Jenna Jameson Was Arrested For Battery

Ex-porn star Jenna Jameson was arrested Saturday night after some chick said she assualted her. "What? You think that was bad?" Jenna Jameson's vagina responded. CNN reports:

Authorities released bare-bones information about the incident Sunday night, saying little more than the person who was assaulted made a citizen's arrest and called officers. Jameson, 38, knows the person, but Newport Beach Police Lt. Evan Sailor said he didn't know what their relationship was. Police took Jameson to the Newport Beach Police Jail. She was later released without having to post bail. The battery charge is a misdemeanor. No one from the Jameson camp was available for comment.

Jenna Jameson went on Twitter and said the chick broke into her house and took everything then accused her of battery, but that post has been taken down. So who knows at this point who is telling the truth. It could be Jenna. It could be the other chick. It could be neither of them. LET US CONSULT THE CARDS!!!

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Jenna Jameson’s Beating Was An Intervention

Upon his release on bail, Tito Ortiz held a press conference with his lawyer, Chip Matthews, to offer his side of the story. That side of the story being Jenna Jameson is a drug-addicted psycho. E! Online reports:

“Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse,” Matthews alleged tonight at a hastily organized news conference, according to Fox News. “Tito was trying to help her, she has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children.” The attorney also maintains that his client did not physically harm Jameson. “When you’re dealing with people on OxyContin they don’t always have the best sense of balance,” Matthews said. “Jenna and Tito have two children together, they planned on spending the rest of their lives together. They want nothing more than to work together on this.” A visibly haggard Ortiz, who is free on $25,000 bail, stood beside Matthews throughout the conference. “It means the world to me, my friends and family for their support. My parents have been through an addiction and I see it in the mirror again. I am not going to let my family go through that,” Ortiz said. “I speak from my heart, I hold everything dear to my heart that Jenna will be OK.”

There was a time when Jenna Jameson was more beautiful than actual models and most of the actresses in Hollywood. Now? Not so much. So, I guess you can blame drugs. Or you can blame plastic surgery and drugs. Or you can blame your father. That always seems to work for me. Why won’t you love me?!

Remember when you would have stood in line like you were in Baskin-Robbins staring at your number for your turn to hit this? Yeah, me too.

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Jenna Jameson Got Beat Up

For the first time not being her vagina or the back of her throat, Jenna Jameson is the victim of abuse by her boyfriend of three years and father of her two children, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz. Ortiz was arrested yesterday and Jameson is in the process of filing a restraining order. Us Magazine reports:

On Monday morning, Ultimate Fighting star Tito Ortiz was arrested on a felony domestic charge involving porn star/entrepreneur Jenna Jameson, his girlfriend of over three years and mother of his infant twin sons. A handcuffed Ortiz was escorted into a patrol car outside the Huntington Beach, Calif. home he shares with Jameson. While Jameson, 36, hasn’t yet elaborated about the nature of the incident, she spoke to TMZ — wearing a brace on her right arm — as she and her father gathered things from the house later Monday afternoon. “Tito is a loving, sweet man and I’ve always supported him through everything,” she said through tears. “For him to lash out at me like this is shocking, and I feel completely betrayed…And I feel bad for my children.” She also added that she plans to file a restraining order against Ortiz, 35.

It’s hard to imagine that a UFC fighter would fly into a roid rage and lash out at those around him with physical violence, but what else are you gonna tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you’ve already told her twice. Awww yeah, that’s the stuff!

I miss this Jenna (NSFW):

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Links You Can Picture (Instead Of Picturing Jenna Jamison Giving Birth)

That’s right. The girl most of us have watched have sex has pushed two children through that money-maker. [ICYDK]

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal continue to enjoy their paid vacation as the Monsters & Aliens press tour hits France. [LaineyGossip]

The Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson weekend standoff produced the same caliber of footage from onlookers as more important press disasters like, I dunno, most anything. Site NSFW [DrunkenStepfather]

Nicole Scherzinger See Through Dress cannot be easily anagram’d. I tried. It wasn’t funny. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Sarah Jessica Parker is filming in Manhattan again, this time for a movie and with a horrible hairstyle. [ImNotObsessed]

Zac Efron has some arty/dirty modeling pictures (more…)

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Jenna Jameson is Having Twins

Today on her MySpace blog, Jenna Jameson officially confirmed she is having twins:

Yes everyone, I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts. I can’t even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an exremely long time, and I truly feel like finally… the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.

Tito is happier than I have ever seen him, it is so fulfilling to see him so proud. He looked me in the eye today after our doctors appointmet and said “I’m the luckiest man on earth… thank you for having my babies”. I cried.

i have been spending my days on bedrest, not because it is doctor ordered… but because, I am so incredibly fatigued and nauseous. Its hard to drag myself out of bed some mornings, which is hard for me… since I am always so active! I have officially gained 7 pounds so far, and am planning on a lot more. I crave fruit by the gallon… ornages and pineapple are at the top of my list. Cereal at 3 am suits me every night!

Lastly, I want to thank all of you for your unwavering support. It means so much to me, I don’t think you even know. There are a lot of nasty comments from insensitive people, but in my state of incredible happiness… It doesnt matter what they say!

