Donald Trump Called Jessica Biel Ugly
Donald Trump Called Jessica Biel Ugly


Donald Trump is sorry for the pain he caused Jessica Biel from the media twisting his words by reporting them verbatim or however this will eventually play out or whatever. 

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Melania Trump Is A Blue Star Mother
Melania Trump Is A Blue Star Mother


So, naked photos of Melania Trump have been released. Whatever party you belong to, please remember that your grandkids will have to be taught about this election in school. What the fuck are we doing?

Decades before she was sporting designer dresses on the stage of the Republican National Convention as Mrs. Trump, Melania Knauss posed nude in a photo spread for a now-defunct French men’s magazine, The Post has learned. The leggy, Slovenian-born model — then 25 years old and known by her professional moniker Melania K. — did the steamy photo session in Manhattan in 1995, according to Alé de Basse­ville, the French photographer who shot the sexy snaps.

Ok, Melania Trump isn’t gonna get shit from me for being a 25-year old model trying to make Manhattan rent money, but in the last four days, her husband has done the following: 1.) shit on the Muslin mother of a Bronze Star and Purple Heart recipient,  2.) claimed the Bronze Star and Purple Heart recipient’s Muslim father “viciously attacked” him, 3.) either had no idea Russia had already invaded Ukraine or he was pushing Russian propaganda – the propaganda his campaign manager was implicit in when it actually happened  4.) 5.) tried to bail on the fall debates with a lie, 6.) lost campaign donations from the biggest supporter of Republican candidates as he watches his campaign bleed money. Now if you read all that, and wondered about the timing of this leak, then maybe Trump put these out to distract you. You tell me. A lot of people have written about that, let me tell you. Believe me.


Here’s some pictures of Melania Trump fully clothed since I’d like to show her more respect than her husband. Sorry. 


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Donald Trump Gave Charlie Sheen Fake Platinum And Diamonds As A Wedding Gift
Donald Trump Gave Charlie Sheen Fake Platinum And Diamonds As A Wedding Gift


Charlie Sheen was on The Graham Norton Show Friday night, and told a story about Donald Trump being, well, Donald Trump. 

“I’m really not a fan,” Sheen said of Trump, who spoke to him at a dinner around five years ago. “He says ‘these are platinum diamond Harry Winston’ and he pulls off his cufflinks and he gives them to me.” Six months later, Sheen asked a jeweler appraising jewelry at his home to take a look at the ’links. “She took the loupe, spent about four seconds, and kind of recoiled from it — much like people do from Trump — and says ‘in their finest moment, this is cheap pewter and bad zirconias,’” said Sheen, who dismissed the real estate mogul as a “charlatan.” “And they’re stamped ‘Trump.’ And I just thought, ‘what does this really say about the man, that he said, ‘here’s a great wedding gift,’ and it’s just a bag of dog shit?”

Like, this is usually part when I unleash all over Trump, but safe to say giving somebody fake cufflinks is better than giving them HIV. Charlie Sheen might have given a lot of women HIV. Sad!


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Aaron Carter No Longer Wants To Make America Great Again
Aaron Carter No Longer Wants To Make America Great Again


One of the many problems with democracy is that Aaron Carter is allowed to vote, but good news everyone! He’s been bullied into realizing voting is dumb and pretty much a waste of time.


Donald Trump is a trailer park Lex Luthor who would make America more of an embarrassment than it already is, but our other choices are Hillary Clinton who would change her position on drinking blood if Aztecs were an influential voting demographic, and Bernie Sanders, who has been fighting the same fight for 50 years and has nothing to show for it except white college kids who post memes on Facebook about Sweden and superdelegate conspiracies. Ted Cruz might have a chance if he can find Noah’s Ark by October.  


Here’s Hayley Atwell. She plays Agent Carter. This post is about Aaron Carter. Agent Carter fills out a dress better. 


