Calvin Harris Is Banging Eiza Gonzalez Now
Calvin Harris Is Banging Eiza Gonzalez Now


Calvin Harris, who famously dated the petty jar of mayonnaise with the nice legs, is now reportedly banging, Eiza Gonzalez, the TV version of Salma Hayek in the TV version of From Dusk Til Dawn.  People phrases it another way. 

Harris, 32, and González, 26, were seen leaving a friend’s Los Angeles party arm-in-arm on Saturday night. “They have been talking and hanging out,” a source tells PEOPLE of Harris and González’s status. “It’s new.”

Last time we heard from Calvin Harris he was banging Tinashe. Last time we heard from Tom Hiddleston was…when? Oh god. Why haven’t we heard from Tom Hiddleston? Where is Tom Hiddleston. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact Tumblr or your local law enforcement. His appearance may have changed or Taylor Swift has him in a chair bolted to the floor while her cat performs a Haim medley. 


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Eiza Gonzalez Went To A Premiere

Eiza Gonzalez, best known for being Liam Hemsworth’s vagina come up after Miley Cyrus and the kind of person Donald Trump and Republicans want to keep out of America (they also want to keep HER out) , went to the premiere of The Gallows last night. Cool story, cool story. IMDB says she’s not in this movie, so that means she either went because she wanted to see it or because this dress had to be returned today. I honestly don’t know.

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Everybody Remember Eiza Gonzalez? You Should

Miley Cyrus's 2013 MTV VMA performance is why aliens will soon colonize us and use us as food, but it was also the reason Liam Hemsworth snapped back into reality and realized he proposed to Miley Cyrus. So while she was crying in "Wrecking Ball", he put his phone in airplane mode and banged Eiza Gonzalez for about a month until the taste of wigger hillbilly was ceremoniously cleansed from his dick palate. Eiza is now on the kickass El Rey Network as the TV version of Salma Hayek in the TV version of From Dusk Till Dawn, in the way too obviously titled From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series. So to promote that, she showed up on Extra yesterday wearing this dress and having these legs. I'm going to publish this post now so you can look at the pics and so I won't have to put another word in italics.

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