I love all of you!


Wow. Twins. I wonder if they’ll come out on a bobsled or one of those two-seater bikes. That would be cool.

Photos: Splash

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Jenna Jameson is Pregnant

With years of getting hit with semen in the wrong place to make a baby behind her, Jenna Jameson is finally pregnant! Hurray! Page Six reports:

Congrats to Jenna Jameson. The retired porn queen is pregnant with the baby of her boyfriend, UFC champ Tito Ortiz. “She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she’s postponed everything,” said our source. “She’s completely thrilled, this is something she’s wanted for a very long time.” Jameson miscarried during her marriage to Jay Grdina, whom she divorced in 2006. She also once failed with in vitro. Jameson’s assistant didn’t return calls and Ortiz’s rep had no comment.”

I only say hurray because you’re supposed to be happy when somebody is pregnant, but it’s gonna suck for this kid when he realizes his mom’s vagina has been bombed out like Iraq and his dad looks he should be throwing barrels at Mario. There’s also been much speculation about how the kid is going to be born. Jenna Jameson wants a natural birth. Whereas several doctors agree that “rappelling” might be the best option.

Jenna Jameson in Zombie Strippers:

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Baker Link

[SinglePic not found]

Jessica Simpson has the look of desperation [Dlisted]
Hayden Panettiere’s almost upskirt (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Anne Hathaway gave her co-star pink eye [Hollywood Rag]
Emmanuelle Chriqui is pretty in pink [Just Jared]
Nikki Cox has a new face [Hollywood Tuna]
Pete Wentz has an all black birthday [Popsugar]
Josh Groban smokes pot (?) [City Rag]
Mary-Kate Olsen is a sloppy mess [ASL]
Scary Spice is still gross [Egotastic]
A Man’s Man Movie for a Man’s Man (You Don’t Mess with the Zohan) [Pajiba]
Aubrey O’Day has a see through dress (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Banner: Jenna Jameson booing her boyfriend’s loss to Lyoto Machida. (Via SI)

Happy Friday, kids!

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Linka Linkeson

Blake Lively and Penn Badgley are humping [Dlisted]
Kate Beckinsale beach photos are disappointing [Hollywood Tuna]
Matthew McConaughey’s brother gets a reality show [Just Jared]
Pete Wentz is a cunt (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Tara Reid shows off her ass cheek (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Courtney Love cries fraud [Hollywood Rag]
Kate Hudson has blue hair [Popsugar]
Petra Nemcova gets leggy at Cannes [Popoholic]
Tila Tequila is tranny looking trash [City Rag]
Kirsten Dunst lies about being a drunk [ASL]
Scary Spice is still scary and manly [Egotastic]
Beckham 70 Yard Goal [College Humor]

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz this weekend in Las Vegas:

Photos: Splash

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Jenna Loves Links

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson might be fucking [Dlisted]
Jennifer Ellison topless in Nuts again [Hollywood Tuna]
Lindsay Lohan has a lesbian leech [Hollywood Rag]
Betty White kicks ass [City Rag]
Cameron Diaz and Matt Dillon might be fucking again [Popsugar]
Lindsay Lohan is a happy hippie [Just Jared]
Serena Williams looks like an unconvincing tranny (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Hayden Panettiere does Candie’s [Popoholic]
Kat Von D is fucking Nikki Sixx [ASL]
Mischa Barton’s side boob (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
90210 Theme [College Humor]
Sienna Miller is still pale and boring [Egotastic]
Marriage, Patricia Style (Married Life) [Pajiba]

A note of thanks to Michael Savage for the love last week and for his Jimmy Cliff love today. To wit:

Bonus: Since everyone we know (including us) is sick with that festering nightmare plague flu, we decided this video is quite possibly the best video ever. If you don’t dance to this, then you need to get the fuck out, like right now.

P.S. I’m convinced Todd is related to that guy. He denies it, and he’s really defensive about it. There’s something to that, I think.

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz yesterday at the Alan Del Rosario fashion show:

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Jenna Jameson Does PETA

Jenna Jameson gets pounded while wearing pleather and PETA is against killing animals for their skin, so they have teamed up for PETA’s new ad campaign, Pleather Yourself. PETA believes people should wear fake leather because real leather comes from animals who endure miserable lives in farms. PETA says:

Having starred in hundreds of adult films, Jenna is known for being a strong, sexually aware woman. If you’re looking for advice on how to add some flare in the bedroom, she is the perfect expert to get help from. She is also a woman of her word and practices what she preaches. “I’ve worn a lot of pleather in my life,” she says. “Anybody that knows Jenna Jameson knows I’ve lived half my life in it.”

The irony must be lost on PETA, because Jenna Jameson had been looking like a chewed up piece of steak for a while. Good thing for PETA she’s getting hot again. At first I was skeptical how masturbating to a picture of Jenna Jameson dressed up like pleather-wrapped Betty Page would help cows around the world sleep on satin pillows, and I kinda still don’t, but it looks like PETA has been gracious enough to make sure I’ll want to try. Thanks PETA!

Click here to watch the Jenna Jameson PETA video after the jump…

Classic Jenna (very, very, very NSFW):

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