This Is George Clooney’s New Girlfriend
This Is George Clooney’s New Girlfriend

 

George Clooney has been spotted with this chick a lot recently, so media reports are saying they are dating. Her name is Amal Alamuddin, and she's an Oxford and New York University School Of Law-educated barrister specializing in International Law (she represented Julian Assange to help fight his extradition), she speaks fluent French, Arabic, and is also a published author. "But, like, how does she look in a bikini?" Stacy Keibler was quoted as saying.

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George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff
George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff

 

"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag on called Stacy Keible said what's up?"- George Clooney. Page Six reports:

George Clooney asked Stacey Keibler to move out of his Hollywood home, by phone, about three weeks ago, a source tells Page Six. While Keibler’s clueless publicist strongly denied this to us at the time, we’re told that the actor, who’s currently filming in Europe, asked Keibler to start moving her things out of his house last month. While some outlets reported Keibler decided to end things, our source tells us the opposite.

Stacy Keibler's camp already saying that she had planned to "move out eventually" and that she "never wanted kids". I assume it's the $10 million she made in the last two years by simply putting on a dress and standing next to Clooney at events. I can't do that. Where's my gender equality? This probably won't be covered in my Women's Studies class :(

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George Clooney And Stacy Keibler Broke Up

Stacy Keibler is almost 35, leaving George Clooney's penis no choice but to end their relationship. So sorry, future Clooney baby Keibeler thought she was going to get. George Clooney and Stacy Keibler has split. People reports:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have split. The couple, who began dating two years ago, apparently want different things in life. "Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. "They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago." The source also says Clooney, 52, and Keibler, 33, will remain on good terms: "They talk every day. They were friends before they started dating and they'll be friends after. It was a friendly [breakup]."

It's always cute when women date George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio then are shocked to learn that no matter how many blowjobs they give that they will never win the financial security they covet that a marriage certificate and a baby will bring. I just want to give them a hug and tell them everything will be okay. Then I'll born them some wine and say "awww" to all the pictures of their cats. And then they gently touch my arm. We share a glance. Then we hump. Then I grow emotionally distant when they ask what I think our baby would look like.

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George Clooney Is Done With This



What should come as a surprise to nobody, George Clooney and Stacy Keibler will be breaking up any day now. Us Weekly reports:

Looks like George Clooney’s bachelor status is here to stay. The Argo producer’s year-and-a-half-long romance with girlfriend Stacy Keibler has run its course…Insiders say the pair have been increasingly butting heads in recent months. “They have little in common,” one source explains of the former wrestler, 33, and her 51-year-old beau. “She likes to go out and have fun. She’s been feeling the age difference.”…Clooney’s friends are a factor, too. According to one insider, the Oscar winner’s buddies aren’t wild about Keibler’s pals. Adds another source: “The end is near. It’s a matter of time.”

So it looks like Keibler’s PR people got to the gossip outlets first, because all of sudden, George Clooney is old and has douche friends and just wants to stay home and isn’t any fun except for the easily replaceable model that will bang him as soon as he call them.

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George Clooney May Have Had Cosmetic Surgery On His Balls

George Clooney gave an interview to Italy's Max magazine, and there's a 90% chance he's making this up, but here's two words you'll be saying all day: Ball ironing. The Sun reports:

“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ball ironing,”

This can't be a real thing, right? Ironing your balls sounds like what somebody does when they want the whereabouts of a terrorist. I'll just stick to Botox. My grandma gave me a groupon.

Photo credit = Getty

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George Clooney Is Abraham Lincoln’s Cousin



Because George Clooney needs yet another line to tell chicks to get laid, researchers at Ancestry.com have discovered that he is the 16th President’s half cousin. Or as the royal family calls it, “marriage material”. People reports:

Sexy star George Clooney is distantly related to America’s storied 16th President, Abraham Lincoln, according to Ancestry.com. The finding came recently as Ancestry.com researchers were tracing the president’s lineage in celebration of the upcoming film, Lincoln. “We noticed there were similarities between the names and places of Abraham Lincoln’s tree and George Clooney’s tree,” the genealogy website’s Michelle Ercanbrack tells PEOPLE. “They both have deep roots in Kentucky, so once we honed in on that we were able to find a connection between the two.” The men are connected through Lucy Hanks, who was Lincoln’s maternal grandmother. Marriages and births make Clooney the president’s half-first cousin five times removed. But the men share more than just family, Ercanbrack points out. “Maybe they’re not two men you’d originally put together, but we’ve found some interesting similarities,” Ercanbrack says. “They’re both human rights advocates. … Both are excellent writers. … And obviously both have the talent of being able to grow a really great beard.”

