over the phone. “He didn’t have the heart to do it in person,” the source explains. And it’s not the first time Jonas has ended things that way: back in November 2008, his ex Taylor Swift admitted he dumped her during a “27 second” phone call a month before. Lovato, 17, met Jonas, 20, in 2007 on the set of Disney channel series Camp Rock. The pair finally acknowledged their romance in a March radio interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush. Just last week, Lovato gushed to Us that Jonas was “my first serious relationship…He knows me better than I know myself, and I know him better than he knows himself.”

Apparently his dad made the call and not Joe himself, so I’m not really sure how many more levels of pussy this makes him. I really don’t know why they broke up, and I don’t really care, but just look at that banner picture. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but he looks like if he had tits near his mouth he would run away like a five-year old girl being chased by a bee.

Sonny With A Chance of legal anal in about a year:

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Joe Jonas Is A Born Entertainer

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Since 10 year old girls have no taste, The Jonas Brothers are more popular than Amos Lee and The Black Keys, so of course they perform at sold out shows to mindless drones and to parents who think it will somehow make them cool. Too bad it doesn’t make Joe Jonas cool. Here he is in Philadelphia last week trying to play the drums and instead almost breaking his brother’s hand. Every time this little gaywad steps on stage he’s like a retarded kid watching people have sex. He’s completely baffled and confused and can’t take two steps without falling on his ass (here and here). I swear, if this were a cartoon he’d be in rollerskates with an ACME rocket strapped to his back or he’d be launched out a cannon holding an umbrella.

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Joe Jonas is All Man

Some people think that Joe Jonas, the lead singer of the Disney band, The Jonas Brothers, is gay. I don’t get that vibe. Especially in this video of one of their concerts when he realizes he just touched a bra then swats it down like King Kong swatting down a plane. That was pretty good thinking. I bet that 13 year old girl laced it with poison or something.

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