Every Actress In Hollywood Wants To Be In ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

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Having already cast Tom Hardy (in the possible role of the psychotic villain Hugo Strange), Christopher Nolan is looking for two actresses to fill two crucial roles in the upcoming blockbuster nerdgasm, The Dark Knight Rises. And everyone wants in. THR reports:

Christopher Nolan is looking at some of Hollywood’s leading actresses — as well as a few emerging talents — for major female roles in The Dark Knight Rises, his next Batman film. Sources tell Heat Vision that Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel (pictured, top left) are due to test for roles in the Warner Bros. superhero tentpole in the next two weeks. Also testing are relative newcomers Kate Mara (top right) and Charlotte Riley (bottom left). Hot British actress Gemma Arterton (bottom right) has also scheduled to test but, as Heat Vision first reported last week, Arterton just landed the female lead in Paramount’s Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters and might now have scheduling issues. Dark Knight Rises needs to fill two big female roles, a villain and a love interest. Sources say one character is Talia, the daughter of villain Ra’s Al Ghul, who was portrayed by Liam Neeson in Nolan’s first Gotham-set crime pic Batman Begins. In the comic books, Talia is both Batman’s lover and antagonist, ultimately siring his alter ego Bruce Wayne’s son.

The glaring flaw in The Dark Knight was the casting of Admiral Akbar Maggie Gyllenhaal. Were they trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne was gay? Was he blind in one eye? I mean, that can be the only way to explain why a billionaire playboy who spends his nights fighting crime would be willing to give up everything for a chick who looks like her face is upside down. It’s things like that makes America hated around the world. You think if Bruce Wayne was born in Saudi Arabia he’d be jerking off in his sashimi over some chick with undiagnosed Downs Syndrome? No. He’d be waking up at noon puking blood on top of two 18-year old twins from Kansas who may or not be fisting each other.

Kate Mara is the hottest redhead in Hollywood, so she gets my vote. My penis also wanted me to bring up her threesome with Sophia Bush on Nip/Tuck as a possible deciding factor. Wow, I didn’t even think of that! My penis is so smart! Look at him go!

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Gemma Arterton Does GQ

Gemma Arterton is an English actress who starred in Quantum of Solace and the soon to be winner of GLAAD’s “OMG Guurrlll, This Movie Is So Fierce” Award, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, but when she’s not busy being the piece of movies, she apparently is the piece of ass in magazines. Magazines such as next month’s issue of GQ. Speaking of which, next month’s Model Airplane News says Desert Aircraft showed off its newest twin-cylinder gasoline engine at the 2010 WRAM Show. I can’t wait!!!

Hey, legs. What’s up?

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Gemma Arterton is the Winner

The world premiere of the new James Bond flick, Quantum of Solace, was last night, and based on this ballot I just made with my printer and this glitter, Gemma Arterton won the Kick Ass Dress Award. It only works because she’s skinny and hot. If Britney Spears or Hayden Panettiere wore this they might just want to be photographed from the side, because anywhere else and people might think they skinned Barney.

Studies have shown that men are more attracted to women who wear red, so Olga Kurylenko, the new Bond Girl, is apparently taking this way too far. She’s like a T-Rex with a laser cannon. Yes, we know you’re already hot, let’s not overdo it.

I sure am glad there isn’t a law against banging 44-year old women, because Elle MacPherson is probably the hottest thing I’ve seen all day, no matter what this guy on television is saying about his selection of used cars.

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