I’ve had the flu for almost a week now, and it’s slowly draining the life out of my body, but all I took for the article is that George Clooney will one day run for political office. I already expect his opponent’s attack ad will show Clooney robbing a casino with Brad Pitt. Ask yourself, do you really want a person who robs casinos to be in Congress?

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Stacy Keibler Is Still Here



Despite rumors that they’ve split, George Clooney and Stacy Keibler are still very much together and looked pretty happy at the 26th Anniversary Carousel Of Hope Ball this weekend. Specifically, Stacy. She gets to dress up as George Clooney’s girlfriend for the second Halloween in a row.

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Stacy Keibler Shouldn’t Get Too Comfortable



So obviously the news this week about George Clooney dumping Stacy Keibler was not true, but damn, did you see that one chick’s ass? I think Clooney just did.

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George Clooney Has Tired Of Stacy Keibler’s Vagina



For a little more than a year, you might have recognized Stacy Keibler as “Woman Holding Hands With George Clooney At The Golden Globes”, or her more serious role of, “Woman Holding Hands With George Clooney At The Oscars”. But apparently she got too comfortable, because George Clooney is basically ignoring her now. I’m not sure if Keibler was briefed properly, because if she was, she would have known that Clooney’s penis has the attention span of Mitt Romney is a cash wind machine. New York Daily News reports:

An eyewitness who saw Keibler at a recent cooking event tells Confidenti@l that “she was acting really nervous and refused to talk about George.” After another function last week, a well-placed spy blabbed, Keibler was tearful about the situation. Stricken with grief, Keibler was seen breaking down on and off throughout the day and needed to be consoled by her handler. The source also says she kept checking her phone for texts or calls from Clooney. “They’re barely talking,” another snitch reveals. “She is worried that he may break up with her any day now.” “George is being really distant and pulling away from her,” says our source. “She wakes up every morning and doesn’t know what’s going to happen.” We hear the bodacious blond — who recently was signed to host the Lifetime Channel’s new competition series “Supermarket Superstars” — is nervous that on-screen opportunities will dry up if she and the superstar split. “She’s well aware that she needs to get as much work as possible right now,” says the insider. “She’s working as much as she can.”

Man, she seems pretty heartbroken. I wonder how George is taking the end of this special, year-long relationship?

Meanwhile, Clooney has been cool and collected on set and palling around with his A-list castmates. “He hasn’t said much about Stacy” and “has been focused on the film,” according to a movie-set source in Oklahoma.

And, that’s it. It’s done. Stacy Keibler will be singing Adele into a hairbrush for the next six months while George Clooney’s penis will be holding auditions. Then Keibler will DVR those auditions and cry on the phone with her girlfriends. Jesus, Stacy. Stop embarrassing yourself.

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George Clooney Gives Not One F**k If You Think He’s Gay



Because nailing hot pieces of Hollywood ass at will with no regard to their feelings or cab fare is a sure fire sign that you’re a raging homosexual, George Clooney for some apparent reason has been the subject of gay rumors for longer than I’ve been writing this site. So, in an interview with The Advocate, Clooney addresses these rumors. You know, in a way that a man who probably had a pussy buffet right beforehand would.
The gay rumor has followed you for years.
I think it’s funny, but the last thing you’ll ever see me do is jump up and down, saying, “These are lies!” That would be unfair and unkind to my good friends in the gay community. I’m not going to let anyone make it seem like being gay is a bad thing. My private life is private, and I’m very happy in it. Who does it hurt if someone thinks I’m gay? I’ll be long dead and there will still be people who say I was gay. I don’t give a shit.

You’re right, because some people are still trying to make the case that Cary Grant was gay.
Oh, I know. I met Cary once, I read his daughter’s book, and I’ve gotten the sense that he would’ve laughed at that and not cared what people thought. He was a confident enough man to feel perfectly fine in his own sexuality and in his own life. Compared to other stars, he seemed much more together in a way. You know, you live your life well, you treat people well, and you hope that other people won’t make stories up about you, but they will anyway. It is what it is.

I have no idea why people get the gay vibe from Clooney, but like he said, people will think what they want to think and he probably spends less than no time worrying about it. I’ve been called a fag for six years because I write this site, but have you met my new girlfriend Lacy Heibler? She’s used to model.

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