Janet Jackson Is Pregnant
Janet Jackson Is Pregnant


Janet Jackson just announced that she’s pregnant. Janet Jackson is 49. That may seem too old to have a baby, but she had to make sure Michael was really dead. You understand.

“We’re in the second leg of the tour and there actually has been a sudden change,” Jackson said. “I thought it was important that you be the first to know. My husband and I are planning our family, so I’m going to have to delay the tour.”

I guess we can start speculating on the baby’s name, but we can probably go ahead and rule out “Justin Timberlake”. Look it up, Bernie Sanders supporters.



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Janet Jackson is in the Hospital



Janet Jackson was rushed to Canada emergency room this weekend after she became ill before the Montreal stop on her “Rock Witchu” tour. People reports:

The singer “got suddenly ill during the sound check” before her concert in Montreal and had to be rushed to the hospital, according to a statement released by W&W Public Relations. Jackson, 42, is being monitored at the hospital, and hopes to reschedule the show. No further information was given about Jackson’s condition.”

This makes the second time that Janet Jackson has been mysteriously rushed to the hospital this year, and coincidentally, this will also make the second time I say this bitch is on steroids. Because when the “details” come out and say it was the flu, and they will, try to count how many times you’ve have to call an ambulance because you’ve had the flu. Now count how many times you’ve seen Janet Jackson look like this when she didn’t have an album out then count how many times you’ve seen Janet Jackson look like this when she did have an album out. Guess what? A treadmill and a salmon filet won’t do that. Steroids will. They may also make you go to the hospital, because apparently your heart doesn’t like it when you lose 150 pounds overnight. Like Janet does. You could be fed through a wood chipper or become Apache Chief and control your weight better than Janet Jackson.

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Janet Jackson Gets Hospitalized



The flu sucks, but apparently to celebrities it’s a raging virus like the Black Plague that causes all its victims to be rushed to hospital for emergency medical care. People says:

Pop superstardom, it turns out, does not protect you from the elements: Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with a case of the flu, her rep tells PEOPLE. “She’s fine,” says the rep. “She’s just battling this crazy flu like everyone else.”

I have the flu right now, yet somehow I’m able to type without having to call an ambulance. Maybe it’s because I have the flu and I’m not on HGH like Janet Jackson. Because normal Janet looks like this and whenever she releases and album she looks like this. Coincidentally, Janet’s new album was released last month. Man, I wonder if there is any correlation between these two? We might need to get Encyclopedia Brown on the case, because this mystery needs to be solved!

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