Jake Gyllenhaal Is Dating This

Since Leonardo DiCaprio has the Victoria's Secret catalog password protected with his penis, other actors are left with dating Sports Illustrated Swimsuitmodels. Like Alyssa Miller. Page Six reports:

Jake Gyllenhaal has traded in his girlfriend for a new model. Sources say he’s moved on from Sports Illustrated Swimsuit babe Emily DiDonato to another SI stunner, Alyssa Miller. Spies tell us that Gyllenhaal and Miller were spotted at lunch last week at the Dutch in Soho before reports they’d been “making out” at Cold Process Coffee & Tea. Gyllenhaal dated DiDonato for “a month or two,” according to reports. Reps for Miller and Gyllenhaal declined to comment.

Well, good for him. This chick looks like a male Bulgarian bartender, so if this works for him, then let's all wish the happy couple the best.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Is Supposedly Banging The One On The Right



The last time we heard Jake Gyllenhaal was dating someone, it was 2011 and it was Taylor Swift. End Of Watch must not be doing that great on DVD, because now he’s dating, SI Swimsuit model (and other kinds of model, too), Emily DiDonato. Okay. Us Weekly reports:

A source tells Us that Gyllenhaal, 32, met the 22-year-old stunner in a spin class at a SoulCycle in Manhattan last fall. The actor and DiDonato (who was featured in Sports Illustrated’s 2013 swimsuit issue) have dated for “a month or two,” adds the insider. It’s no surprise the star found his sweetie at the chic studio, where he works out weekly whenever he’s in NYC. Says a source, “He’ll hop on the instructor bike. He loves the attention from the girls!”

Congrats, I guess, but to be honest, the most believable part of this story is that Jake Gyllenhaal takes a spin class.

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Minka Kelly Secretly “Hooked Up” With Jake Gyllenhaal



Magazines and the media would like you to believe that Jake Gyllenhaal slays more pussy than PETA, yet you never see him with a woman unless he has a movie coming out then they immediately “break up” after the premiere. I guess they didn’t bother with all that this time. Us Magazine reports:

The actor recently had some dates with his crush Minka Kelly, who had turned him down cold when he first asked her out last fall. “Minka wasn’t into Jake when he first pursued her,” a mutual pal of the actor, 31, and the Friday Night Lights alum, 32 tells Us Weekly. Instead, Kelly spent the winter romancing serial dater Wilmer Valderrama, 32. But when the affair fizzled in late April, says the friend, Kelly “decided to give Jake another chance.” Alas, the spark never quite caught fire, says a second source. “It was never serious, and it’s over now.”

Can we please just stop all this? I’m not saying Jake Gyllenhaal is a homosexual, and although that’s not true, he could be in a closet with a naked Chrissy Teigen and Brooklyn Decker, and at best they’d all come out with freshly painted toenails and friendship bracelets they made out of each other’s hair.

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Olivia Wilde And Jake Gyllenhaal?

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Olivia Wilde and Jake Gyllenhaal were in the same restaurant at the same time at the same table, so of course that means they’re dating. Right, New York Post?

Olivia Wilde and Jake Gyllenhaal seemed to be “very cozy” over dinner at Chinatown Brasserie. The stars, both single, were seated next to each other at a table of eight at the Lafayette Street eatery Saturday night. A spy said, “They were in a group but were very cozy with their chairs pulled in closely together.” They were also spotted one night in June at LA’s Chateau Marmont, but at the time her rep said they were “just friends.” Their reps didn’t get back to us last night.

Or, they’re not dating. Or having sex. At best, you could lock Olivia Wilde in the closet Jake’s been in for years then come back two hours later and they would be painting each others toenails and giggling about Zac Efron.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Went To A Bathhouse

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Mexican guy: “Your uniform…it’s so tight.” Jake Gyllenhaal: “Oh, hey boy haaaayyy.” New York Post reports:

Jake Gyllenhaal had hoped for a nice, relaxing steam when he turned up at the 10th Street baths last week — but arrived to find the place packed with power players in robes. Organizers of Elit by Stoli’s male-only gathering had taken over the place, with white towel-wearing guests including Nobu’s Richie Notar, venture capitalist Adam Dell, Niche Media founder Jason Binn, David Rabin and Lance Broumand. We’re told they, ahem, “let it all hang out.”

