Eva Amurri Isn’t Here For Your Nanny Shit
Eva Amurri Isn’t Here For Your Nanny Shit


Eva Amurri got naked a bunch on Californication then flipped that into marrying a former professional soccer player, Kyle Martino, and now she spends her time being a mommy blogger. They had a Latin nanny. I say “had”, because the nanny tried to fuck her husband. Eva wrote a mommy blog about it. Here’s some of it.

The Nanny usually arrived at 9am (and stayed until 6pm).  She knew that I was arriving home on Tuesday but didn’t know what time.  An hour before she was supposed to arrive for the day, Kyle got a text message from her show up on his cell phone.  It said: “OMG. Girl, did I mention to you how hot and sex my Boss is.  I would love to fuck his brains out ha haah.  Too bad he seems not to like thick Latin women with lots to hold on to LOL.”

Basically, the husband set the nanny up and recorded her or something to prove his innocence, then Eva wrote this really long, passive aggressive blog post about the whole experience. Eva Amurri also has huge tits. I’ve been waiting to mention that. 


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Eva Amurri Does Maxim



You may know Eva Amurri as Susan Sarandon’s daughter with the big tits, or you may know her as the stripper with the big tits and heart of black ice on Californication. If you don’t, that’s okay. In that case, let me introduce you to Eva Amurri. The chick in Maxim with the big tits.

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The Emmys Were Last Night










The 62nd Annual Emmy Awards honored the best in television last night by handing out trophies to millionaires who stand on an X and read words on paper for a living, but unfortunately for them, NFL preseason football and True Blood were on last night, too. Basically what I’m saying is, I Googled all this shit.

Sookie and Bill showed up to their first event as a married couple, and I don’t know how many presents they got at the reception, but hopefully they registered at a dentist’s office.

Only kindergartners and Asian girls should have bangs, so of course Emily Deschanel looks weird. She’s in a show called Bones I’ve never seen, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s about her jaw being replaced with the Iron Giant’s.

Christina Hendricks once again used alien technology and Mayan spells to push her massive rack up to her neck, so we’d be distracted and forget about everything else. She lost in the supporting actress category, and in more bad news, her husband lost a call before he got the customer’s service tag. Poor guys!

January Jones is clearly the hottest one on Mad Men, plus she’s slutty and likes to drive drunk then text married guys. The only thing that would make her more perfect is if her anus took debit cards.

She was annoying as hell last season Dexter, so I guess that’s why in the season finale Julie Benz bled out in a bathtub. But according to these pictures, her nipples are very, very much alive.

Who the hell knows why Kim Kardashian was there. She looks like something on a black escort website that would come to your door if you ordered the Cleopatra.

Eva Amurri has a face only her mother Susan Sarandon could love, but like her mother, she has these (NSFW). Every kid in Haiti could get free lunch for a year with these two.

Tina Fey also showed up in a dress almost as confusing as the reasons people think she’s attractive. She looks like the Greek goddess of concealer.

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Olivia Munn And Eva Amurri Like Each Other
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Olivia Munn and Eva Amurri posted these pics on Twitter, and knowing that they look like THIS and THIS, I can only assume they wear thongs and babydolls and have pillow fights on Olivia’s bed and scissor while they’re painting each others toes. Wait…what? You mean…you mean hot chicks don’t do that when they’re alone? Seriously? Why didn’t…*covers ears with and hands, closes, eyes, and shakes head* La la la la la la I can’t hear you! La la la la la!

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Sweetie, This Just Won’t Do



After seeing her naked all the time in Californication (NSFW), I have no idea why Eva Amurri showed up to the 12th Annual Cracked Xmas Gala in LA dressed like a British nanny. She has huge tits, so quite frankly, her dressing like this is just rude. To my penis. If she wears stuff like this you should be legally allowed to tase her.

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Californication Is A Good Show
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If you don't watch the insanely awesome Californication, number one you're an idiot, and number two, you missed actress Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter) and her fantastic rack last night. There's so much sex in this show that after season two David Duchovny had to go to rehab for sex addiction. Unlike the time I went to rehab for my addiction to Fashion Plates. Create fashionable outfits in minutes!

Note: Hi, person in Dallas. She has bug eyes and no talent. Thanks for leaving 5 of the 7 comments so far saying the same thing. Instead of commenting again, you can just assume that your point has been duly noted. You know, five times.

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