Hey, Remember Jessica Simpson?

We’ve pretty much burned through everything else, so it’s almost time for early-2000s nostalgia, so here’s some pictures of Jessica Simpson walking around NYC yesterday. She looks like Margot Robbie on Lupus medication. If Stranger Things lasts 15 more seasons, I’m sure she’ll be referenced at some point.

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Jessica Simpson’s Butt Is 37
Jessica Simpson’s Butt Is 37

 

Remember Jessica Simpson? You probably won’t recognize her, because she’s lying on her stomach and you can’t see her boobs. I guess she’s on her stomach because if she wasn’t, her caption wouldn’t make sense. I get it now. Anyway, she’s 37 now and still has enormous boobs that are probably upset they didn’t get a shout out on her birthday. I’m just as upset. This is offensive.

 

Kiss My Butt 36

A post shared by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on

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How You Doin, Jessica Simpson?

You kids today don’t remember when you had to read about Jessica Simpson everyday because she was the slighter dumber Kate Upton with bigger breasts. Turns out she still has those and it basically a billionaire from selling sunglasses to chicks named Katlyn and Ashleigh at Target. She’s also supposedly a raging alcoholic which you can pretty much tell from these pics as well. Shout out to her husband. Glad he enjoyed his evening.

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Jessica Simpson Is Still Doing Daisy Dukes
Jessica Simpson Is Still Doing Daisy Dukes

 

Hey, remember when Jessica Simpson was a thing? That was fun. It was a simpler time. She really missed out on being featured on Trump propaganda posters. Anyway, she’s like a billionaire now from selling sunglasses and bags to white girls at Macy’s, and she’s still rocking the Daisy Dukes that show off her still borderline overly muscular legs. Would still hit. But you probably knew that already.

 

Hello sunshine

A post shared by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on

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Jessica Simpson And Her Bikini Remembered Those Who Have Fallen

A photo posted by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on



You might not know the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day, and you might think disagreeing with war means you have to disagree with the men and women who fight in them, so let me clear this up — Memorial Day is the one where you can stay drunk for a whole day in or around a small to large body of water filled with chicks in bikinis. There’s also usually a grill. Veteran’s Day is in the fall like in November. I feel like I should say something about Jessica Simpson in all this, but I think I just did sorta, right?

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Jessica Simpson Was Drunk As Hell On TV Again
Jessica Simpson Was Drunk As Hell On TV Again


Can this post be considered a #FBF? Let’s make it one. So, yeah. Jessica Simpson was on HSN last night to sell crap from the Jessica Simpson 10th Anniversary Collection, and I guess what we learned about the gray skinny jeans is that she wants a threesome with Ashlee Simpson and her husband? That’s what I took from it.


(check the video below)

(more…)

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Jessica Simpson Still Has These

Jessica Simpson may be a raging alcoholic (Google “jessica simpson alcohol”) with the cognitive function of Cecil The Lion after he had been dead for three days, but Jessica Simpson is also blonde who has had a 34DD rack since the 90s. It would be only slightly less fair to other women if Jessica could post to Pinterest with her mind.

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Jessica Simpson Is Drunk As Hell

Extra stopped Jessica Simpson on the red carpet for the Teen Vogue 10th Annual Fashion University, and they probably should have helped her stand up, because she obviously put cocaine in her Fireballs before coming out. If this guy had talked to her for like two more minutes, she probably would have let him stick it in her butt.

 

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Jessica Simpson Did A Fifty Shades Of Grey Thing Or Whatever
Jessica Simpson Did A Fifty Shades Of Grey Thing Or Whatever

 

Just like it’s target demographic, the married, white mother whose prime has long  past, Jessica Simpson reenacted Fifty Shades of Grey with her husband Eric Johnson on Instagram. She called it “FIFTY SHADES OF JOHNSON”, but these pics aren’t of her kneeling on a tarp surrounded by cocks of different ethnicity, so maybe she should have thought of a better name that didn’t have a built in joke.

 

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