George Clooney Has Words For Trump
George Clooney Has Words For Trump

 

George Clooney did an interview with Daily Beast to promote his new film, Suburbicon, and of course things took a political turn, because everything takes a political turn now until a woman or a black person is elected President and neoliberals will declare all our problems over. Can’t wait! In the interview, Clooney said a bunch of truth about Hillary Clinton, but saved his kill shot for Trump.

Here’s the thing: I grew up in Kentucky. I sold insurance door-to-door. I sold ladies’ shoes. I worked at an all-night liquor store. I would buy suits that were too big and too long and cut the bottom of the pants off to make ties so I’d have a tie to go on job interviews. I grew up understanding what it was like to not have health insurance for eight years. So this idea that I’m somehow the “Hollywood elite” and this guy who takes a shit in a gold toilet is somehow the man of the people is laughable. People in Hollywood, for the most part, are people from the Midwest who moved to Hollywood to have a career. So this idea of “coastal elites” living in a bubble is ridiculous. Who lives in a bigger bubble? He lives in a gold tower and has twelve people in his company. He doesn’t run a corporation of hundreds of thousands of people he employs and takes care of. He ran a company of twelve people! When you direct a film you have seven different unions all wanting different things, you have to find consensus with all of them, and you have to get them moving in the same direction. He’s never had to do any of that kind of stuff. I just look at it and I laugh when I see him say “Hollywood elite.” Hollywood elite? I don’t have a star on Hollywood Boulevard, Donald Trump has a star on Hollywood Boulevard! Fuck you!

I really appreciate Clooney saying this, because Trump’s star on Hollywood Boulevard technically makes him a celebrity so when you clutch pearls and tell me to “stick to celebrities”, I just post his star in the comments. Hahaha, loophole, bitch.

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George And Amal Clooney Donated $1M To The Southern Poverty Law Center
George And Amal Clooney Donated $1M To The Southern Poverty Law Center

 

When liberal white people find out that racism exists, they usually donate money. That’s awesome. In keeping with that tradition, George Clooney and Amal Clooney (through their Clooney Foundation) have donated $1M to the Southern Poverty Law Center to fight hate groups.

“Amal and I wanted to add our voice (and financial assistance) to the ongoing fight for equality,” George Clooney said. “There are no two sides to bigotry and hate.” We are proud to support the Southern Poverty Law Center in its efforts to prevent violent extremism in the United States, the husband and wife said in a statement. “What happened in Charlottesville, and what is happening in communities across our country, demands our collective engagement to stand up to hate.”

This was very badass of them. I wonder who Amal Clooney’s VP candidate will be in 2020. Wait, let’s not guess in case the DNC has them killed.

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Amal And George Clooney Are Having Twins
Amal And George Clooney Are Having Twins

 

Well, Amal Clooney is technically having the twins. George Clooney just kinda moved around until he was done.

George Clooney just landed his biggest role yet: Dad. The actor’s wife Amal Clooney is pregnant and expecting twins, multiple sources confirm to PEOPLE. Amal “has let everyone in both families know quietly,” says a source close to the couple. “They’re all very happy.” Clooney’s rep has not commented.

People decided to call an international and human rights lawyer “the actor’s wife”, so that was cool of them. Anyway, George Clooney is 55, so I hope these twins aren’t girls. Daddy issues and what have you. He’ll be 73 when they graduate high school and dead before that trust fund kicks in. I hope TMZ is still around then.

 

 

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George Clooney Found Out About Brangelina Live On CNN At The UN
George Clooney Found Out About Brangelina Live On CNN At The UN


George Clooney attended the United Nations 71st Session of the General Debate yesterday because of their “Bring Your Husband To Work Day” policy, and CNN decided to break the news of the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt split to him live on television. His reply was that “it’s a sad and unfortunate story about a family. I’m sorry to hear that,” while trying not to laugh. You’re not fooling us, George!



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George Clooney Got Married
George Clooney Got Married

 

George Clooney is 52, and I can imagine that Stacy Keibler and Elisabetta Canalis were super fun and bendy, but there comes a point in every dude’s life when he wants a chick who has her own shit going on and doesn’t base her entire existence on waiting for him to propose because she has nothing else going on in her life and doesn’t want  to “waste” her time with a relationship if doesn’t mean a Facebook post showing off her ring in the near future. Amal Alamuddin is a lawyer, human rights activist, author, and a barrister who can keep you from getting extradited when she’s not on the phone with the U.N.  She also went to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, so her ability to turn up has been properly vetted. Basically, George Clooney is like maybe the 5th thing this chick thinks about when she wakes up. maybe the 6th. This is why he married her.

