Karen McDougal Talked About Banging Donald Trump On CNN Last Night
Karen McDougal Talked About Banging Donald Trump On CNN Last Night

 

So in case you weren’t aware, Trump banged Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal “many dozens of times” during a 10-month period ending in April 2007. She shopped the story around, got cold feet about it, then AMI bought the rights to the story for $150K then killed it as a favor to Trump. Roughly two years later, Ronan Farrow, the intellectual’s Harvey Levin, published McDougal’s 8-page handwritten document detailing the affair in The New Yorker. This month, she filed a lawsuit to get out of her non-disclosure agreement with AMI. She talked to CNN‘s Anderson Cooper last night. Here’s some excerpts:

“After we had been intimate, he tried to pay me, and I actually didn’t know how to take that,” she said of their first alleged sexual encounter. When Cooper asked if Trump tried to hand her money, McDougal said, “He did.” “I don’t even know how to describe the look on my face,” she said. “It must have been so sad.”
Ok, so I was born and raised in the South, so I’m gonna say this phrase the way it wasn’t intended: bless her heart. For real. That should have been her first clue. But she didn’t see that as a clue. She didn’t see this as a clue either.
She recalled meeting Trump’s other older children, and said Trump had complimented her by comparing her favorably to his eldest daughter, Ivanka Trump. “He said I was beautiful like her,” McDougal said. “And, you know, ‘You’re a smart girl.’ There wasn’t a lot of comparing, but there was some. I heard a lot about her.”
I’d say Ivanaka was hotter, but then again, Ivanaka isn’t my daughter and I’m not constantly talking about her to the chick I’m banging. You can watch the entire long ass interview below, but I watched it to write this, so I can give my thoughts on it if you want. Ok, cool. Thanks. Well, I was expecting to hear some freaky, weird shit, but I didn’t I didn’t get through the first 10 minutes before she called him “brilliant”, “sweet”, “charming”, and said he had “great posture.” She even said she was love. Trump’s an asshole, but besides the whole cheating on his wife for 10 months part, I’m not really sure how this is supposed to make him look bad. Like, she admitted to letting him raw dog it on the regular. We have a President banging Playboy Playmates and porn stars and letting at least one of them think they’re the one while stopping by McDonald’s on the way to smash. This might be the most American President we’ve ever had. That’s not a compliment.

 


 
She didn’t get into specifics about the banging, but I found this pic on her Instagram and she calls it her “signature pose,” so feel free to draw your own conclusions.
 


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Here’s The Dude Who Deactivated Donald Trump’s Twitter For 11 Minutes
Here’s The Dude Who Deactivated Donald Trump’s Twitter For 11 Minutes

 

Earlier this month, Donald Trump’s Twitter account was deactivated for 11 minutes and Twitter rejoiced. Like, people were legit happy about it. Not me, because Trump’s tweets are hilarious because I enjoy laughing into the void, and I don’t think I follow anybody on Twitter who constantly self-owns themselves daily. Anyway, it was learned his account was deactivated by a contractor on his last day on the job. His name is Bahtiyar Duysak and this is him (via TechCrunch):

Duysak, a twenty-something with Turkish roots who was born and raised in Germany, was working as a contractor for a fixed term for the last part of his stay in the U.S. under a work and study visa. In addition to his role at Twitter with Pro Unlimited, other assignments had included stints in monetization at Google and YouTube via another contractor, Vaco.

Duysak is back in Germany now, but after deactivated the most precious thing in the President of the United States’ life, he now just wants everybody to leave him alone and not kill him and his family.

“I want to continue an ordinary life. I don’t want to flee from the media,” he said. “I want to speak to my neighbors and friends. I had to delete hundreds of friends, so many pictures, because reporters are stalking me. I just want to continue an ordinary life.” “I didn’t do any crime or anything evil, but I feel like Pablo Escobar,” he said, “and slowly it’s getting really annoying.”

I’m really surprised “I didn’t do any crime or anything evil” isn’t Trump’s Twitter bio by now, because it sounds like something he’d say. But as far as Duysak goes, I’d probably stay in Germany for the rest of my life in a drone-free zone.

 

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Eminem Nuked Trump From Detroit
Eminem Nuked Trump From Detroit

 

While we’re somehow excited Cardi B being #1 with a song about stomping women to death with her shoes, Eminem went on the BET Hip Hop Awards last night and pretty much unleashed on Donald Trump on the way hip hop was intended. I fully expected a 6,342 tweet storm time stamped between 3:12-20am when I woke up, but I see that isn’t the case. If somebody shits on his own fans before his new album drops and shits on his own mother and threatens to kill his wife on albums that have already dropped, you might want to sit this one out.

 

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Trump Tried To Bang Brooke Shields
Trump Tried To Bang Brooke Shields

 

Brooke Shields was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen this week and this happened

The supermodel shared the tidbit during a game in which she had to guess who she had been photographed with throughout her career. When a black-and-white snapshot of herself and the former Celebrity Apprentice host at a charity event flashed across the screen, Shields pretended to gag and stuck out her tongue. “I can’t even speak,” she joked before recounting the story.

If you’re wondering what kind of pickup lines Trump uses, don’t think too hard, he uses the exact pickup lines you’d expect he would.

“I really think we should date because you’re America’s sweetheart and I’m America’s richest man and people would love it.”

I don’t have a vagina (on me), but If I had one it would turn to sand then the sand would turn into diamonds.

 

 

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Kathy Griffin Isn’t Friends With Anderson Cooper Anymore
Kathy Griffin Isn’t Friends With Anderson Cooper Anymore

 

Remember when Kathy Griffin went full on ISIS propaganda video with a fake severed head of Donald Trump and people called it art and freedom of speech then somehow turned Kathy Griffin into the victim? That was weird. Then remember when Kathy Griffin’s favorite gay, Anderson Cooper, called the severed head thing disgusting?  Yeah, they’re not friends anymore now. In an interview with The Cut that makes her sound like some political prisoner, Griffin explained her reasons.

