Valerie Bertinelli Was a Slut and a Cokehead

In a not at all obvious coincidence, actress and ex-wife of Eddie Van Halen, Valerie Bertinelli, will appear on Monday’s Oprah on the same day her tell all book, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time, hits stores. In the juicest gossip of 1984, Bertinelli will reveal that she cheated on her ex-husband of 24 years and that she snorted cocaine. ETonline says:

…Oprah asks, “So you got married?” And Valerie responds, “And passed out in the honeymoon suite.” Valerie also tells the talk show queen: “I cheated, too. He claims to this day that I cheated first, but I don’t know. I don’t know about the timing.”

Man, that’s some shocking news. Almost as shocking as marrying a rockstar and not understanding why it didn’t work out. Because if I was Eddie Van Halen and this was 1983, I’m sure my daily planner would include scheduled times for throwing up blood and waking up on top of a pair of 18 year old twins.

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