Jesse James Is Still An Asshole Pt. II

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Jesse James is back on American Chopper. And he’s blaming his exes for him being an asshole. Radar Online reports:

“I became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad,” James says at the beginning of the episode. His reference to America’s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock as “some Hollywood actress” is sure to rile fans of The Blind Side star, and not exactly endear James to viewers. James creates a stainless-steel “middle-finger” bike which is apparently the first motorcycle he’s personally built in five years and he explains his reason for returning to TV. “I feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ’em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.” It’s not clear if James is blaming Bullock for “what he became,” but their marriage imploded over revelations he’d had numerous affairs.

To be fair, we don’t know the details of his marriage to Sandra Bullock other than the fact that he banged a bunch of skanks behind her back (and behind Kat Von D’s). But we do know that he has a tattoo on his right palm that says “Pay up, sucker,” so it’s safe to assume his left hand is the only one giving him love anymore. Touch ups take a while to heal.

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Just Add 17

Trophy husband Jesse James cheated on Kat Von D. With how many skanks? Radar Online says:

Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year,” Kat wrote. “I kept going back and forth in my mind as to what the best way would be for me to release and let go of any residual feelings remaining from that toxic relationship. All of this may sound petty or immature to some, but I assure you this is coming from a place of pure honesty and love.” Kat says she tried desperately to prove people wrong after Jesse’s marriage to Sandra Bullock crumbled when he was found cheating and he was labeled a serial cheater. “There was a time when I was confident and excited at proving the world wrong, because I believed so deeply in people’s ability to change for the better,” she wrote. “Although this was not a primary purpose in the relationship, I did feel like it would be a positive thing for those who judged Jesse solely based on what they read in tabloids, to see that change is always possible — even in the people who seem hopeless.” Kat called Jesse out for his philandering ways and urged him to focus on other things in his life. “I think it just made me sad today to imagine him still in that dark place — where seeking validation through the attention of women takes precedence over being a good father, a sincere friend, a better coworker, and a happy individual,” she wrote. “I tried my best to go through all of this without venting, or complaining, or fueling more tabloid mumbo jumbo — but this isn’t about any of that… This is about me making peace with myself, and forgiving myself for making some bad mistakes.” But at the end of it all, Kat thanks Jesse for the lesson he forced her to learn. “Time is something you can never get back, and what we do with this very present moment is the most real thing we have. So if that’s the lesson Jesse forced me to face and learn by all of this, than all I can say is Thank You,” she wrote.

I don’t know where he found the time to bang 19 whores behind someone’s back, but more power to him. I’m pretty sure the only way Jesse James can be satiated is if someone puts a black wig and some swastikas on this dude.

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Jesse James Is Still An Asshole

Jesse James has a book to sell, so he spoke with Howard Stern. You’ll never guess what they talked about! From Us Weekly:

Set to marry for the fourth time, Jesse James isn’t afraid to compare his future wife to his most recent, and most famous, ex.

During a typically freewheeling interview on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM radio show Thursday, the motorcycle mogul, 42, didn’t shrink when the shock jock asked him the obvious.

“Who’s more fun in bed? Sandra Bullock or Kat Von D?” Stern, 57 asked.

“That one’s an easy no-brainer,” James replied.

“Kat von D?” Stern asked.

“Yes, sir. 100 percent. She’s a vixen,” James said of the L.A. Ink star (real name: Katherine Drachenberg), 29. “The way she gets in my head and makes me feel.”

After stepping out as a couple last August, James and von D (they met about six years ago when they were both Discovery channel stars) announced their engagement in January.

“It’s a mental thing,” James gushed of sex with his bride-to-be “We’re just connected on a whole different level.”

Fair enough, but there’s more.

James confessed to Stern that he never felt quite so secure with third wife Bullock, 46.

“I always felt like any moment that rug was going to be yanked out,” he said, and looked back on her emotional March 2010 Oscar acceptance speech, in which he watched teary-eyed in the audience. “Yeah, she could stand there in front of the world and say she loved me, but in my mind I was thinking, yeah bulls***…’You don’t love me.”

