Lindsay Lohan Is High At This Very Moment

Five years ago yesterday, Heath Ledger died because he was an unhinged drug addict, and surprise, he used to hook up with Lindsay Lohan. Now, Lindsay is forgetting he only hit it because he was coked out of his damn mind, and to make it worse, she makes it seem like she in any way knows his daughter Maltida. Or “Matty” as she likes to call her. Or “don’t fucking call here again” as Michelle Williams likes to say when Lindsay calls.

(h/t Lainey Gossip)

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Heath Ledger Might Be In The Dark Knight Rises

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Don’t look now, but I might be hard. Oh, okay. You can look! Stuff reports:

Christopher Nolan is reportedly considering using previously unseen footage of Heath Ledger in the new Batman movie. “The idea is to use these fragments of cut scenes and use CGI to have The Joker appear one last time,” a source explained. “Chris wants some continuity between movies and for the franchise to pay tribute to Heath and his portrayal of the Joker.” It is thought only a snippet of footage will be used, although the plan is only in the early stages at the moment. If it goes ahead it is likely to be a hit with fans and industry professionals alike, as Heath’s portrayal of the Joker has gone down in film history as one of the most intense depictions of a character ever seen. “It would only be a fleeting moment in the movie and would only be included with the full consent of Heath’s family,” the source added.

Of course this is all just unsubstantiated rumor and speculation, but Christopher Nolan couldn’t make a bad movie if he tried and Heath Ledger as The Joker was utterly brilliant, so I’m going to live my life like this is 100% true. Just like the time my girlfriend told me that size doesn’t matter and that she loves me just for me. She’s so sweet!

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Lindsay Lohan Killed Heath Ledger

Radar Online, in yet another one of Michael Lohan’s released phone calls, has Dina Lohan claiming that Lindsay Lohan was in a secret relationship with Heath Ledger at the time of his death. Mystery solved !!

In a shocking revelation, Dina Lohan drops the bombshell that her daughter Lindsay was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died and his death devastated her. In the explosive recorded audio tape of a phone conversation between Dina and Michael Lohan, Dina says that Ledger and Lindsay had been dating at the time of his tragic death in January of 2008. “And she was dating Heath when he died,” Dina reveals to Michael. “I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok? Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life too: “Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.” She said that the actor’s death was a terrible shock to Lindsay. “That f-f—-d her up,” Dina says.

I don’t know why Dina Lohan didn’t just come out with this when Heath died. We could have saved a lot of time with the autopsy. Because obviously when you stick your dick in Lindsay Lohan, you will be haunted and tormented by an evil demon for three days before he drags you to hell. C’mon, you guys read the pamphlets, right?

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So Long, Heath

Although The Dark Knight was his last completed film role, Heath Ledger was filming Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus before his untimely death on January 22, 2008. Good news is, it’s a Terry Gilliam movie. So it won’t be weird at all when you see Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell (who were hired after Ledger’s death) play Ledger’s character as he travels through a dream world. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve sat here and watched this trailer at least ten times now and I have no fucking clue what I’m looking at. If Michael Jackson was alive he could probably give me some shit to make sense of all this, but I almost need to see a Camaro transform into a robot or a dinosaur with lasers for eyes for this trailer to seem normal.

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Oscar Nominations Were Announced Today

The circle jerk that is the 81st Academy Awards announced their nominations today. Here are the top six categories:


FROST/NIXON – Ron Howard
MILK – Gus Van Sant
THE READER – Stephen Daldry


Richard Jenkins for THE VISITOR
Frank Langella for FROST/NIXON
Sean Penn for MILK
Mickey Rourke for THE WRESTLER

Angelina Jolie for CHANGELING
Melissa Leo for FROZEN RIVER
Meryl Streep for DOUBT
Kate Winslet for THE READER

Josh Brolin for MILK
Robert Downey Jr. for TROPIC THUNDER
Philip Seymour Hoffman for DOUBT
Heath Ledger for THE DARK KNIGHT
Michael Shannon for REVOLUTIONARY ROAD


Amy Adams for DOUBT
Viola Davis for DOUBT
Marisa Tomei for THE WRESTLER

No Gran Turino, no The Dark Knight, no Wall-E, no The Wrestler for Best Picture? Man, thanks Academy! Movies about a Nazi guard who likes to be read to and interviews from thirty years ago sound way more exciting! I can’t wait to see who wins!!

Heath Ledger on the set of his last film. He died one year ago today. R.I.P.:

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Heath Ledger is Closed

After almost eight months of finding nothing, the federal investigation into Heath Ledger’s death has been officially closed. Mary-Kate Olsen was reportedly set to be subpoenaed later this month, but the U.S. Attorney’s office apparently saw enough of the DEA going around the country interviewing models and actresses over an accidental overdose and shut the entire investigation down. TMZ reports:

Sources connected with the Heath Ledger investigation say the Drug Enforcement Administration set a new low for starfucking. People who have talked to TMZ off the record are now willing to go on record — still anonymously — about one of the most bizarre DEA power grabs ever. How’s this for starters … no one we’ve spoken with connected with the case can point to a single DEA case where a massive investigation was launched over an accidental death in which no criminality was even hinted at. We know the DEA went all over the country, in one case tracking down a guy in California who smoked a joint with Ledger in the ’90s, telling him he had to testify in a Grand Jury probe. And how’s this for chutzpah … the DEA told the guy he would have to pay his own way to NYC to testify before the Grand Jury!…We know the NYPD was furious at the DEA for making an immediate power grab to control what should have been a simple case. NYPD cops felt “humiliated” by what one source called “utter disrespect” on the part of the DEA. As for the U.S. Attorney’s office, we’re told officials say they were appalled at what they felt was a “bogus” investigation.”