Ladies and gentlemen, George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are now legally married! E! News can confirm the Hollywood hunk and human rights lawyer finalized their union with a civil ceremony in Venice, Italy, Monday afternoon. The couple arrived at the municipal building at 1:25 p.m. local time. Clooney, wearing a two-piece gray suit, and Alamuddin, wearing a cream pantsuit and a matching hat, waved to well wishers who were gathered outside. A local politician escorted them inside the building to sign the marriage papers. The Clooneys emerged 10 minutes later and looked ecstatic as they held hands and kissed. A local city council press person confirms “the ink was on the paper, finalized, at about 1:30. The rest was just happiness and joy.” The couple got in the boat and went up the canal slowly, with paparazzi in tow and police boats leading the way. “Fans were going wild! People were running alongside the banks,” an eyewitness says. The ceremony comes two days after the couple said “I Do” in a separate private ceremony that was attended by family and close friends including Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Krasinski, Emily Blunt and more famous faces.

On the other hand, I know there have been a lot of 35-year professional women who look at this for a win for them, but this is really just a one-off. Sorry. Get out there and keep trying, girl!

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Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, Herself
Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, Herself

 

Oh, sweetie. No. Just no.

But someone came along who changed her mind – tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre, 39, who she started dating a few months after splitting from George Clooney last June and married in March. "When you're with the right person, everything changes," the pregnant 34-year-old told the June/July issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine, while showing off her blossoming baby bump on the cover. "Before we met, both Jared and I had told our parents we didn't think we'd ever get married or have kids," the model and former pro wrestler said. "My epiphany happened shortly after Jared and I started dating, and once we both knew, we didn't hesitate. I just knew I was ready and that there's no one else in the world I would want to do this with." In April, Us Weekly confirmed that the couple is expecting a baby girl.

In July of last year, George Clooney told Stacy Keibler over the phone to pack up her shit and move out after she decided to end things because, "She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that." Now, she's on the cover of a magazine telling everyone she's pregnant because she found "the right person". You know, the person that got her knocked up and married her less than a year after she split from Clooney. So when she says, "when you're with the right person, everything changes" she really means, "when I find a rich dude who is willing to impregnate me, I spread that shit quick, because I'm 34 and I really can't go back to wrestling" but feminism frowns on stuff like that.

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George Clooney Is Engaged
George Clooney Is Engaged

 

Man, it was probably real quiet in Stacy Keibler's house this weekend.

His bachelor days are over! George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are engaged. A source with knowledge of the situation confirms Clooney popped the question and exclusively tells PEOPLE, "George and Amal are trying to keep things very low-key but they also aren't really trying to hide this, it doesn't seem. I think it's like they want the people they love to know that this is real, that they plan on being together forever."

Mark this down as a win for intelligent, accomplished women with their shit together everywhere, because George Clooney is officially engaged to 35-year old international lawyer and activist, Amal Alamuddin. Stacy Keibler looks great in a bikini and used to be a wrestler, Amal Alamuddin respresented Julian Assange in his fight against extradition, is an advisor to former United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan on Syria, and is fluent in three languages. The downside being, you can easily read her name as "Anal A La Mud". Apparently that wasn't a deal breaker.

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This Is George Clooney’s New Girlfriend
This Is George Clooney’s New Girlfriend

 

George Clooney has been spotted with this chick a lot recently, so media reports are saying they are dating. Her name is Amal Alamuddin, and she's an Oxford and New York University School Of Law-educated barrister specializing in International Law (she represented Julian Assange to help fight his extradition), she speaks fluent French, Arabic, and is also a published author. "But, like, how does she look in a bikini?" Stacy Keibler was quoted as saying.

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George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff
George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff

 

"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag on called Stacy Keible said what's up?"- George Clooney. Page Six reports:

George Clooney asked Stacey Keibler to move out of his Hollywood home, by phone, about three weeks ago, a source tells Page Six. While Keibler’s clueless publicist strongly denied this to us at the time, we’re told that the actor, who’s currently filming in Europe, asked Keibler to start moving her things out of his house last month. While some outlets reported Keibler decided to end things, our source tells us the opposite.

Stacy Keibler's camp already saying that she had planned to "move out eventually" and that she "never wanted kids". I assume it's the $10 million she made in the last two years by simply putting on a dress and standing next to Clooney at events. I can't do that. Where's my gender equality? This probably won't be covered in my Women's Studies class 🙁

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George Clooney And Stacy Keibler Broke Up

Stacy Keibler is almost 35, leaving George Clooney's penis no choice but to end their relationship. So sorry, future Clooney baby Keibeler thought she was going to get. George Clooney and Stacy Keibler has split. People reports:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have split. The couple, who began dating two years ago, apparently want different things in life. "Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. "They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago." The source also says Clooney, 52, and Keibler, 33, will remain on good terms: "They talk every day. They were friends before they started dating and they'll be friends after. It was a friendly [breakup]."

It's always cute when women date George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio then are shocked to learn that no matter how many blowjobs they give that they will never win the financial security they covet that a marriage certificate and a baby will bring. I just want to give them a hug and tell them everything will be okay. Then I'll born them some wine and say "awww" to all the pictures of their cats. And then they gently touch my arm. We share a glance. Then we hump. Then I grow emotionally distant when they ask what I think our baby would look like.

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