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Donald Trump Says Tom Brady Helped Him Win Massachusetts
Donald Trump Says Tom Brady Helped Him Win Massachusetts


Back in September, Barstool Sports writer John Feitelberg took a pic of a Donald TrumpMake America Great Again” hat in Tom Brady‘s locker. Less that two weeks later, Brady told ESPN that “it would be great” if Trump was elected President. Trump called Brady “my friend” and a “total winner” for the compliment, but mostly because his erection for Brady has lasted longer than four hours. He still had it during his interview with The Washington Post yesterday.

Hicks: Tom Brady says you never lose.


Trump: In Massachusetts, I’m at 48 percent. You know why? Tom Brady said Trump’s the greatest. He says it to anyone who asks him. You know, it’s hard for a guy like him to say that. When you’re a football player, you don’t want to be taking sides in campaigns and having the Hillary [Clinton] people now say you’re not as good as Bart Starr. You understand. So Tom Brady is great.


Thanks, Brady.


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We Had An Okay Run, You Guys
We Had An Okay Run, You Guys


As you have probably already read, Donald Trump has some pretty crazy ideas! Last night he released the below statement on his official site. Whoa, get a load of this guy!

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Here’s Donald Trump Getting Blessed, Not Giving A Shit
Here’s Donald Trump Getting Blessed, Not Giving A Shit


To be a Republican front runner, the base you’re pandering to probably just assumes that you believe Jesus is the only one who can stop mass shootings if he was just allowed back in schools, so here’s Kenneth Copeland, Rabbi Kirk Schneider and Pastor Paula White praying for Donald Trump like that will help in any way.  Here’s also Donald Trump trying hard not to check his watch.



(via mstars)

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Charlie Sheen Wants To Be Trump’s VP

In response to Owen Wilson‘s interview with The Daily Beast, Charlie Sheen would now like to be Donald Trump‘s Vice President. Charlie Sheen’s real name is “Carlos Estevez”, so that may not be the best for the brand. Sheen might have killed a porn star once, so that should be enough for a nice Senate run instead.

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Donald Trump Is Suing Univison Because They Don’t Like Being Called Rapists

First off, these pictures are from Miss Universe, not Miss USA. Please understand that I don’t care. Cool. That’s out of the way. Now, during his Presidential announcement, trust-fund baby Donald Trump said all Mexicans were thieves and rapists, so not surprisingly, he’s current leading all Republican candidates in the polls. Turns out Univision, who holds the rights to televise the Miss USA pageant, didn’t really care for that, so they told him to go fuck himself, thereby backing out of the five year deal they signed in January. Trump, being Trump, is now suing them:

In an interview with the On Media blog, Trump, a co-owner of the Miss Universe Organization, accused Univision of defaulting on an “iron-clad” five-year, $13.5 million contract that it had no right to terminate. “They have no termination rights whatsoever,” Trump said. “They’ve defaulted on their contract because of pressure put on them by Mexico.”

Look, you know why Miss USA is on Univision? Because Latinos love them some pageants. And if you think Univision can’t get $13.5 out of there petty cash drawer, sorry about it. So to recap, Donald Trump is an old white guy, was handed a job and an inheritance by his rich dad, hates Mexicans, and when he doesn’t get his way, he’ll sue. He’s pretty much the perfect GOP candidate.

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Here’s Donald Trump’s “Major Announcement”


Last week, Donald Trump said he had a “major announcement” that would “change the face of the election”. So if you were expecting (and I know you were) something that would cost Barack Obama the election, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Mostly because Trump is an idiot. The not-so-subtle racism and expertly crafted built in argument if Obama refuses (“HE HATES CHARITIES!!” “SO HE DOESN’T WANT TO REDISTRIBUTE NOW, HUH?!”) is almost as funny as whatever gave its life so Trump could have hair. Because who would turn down $5M for cancer if he didn’t have something to hide, right? That would make sense if everyone was Republican and only saw things as a balance sheet. I guess charity is only fulfilling when you can use that money to buy a black (more…)

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