Holly Madison Is Having 246 Kids

I don’t know if Holly Madison is being used by the Cincinnati Zoo to replace Harambe (#RIP) or if Khloe Kardashian paid her to be a surrogate, because goddamn. Her husband is probably telling everybody this is Photoshop. I’ve never seen a chick this pregnant. She better have whatever’s inside her soon or the Duggars will start worshipping her and offering her blood sacrifices. 

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Hugh Hefner’s Dust Sperm Couldn’t Get Holly Madison Pregnant

If you remember that E! show about the chicks living at the Playboy Mansion, then you remember Holly Madison because she was the hottest one (yes, she was. stop your internal dialogue). Well, she has a book out now that basically says Hugh Hefner went around Bill Cosbying people and he once tried to buy her soul for $3M. She also described her time at the mansion as a “living hell”. New excerpts are dropping today, and to complete the circle of woman logic, she says she wanted to have a baby with him. She wanted a baby with the guy that she talked about in the second sentence of this opening paragraph.

‘I know how absolutely insane it sounds to want to have kids with someone in their 70s. You are basically robbing a child of his or her father before it is even born,’ she writes. Adding: ‘Now that I am a mom myself, the idea seems even more unpalatable.’ Holly welcomed her first child, daughter Rainbow Aurora Rotella, with her husband Pasquale Rotella on March 5, 2013. Writing about her baby plans with Hef, Holly explained that she saw it as a way of making all his other girlfriends leave.  ‘I suppose I thought of it as a ticket out – in more ways than one. The last time the mansion had been multiple-girlfriend-free was when Hef was married and had two children.’ Unfortunately for Holly, her scheme was squashed when she discovered that none of the octogenarian’s sperm were viable. She said: ‘This was concrete proof slapping me in the face that there was no future for me at the mansion.’

We can break down that whole blockquote by basically just saying she wanted to get pregnant to get rid of every other ho at the mansion. That seems pretty stable and well thought out. It was a living hell, but if she could have had Lord Baelish combined their two houses then everything wouldn’t that much of a living hell or something. I don’t know. Can’t wait to read new excerpts from her book where she talks about her time as the president of the Playboy Mansion pool’s chapter of the NAACP.

 

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Holly Madison Had A Daughter



Since her endgame to sucking on Hugh Hefner’s mummy dick didn’t come true, Holly Madison starting dating some dude named Pasquale Rotella. They had unprotected sex at one point. Then she didn’t have abortion. Now they have a daughter. People reports:

The former Girls Next Door star and her boyfriend Pasquale Rotella welcomed a daughter on Tuesday, March 5 in Las Vegas, a source confirms to PEOPLE.

Congrats, I guess, but does she have to decide on a legal name and a stripper name for the birth certificate? I’m not sure of the protocol in cases like this.

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We Get It, Holly



In case you didn’t know, Holly Madison is pregnant. You should know because she takes every opportunity to let you know, because assumably her baby will grow up to invent a time machine or a cure cancer or whatever pregnant chicks believe. But this kid will grow up in Vegas and hang out with Criss Angel, so let’s not get too carried away here.

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Hold Still, Ma’am



Las Vegas has a long history of celebrating cheesy celebrities, so Holly Madison was at the Hand Print Ceremony at Planet Hollywood Restaurant at The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace Resort and Casino. I guess to immortalize her handprints. I only bring this up, because I think a bunch of people sat in a room and thought, “How can we get Holly Madison on all fours with her rack hanging out and her hands in concrete so she can’t move?”. And think is what they came up with. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think $500 might have worked, too.

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Parade of Whores


Holly Madison was in Las Vegas yesterday to set a Guinness world record for longest bikini parade. A Guinness World record. For a bikini parade. I only thought they did boring shit like the longest fingernails or the shortest game of Connect Four. Of course this is a completely asinine record, but hey, whatever it takes to get a bunch of chicks in bikinis. And for Holly Madison, she might as well be discovering a new element or unveiling her design for a new time machine, because after five years of being known for sucking the dust out of a reanimated Civil War soldier’s penis, anything would probably feel like an accomplishment.

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Bowling For Linkies
[SinglePic not found]

Caroline D’Amore cameltoe and cuntiness (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Miley Cyrus is a slob [Dlisted]
Kim Kardashian airport booty call (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Bar Refaeli’s art chest [Just Jared]
Britney Spears’ mom is a cash whore [Hollywood Rag]
Danielle Lloyd gets topless again [Hollywood Tuna]
Justin Timberlake swings for the kids [Popsugar]
Kate Moss naked or nuts [City Rag]
Miranda Kerr looks cold, needs pants [Popoholic]
Janet Jackson has vertigo [Socialite Life]
Charlize Theron bikini pictures [Egotastic]
Ashton and Demi took out Tellulah [Lainey Gossip]

Banner pic: Holly Madison “Bowling for Boobies” on Oct. 13th.

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Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner Broke Up



There have been a bunch of rumors lately that Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner’s relationship was basically over, so good news if you were hoping that was true. Holly Madison confirmed it last night to a TMZ camera man. Everyone get prepared, because this ‘reality television’ breakup is gonna turn the celebrity gossip world upside down. In this job you read and see a lot of things, but a relationship between a 28 year old gold digger and a 82 year old millionaire close to death not working out? No way, man. Just no way.

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Holly Madison is in Transition



Us Magazine reports that Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison are still together despite the fact that she has been seen everywhere with illusionist Criss Angel (the last time being four days ago). Some people are upset that people may question the love a vapid gold digger has for a rich man close to death. Hugh Hefner is not one of those people.

She is still my girlfriend,” he tells Usmagazine.com in a new interview. “Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever. “I love her very much, but you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn’t very much in the cards for me,” he adds. “So there has to be a certain reality there. And I’m sure the time will come when she’ll be dating others. That’s part of the transition.”

Hugh Hefner then pointed to the line of blondes with fake tits and suitcases standing outside his house in front of a sign that says, “Please wait here to be transitioned.”

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Holly Madison Has Nipples



I’m not even sure why I’m posting these pictures of Holly Madison not wearing a bra. She’s naked all the time. If you’ve never seen her tits before, I hope you’re enjoying your vacation in the magical land of the Internet. Come back to see us!

Click the lips for NSFW pics:

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