In what's being called a "performance art piece", Jay Z performed "Picasso Baby" for six straight hours in front of a bunch of famous white people and assorted minorities and HBO filmed it. In conclusion, a lot of rich white people sat in a room and listened to a black performer sing the same song for six hours for their own amusement. I thought Abraham Lincoln put a stop to all that.
Probably because he's about to sign a deal with HH Gregg to release a single on the new Maytag wall oven and the contract has a "no hyphen" clause, Jay-Z wants to be called just Jay Z from now on or something. I understand because names are important. Like, if I ever get called picked for jury duty, I'll only answer to Juror B-Real and hope I'm on an insanity trial. Spin reports:
The rapper formerly known as Jay-Z has been known to stylize his name as Jay Z for some time. Now word has trickled down through the powers-that-be that Jay Z is what we're all supposed to be calling him for the foreseeable future.Billboard editor Joe Levy reported the name change last night on Twitter, citing label sources. And Billboard has now adopted that punctuation (or lack thereof) in its articles.
So, there you go. It's just Jay Z now. You can still stay "Jay-Z" like you've always been doing, just remember that the hyphen is now silent.
For some reason, Jay-Z was bored yesterday and decided to hop on Twitter and answer fans' questions. One of the questions was about the plague that has befallen our society where bony white girls attempt to twerk. Specifically, Miley Cyrus and Jay-Z's mention of her in the track "Somewhere In America" off his new album, Magna Carta Holy Grail. It wasn't a compliment. And since she's a self-loathing Disney redneck who is desperate for street cred that her label can't buy her, she responded on Twitter like the spoiled, daddy's princess she is. The Jay sent her ass to bed with a hashtag.
While Kanye West is rollin' down Rodeo with a shotgun and a black AMEX card to tell everybody that anti-consumerism is evil on his album, Jay-Z said fuck it and let Samsung stick the tip in by announcing his new album with a Samsung Commercial. The album, of course, is called Magna Carta Holy Grail. Man, I can't wait for his next albums, Louisiana Purchase Deluge Tablet and Brown Vs. Board Of Education Necronomicon. Or whatever two random historical things he decides to place beside each other. Should be dope.
E! Online told us last week that Beyonce was pregnant claiming they had confirmed the news through "multiple sources", but apparently one of those sources wasn't Jay-Z. So Furious reports:
Now Hot 97 bossman, Ebro Darden, says that Jay-Z sent him an email denying that Lady Giselle is with child. “It’s not true. The news is worse than blogs,” Jay reportedly emailed the program director.
Wait, "the news is worse that blogs"? When did that happen? I'm in pajama pants and slippers right now eating a cold piece of fried chicken. But in my defense, I don't say that bombing suspects are in custody when they're not. HAHAHAHA MONTH LATE CNN BURN!
Because a rapper who used to have children sell crack for him is a better parent than Farrah Abraham, Beyonce has decided to let Jay-Z get some what what a second time that resulted in a pregnancy. E! reports:
Blue Ivy's gonna be a big sis! That's right: Superstar supermom Beyoncé is expecting her second child with hubby Jay-Z, multiple sources exclusively confirm to E! News. The news follows rampant speculation that the "Countdown" songbird was pregnant, even as the couple remained tight-lipped about their ever-growing family.
I don't know how I feel about this. I've seen pictures of Blue Ivy. This baby might get shanked if she looks at Blue Ivy's Hope diamond encrusted sippy cup too long.
This may be one of those classic cases of all black people looking the same, but before you get all racist, here is Jay-Z in Harlem in 1939. Maybe that's why he knows so much about New York City. Is that why Tupac and Biggie were killed? THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Note: If you're a chick and you got that Highlander reference, email me. Let's talk. Awwwww yeaaaaaahhh.
Some dude hacked everybody and released all their financial information. And I really do mean all of it. TMZ reports:
Twelve big celebs and political figures are the victims of a hacker who has posted detailed information about what appears to be their finances … and we’ve learned law enforcement is on the case. A website — we’re not disclosing the name — has posted social security numbers, mortgage amounts, credit card info, car loans, banking and other info of major celebs. In addition to Beyonce and Jay-Z … the site has snagged financial dossiers of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck. The site was not able to get a lot on Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton, but most of the others on the list have had their financial info compromised. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the LAPD has already launched an investigation. We’re told the FBI is looking into it.
This list now also includes Britney Spears, Hulk Hokan, Donald Trump, and Michelle Obama, so needless to say, the FBI is now apparently all over this. It just sucks that he didn’t go after Christina Aguilera. I’d really like to know how many gas station burritos she buys every week.
September 24, 2012: A few months back we told you guys that Jay and Bey were telling folk that they were PREGNANT . . . some of y’all ain’t believe us – but now there’s PROOF. Beyonce stepped out yesterday showing a CLEAR BELLY BULGE that was not there just a few weeks ago. And remember the LAST TIME Bey was pregnant – she wasn’t big AT ALL. We want to wish a CONGRATULATIONS to Jay and Bey . . . and our prayers are with you – that this pregnancy will go as smoothly as the last. Mmebers of the press are REQUIRED to credit MediaTakeOut.com for this EXCLUSIVE report.
Media Takeout is the only one reporting this, so there’s a good chance Beyonce recently had a hysterectomy. But if it is true, congratulations on little Azul Hedera or Turquoise Kudzu or whatever.
Since I don’t have any pictures that could lead you to believe that Beyonce is pregnant, here’s Christina Hendricks. Who just always kinda looks pregnant:
Beyonce isn’t leaving anything to chance when it comes to the welfare of her firthborn child. According to a friend, the new mom has two nannies on call at all times, which makes for a total of six nannies for little Blue Ivy Carter. “Beyonce wanted to make sure that her daughter has the best of care,” a friend of the singer tells In Touch. “Her diaper is changed every hour.” And proud papa Jay-Z, 42, is also lavishing attention on the newborn – by way of bling. “Jay-Z bought her diamond earrings and a platinum baby bracelet,” reveals the friend. “Even her bottle has pink sapphires on it.” A little over the top perhaps, but what can you expect from the couple who reportedly spent $1.3 million to bullet-proof the delivery room!
Six nannies and a bullet-proof delivery room? Is Blue Ivy one of the X-Men? Is some sort of bio-engineered human weapon for the government to fight the war on terror? No? Oh then she’s just a fucking baby? I see.