Jennifer Lopez Is In A Bikini
Jennifer Lopez Is In A Bikini

 

Jennifer Lopez is 44 and looks like this in a bikini. So if you’re a 25 year old woman reading this and you’re feeling insecure and depressed about approaching 30 where you will be deemed aged out and gross and unsuitable for breeding, don’t be. You have 19 years to become a multi-millionaire with access to private plastic surgeons, dieticians, personal trainers, and the belief that people want to see a 44 year old woman in a bikini.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Here’s Jennifer Lopez Twerking

 

If you’re unable to connect the dots between Jennifer Lopez bending over and the liberal use of the word “booty” in the one minute clip of Lopez performing at the iHeartRadio Ultimate Pool Party last night, let me help you. Jennifer Lopez has a big booty and wants you to look at it. Hope that helped. You’d probably like to hit that, right? Go for it. But please keep in mind the last guy who did immediately started sexting trannies. Just throwing that out there. Do it with it what you will.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Jennifer Lopez Is Single
Jennifer Lopez Is Single

 

You're not gonna believe this one, but Jennifer Lopez and her choreographer/dancer boyfriend (should have been her first hint), Casper Smart, have split.

Jennifer Lopez is single again. The pop star, actress and American Idol judge, 44, has split from her boyfriend of 2½ years, choreographer and dancer Casper Smart, a source confirms to PEOPLE. "They initially split about six weeks ago, but that can take a little time to extricate. But they've definitely broken up," says the source, adding, "The relationship had just run its course." The source also says, "Jennifer is actually doing really well and working hard."

Gold star to the source for using the word "extricate", but if we could change "the relationship had just run its course" to "Jennifer just recently found out he was into penises", then this is a very well-crafted statement. Great job. Kudos all around.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Jennifer Lopez’s Boyfriend Likes To Sext Transsexuals
Jennifer Lopez’s Boyfriend Likes To Sext Transsexuals

 

Don't be fooled by the cock that I got, I'm still, I'm still on the waiting list at Johns Hopkins and I hope to hear something very soon. Text me when Jennifer leaves.

Jennifer Lopez is ready to dump her boy-toy Casper Smart following further lurid claims that he’s been sexting transsexual models behind her back….But on Monday, thedirty.com hit Lopez, 44, with details of 27-year-old Smart’s second alleged sexting transgression, this time with a transgendered female model named Xristina Marie. A source told us of the growing frustration in the Lopez camp over Smart’s antics: “She’s coming back to The Bronx and the only thing anyone can talk about is her toyboy and the transsexuals.” Another source tells us, “Jennifer is getting tired of all these allegations. She doesn’t need this drama and is ready to move on.” While reps for Lopez declined to comment last night, the second source sniffed, “The focus should be on her work for the foundation and the concert, not Casper Smart." The latest Smart uproar comes after transgender bikini model Sofie Vissa tried to shop a story claiming that she shared intimate Instagram messages with Lopez’s boyfriend, claiming to have screenshots of their alleged chats as well as “naked images of Casper Smart,” according to thedirty.com editor Nik Richie, who first exposed the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal.

So your boyfriend sexting transsexuals is "drama"? I guess that's one way to say it. Another way to say it is that your boyfriend likes women who recently had penises. I know you grabbed the one you don't have in that one video you did, but he wants one that was actually there at some point. That's kinda specific. American Idol needs ratings, so maybe you can get one and do like a big reveal….after these messages. You can cut off and give it Ryan Seacrest, so it's basically a win/win. I don't know. Just something to think about.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Jennifer Lopez Got Paid To Sing For A Dictator
Jennifer Lopez Got Paid To Sing For A Dictator

 

Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov is the President of Turkmenistan, a country in the former Soviet Bloc that Human Rights Watch called "among the most repressive in the world" (also second only to North Korea in press freedoms) and the United Nations basically called a shithole of injustice. Turkmenistan's only export is oil, so the China National Petroleum Corporation decided to throw Berdymukhamedov a birthday party. The only problem was what celebrity would immediately agree to attend and perform if they promised her a check? Since Beyonce wasn't available, cue Jennifer Lopez. The Guardian reports:

The US pop star Jennifer Lopezhas added to her long history of performing for unsavoury characters with a birthday concert for the president of Turkmenistan – a man accused of committing widespread human rights abuses while ruling over the hermit nation. Human rights activists criticised the star, also known as JLo, for singing at the flashy southern resort of Avaza on Saturday night to mark the 56th birthday of Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, attended by a select group of officials, diplomats and executives. With a shout of "Turkmenistan!", Lopez took to the stage to sing and dance her way through her biggest hits. At the end, she changed from a skimpy white dress into a long, traditional Turkmen outfit to sing Happy Birthday, Mr President. "It was our pleasure," Lopez said from the stage. "And we wish you the very happiest birthday."

