Drake Won 13 Billboard Music Awards
Drake Won 13 Billboard Music Awards

 

The 2017 Billboard Music Awards were last night, and if you didn’t know who people win those, “the Billboard Music Awards finalists are based on album and digital songs sales, streaming, radio airplay, touring and social engagement.” So basically you win if you sell the most albums and people talk about your album a lot online. So if Drake‘s Views was a movie, it would be Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. And Drake is basically Hakeem Olajuwon getting trophies after Adele and Taylor Swift retired to play baseball.

 

Here’s one of Drake’s speeches. Vanessa Hudgens is probably getting a lot of texts.

 

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This Instagram Chick Said Drake Knocked Her Up Then Ignored Her Texts
This Instagram Chick Said Drake Knocked Her Up Then Ignored Her Texts

 

A “model” by the name of Layla (@iamlaylalace) said Drake pretty much stalked her on Instagram, got her pregnant, then dipped. She has pulled every single receipt.  (Swipe that Instagram box thing).

 

#Drake got some explaining to do (swipe for more)

A post shared by The Shade Room (@theshaderoom) on

 

She had some more words to say. Specifically, Drake has a two-inch penis.

 

ALSO IMA MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR I NEVER CHECKED FOR THIS LIL 2 INCH DIRTY DICK ASS NIGGA !!! HIS LIEING ASS SENT FOR ME !!! NEVER DID I THROW MY SELF AT HIM !!!! NEVER A GROUPIE !!!! NEVER DID I ASK FOR ANY OF THIS !!!! NO WE DIDNT MEET AT NO VIDEO SHOOT/STUDIO/CONCERT OR IN NO CLUB !!! THIS MAN MADE IT HIS BUIESNESS TO ASK TO MEET ME OFF OF SEEING A PIC OF ME THAT WAS SENT TO HIM BY HIS MANS.I NEVER ASKED HIS MANS TO SEND DRAKE A PIC OF ME EITHER LETS JUST MAKE THAT CLEAR TOO !!! WHEN I MET HIS MANS I HAD NO CLUE HE EVEN KNEW DRAKE !!! UNTIL THE NEXT DAY WHEN HIS MANS HIT ME UP ON INSTAGRAM AND TOLD ME THEY WERE FRIENDS !!! EVEN THOU I WAS NERVOUS TO EVEN MEET DRAKE HE MANAGED TO PERSUAD ME INTO LEAVING MY COUNTRY WITH HIS MANS TO MEET HIM.I WAS LIVING MY LIFE DRAMA FREE BEFORE ALL OF THIS AND HERE HE COMES OUT OF FUCKING NOWERE !!! CORRUPTING MY FUCKING LIFE !!!

A post shared by Layla

 

Say what you want about Drake and his actions, but at least he didn’t body shame this woman. That should get him some points on Twitter and Tumblr while he’s denying he got this chick pregnant. I mean, wouldn’t we all? I feel like we all would.

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Drake Is Banging Jennifer Lopez

<——– Lotta those

A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on



PSA: I’m awake because if Carrie Fisher died, I was gonna post about it. But she’s not dead, so I’m gonna post a story I was gonna post on Tuesday but forgot because somebody brought over burritos. I’m going to post it now. The post is about Drake and Jennifer Lopez. You probably figured that out already though.

Drake and Jennifer Lopez might be more than just friends. A week after the 30-year-old rapper visited Lopez in Las Vegas for her residency return at Planet Hollywood, the two were spotted spending a little time together in Los Angeles on Monday night.  An eyewitness tells ET that Drake and Lopez, 47, stepped out for an intimate dinner at West Hollywood hot spot Delilah. While the two did dine with a small group of friends, the eyewitness says that Drake and J.Lo appeared to be on a date.

I’m not really a fan of Drake’s pussy begging music, but if Jennifer Lopez asks you to bang her, you do it. I had more planned for this post, but it’s Christmas Eve. Make up your own.

 

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Drake Is Buying Toys For Taylor Swift’s Cat

Is that velvet?

A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on

 

We’ve reached peak Drake.

“Drake knows the way to Taylor [Swift’s] heart and he’s going for it in a big way,” an insider tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “He stopped into a PetCo and went buck wild on cat accessories for Taylor. He went all out. He’s also preparing to send her this sick designer bag that she can put her cats in when she’s traveling. It’s Drake being Drake and his way of letting her know that she’s good people and keeping her close to him. He knows how much she adores her cats and Drake wants her to know that he adores her just as much.” That is so sweet!

Drake falls in love faster than Taylor, so who knows how this is gonna turn out. He probably hasn’t even been allowed to sniff it yet. I assume if he had, he would’ve bought the whole pet store or invested technology to make her cat immortal.

 

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Taylor Swift Is Coming For Drake

You knew it wouldn’t take long, but Taylor Swift showed up to Drake‘s 30th birthday party at Delilah in LA, and first she had to be Regina George.

