All you really have to do is Google to realize that Jessica Simpson has been a raging alcoholic since she’s been old enough to drink, but in a plot twist, she’s been smart enough to keep it under wraps. Unlike her bacherlorette party last month where was obliterated and it got caught on video. She also got shitfaced the night before her wedding.
While Jess and Eric’s wedding was certainly low-key in terms of celebrity nuptials, the couple planned to party with family and friends for three days, beginning with a lavish rehearsal dinner on July 3. Unfortunately, sources say Jess committed a rookie mistake and got plastered on night one of the celebration, leaving her in rough shape for the big day. Yes, Jess was a mess, and she reportedly made no effort to hide it from her bridesmaids: “While she was getting ready, Jess kept joking about how much her head hurt,” says one witness of Jess’ pre-wedding preparation. This might also explain her flubbed wedding vows, although that could also be chalked up to the simple fact that this is Jessica Simpson.
Look, I’m all for dumb blondes with huge tits who are unable to remember the night before, but would I marry one? Probably not. Wait, how much is Jessica Simpson worth again? Why would you say such bad things about her? What’s wrong with you?