I was going to write something to make this story sound more gay, but I just checked, and it appears that’s impossible.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Is “Dating” Rashida Jones Now



“Oh haayy boy haaaaayyyyyy.” – Jake Gyllenhaal. People reports:

He keeps some classy female company – dating a country crooner and an Oscar winner – and Jake Gyllenhaal’s latest lunch involved another showbiz sweetheart. The actor was spotted lunching – and laughing – with longtime friend Rashida Jones, veteran funny girl and current star on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, Sunday in Los Angeles.

Man, Jake Gyllenhaal sure does spend a lot of time with pussy outdoors doesn’t he? Laughing, having lunch, shopping, talking about how semen tastes.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Went On A Date With Jessica Lowndes

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Since he has a new movie out and the studio’s life depends on the fact that he’s seen as a leading man who doesn’t giggle and get grossed out at the thought of vagina, it’s time to play, “Hey, look! Jake Gyllenhaal is dating a chick whose name has never been mentioned in the same sentence as his before! No, seriously! He really likes girls we promise!” Popeater reports:

On the heels of his romance with America’s sweetheart, Taylor Swift, Jake Gyllenhaal isn’t wasting any time getting back into the dating pool — or should we say, the kiddie pool. Gyllenhaal, 30, was recently spotted ordering eggs and a side of rebound at breakfast in New York with ‘90210’ star Jessica Lowndes, 22, according to Us Weekly. After his breakfast date with Lowndes, Gyllenhaal also reportedly got cozy with a different young lady later that evening. Talk about playing the field…According to E! Online, Gyllenhaal’s rep is denying his client’s player ways, insisting that Gyllenhaal and Lowndes are “not dating.” But the brunette beauty’s rep replied with a simple “no comment.”

Jessica and I had a brief imaginary sexual relationship recently, so I think I’m qualified to say that these two aren’t having sex. She used to get all weird when I’d bring up anal. C’mon, why you gotta be like that, baby?

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Gaylor Split Because Taylor Swift Was Too Young. Riiiiggghht.

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I don’t know if Jake Gyllenhaal and his publicist pulled reasons out of hat to explain why he broke up with a hot, skinny, 21-year old blonde, but congratulations! They pulled the gayest one! Us Magazine reports:

Taylor Swift, 21, may be hard at work penning her next break-up ballad — sources confirm to UsMagazine.com that she and Jake Gyllenhaal, 30, have ended their brief romance. “Jake reached out to her and started all of this, but now he’s not acting as interested,” a source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands Wednesday). The previously inseparable pair called it quits just before New Year’s Eve, then rang in 2011 separately. “He said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and was uncomfortable with all the attention they got,” says the insider of the just over two-month romance. “He also said he could feel the age difference. Taylor is really upset. We told her not to move so fast with this but she didn’t listen.” Explains a Gyllenhaal insider, “Jake cares about her, but [the publicity] was a lot for him. He wants to keep his private life private, and that’s hard to do dating Taylor.

He could feel the age difference, huh? Isn’t that the point of banging 21-year old chicks? To feel the age difference? I’m a man. If I wanted to fuck somebody my own age it would be in a land development deal, not on my couch with her knees pinned to her ears.

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Gaylor Have Broken Up



Since Jake Gyllenhaal no longer has to promote a movie where he has to make people think he likes having sex with women, and Taylor Swift needs to write another album about how some guy fucked her over, the two have reportedly split. People reports:

Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are starting 2011 single. “They’re over,” a source tells PEOPLE about the short-lived relationship. “It ended last month.” No reason was given for a split, and the stars reps didn’t have immediate comment, but the two spent the holidays – and their birthdays – apart. Swift, 21, rang in 2011 in Nashville, solo, at a party, while Gyllenhaal, 30, was in New York, where he attended a closing party for Broadway’s Fela! on Jan. 2. While in the Big Apple, Gyllenhaal was also spotted dining with his mother at the Spotted Pig.

I really hope everyone sees what just happened here. You did? Fantastic. Next.

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Awww, How Cute. And Staged.



In case you didn’t know already, these completely staged and obviously planned pictures of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are like OMG, “suddenly serious!!” Man, I can’t wait until she writes a song about him and tells us what kind of toenail polish he likes! Tell us more!

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