Ed Sheeran Says He’s Banged Most Of Taylor Swift’s Friends
Ed Sheeran Says He’s Banged Most Of Taylor Swift’s Friends

 

I always thought Ed Sheeran defends Taylor Swift at every opportunity because he’s hoping that will make her let him sniff it at least once. I was wrong. Ed Sheeran defends Taylor Swift at every opportunity because she supplied him with a never-ending stream of pussy.

His next tour was considerably bigger: a 66-date run opening for Swift…..Offstage, this was his most romantically prolific period. He says he hooked up with some of Swift’s famous friends. “Taylor’s world is celebrity,” says Sheeran. “I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. … I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, ‘How the fuck did that happen?’ ”

I used to live in the same duplex as three chicks in a sorority, and I can attest to the power of your sorority chick neighbors saying you’re cool to their sorority sisters then their sorority sisters wanting bang you. It was a glorious time. I can’t really speak on Ed Sheeran’s time. He looks like Emo Baggins, so Taylor Swift’s power of suggestion must border on the supernatural.

 

 

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Bless Ed Sheeran’s Heart

Hey, remember the other day when Nicki Minaj acted like she Sandra Bland because “Anaconda” didn’t get a Video Of The Year nomination at the MTV VMAs then Taylor Swift thought it was about her then got smacked down by think pieces who failed to mention that “Anaconda” sounded like a Fischer-Price My First Song? That was fun. Then, well, the whole Katy Perry response that read like she typed it with her feet. But have no fear, Ed Sheeran is here. A dude who would swim in nuclear waste if it he thought it would give him super powers to break out of the friend zone Taylor has him in so he could sniff her high-waisted floral panties. Instead of nuclear waste, he said some words to Australia’s The Daily Telegraph.

“I think everyone knows that Taylor has done nothing wrong in that situation. She didn’t nominate herself for the awards. It’s not her fault, she just made some good videos and people think they’re good. And I think the Minaj point is a bit redundant, her point is that you have to be skinny and white to get a video of the year nomination but Beyonce’s 7/11 is in there and that is celebrating the female figure in every form.”

Wait, did that sound like Ed shrugged and said, “well, they already have a black lady in there so I don’t see the problem”? It did, right? Ok, good. Because he tweeted Buzzfeed this whilst jerking it to “Bad Blood”.

“That’s taken out of context and not what I was saying was redundant at all. I was making a point about body image and not race, whilst sticking up for a mate, I definitely said it wrong though, apologies.

Taylor, look. Just let Ed lick it one time. That’s all the boy wants. Just let him taste it. You can still post on Tumblr and order custom stationary while he’s down there. Jump on Netflix. He’ll be done before you get to “Created by Dick Wolf”.

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Ed Sheeran Says Taylor Swift Doesn’t Put Out



Ed Sheeran left Taylor Swift‘s London hotel room at 4am the night before the Brit Awards, and usually when a working penis and a working vagina are in a hotel room until 4am they usually end up meeting each other. Then one cries and one goes to sleep. But since this story involves Taylor Swift and an awkward looking ginger, what I just described did not happen. Hollywood Life reports:

“I did go to her hotel, I did stay there ’til four and I did leave in the same clothes,” Ed tells TVNZ on March 12. “But I was playing her my new record. It was strictly that kind of thing.. I’m a professional.”

If I was this dude, I probably would have kept this to myself, but apparently they’re just friends. Like two girls are friends. Two girls who stay up late and listen to music and talk about boys and stuff. I just called Ed Sheeran a girl if you didn’t pick up on that.

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Taylor Swift Is Already Banging Ed Sheeran



Less than a month after getting by Harry Styles, Taylor Swift is now fucking the next best thing: his fat, ginger best friend, Ed Sheeran (this handsome devil)
The Sun reports:

Taylor and Ed spent the night together before last month’s Brits awards, according to reports in the US. They stayed up talking and putting the world to rights until 4am at Taylor’s London hotel. Ed was spotted doing “the walk of shame” the next day, leaving the hotel in the same clothes he had been wearing the night before…A source added: “Taylor made it clear when they go off on tour she wants Ed to be her boyfriend.”

Taylor Swift is one of those chicks who just can’t be alone and needs constant male attention, but other than that, it would be cool if they made her vagina the U.S. Embassy of Great Britain.

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