 Griffin acknowledges that Cooper was in an untenable position, but she feels that their long friendship afforded her a call or text message beforehand….The fact that Cooper was telling people publicly they were friends, while not checking in with her, hurt Griffin deeply. When he finally reached out to her in a series of text messages, she told him their friendship was over. A source close to Cooper tells me that Cooper was “shocked and upset by the photo, and while he was not ready to talk to her personally about it, he still considered her to be a friend, and was publicly supportive when asked about the controversy.”

I had to read way too much about Kathy Griffin to post this, but this really sets back White Woman/Gay Man relations back a few years. I hope this allows America to have an open and productive discourse about this without resorting to violence.

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Kathy Griffin Is Super Edgy
Kathy Griffin Is Super Edgy

 

While liberals dropped their vapes over a dog statue peeing on a girl statue and hate crimeterrorism because the guy was white, conservatives clutched their pearls and free healthcare for all accidentally fell out a because they were so shocked that Kathy Griffin and artist Tyler Shields went full ISIS video in mocking Donald Trump. Here’s her reasoning from her now deleted Instagram post. It didn’t go over well.

Here’s my artsy fartsy statement! I’m mocking the guy who mocks everybody. EVERYBODY (well, not the Russians so much) Anywhoo…If you could’ve seen us trying to fashion a Trump mask…haha We started playing around w props, etc, so I shall title this work “there was blood coming out of his eyes, blood coming out of his…WHEREVER.” OBVIOUSLY…I do not condone or encourage any of my fans / followers or ANYONE to cause harm to ANYONE. Verbally or otherwise. KG.

Trump or Obama or anyone, is it really a good idea to joke about killing the President? Is that something you really out here trying to to do? You too, Ted Nugent. Dumbass. In their defense, most of my fellow liberals called Kathy Griffin an idiot (shout out to Chelsea Clinton). I don’t know what Lena Dunham had to say, but I assume it was this.  Kathy Griffin was basking in her newfound relevance until the Secret Service was like, “oh”, then Kathy put on her worse wig to make an apology video.

 

 

Now there’s outrage over the outrage because there’s always something WORSE going on in the world. Specifically, the political narrative you were trying to push before this pic dropped. You’re all pretty stupid.

 

It’s ok, boo.

 

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Emma Thompson Said Donald Trump Asked Her Out Once The Day After Her Divorce
Emma Thompson Said Donald Trump Asked Her Out Once The Day After Her Divorce

 

Emma Thompson was a guest on some talk show called Skavlan, and said Donald Trump asked her out while she was shooting the 1998 film Primary Colors in NYC. Her divorce from Kenneth Branagh was finalized the day before. Shooters shoot. Shoot your shot, Donald.

“I was in my trailer, and it was on the Universal lot. And I had just been divorced (from actor-producer Kenneth Branagh), and my decree absolute had just come through like the day before,” Thompson explained. “Anyway, so the phone rings in my trailer, which it’s never done before. I look at it, and it’s, like, weird. It’s like a moose has just entered in my trailer. …Anyway, so, I lift up the phone: ‘Hi, it’s Donald Trump here.’ I said, ‘Really? What? Can I help you?’ And he said, ‘Yeah, I just, you know, I wondered if I could offer you some accommodation in one of my Trump Towers. They’re really comfortable.'” Thompson says she then asked, “Why are you offering me somewhere to stay in my trailer?” According to her account, Trump answered: “Well, you know, I think we would get on very well. Maybe we could have dinner sometime?” “I didn’t know what to do with myself,” she said to host Fredrik Skavlan. “I was on my own, and I just said, ‘OK, well, um, I’ll get back to you. Thank you so much for the offer.'”

I’d be okay in a world where Emma Thompson was the First Lady, but she fucked that up. I’d also be happy with Casey Anthony as First Lady where she could use her talents for good.

 

 

#fbf Bae

 

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Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last Night
Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last Night

 

By now you’ve probably heard about that Rachel Maddow thing. It wasn’t good. Let’s recap then get to Stephen Colbert taking a shit all over it.
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Lana Del Rey Is One Of The Witches Casting An Impeachment Spell On Trump
Lana Del Rey Is One Of The Witches Casting An Impeachment Spell On Trump

 

So you know those witches who are casting spells to bind Donald Trump until he’s impeached? Yeah, Lana Del Rey is one of them. 2017 is great.

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Melissa McCarthy Has Donald Trump Shook
Melissa McCarthy Has Donald Trump Shook

 

There’s no way Donald Trump doesn’t have a small dick, because his obsession with SNL would be funny if it wasn’t depressing. You can count on a tweet storm after every episode, but weirdly, it didn’t happen this week. Why? Trump is upset Sean Spicer was portrayed by Melissa McCarthy – a woman. Good times.

More than being lampooned as a press secretary who makes up facts, it was Spicer’s portrayal by a woman that was most problematic in the president’s eyes, according to sources close to him. And the unflattering send-up by a female comedian was not considered helpful for Spicer’s longevity in the grueling, high-profile job in which he has struggled to strike the right balance between representing an administration that considers the media the “opposition party,” and developing a functional relationship with the press. “Trump doesn’t like his people to look weak,” added a top Trump donor.

To recap: Sean Spicer might get fired, not because he sucks at job, but because the President of The United states is upset his Press Secretary got roasted by a woman on a weekly comedy show.  Maybe he should build a wall around his emotions.

 

 

Here’s Ivanka Trump because she’s hot.

 

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