Jessica Chastain At The ‘Miss Sloane’ Premiere
Jessica Chastain At The ‘Miss Sloane’ Premiere

 

There should be a Jessica Chastain Red Carpet Tumblr page by now, because when Jessica Chastain does a red carpet, she does the damn red carpet. She’s also redhead so please don’t take my idea for that page the wrong way, austism spectrum millennials.

 

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Hold Still, Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain was the person honored(?) at the Hand And Footprint Ceremony  at the TCL Chinese Theatre yesterday, and apparently it’s a big deal to get your hands and feet in cement. The reasons remain unclear. I think because they saw these pics. I also feel my headline might be called sexist by some. I apologize for all those who I may have offended who plan on starting a petition.

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Jessica Chastain Did Cannes
Jessica Chastain Did Cannes


We can still talk about the Woody Allen stuff until something else gets us mad, but try not to let the fact that Jessica Chastain is also at Cannes get lost in the discussion. Because this what her hot ass looks like when she’s on a red carpet. If she sees a red carpet, she’s on it. Then she finds another one making your dress wish it was on her. Goddamn, why hasn’t Warner Bros. announced a Jessica Chastain Walking Down Red Carpets franchise yet? The fuck, man?


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Jessica Chastain Did The 2016 MTV Movie Awards In This Dress
Jessica Chastain Did The 2016 MTV Movie Awards In This Dress


Jessica Chastain is in that new Snow White Lord Of The Rings Game Of Thrones movie with Charlize Theron and Thor, so they went to promote it at the 2016 MTV Movie Awards or whatever. I feel it’s noteworthy to mention that she wore the fuck out of this dress. You find this noteworthy as well? Great! Excited to hear it! Glad we’re on the same page.


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This Is Jessica Chastain Apparently
This Is Jessica Chastain Apparently


Jessica Chastain appears in the November of W Magazine, and I assume the gay guy who thought of this concept had to leave before they got to her eyebrows, so they had to call in somebody who tags you in club promotions on Instagram.


I prefer 2014 Golden Globes Jessica Chastain myself


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Jessica Chastain Wants You To Stop Oversexualizing Her

These pictures of Jessica Chastain are from The Martian premiere and I used the one where you could best see her rack, so off top you know I’m part of the problem. But we all knew that. No need to get into it. It’s good to be self-aware.  Anyway, the point here is that Jessica Chastain wants women in movies who don’t wear makeup or something. Sounds boring.

“If you look at films like Elektra and Aeonflux, the problem that studios have is that they try to make kickass women very sexualised. They have to be in some catsuit,” she tells this week’s edition of Radio Times. But if you look at the most incredible female roles, like Ripley in Alien, she is a very sexy woman but she’s not wearing a lot of make-up. She’s in a T-shirt and jeans. What’s sexy about her is how capable she is. Same with Jennifer Lawrence in Hunger Games – she’s not wearing a catsuit, either.” The Martian star went on to stress that cinema audiences are more interested in seeing an “intelligent” character, rather than one who is reliant on her sexuality. “Studios have misjudged it in the past, and thought audiences weren’t interested in seeing a woman in an action role who’s a capable, intelligent woman and isn’t only leaning on her sex.” 

Is this “leaning in”? I think this is leaning in. Besides the fact that Katniss isn’t wearing a catsuit but is supposed to have “olive skin and long, dark hair”, I guess Jessica Chastain makes some valid points. I’m sure more women will stop wearing make up in movies or when they go to premieres or on a date and stuff now. I bet it starts tomorrow.

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Jessica Chastain Wore This Dress

We can talk about J-Lo’s dress or whatever, but J-Lo is 45 and wears basically the same dress to every award show. But have you seen Jessica Chastain‘s face? And her giant rack? I feel like I shouldn’t have to constantly point these out.

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Jessica Chastain Won The 72nd Golden Globes

I mean, technically, Boyhood and Birdman won the 72nd Golden Globes, but neither of those movies wore this dress or would have looked like Jessica Chastain in the dress. I actually don’t even know why they gave out awards or cut to other people. I don’t want to bring up her dress again, but did you see her in the dress?

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Christopher Nolan Is Kind Of A Douche

By now, you’ve probably already bought your ticket to see the most anticipated movie of the year, Christopher Nolan‘s Interstellar (hopefully you’re doing 70mm IMAX), starring Matthew McConaughey and Jessica Chastain. Oh, Jessica Chastain is also in a another movie coming out this year called, A Most Violent Year, but you’ll never know because Christopher Nolan has banned her from taking about it or he’ll sue her tits off. New York Times (via Defamer)

For stars, hitting the publicity trail is a decades-old practice, and for studios it is a standard, and essential, piece of marketing strategy. Initially, Mr. Chandor and his backers — Participant Media and the independent distributor A24 — believed that Ms. Chastain, while blocked from media appearances, would be allowed to attend the screenings and get-togethers that are de rigueur for those seeking Golden Globes and other prizes that pave the way to the Oscars. On that assumption, they arranged to release “A Most Violent Year” in a small number of theaters on Dec. 31, to qualify it for awards in 2015, with a wider opening to follow. But Mr. Nolan and his backers have insisted that Ms. Chastain’s contract forbids even those semiprivate encounters and have not given in to pleas from Mr. Chandor, A24 and others for a waiver. Next week, however, she will be permitted to attend a private tastemakers’ screening at the Creative Artists Agency here.

I’m going to operate under the assumption that Interstellar will be better than A Most Violent Year, because Nolan has only swung and missed on one movie. For real, wtf was The Dark Knight Rises About? Hey, let’s make a 4 hour Batman movie and show Batman for like 5 minutes and brush over the fact that Batman could have punched Bane in the mask like 15 minutes in. Anyway, I can’t really think of a reason why Jessica Chastain can’t promote both films. Will her promoting A Most Violent Year, make Interstellar lose a dollar? Is that what you’re worried about? How much fucking money do you need, Nolan? Scarves aren’t that expensive.

 

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Jessica Chastain Isn’t Captain Marvel

Jessica Chastain has talked a lot recently about the fact there isn’t enough quality roles for women who aren’t named Meryl Streep, but she specifically has a hard on to see a woman in a superhero movie, so when she did an interview with MTV about an meeting with Marvel, the Internet assumed she was gonna be playing Captain Marvel. This run on sentence is now over, and it’s time for the blockquote from said MTV interview.

When Chastain stopped by MTV today (November 3) she openly discussed the tantalizing possibilities. Once rumored to be up for a role in “Iron Man 3,” Chastain confirmed she’s talked to Marvel about other roles. “We’ve talked about aligning our forces in the future,” Chastain said. “And here’s the thing with me… If you’re going to be in a superhero movie, you only get one chance. You’re that character forever. So why do a superhero movie and play the boring civilian?” “Whatever it is, I want a fight scene,” Chastain continued. “I could be an incredible villain. I could be a hero. I want a cool outfit, and I want to kick ass.”

Turns on, your raging comic book movie boner was a waste.  Per Jessica Chastain’s Twitter.

Oops uh oh….I’ve never had talks about Captain Marvel. Was referring to a different film from over a year ago, in my recent MTV interview.

So she was offered a superhero role but didn’t take it yet still complains there’s not enough women represented in the genre? Is this kinda like when you ask a woman what she wants to eat for dinner or watch on Netflix? It’s kinda the same thing, right?

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