James didn’t cheat on the actress, whom he married in 2005, right away. “It took a couple years,” he explained. “It was like a very short bubble…It was hard. I married America’s sweetheart, and she’s one of the biggest stars in the world, but I’m still this f***ed up kid from Long Beach [Calif.],” he explained.

“I did really love her and I did really care for her,” James insisted to Stern “The stuff that I did that was bad I don’t think necessarily nullifies everything I felt…I really did have real feelings for her. The problem was me.”

Things unraveled when his mistress Michelle “Bombshell” McGee sold the story of their affair to a tabloid; Bullock’s publicist tipped off James about the incoming story, and he came clean with his wife. James’ name has since been taken off of Louis’ adoption papers, he confirmed.

“I’m angry with myself for not doing the right thing,” he admitted. “I should have just left her.”

The Monster Garage star said that being married to a beloved, blockbuster movie star forced him “in a certain type of box” that inhibited him. “I’m one of those dudes that like, ‘Hey, somebody owes me money. Cool, I’m going to knock their teeth out until they pay me.’ But all of a sudden I couldn’t do stuff like that before, because then it would become about Sandy. Everything would have a reflection on her…All of a sudden I had to kind of live in this certain perception so no one got embarrassed and no one’s movie was affected.”

Because Sandra Bullock wasn’t known for being covered in chintzy pin up girls, script, or Nazi symbolism, Jesse James didn’t believe she could really love him. Jesse James couldn’t handle the pressures of the public expecting him to act like a reasonable, responsible adult instead of racking up dental bills for everyone to whom he lent five bucks. Jesse James felt inhibited by the need to act civilized instead of like a Vanilla Gorilla. Boo fucking hoo. Hey, Kat von D? When he leaves you for wife number five, give him some parting ink. And borrow your tattoo needle from Tommy Lee.

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Janine Lindemulder Is Insane

Jesse James’ exwife and mother of his daughter, Sunny, is batshit crazy. Also, she wore the above outfit to court. In case you needed more evidence, E! Online says:

While Sandra Bullock’s former hubby, Jesse James, gets ready to plan yet another wedding, this one with new fiancè Kat Von D, his porn star ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder, just couldn’t keep away.

And now she’s behind bars!

E! confirms that Lindemulder was arrested just outside of Austin, TX this morning and will remain there until at least tomorrow when she will have the opportunity to face a judge.

The Hay’s County Sheriff’s Department had three warrants out for her arrest after James turned over threatening and “abusive” voicemails left by his onetime missus, saying she leaves, “chronic harassing telephone calls to all hours of the day and night.”

The groom-to-be also says that he has received 300 calls since he moved to Texas!

So a tattooed skank who makes poor decisions is blowing up Jesse James’ phone, and he’s bitching about it? Weird. I know they divorced a while ago and all, but given the criteria, she really is just his type. And by “just his type,” I mean, “She has tattoos and probably the human papillomavirus.”

Jessica Lowndes hasn’t banged Jesse James. Isn’t she more attractive now?

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Jesse James And Kat Von D Are Engaged

Because she’s the downgrade most likely to keep him almost somewhat relevant, Jesse James proposed to Kat Von D. Radar Online reports:

Jesse James and Kat Von D’s engagement came as a shock to most everyone, and now RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting that the inked couple plans on tying the knot within the next month.

“Jesse and Kat don’t see any reason why they should wait to trade vows,” a source close to the couple explained.

“They are madly in love with each other and want to make everything official.”

Jesse James has been married four times. Kat Von D has to be retarded to think anything permanent will come out of this union other than tattoos and genital warts. And even those can be removed with lasers.

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Jesse James: “My Daddy Hit Me”

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Since he needs an excuse for cheating on his wife, Jesse James revealed that his father physically abused him as a child. Interviewer: “Why did you cheat?” James: “Cheat? Don’t look over here, look at the monkey!” Popeater reports:

“I was a terrorized kid,” he said. The former reality star said he entered rehab earlier this year for sex addiction and anger management, but mostly it was to deal with his childhood, which he claims was filled with beatings at the hands of his father. He told ABC’s Vicki Mabrey that memories of the alleged abuse influenced his self-destructive decisions. “I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway,'” James said. He said all his cheating stemmed from his “emotional shortcomings,” as ABC puts it. “The struggle within myself for the things that I did … to damage marriage and my life and everything else, it’s all me,” James said. “I’m doing it because, you know, I’ve basically never felt good enough for anyone.” “Bike builder, ‘Monster Garage’ TV star, all that stuff is a huge smokescreen so that people won’t see that I’m a scared, abused kid, a seven-year-old,” James said. “He beat my ass pretty good a bunch of times … I just remember, like, clinched teeth, strained-neck look on his face,” James said. “My whole childhood, I never had a chance to be a kid. … I was always scared.”