Well, I guess you can’t really blame the DEA for wanting to interview Michelle Williams and Helena Christensen. Because, you know, it’s always good to question people who have absolutely nothing to do with the victim at the time of his death. Instead of these two, the DEA should have interviewed my neighbor’s cats. Although in the DEA’s defense, my neighbor’s cats don’t have nice tits.

Mary-Kate Olsen last month:

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Mary-Kate Olsen Wants Immunity

New York Post is reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen is refusing to speak with federal investigators as part of their probe into Heath Ledger’s death without being first granted immunity from prosecution. During the initial investigation, the NYPD didn’t interview Olsen although her masseuse found Ledger’s body, and instead of calling 911 when she got the call from her masseuse, Olsen told her bodyguards to go Ledger’s apartment. Yeah, the feds want to know that the fuck was up with that.

The actress’ lawyer has repeatedly rebuffed attempts by the feds to question Olsen, who was the first person called after her masseuse discovered Ledger’s body in his SoHo apartment in January. Frustrated federal officials could obtain a grand-jury subpoena to compel the funky “Full House” actress to tell them whatever she knows about the “Dark Knight” star’s behavior, his possible drug use and the events of that fateful morning, according to sources.”

The crux of the federal investigation is exactly how Ledger obtained the OxyContin found in his room without a prescription. Everyone has been cooperative, except for Olsen:

Ms. [Michelle] Williams was extremely nice and cooperative,” a source said. Another added, “Everyone has been very eager to help, saying what a great guy Heath Ledger was, everyone except Mary-Kate, who has refused to speak.” That source explained that Olsen would be the final witness they need to conclude their investigation into where he got his drugs and medicines. Ledger – whose performance as the Joker in “The Dark Knight” has ignited Oscar buzz – died of a potent cocktail of prescription drugs and OxyContin, the latter of which was likely obtained illegally.”

I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but if you’re running short on OxyContin, you could have worse ideas than calling Mary-Kate Olsen. That is of course if her role of “tampon” in the women’s prison play doesn’t create any scheduling conflicts.

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The Dark Knight Killed

By taking in $155.34 million in it’s first three days, The Dark Knight has officially broken the record for biggest opening day weekend in movie history, beating Spider-Man 3 by $4 million. Duh. FOX News reports:

We knew it would be big, but we never expected to dominate the marketplace like we did,” said Dan Fellman, head of distribution for Warner Bros., which released “The Dark Knight.” The movie should shoot past the $200 million mark by the end of the week, he said….The movie’s release was preceded by months of buzz and speculation over the performance of the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, Batman’s nemesis. Ledger, who died in January from an accidental prescription-drug overdose, played the Joker as a demonic presence, his performance prompting predictions that the role might earn him a posthumous Academy Award nomination. “The average opening gross of the last five `Batman’ movies is $47 million. This tripled that, and for a reason,” said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media By Numbers. “A big part of that was the Heath Ledger mystique and a phenomenal performance that absolutely deserves the excitement surrounding it.”

Although I wouldn’t go so far to call The Dark Knight a masterpiece, it was amazingly awesome and all the hype about Heath Ledger’s performance wasn’t hype. He was fucking great. If Heath’s performance was a girl, I’d try to throw it in the backseat and get it pregnant. So, it’s really no surprise that the movie is expected to break $200 million by the end of the week. Making in hot on the heels of Meet Dave, which is expected to break $200 million by the year 2057.

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Kill The Batman


The new trailer for The Dark Knight isn’t supposed to be released until Sunday, but due to technological advancements in cell phones and the magic of the Internet, you can see it today. It looks freakin’ amazing, of course, and by the way, I’m calling it now – Heath Ledger will win Best Supporting Actor whether he deserves it or not. The only way he could be more of a lock is if The Joker had down syndrome or could only write with his left foot.

Note: 2:00 – 2:01 = Helloooo, Two-Face.

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Heath Ledger Might Have a Secret Love Child

Two months after he was found dead from an accidental overdose in a New York apartment, Heath Ledger’s uncle claims Heath secretly fathered a child with an older woman when he was 17. The Daily Telegraph says:

Ledger was a 17-year-old schoolboy when he had an affair with an older woman who is thought to have only discovered she was pregnant after their relationship ended. The woman was living with another man at the time of the alleged affair. Yesterday, Ledger’s uncle, Hadyn Ledger said: “There is a very real possibility that Heath was the father.” If it is confirmed that Ledger is the girl’s biological father, it could split his multi-million dollar estate between his two-year-old daughter Matilda Rose with Hollywood actress Michelle Williams, and his secret love child.”

I’m not sure what the “multi-million estate” is they are talking about, because at the time of his death, Ledger’s will only listed $145,000 in assets. So it’s time to ask some tough moral questions about who is entitled to the money. Questions like, do you know that baby from the E*TRADE commercials? Yeah, don’t tell his mother I work here.

Note: The banner picture is a joke. If you don’t think it’s funny, then you need an enema.

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