Giada De Laurentiis and her husband Todd Thompson are officially divorced after John Mayer ruined the sanctity of their marriage with his penis. Thompson gets half her shit and $9K in month in child support after having those titties for 11 years.
The Internet says it was a “shock” and a “bombshell divorce announcement” that Giada De Laurentiis (the chick with the titties who cooks Italian food) and her husband, Todd Thompson (no relation), filed for divorce after 11 years of marriage. But John Mayer’s path of penis destruction doesn’t care about the sanctity of marriage or if some chick’s titties shouldn’t coveted.
Though the couple’s filings offered little clue as to the reason for the split, RadarOnline.com has learned that there have been cracks in the marriage for years. In fact, according to one previous report, De Laurentiis cheated on her husband back in 2010 — with singer John Mayer! De Laurentiis and Mayer worked together at a charity event hosted by Tiger Woods in 2007, and two years later, blogs were rife with outrageous claims that they were hooking up. But speculation reached a fever pitch in 2010 with an explosive report in Star magazine. On October 9, 2010, the mag claimed, De Laurentiis and Mayer crossed paths at the exclusive Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel. “Almost as soon as they saw each other, they left the room moments apart,” an eyewitness said at the time. “Giada was leaning with her back against the wall, and John was right up against her,” the source told the magazine. “Giada was holding his hand and she just had a huge grin on her face. John had one hand on the small of her back. They looked like two people who were going to go home together.” Another eyewitness allegedly spotted the two not long after at the Plunge lounge atop the nearby Hotel Gasevoort, where they were “extremely touchy-feely.” They soon disappeared into another of the hotel’s suites, the magazine reported, where Mayer ordered up ice buckets and towels at 1:30 a.m. Around 3 a.m., a source said at the time, De Laurentiis was seen leaving.
Maybe they banged, maybe they didn’t. But they probably did. If they did, good for him and bad for her, I guess. I’m just more concerned right now with this picture that John Mayer posted on Instagram two days ago. Like, did he think we wouldn’t notice? Has Harrison Ford tracked down and killed the one on the left yet?
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See what I did there? Star reports:
Multiple sources tell Star that John has shared hot nights with sexy Food Network star Giada De Laurentiis, as we report in our Nov. 22 issue. Last month, John and Giada — who has a 2-year-old daughter with her husband of seven years, Anthropologie fashion designer Todd Thompson — were seen together at the Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel in New York. “John had one hand on the small of her back,” an eyewitness tells Star. “They looked like two people who were going to go home together.” Later that night, another eyewitness saw them at the nearby Hotel Gansevoort, where they disappeared into a suite together! When approached by Star for comment, a giggling Giada admitted, “I was at The Standard that night.” But she insists she’s not cooking up trouble with John — and didn’t even see him that night: “I’ve met him and he’s a great guy, but I just like his music. That’s all.” However, a source close to John says, “This doesn’t surprise me one bit! He’s always talked about how he was into her.”
Apparently writing vagina begging music is an easy way to get laid. Like when Christopher Carrabba played in my buddy’s basement with the full intent of writing songs to get him laid (“2 albums afterwards he had completely lost his soul, as indicated by lyrical content of his songs.”). It works. But my grandma says my tidiness and penny loafers will also find me love. Suck on that John Mayer!
Giada De Laurentiis is an Italian chick from the Food Network who, interestingly enough, makes Italian food. She also has huge tits. So, I’m not sure why she felt the need to wear this. Chicks with huge racks should wear bikinis. I think that’s a law somewhere. Maybe next time she’ll go windsurfing in a suit of armor or lay out in a fireman suit. That should pretty much cover the look she’s going for here.