Jennifer Lawrence Is Single
Jennifer Lawrence Is Single

 

Jennifer Lawrence got dumped by her boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult, of three years because she found a way to stick her head up her own ass.

The Hollywood rumour mill went into overdrive last week as it was reported that Nicholas Hoult was spotted cosying up to Riley Keough at No.8′s Philo Prom party in New York City. It sparked endless speculation about his relationship status with long term girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence. Were they or weren’t they together? Well, TheFIX can reveal that not only have they split but it’s down to J-Laws “exploded ego” and obsession with the tinseltown scene. “Jen is still desperately trying to get back with Nicholas after he broke up with her,” says our source. “They’re still talking but Nicholas is moving on. He hates how in love with fame Jen is, and he told her he hates dating an A-list actress. “That was the most hurtful to Jen because she’s worked so hard for her achievements and she’s so proud of her career. But Nic wants a more low-key girlfriend and Riley fits the bill.”

Women and feminists will immediately have a tampon-jerk reaction and say Nicholas Hoult couldn’t handle a “strong woman”, but we all know it’s because Lawrence is annoying and fake. Nobody trips that much without having epilepsy. And she makes up stories that never happened for some reason. Also, Riley Keough is hotter. Pretty clear choice here.

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Jennifer Lawrence Is A Great Actress

If you couldn't already tell by my first post today, holy shit today is boring. So, I really don't know if this will help, but here's Jennifer Lawrence at the world premiere of X-Men: Days Of Future Past This Is A Really Dumb Title in NYC. Man, look at the face she's making! She's so wild and quirky! She probably didn't practice this in a mirror at all. Totally natural.

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Lindsay Lohan Hates Jennifer Lawrence, Really Needs A Bra
Lindsay Lohan Hates Jennifer Lawrence, Really Needs A Bra

 

There's a few reasons to dislike Jennifer Lawrence, but this is two women we're talking about here, so Lindsay's reasons can only either be shoes or penis. And this is Lindsay Lohan, so it's penis.

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t like Jennifer Lawrence — and it’s not because she’s getting more gigs than her. The hatred actually stems from Lilo’s long list of lovers and the fact that JLaw’s boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult, isn’t included Star magazine reports. “She tried to hook up with him back in 2010, but he wouldn’t give her the time of day,” an insider told the magazine. “She called him nonstop. Finally, he told her to buzz off. Now she’s bitter and taking out her anger on Jen.”

Whatever. But can we all form a prayer circle for Lindsay's tits? I would go on Facebook and ask for Prayer Warriors, and I wouldn't even have to say for what, because apparently God knows who needs the prayer. But look at her boobs. They look like something you'd send back at Waffle House, so I feel like I need to be specific here.

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The Internet Is Great
The Internet Is Great

 

The Internet was created so you could order food, post political memes with incorrect information on them so your misinformed friends can comment, "so true!", and look at pictures of cats, but sometimes somebody does something so amazing and/or creepy enough for it to go viral for a few days then be completely forgotten about because oooh look did you see that pictue of the cat riding a pony?! Amazing! But until you look at that, look at this mashup of Emma Watson and Jennifer Lawrence created by whoever this might be. It's pretty heavy on the Emma Watson and light on the Jennifer Lawrence. I would say this is hot, but my penis won't let me forget that this is another woman's eyes attached to another woman's face. They should make these more often so serial killers have something to look at that will make it through's their company's firewall.

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We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level
We Are Not On Bradley Cooper’s Selfie Game Level

 

In the most epic #selfiesunday ever taken, here's Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, Ellen Degeneres, and three other people I don't know. Two of them are black. Sorry about that. Regardless, good luck on your next group selfie during your bar crawl this month. If it breaks Twitter, it's probably because Twitter was down for maintenance. It wasn't because we could see half your boob. But keep going with the half boob showing thing though. No reason to stop on their account.

 

Bradley Cooper Instagram

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Jennifer Lawrence Chopped Off All Her Hair Because Of Mia Farrow
Jennifer Lawrence Chopped Off All Her Hair Because Of Mia Farrow

 

It was a sad day for penises last year when Jennifer Lawrence decided to cut all her hair off and look like Peter pan and a cashier at Whole Foods. You can blame Mia Farrow.

When Jennifer Lawrence chopped off her long locks for a supershort pixie cut, she caused a media storm. But what you may not know is who inspired her new 'do. In an interview with W magazine, the blond beauty revealed how she stays confident about her bold choice. "Whenever I start feeling like a boy, I just tell myself I look like Mia Farrow, and I'm like, 'O.K.,'" Jennifer says.

Let's hope Mia Farrow doesn't inspire the rest of Jennifer Lawrence's life, because if it does, Jennifer will probably marry David O. Russell and he'll molest their stepdaughter then take her to Laker games while Jennifer is doing humanitarian work.

 

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Here’s All The Chicks You Want To See From The Golden Globes. Trust Me

My apologies for giving you Lena Dunham and Jacqueline Bisset first thing this morning, so to make up for the that, here's all the chicks that don't look like something you'd stab then run away screaming if you saw them on the street. Also, the keyword for this post is "boobs". Everyone likes boobs!

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