Erika Christensen Wants You To Be A Scientologist

Like any religion when you step back and look at them, I won’t sit here and explain how ridiculous Scientology sounds. But Erika Christensen has apparently been a lifelong Scientologist. But unlike Megan Fox’s religion that causes you to speak in tongues and need a decoder ring, Erika says Scientology is about studying. BORING. Us reports:

“[People assume] we’re some kind of closed group and we’re just the Hollywood religion and we worship rabbits,” joked the actress of the faith practiced by Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Beck and other stars. “I don’t actually know how many people think that.” Christensen explained that she was raised in the Church by her Scientology parents, Kathy and Steven Christensen, and would thus have no issue with introducing her future children to the religion’s practices. “I would expose to them, like, this is what I do, which is how my parents did it, because my parents are Scientologists,” she said. “When I was seven, they did this demonstration. There is this thing in Scientology, it’s a study method to demonstrate things out.” “I would give them the option of, like, these are our study tools,” she continued. “You can use them in school, get good grades, learn.”

Erika Christensen has huge boobs, so….must….not….listen….stop…..nodding. Uncross your arms and walk away, Todd. You’re nodding again…..must….pull…away. RUN! RUN!

photo credit = Getty

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Scientology Isn’t Bad

Scientologist Erika Christensen was at some event yesterday that I didn’t bother to look up, because she stuffed her enormous rack into a black dress and made my penis question all he knew about God. Did an intergalatic C-130 really drop millions of people into a volcano and blow them up with an atomic bomb by order of Xenu? I think Jesus would be cool if I titty fucked her to get to the bottom of this.

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Scientology Had a Christmas Party

I have no idea what the drug-addled ramblings of a science-fiction writer about volcanoes and alien battleships have to do with the birth of Jesus, but here are some pictures from the Church of Scientology’s annual Christmas/holiday party. Who knows what the hell this is. They could be in the back boiling kittens in a cauldron for all we know, but Erika Christensen has ridiculously big tits and really should be rescued from all this. Jenna Elfman can stay. She and her husband are brainwashed psychopaths (“Have you ever raped a baby?”) who deserve everything the Scientology Celebrity Centre has to offer. Being shot by its armed guards, for example. How exciting!

Some of the other Scientolobots at the party were: David Carradine, Jason Lee, Anne Archer, Laura Prepon, Ethan Suplee, Jo Anna Garcia (the hot chick from Privileged), and Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite).

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Scientology Still Exists

The Church of Scientology had a “38th Anniversary” gala this weekend and you did nothing, Taliban. If all the 24 hour news channels would stop telling everyone where all of America’s infrastructure weak spots are for a minute and point their bulletins at things like Scientology events, maybe terrorists would finally hit something we don’t need and won’t miss. If they’d like to practice on a smaller target first, they’re more than welcome to go after the mutants in those fucking eHarmony commercials.

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