Lindsay Lohan Might Play Elizabeth Taylor

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Lindsay Lohan is reportedly in talks to play iconic Hollywood star Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime: Television For Movies About Women Getting Raped And Killed movie. Yeah, okay.
THR reports:

Lindsay Lohan could go from posing as Marilyn Monroe in Playboy to playing Elizabeth Taylor for Lifetime. The actress is in early talks to play the big-screen icon in a television movie for the female-skewing cable network, The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed. The project is not a new one and has been in development at Lifetime since last May. Independent producer Larry Thompson, who previously worked with the cabler on its 2010 telepic Amish Grace, is overseeing the project.

In the last three years, Lindsay Lohan has been rumored to star in or been fired from more movies (Superman: Man of Steel, Gotti: Three Generations, Lovelace) than she’s actually been hired for (Machete, Labor Pains), so who knows if this will actually make it to production without Lindsay being found dead in a ditch with her panties stuffed in her mouth or at a pawn shop trying to sell one of the cameras. And Elizabeth Taylor was hot, right? That’s something we can all agree on, right? So if somebody could explain why Lindsay Lohan is being considered here, I’d appreciate it. Is CGI involved? Because, let’s face it, I’d rather dig up the actual Elizabeth Taylor and have sex with it than stick my dick in Lindsay Lohan wearing one of those motion capture suits.

Fun fact: Lindsay turned down the role of stripper Jade in The Hangover (role that eventually went to Heather Graham) because she said the screenplay had “no potential”. The movie grossed $467M worldwide. Stay off crack, kids.

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Former child star, two-time Oscar winner, Hollywood icon, pioneering AIDS activist, and legendary piece of ass, Elizabeth Taylor, died today after a long battle with congestive heart failure at the age of 79. Star of over fifty films and of her own real life drama that would have made the greatest reality show of all time, Taylor was married eight times (twice to Richard Burton) and raised over $200 million for AIDS research during her lifetime. R.I.P

Here are a few of her famous quotes. To recap, she was hot and funny:

I suppose when they reach a certain age some men are afraid to grow up. It seems the older the men get, the younger their new wives get.

Big girls need big diamonds.

I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too – for being married so many times.

I don’t think President Bush is doing anything at all about AIDS. In fact, I’m not sure he even knows how to spell AIDS.

If someone’s dumb enough to offer me a million dollars to make a picture, I’m certainly not dumb enough to turn it down.

It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Success is a great deodorant.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

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Now For Something Completely Different

It’s a holiday weekend, so gossip sucks right now, so I thought I’d post some pictures of actual stars and celebrities. This site is overrun by skanks and things that pass for genius, so I’d thought I’d take this time to remind everyone what being an Hollywood star actually means. Let’s face it, the only classically beautiful actresses working in Hollywood today are Charlize Theron, Diane Lane, Rachel McAdams, Halle Berry, and Angelina Jolie. That’s it. The rest of them need CGI and magic to look halfway human, so here is some pics of what actresses are supposed to look like.

NOTE: I would jump over Megan Fox and Ashley Greene going down on each other to get in a time machine set to “bang the chicks in these pictures”. Also, I’m not a huge Bogart fan, but he has my undying respect for being 45 and banging the 18-year old in pic #4.

NOTE #2: Elizabeth Taylor, goddamn. I said, got-dam.

From top left: Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Lana Turner, Lauren Bacall, Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn (Banner Picture: Rita Hayworth)

I can’t leave my lady readers out, so here’s some dudes. My extensive research involved me calling my mom and asking her who should be on the list. After she said, “It’s not an emergency? Then why are you calling me at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday?” she gave me her picks. I included her comments as well.

Marlon Brando: “Son, just be glad I didn’t have a chance of meeting him before I met your father. We might not be having this conversation.”
Paul Newman: “It’s too early for me to talk about Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, Todd.”
James Dean: “I don’t need to explain this do I?”
Elvis: “He’s prettier than most of the women you just told me about.”
Cary Grant: “Yes son, I read your site. You wish you were that suave.”

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