Heidi Klum Didn’t Win Halloween

When I first saw Heidi Klum‘s Halloween costume I thought it was Courtney Stodden or a 2035 Kylie Jenner, then somebody said it was Jessica Rabbit. I realize Jessica Rabbit is a cartoon, but the cartoon doesn’t look like it’s waiting to schedule it’s last appointment at Johns Hopkins. I’m not really sure what happened here. Her face looks like a skin graft that’s the subject of a medical malpractice suit.

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Sharper Image Hopes Naked Heidi Klum Will Make You Buy Stuff
Sharper Image Hopes Naked Heidi Klum Will Make You Buy Stuff

In America right now the war on Christmas is raging right now lol jk Atlanta had Christmas decorations up everywhere last week and people are already camping out in front Wal-Mart because Thanksgiving is basically the Gaza Strip of holidays, but we can’t overlook the persecution Christians will face this time of year from hordes of Satan’s soldiers who will come up to them and wish them “Happy Holidays” because you’re taught in Satan Army basic training that there’s more than one religious holiday in December. But now back to the true reason for the season: unabashes, rampant consumerism. So here’s a naked Heidi Klum selling you a floatingĀ  AM/FM bath radio that looks like a duck. Jesus couldn’t really use this because he was homeless and they didn’t have radio stations back then.

Heidi Klum Naked

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Heidi Klum Shit All Over Your Stupid Halloween Costume

While your basic ass went to a Halloween party this weekend dressed as a sexy Elsa or Maleficent something from Sharknado, Heidi Klum held her 15th annual Halloween Party at TAO Downtown where she figuratively pulled her dick out and smacked you in the face it several times then laughed at your shame. Again.

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Heidi Klum Won Halloween Again, Links

 

Sir Patrick Stewart In A Lobster Costume On Halloween [Dlisted]

Lady Gaga is Stunning Today, Sorry [Fishwrapper]

Hannah Jones Braless in See Through Dress (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Kim Kardashian Leads A ‘Private Life’ Now [The Superficial]

Carmen Electra Is Back And Looking Better Than Ever In Her Baywatch Swimsuit! [Hollywood Tuna]

Kelly Ripa’s Sexy Halloween Costume Parade Continues [Popoholic]

Ryan Lochte still has tons of cash [TMZ]

Aaron Taylor-Johnson has officially joined the cast of The Avengers: Age of Ultron as Quicksilver [Lainey Gossip]

Michael Fassbender: I’m being sexually harassed when you talk about my d–k [Celebitchy]

‘Hunger Games’ Star Stephanie Leigh Schlund Went For A Jog [Moe Jackson]

The new official trailer for Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas [Film Drunk]

Naomi Campbell thinks Victoria Beckham is racist [Celebslam]

Amber Heard & Johnny Depp Together Again: Here's Johnny's Motivation [COED Magazine]

Ellen Degeneres Dressed as Nicki Minaj [The Blemish]

Mick Jagger’s Stuffy Reply To Katy Perry’s Flirting Allegations [Evil Beet Gossip]

The World We’ll Never Know: Concept Art from Star Wars 1313 [Crave Online]

Justin Bieber made it rain at the strip club [Popbytes]

Nnamdi Asomugha: 5 Things To Know About Kerry Washington’s Husband [Hollywood Life]

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Heidi Klum Has Nice Pants

Today is boring, so here's Heidi Klum at New York Fashion Week wearing black leather pants. Which reminds me, I haven't seen Seal in a while. I know they've had their problems, but I hope she didn't skin him and wear him to a fashion show. Bro. Somebody go check on Seal. Seriously, where is Seal? We need to find Seal. Seal? Can you hear me?

 

Let's all relax and listen to Seal:

 

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Heidi Klum Got Naked On Instagram
Heidi Klum Got Naked On Instagram

 

Although not so much anymore, Heidi Klum is probably what Hitler had in mind when he was doing his thing. We all remember how she looked in the 90s. Even Jews would have been like, "It's pretty hot in here, but you know what? I get it. I totally get it."

 

Pic source = Instagram

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Heidi Klum Is A Hero



Heidi Klum was on vacation in Hawaii this weekend when her two kids and the nanny got sucked into a riptide and almost drowned, but Klum rescued them. What a shitty nanny. People reports:

“We got pulled into the ocean by a big wave. Of course, as a mother, I was very scared for my child and everyone else in the water,” Klum, 39, says in a statement. “Henry is a strong swimmer and was able to swim back to land. We were able to get everyone out safely.”

If you read the article, it looks like her actual boyfriend saved everybody, but her boyfriend was never a Victoria’s Secret model, so honestly, why would we care? Seal probably couldn’t have helped because he would’ve been eaten by a shark. What? Because…his name is Seal….and he’s black….and sharks like to eat seals…who are black. Oh, whatever man! You know what I meant. Stop looking at me like that. You don’t know me or my life.

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Heidi Klum Got Topless On Twitter



Heidi Klum posted this picture of herself sunbathing topless yesterday, and several news outlets are calling it “racy”. After, several news outlets bought their girlfriend a milkshake then went home to masturbate because the showed up in a skirt that exposed her ankle.

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Here’s Heidi Klum Dressed As Cleopatra Sitting On Santa’s Lap



This is all the information I have at this time. More details to come. Specifically, how they managed to airlift an entire vat of LSD to wherever this party is.

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Oh Hi, I Didn’t See You There, Heidi Klum’s Boobs



Taylor Swift won a bunch of awards at the MTV EMA’s in Germany last night, but she would probably trade them all away for some boobs. Heidi Klum was there. She has boobs. Taylor should have talked to her.

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