Kristin Cavallari Got Pregnant On “Accident”

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Ok, just one picture. I’m on my way to buy Vanessa Bryant’s book!”

If you were under the impression yesterday that Kristin Cavallari hatched a diabolical scheme to get pregnant on purpose so Jay Cutler would be on the hook for the next 18 years and allow her instant access to his millions, shame on you. It was totes an accident, you guys! TMZ reports:
If you were surprised to hear Kristin Cavallari was pregnant with Jay Cutler’s baby, you’re not the only one — the couple themselves were shocked by the news … TMZ has learned. Jay and Kristin announced yesterday they were with child — following a crazy few months where they broke off their engagement, only to announce it was back on. Sources close to the couple tell TMZ, K&Jay had discussed the possibility of kids — but planned to start cranking ’em out in a few years … not any time soon. But shocking as it was, we’re told they’re thrilled with the news … renewing their commitment more than ever to making their relationship work. If Jay wasn’t locked down before, he sure is now.

They had planned to have kids in the future then he dumped her then when they got back together she immediately got pregnant? Of course! That sounds exactly like an accident and not a perfectly planned and executed scheme, because science tells us all the time that women get pregnant on accident all the time. I bet she slipped in the shower and fell into his semen. Or they were going for a hike and the wind blew so hard that it caused him to ejaculate inside her without a condom. Don’t be so quick to judge. Things like this happen all the time. Do some research.

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Kristin Cavallari Couldn’t Take Any Chances This Time

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In April of last year, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler proposed to reality show slut Kristin Cavallari. In July, Kristin posed in wedding dresses for Life & Style. Two days later, Cutler dumped her ass. They reconciled in November and immediately Cavallari turned to page 1 of the Gold Digger Handbook to ensure Cutler would stick around this time. At least for 18 years. People report:

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.” Shortly after Cavallari, 25, and her Chicago Bears quarterback beau, 28, renewed their engagement, the former Hills star and Dancing with the Stars contestant said, “Sometimes, in order for things to get better, they have to end – even if it’s momentarily.”

To be honest, I really should be letting Admiral Akbar write this post because his description would likely be more accurate, but for Bears’ fans I hope Lovie Smith can sign Kristin Cavallari’s uterus as a starting wide receiver and talk the NFL into allowing this to count towards Jay Cutler’s completion percentage.

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Jay Cutler Is Sad On Facebook

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One of Jay Cutler‘s now blocked friends is a friend of mine, so she sent me this screen grab from Cutler’s private Facebook. As you can see, he changed his relationship status from “Engaged” to “Single”, so you know this is serious business. He also changed his default profile pic to him and his mom. Because I guess he will need her during this difficult time. He also did a status update that I’m pretty sure his teammates and cornerbacks around the league already knew. Moving on.

UPDATE: Cutler deleted his Facebook. Sorry, bro. Twitter is better anyway.

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Horrible Quarterback No Longer Engaged To Horrible Person



Two months ago, unemployed reality show whore, Kristin Cavallari, and NFL “quarterback”, Jay Cutler, announced their engagement. Yesterday, he dumped her. He probably hurt his knee and had to sit out. E! Online reports:
A source close to the couple told E! News that while Cavallari’s excitement about their big day led her to buy a Monique Lhuillier wedding gown just two weeks ago, the Chicago Bears quarterback was no longer on the same page—and he pulled the plug on the affair yesterday. “Jay got cold feet,” a source close to the couple told E! News. “Kristin is stunned.” The source said the couple had been disagreeing over some issues recently, particularly how Cavallari would balance her career while living in Chicago with Cutler during the football season.

So to recap, a well-documented whore latches on to a rich, professional athlete and convinces him to marry her then gets upset when she’s forced to give up her non-existent career because she doesn’t understand that “C” on her fiance’s helmet is a real place where she actually has to live. But isn’t Sears in Chicago? And don’t they make a catalog? I guess I’m not understanding her argument.

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Horrible Quarterback Engaged To Horrible Person



Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and reality show slut Kristin Cavallari got engaged. Oh yay! Everybody can stop trying to remember where you know these people from the banner picture now! People reports:
Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari got one sweet surprise while on vacation in Mexico with her NFL beau Jay Cutler.

 A source close to the couple confirms to PEOPLE that Cutler proposed over the weekend during their getaway in Cabo San Lucas. “He surprised her with a quick trip to Cabo to ask her to marry him,” the source says. Cavallari, 24, who also appeared on The Hills, and Cutler, 27, the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, have been dating since last fall. “I’m in love,” she told PEOPLE earlier this year, “and it’s been great.”

Whatever. Jay Cutler gets sacked more than Bree Olsen and throws the ball to whoever is open. And it doesn’t even have to be a guy on his team. It’s usually not. And he’s marrying a chick whose tits need a FEMA trailer. Or something that means they’re a disaster. And repulsive. I don’t know, you pick something. Whatever, man. It’s early and I still haven’t had any coffee yet. Why don’t you just dial those expectations way down there, okay buddy?

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