Fergie Is Pregnant

Us Weekly sounds way too excited about this.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel have some exciting news to share: they’re going to become first-time parents later this year! “Josh & Me & BABY makes three!” Fergie announced via Twitter Feb. 18. The Black Eyed Peas singer also shared superimposed pictures of herself and the Safe Haven star as children. They just found out and tweeted it to the world,” a source tells Us Weekly.

Fergie used to be a meth freak, then she joined the Black Eyed Peas. Josh Duhamel was in a Transformers movie. Let’s all hold off on giving any congratulations until we see how excited the baby is about all this.

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The Grammys Happened

The only good thing about this show was the Foo Fighters, but since they’re not pretty enough, here are some other skanks from The Grammys.

I’m not sure what Katy Perry was going for here. Patty and Selma’s bridesmaid dresses? I’m surprised they let her in considering she completely obscured the only reasons she was invited in the first place.

Nicki Minaj needs to shrink her ass and expand her eyes if she wants to be Red Riding Hood. She should probably also hang around some wolves.

A 70’s table runner over a discount store girdle. God Fergie, how do you stay so sexy all the time?

Julianne Hough won everything.

Weed isn’t that expensive. Pretty sure Rihanna could’ve afforded better weave and some voice lessons before performing “Proud Mary.”

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John Legend Wins

Swimsuit model/Todd’s Twitter and Formspring bff/John Legend’s lady friend Chrissy Teigen was at a Sports Illustrated pre-Super Bowl party because she’s hot and because she subconsciously wanted to remind you that you have time to win this. The Black Eyed Peas were at the same party because they’re performing at half time today. That means we all lose.

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The Grammys Were Last Night

The 52 Annual Grammy Awards were last night, and other than the sheer glee of Lady Gaga losing to Kings of Leon, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift, Matt Schaub got the MVP award with a 13-for-17, 189 yards and two touchdown night. Vincent Jackson added 122 yards on 7 catches to help the AFC win 41-34. Wait, ok, maybe I didn’t watch the Grammys. So what if I didnt? God, why do you have to be so stuck up? You think you’re better that me, is that what you think?!

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It’s About Damn Time

Either his family got freed from their captors or Josh Duhamel finally realized he was married to the banner picture, because it’s being reported that he’s been cheating on her. When asked for comment on what it’s been like to have been married to Fergie for 10 month his penis said,”AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” National Enquirer says:
In a blockbuster exclusive interview, the red-hot exotic dancer provided all the details of her marathon sex session with the handsome actor she said is “the best lover” she ever had. Josh tied the knot with the 34-year-old Black Eyed Peas singer this past January. But stripper Nicole Forrester – who passed a lie detector test and whose story was confirmed by independent sources – told The ENQUIRER that marriage to super sexy Fergie didn’t stop the actor from hooking up with her. Josh, 36, first met the dancer in early October at Atlanta’s totally nude club Tattletales Lounge, where she performs under the name “Delilah.” The actor was in Georgia filming the romantic comedy Life As We Know It. Days after they met, Josh, who starred on NBC’s “Las Vegas” for five years, invited the blue-eyed beauty back to his $820-a-night hotel room at the St. Regis hotel – touching off an X-rated tryst that lasted until morning.

For his sake, let’s hope this is true, because Josh Duhamel is hotter than most of the chicks I’ve dated and Fergie looks like something a Rabbi animated from clay. I’m not even halfway joking when I say I’d rather stick my dick in a mouse trap.

Note: Of course his publicist is denying it. That’s what publicists do.

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Fergie is a Natural Beauty

I can’t even begin to understand how a chick with a body like this looks like she should be operating the Tilt-A-Whirl at a mall parking lot fair from the neck up. Seriously, it took me about 30 minutes to edit these pictures because I had to keep looking in the mirror to see if I had turned to stone. Damn, this chick is hideous. Based on horror movies I’ve seen, if I saw Fergie walking down the street, I’d aim for the brain just in case.

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Happy 33rd, Butter Face

Fergie celebrated her 34th birthday yesterday at LIV nightclub in Miami. She, of course, dragged along Josh Duhamel, who must cover up her face or wear a blindfold during all their romantic encounters.

I feel for her crystal meth addiction, because minus the meth face, she’s hot. But she messed (methed!) that up for herself and still managed to ensnare Josh Duhamel.

I dunno, I dig her humps, I just wish they didn’t come with that face.

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Fergie is in Mexico

As stated before, Fergie’s body was built for sex, so it’s unclear why God built her face to sit out on your porch during Halloween. Seriously, she looks like she should have snakes for hair. It’s like everything from the neck up was put there by mistake. They only good thing going for her now is that she doesn’t have a tail. Because if she did, I’m pretty sure people would think she was a minotaur.

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