Jennifer Lopez BURN (via Human Rights Foundation)

"Lopez obviously has the right to earn a living performing for the dictator of her choice and his circle of cronies. But her actions utterly destroy the carefully crafted message she has cultivated with her prior involvement with Amnesty International's programs in Mexico aimed at curbing violence against women."

Jennifer Lopez sees your statement and raises you a DAMAGE CONTROL by immediately throwing other people under the bus:
Jennifer Lopez and several other artists were invited and performed at a private corporate event for the China National Petroleum Corporation that was presented to their local executives in Turkmenistan. This was not a government sponsored event or political in nature. The event was vetted by her representatives, had there been knowledge of human right issues of any kind, Jennifer would not have attended. The China National Petroleum Corporation made a last minute ‘birthday greeting’ request prior to Jennifer taking the stage. This was not stipulated in her contract but she graciously obliged the China National Petroleum Corporation request.
 
Whatever. This chick couldn't even drive through Brooklyn in her Fiat commercial unless it was a green screen Brooklyn, but she has no problem performing for a dictator if they dangle $1M in front of her. She claims she had no idea, but her first hint should have came when she got off the plane and she couldn't find a wireless network. Or saw the children with their tongues cut out working on oil rigs. Or the women chained to the walls. Or the 57 puppies they drowned to celebrate this guy's birthday. Okay, I admit. I have no idea what goes on in Turkmenistan. I think Borat lives there.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Gwyneth Paltrow Was Voted The Most Hated Celebrity In Hollywood

In a poll conducted by Star Magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow was named the Most Hated Celebrity. Why? Because she's completely hateable and an overall vile and pretentious human being who would probably kill herself if she if somebody showed her a picture of a Taco Bell. Anyway, here's the rest of the Top 10.


1. Gwyneth Paltrow
2. Kristen Stewart
3. Jennifer Lopez
4. John Mayer
5. Katherine Heigl
6. Matt Lauer
7. Madonna
8. Justin Bieber
9. Anne Hathaway
10. Kris Jenner

Not sure why Chris Brown or Tom Hanks aren't ranked higher. Especially Tom Hanks. I read a story last week that said he has a farm where he makes Cambodian orphans drown puppies. It was pretty terrible.

 

Related Posts:

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
Jennifer Lopez Is A Pure Joy To Be Around



Jennifer Lopez was on an United Airlines flight recently and THIS JUST NOT IN: She’s an insufferable cunt. Radar Online reports:

“I just said, ‘What can I get you to drink?’ But Jennifer refused to even acknowledge me. She turned her head away and told her personal assistant, ‘Please tell him I’d like a Diet Coke and lime,’” the flight attendant told Star. “She wouldn’t even look at me. It was sad, she seems so sweet in her movies.”…and another source who has worked with the 43-year-old star confirmed that Jen doesn’t lower herself to speak to the help. “She doesn’t speak to salespeople, restaurant or hotel staff – or flight attendants,” the insider told Star. “She only talks through her assistants.”

“Jennifer Lopez was a huge bitch to me and everyone in the room” stories have been around since Jennifer Lopez. So if you read a story about Lopez rescuing a homeless man from a burning a building or asking a doorman about his grandchildren, just expect the next story to be about her exorcism because she’s obviously possessed by some sort of demon.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Not Sure What This Was About



It’s still unclear why Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz were invited to an event to celebrate achievement in motion pictures, but in case you missed it, they presented an award and their asses in some kind of ass-off. Why Cameron Diaz thought this was a good idea I guess we’ll never know, because Jennifer Lopez has built a career by sticking her enormous ass in the air to make people forget she’s a talentless cunt with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Maybe next Diaz can challenge the Hulk to a cage fight or whatever means that she’s stupid with no understanding of her limitations.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,