Alexis Arquette Is Coming For Jada Pinkett Smith And Will Smith Now
Alexis Arquette Is Coming For Jada Pinkett Smith And Will Smith Now



Uhhh…ok, then. Wait, what just happened here?  If you’re wondering what being has to do with anything Jada Pinkett Smith said, I guess you’ll have to ask Alexis Arquette and whatever medications she needs to double up on right now. Dude, needs to relax sorry chick needs to relax. Bette Midler just got cast in Hello Dolly, go pop a Xanax read about that. 


I was gonna post recent pictures of Alexis Arquette, but there’s no need to make this worse than it is. Here’s her sister instead. Slight improvement. 


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Aunt Viv Has Words For Jada Pinkett Smith
Aunt Viv Has Words For Jada Pinkett Smith


On Sunday, Jada Pinkett Smith hopped on Twitter and wondered if actors who aren’t white should even bother going to the Oscars at all since Martin Luther King Jr could be reanimated to play himself only to be passed over because Eddie Redmayne did such a great job as Malcolm X. Since then, #OscarSoWhite has taken over Twitter, and more high profile black actors have floated the idea (with some speculating that Chris Rock might drop out as host) to the point where Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President, Cheryl Boone Isaacs, wrote a letter yesterday basically saying, “yeah, there’s a lot of white people up in here we should probably look into that”.  But wait! The lady who played Aunt Viv on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air before she violated her contract and got fired (and was generally a pain in the ass before that) posted a video on Facebook. Please understand she’s been holding this in for like 25 years. 


 


Well, she’s right. There’s a lot stuff going on in the world. But luckily as humans we can hold more than one idea in our heads at the same time. She can get the fuck outta here with the rest. I know you might be saying “WELL BET IS RACIST!” without realizing this is why BET has to exist in the first place, so I’ll give you a pass on that. It’s how you were raised. Not your fault. And if you think they’re whining, did you see The Martian? The one with Matt Damon? I saw it. It was ok. Matt Damon did his best Matt Damon. Pretty solid. But if you can sit here and tell me he deserved an Oscar nomination more than Idris Elba in Beasts With No Nation, or Oscar Isaac in Ex Machina, or Ryan Coogler who and co-wrote directed Creed, or Benecio Del Toro in Sicario, or you want me to go on? I’ll stop. I can stop.

I’ll stop here because we’re not here to talk about Carol, Joan and Linda! Tell Trish hello for me when she gets back from her hike.

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Hey, Look. We’re Totally Bros, You Guys

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In the wake of their separation rumors due to the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith may or may not have banged Marc Anthony in Will Smith’s house, Marc Anthony invited Will Smith to his luxury suite during the Patriots/Dolphins game last night to help celebrate his birthday. Where they hugged a lot and Will Smith gently caressed Marc Anthony’s neck a lot. I don’t know. I’m beginning to think some of the facts of this whole separation story might be wrong.

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Will Smith And Jada Pinkett Smith Plan To Drag This Out For A While

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After reports surfaced yesterday that they were separating, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith released a joint, carefully worded statement to let everyone know that their marriage is completely wonderful and filled with love. I think that’s what “intact” means.

“Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false.” The two add, “We are still together, and our marriage is intact.”

Man, I’ve never read anything so romantic. They must really love each other. Or, you know, they could be lying. There’s also that. TMZ reports:

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are having significant problems in their marriage, but they have NOT made a decision to separate … at least not yet — this according to sources connected with the couple. Reports have been swirling that the couple has separated. We’re told it’s “definitely a possibility” but they haven’t pulled the trigger. In fact, we’ve learned Will, Jada and their kids are going away together soon — as a family. Our sources would neither confirm nor deny if the trip is a last ditch effort to save the relationship. We also asked our sources about the somewhat curious statement from Will and Jada, that their marriage is “intact.” Specifically, why didn’t they go the more traditional PR route and say they’re still in love and committed to each other? Our sources privately said, the language was carefully constructed.

In the last two weeks, Will Smith has been seen in clubs all over Miami without his wife. Why? Oh, because she may have fucked Marc Anthony. I wish I was joking. Will Smith might as well give up now, because Jada looks like she’s lost for good. Because once you go Mexican you don’t come back unless you have a coyote or can climb fences pretty good as the saying goes.

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Will Smith And Jada Pinkett Smith Might Be Separated

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I blame Scientology. iNTouch Weekly reports:

After 13 years of marriage, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have decided to separate, an insider tells In Touch Weekly exclusively. They have two children, Jaden and Willow, together. And Jada is stepmother to Will’s son, Trey, from a previous marriage.

There’s a widely believed rumor that Will Smith is gay and Jada Pinkett Smith is a lesbian and that they’re only together to further each others careers and the fact that you can’t be a leading man if you’re openly gay or bi (i.e. Jake Gyllenhaal/Bradley Cooper/possibly every actor you’ve ever heard of). It is also widely believed that the remake of Karate Kid with Jaden Smith was a horrific mistake. Wait, the karate kid looks like a girl and had cornrows? I’m not following.

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Will and Jada Are Freaks



If you’re friends Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, sorry to break this to you dude, but they probably fucked in your house. The Sun reports:
Sharing sex tips, Jada told RedBook Magazine: “Be sneaky… your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom.” Talking of other places they like to get down to business, the actress added: “Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. “Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road… Just switch it up. “Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive.”

Even though they’re Scientologists, it’s good to have a chick who will do anything to make your relationship work, even if that means doing reverse cowgirl on her best friend’s sink. In all honesty, that’s what every man wants. So, I don’t know if any of you ladies want to bookmark this, because the next time I take applications for a girlfriend, this might be a good reference for the “Special skills” portion.

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