Farrah Abraham Is Still Here
Farrah Abraham Is Still Here

 

Dear lord. We’re still gonna have Farrah Abraham in 2018, aren’t we? I assumed her brain would be melting from an STD by now, but she attended the Crazy Horse III Gentlemen’s Club’s NEON Flow holiday party in Vegas last night and fed strippers sushi for some reason. They look like they’re afraid to get it close to their mouths. And Farrah is dressed as Ho Santa. Anyway, look at these pictures then go through one of those rooms where you get sprayed down after you’ve come into contact with a virulent disease.

 

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Farrah Abraham Is A Stripper & Links
Farrah Abraham Is A Stripper & Links

 

Fox NewsEric Bolling has been suspended for sexual harrassment  [  Dlisted  ]

Kate Moss braless and see through  (NSFW)  [  Taxi Driver Movie  ]

Alison Brie cleavage is the best (NSFW)   [  DrunkenStepfather   ]

Miley Cyrus did this photoshoot  [  Popoholic  ]

Selena Gomez hot as hell in InStyle   [  Egotastic  ]

Ok, Paris Hilton  [  Hollywood Tuna  ]

Jennifer Lopez is working out  (NSFW site)  [  The Nip Slip   ]

Gigi Hadid is a “nerd”  [  Moe Jackson   ]

Caitlyn Jenner is transpolitical now  [  Cele|bitchy   ]

Martin Shkreli‘s court sketches are works of art  [  The Blemish  ]

 

Farrah Abraham hosting the VIP Back Door Key Party at Crazy Horse III:

 

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I’m Combining Farrah Abraham And Courtney Stodden Today
I’m Combining Farrah Abraham And Courtney Stodden Today

 

Courtney Stodden seems to have fully recovered from that baby she miscarried or completely made up, because she made a creepy ass Christmas song called Mistletoe Bikini. Here’s the video. Or you can look at her sex tape instead. Both look like they were made for $20. Which is a good segue to those Farrah Abraham pics at a Christmas party below this video. I was going to do these as two separate posts, but I don’t want to reward this kind of ratchet behavior.

 

 

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Farrah Abraham Said An Uber Driver Tried To Assault Her
Farrah Abraham Said An Uber Driver Tried To Assault Her


Farrah Abraham entire existence is why some people think Bill Cosby is innocent. Take it away, Farrah. 

Abraham tells Us Weekly exclusively that the incident took place when she was on her way from Jericho Gardens to a friend’s house in the Hamptons at 2:30 a.m. “It was very scary and I was very upset,” she said, adding that police were called. …“[The driver] kept trying to get money, saying he would go to the press and sue me since I shut my account down and wouldn’t pay him for a ride,” Abraham said of what happened after the altercation. “Obviously I told him to stop lying.”..“My non-boyfriend threw him in the window and almost broke his car window,” she said of her on-again, off-again boyfriend Simon Saran during her Farrah & Friends podcast on Thursday, March 3. “The Persian dude ran after me. The cops were like, ‘You’re harassing her,’ and I was like, ‘See, I told you!’ and then I went to bed.”

Man, Farrah was so distraught about the ordeal that she went to bed. I hope she at least filed a complaint. 

We have no record of a complaint from a rider on this trip,” Uber said in a statement to Us Weekly. “We have received a complaint from the driver. We review all feedback and safety allegations are taken seriously and investigated thoroughly.”

Basically, she needed to make up a story about an Uber driver threatening to “go to the press”, so she would have an excuse to “go to the press”. Is that how this works or am I missing something?


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Farrah Abraham Is Adopting A Human Child

I know the title is in pretty big letters and bold and stuff, but I just want to stress the fact that Farrah Abraham is adopting a child. Not in the “my dog thinks he’s human!” sense, but like, a small human person. If you’re on the fence about late term abortions, I hope this changes your mind.

“I’m happy to confirm I’m moving forward in my adoption process. This means I will be making some changes in my career to welcome a new addition to my family,” the 24-year-old tells Us. “Very excited and this feels so right. I’m very blessed for this opportunity.”

I’d like to think any respectable adoption agency will have trained snipers with orders to shoot to kill on the roof if she decides to show up, so who knows where this baby is coming from. There probably is no baby. What the hell am I doing right now? This is stupid. Why are we doing this?

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The Celebrity Big Brother House Is Gonna Need A Cleansing Fire

Since people will watch basically anything,  “Celebrity” Big Brother: USA vs UK kicked off last night and apparently the American contestants include Farrah Abraham, Tila Tequila, Jenna Jameson and a Baldwin. And some other people I don’t know. I’ll say this, when America sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people. Maybe the Baldwin. So, congrats to the eventual winner. I guess they can shop on Amazon when they’re in quarantine while scientists attempt to discover a cure.