“They were put on opposite sides of the room and didn’t even look at each other. Taylor came through the front door with Karlie Kloss and the Haim sisters while Perry entered through the back with a gang of friends, who were inappropriately dressed for the formal affair. Katy and John chatted, but Taylor avoided both of them,” a spy said.

But then….

We’re told after the dinner, Drake joined Swift in her booth, where they “were intimately flirting, talking closely and laughing. The only person he spent more time with other than his mom was Taylor,” the source said.

This is what Taylor Swift wore to Drake’s birthday, so can’t really say I blame them I guess. They’re both insufferable assholes and sinkholes of emotional neediness, so this should probably work out. Best of luck to them both.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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Rihanna And Drake Split Already
Rihanna And Drake Split Already




Not even two months ago, Drake was awkwardly professing his love for Rihanna at the VMAs in a tuxedo for some reason. He even used her Christian name. People thought he was gonna propose. But this is Drake. There’s too many strippers and Waffle House waitresses when Rihanna isn’t around.

Drake and Rihanna have split. Sources revealed exclusively to Life & Style magazine that the “Work” singer told the Canadian rapper it was over after he was spotted getting close to Instagram model Dakota Gonzalez at the afterparty for his September 11 concert in Las Vegas.  “When Rihanna isn’t at Drake’s concerts,” the source says, “Dakota is often there by his side. It makesRihanna furious.” Drake, 29, was also noticeably absent from the 28-year-old beauty’s Puma fashion show in Paris last month.

It’s hard to keep up with the women Drake has fallen in love with, but I guess Dakota Gonzalez in the new one. Her Instagram is already set to private and that’s a bad business plan for an Instagram model. From what I can tell, she looks like Rihanna had sex with Ariana Grande in an alternate dimension where Ariana Grande would get pregnant from that and have a baby that would grow up to look like Dakota Gonzalez. “Dakota” means “friend”, so hopefully Rihanna doesn’t have anything to worry about.


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Somebody Robbed Drake’s Tour Bus Of $3M In Jewelry
Somebody Robbed Drake’s Tour Bus Of $3M In Jewelry


I hope this doesn’t put off Drake‘s dream of a classy strip club where you pay women to discuss their feelings, but his tour bus got jacked early this morning of millions of dollars in jewelry. 

Drake went ballistic early Wednesday morning after learning one of his tour buses was targeted by thieves, who made off with 2 to 3 million dollars in bling. Drake and Future were performing at the Talking Stick Resort Arena in Phoenix Tuesday night when a thief or thieves made it onto a bus shared by the 2 rappers. They took a briefcase that contained millions of dollars in jewelry. We’re told the jewelry was Future’s, but the video is clear — Drake was super upset when he learned about the heist.We’re told detectives are reviewing security footage to ID the culprits.

Not sure if this classifies as “ballistic” or not. Maybe he couldn’t go fully ballistic because his shirt is so tight. But who keeps $3M worth of jewelry in a tour bus?*


(*) = rhetorical


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Drake’s Opening A ‘Classy’ Strip Club
Drake’s Opening A ‘Classy’ Strip Club


If I tied your loved ones up over a pit of demon possessed sharks and set a timer for 2 seconds then told you that you had to name the rapper who announced he’s  opening a classy strip club in Houston called “The Ballet” or your family would die, they wouldn’t die, because you’d know the answer before I got to the word “Houston”. It’s Drake. Of course it’s Drake.

Launching a pop-up at the city’s Toyota Center last night (September 5), during his annual Houston Appreciation Weekend, Drake has now announced that his “classy” strip club – called ‘The Ballet’ – will open in the city during 2017. Speaking at his pop-up event, Drake told the crowd: “There’s a culture out there of dancing and it’s not about no strip club shit. It’s about these amazing women that we’ve got in one spot, the music that we’ve got, and the Houston culture that we got. I just wanna let you know that I’m going to bring it to you in the most honest and genuine way possible.”



Not sure how much a lap dance will be, but it must be a lot since Drake will probably require all the dancers to tell you their real names and favorite inspirational quote. 


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Rihanna Needs Drake To Chill
Rihanna Needs Drake To Chill




Rihanna won the Video Vanguard Award at the MTV VMAs last night, and Drake showed up to present her with the award wearing a tux for some reason. During his speech, he said “She’s someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old.” He was expecting a different reaction.




I’ll let the Internet explain the rest. (more…)

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Drake Bet $60,000 On Golden State
Drake Bet $60,000 On Golden State


“Why they passing to Varejo tho?”


Drake has been dumped by Rihanna twice, and since Rihanna’s vagina wants to suck Lebron James in like a Barbados sarlacc, Drake pretty much had to bet on the Golden State Warriors. He did. I hope he named the $60,000 “Good girl” since he lost it. Zing! Hahahaha good one, Todd.


 

Drake lost $60k on the Finals last night

A video posted by XXL (@xxl) on


Insufficient funds.


[ h/t XXL ]

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