Whatever, one day you have to wake up and realize you’re not 7-years old and hiding under your bed anymore. Grow up, be a man, and get the hell over it. Your dad using an extension cord to express his love doesn’t give you a reason to go fuck whores. My dad took turns beating the shit out of me and my mom in front of each other, but look at me now!

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The Blindside
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Sandra Bullock has been virtually silent for over a month ever since the news broke that her white supremacist husband was banging anything with breast implants and a copy of Mein Kampf, but this morning I wake up to find that she filed for a divorce. People reports:

It’s official: Sandra Bullock wants out of her five-year marriage to Jesse James. “Yes, I have filed for divorce,” the actress, 45, tells PEOPLE in the latest issue, in which she also reveals she has adopted a son, 3½-month-old Louis. A rep for Bullock confirms the star filed legal papers seeking to end her marriage, but declines to specify in what jurisdiction they are filed. Says Bullock of her decision to divorce: “I’m sad and I am scared.”

Oh, and she adopted a black baby from New Orleans.

In public, Sandra Bullock has been through the best and worst of times this year – from winning her first Oscar to enduring the breakup of her marriage. In private, she was quietly keeping a joyful secret – his name is Louis, and he is her newborn son. “He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

I guess one way to quiet rumors that you knew your husband was a white supremacist when you married him is to adopted a baby that was floating on a dining room table in the 9th Ward. Wait, New Orleans is still under water right? I mean, it was a fun story a while ago, but I kinda stopped following it.

Thanks, mutterhals. Whoever you are.

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There Is No Sex Tape. Maybe.

There have been rampant rumors that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James made a sex tape, but Bullock has vehemently denied these claims. No Jesse James is denying it as well. Man, I just don’t know what to believe.

While Bullock denied an Internet report of such a sex tape, James has broadened the denial to also include an online story claiming he’s in at least a dozen sex tapes with other women featuring Nazi-themed paraphernalia. “The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James in an exclusive statement to PEOPLE.

Sandra Bullock has always carried herself with class and elegance, so it’s hard to believe that she would make a sex tape with The Cable Guy if he worked on motorcycles and worshiped Hitler. The (more…)

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Jesse James Is A Porn Star

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It’s a good thing Jesse James left sex rehab early. His 12 homemade sex tapes aren’t gonna sell themselves, you know.

The tapes Jesse made with other women are shocking. “Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia,” an insider tells RadarOnline.com. “It’s all really quite disturbing.” A source who saw one of the tapes spoke to RadarOnline.com on the condition of anonymity and gave a partial description. “What I saw was a naked woman on her knees and Jesse in a Nazi hat waving his arm in a salute,” the insider said. “It looked like the woman’s hands were bound. “He was shouting and singing and appearing to swig from a bottle of bourbon every now and then.” Jesse has been linked to four mistresses so far, but as RadarOnline.com was the first to report, he admitted to Sandra that there were seven women total during the course of their marriage. Jesse is desperate to save his marriage, but Sandra is adamant on saving her career and divorcing the serial cheater. RadarOnlne.com has learned that none of the sex tapes are up for sale but that they are also not in a completely secure location. “They could end up being made public just like the photo of Jesse giving the Nazi salute,” the insider said. “There’s no doubt some of these tapes could leak and end up on the Internet.”

Christ. Jesse James could car bomb a daycare or turn into a werewolf in the middle of a mall and it would be the best publicity he’s had all month.

Note: Since IDLYITW is under a strict “No Jesse James Pic” policy, the banner pic is of the good enough to eat, Rosie Jones. And my “good enough to eat”, I mean I would very much like to lick her vagina. Just thought I would clarify.

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