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Farrah Abraham Is 24

In 24 short years, Farrah Abraham got pregnant as a teenager, got a DUI, and rammed in the ass by a porn star in a sex tape, so obviously she has a lot to celebrate. So she got into a bikini for her 24th birthday in Vegas, because that’s where whores usually end up. Either there or The Bachelor. I guess her body is okay, but that face. Dude. Look at her face. Caitlyn Jenner is more convincing.

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Farrah Abraham Strips For Money, Says She’s Not A Stripper
Farrah Abraham Strips For Money, Says She’s Not A Stripper

 

Because fake tits and psychotherapy are expensive, Farrah Abraham is now stripping at Palazio Gentlemen’s Club in Austin. But since this is Farrah Abraham and her mind is deluded, she claims this is for “research”. Okay.

“I’m doing research,” the 23-year-old explains to E! News exclusively. “A friend of mine works there and I’m researching. I’ve been trying out all the roles that make up a gentleman’s club, including cocktailing and dancing. There’s management and there’s cooking too. It’s job shadowing that I hope pays off. In the same way Jennifer Aniston researched her role as a stripper, that’s what I’m doing. It’s how I get the information to write my books and do my movies. Unfortunately, I’m not free to talk about what those future projects may be. But I’m interested in hearing all the women’s stories. And while I’m doing it, I’m getting paid. I’m getting paid to play a role and get informed.” The gentlemen’s club source tells us guys were swarming the stage with money when Abraham was on stage. At one point, she laid down on her back and ripped her bra off. “She was definitely not shy and looked like she knew what she was doing,” the insider said. “She was wearing a nude thong and bejeweled bra. She wasn’t awkward at all and was actually quite good.”

To be clear, this isn’t research, Farrah Abraham is employed there.  If you get paid to take your clothes off at a place where women take their clothes off, you’re a stripper. I mean, it’s really not that hard to come to that conclusion. Like the time she got paid to get ass fucked on camera with a male porn star then packaged and sold by Vivid. That wasn’t a “sex tape” that was porn. Or like the time I bent Jessica Lowndes over her kitchen counter and choked her while she came like she was having a seizure. That was “masturbating in the shower”.

 

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Farrah Abraham Made A Music Video

 

We've already seen how Farraha Abraham performs with a glass dildo up her ass, so now let's all take a look at her video for "Blowin'" (haha subtle sexual innuendo with another meaning!). As you might expect, it's just as lifeless and devoid of any human emotion. You know, just like her sex tape. Also, the song sucks. Like the song title. She's "blowin', blowin' blowin' all these bullies away". Hard to tell if she means that in the figurative sense or not.

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Farrah Abraham Says She Wants To Be A “Virgin Forever”
Farrah Abraham Says She Wants To Be A “Virgin Forever”

 

In addition to being horrifically unattractive and just weird looking, like seriously, have you really looked at her? She's fucking weird looking. Anyway, in addition to that, she's next level dumb. One of the drawbacks of being a being a spoiled princess, is that everyone else in the world aren't your parents. Only they blindly believe your bullshit. So, now, the chick who has been caught in so many lies she should be a dolphin in Japan, is now telling everyone that she hates sex and wants to be a virgin or a nun. Read that last part again. I know, dude. I know. Celebuzz reports:

Sorry, guys. Farrah Abraham has given up on the back door… and the front door, for that matter….In fact, she’s so disenchanted with movie-making love-making that not only ruined her life, but her sex life as well. So she’s taking a vow of celibacy. Cue applause. “People use sex for power and manipulation when sex is supposed to be enjoyable and great,” she told Life & Style. “I don’t feel that, I want to be a virgin forever — or a nun. “I don’t feel like sex is what it used to be.”

I mean, you'd think that someone who had a porn star blow in her face and another human come out of her vagina, would know the meaning of the word "virgin" by now, but apparently not. Yes, sex isn't the same anymore because you're a porn star now. Sex is only great when you're inot the person and that person is into you. If not, you're just jerking off into a human. She's a self-proclaimed Christian, so it's no surprise that she thinks she can just make something up in her head and it'll happen. I've read the Bible more than once, and I don't remember Jesus laying hands on any hymens. Jesus didn't do hymens. Curing blindness, keeping the party going, beating the shit out of capitalists, stuff like that. No hymens as I recall. He did catch wicked air on his jetski that one time. Oh man, that Jesus! Always showing off!

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