Eminem Nuked Trump From Detroit
Eminem Nuked Trump From Detroit

 

While we’re somehow excited Cardi B being #1 with a song about stomping women to death with her shoes, Eminem went on the BET Hip Hop Awards last night and pretty much unleashed on Donald Trump on the way hip hop was intended. I fully expected a 6,342 tweet storm time stamped between 3:12-20am when I woke up, but I see that isn’t the case. If somebody shits on his own fans before his new album drops and shits on his own mother and threatens to kill his wife on albums that have already dropped, you might want to sit this one out.

 

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Trump Tried To Bang Brooke Shields
Trump Tried To Bang Brooke Shields

 

Brooke Shields was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen this week and this happened

The supermodel shared the tidbit during a game in which she had to guess who she had been photographed with throughout her career. When a black-and-white snapshot of herself and the former Celebrity Apprentice host at a charity event flashed across the screen, Shields pretended to gag and stuck out her tongue. “I can’t even speak,” she joked before recounting the story.

If you’re wondering what kind of pickup lines Trump uses, don’t think too hard, he uses the exact pickup lines you’d expect he would.

“I really think we should date because you’re America’s sweetheart and I’m America’s richest man and people would love it.”

I don’t have a vagina (on me), but If I had one it would turn to sand then the sand would turn into diamonds.

 

 

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Kathy Griffin Isn’t Friends With Anderson Cooper Anymore
Kathy Griffin Isn’t Friends With Anderson Cooper Anymore

 

Remember when Kathy Griffin went full on ISIS propaganda video with a fake severed head of Donald Trump and people called it art and freedom of speech then somehow turned Kathy Griffin into the victim? That was weird. Then remember when Kathy Griffin’s favorite gay, Anderson Cooper, called the severed head thing disgusting?  Yeah, they’re not friends anymore now. In an interview with The Cut that makes her sound like some political prisoner, Griffin explained her reasons.

 Griffin acknowledges that Cooper was in an untenable position, but she feels that their long friendship afforded her a call or text message beforehand….The fact that Cooper was telling people publicly they were friends, while not checking in with her, hurt Griffin deeply. When he finally reached out to her in a series of text messages, she told him their friendship was over. A source close to Cooper tells me that Cooper was “shocked and upset by the photo, and while he was not ready to talk to her personally about it, he still considered her to be a friend, and was publicly supportive when asked about the controversy.”

I had to read way too much about Kathy Griffin to post this, but this really sets back White Woman/Gay Man relations back a few years. I hope this allows America to have an open and productive discourse about this without resorting to violence.

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Kathy Griffin Is Super Edgy
Kathy Griffin Is Super Edgy

 

While liberals dropped their vapes over a dog statue peeing on a girl statue and hate crimeterrorism because the guy was white, conservatives clutched their pearls and free healthcare for all accidentally fell out a because they were so shocked that Kathy Griffin and artist Tyler Shields went full ISIS video in mocking Donald Trump. Here’s her reasoning from her now deleted Instagram post. It didn’t go over well.

Here’s my artsy fartsy statement! I’m mocking the guy who mocks everybody. EVERYBODY (well, not the Russians so much) Anywhoo…If you could’ve seen us trying to fashion a Trump mask…haha We started playing around w props, etc, so I shall title this work “there was blood coming out of his eyes, blood coming out of his…WHEREVER.” OBVIOUSLY…I do not condone or encourage any of my fans / followers or ANYONE to cause harm to ANYONE. Verbally or otherwise. KG.

Trump or Obama or anyone, is it really a good idea to joke about killing the President? Is that something you really out here trying to to do? You too, Ted Nugent. Dumbass. In their defense, most of my fellow liberals called Kathy Griffin an idiot (shout out to Chelsea Clinton). I don’t know what Lena Dunham had to say, but I assume it was this.  Kathy Griffin was basking in her newfound relevance until the Secret Service was like, “oh”, then Kathy put on her worse wig to make an apology video.

 

 

Now there’s outrage over the outrage because there’s always something WORSE going on in the world. Specifically, the political narrative you were trying to push before this pic dropped. You’re all pretty stupid.

 

It’s ok, boo.

 

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Emma Thompson Said Donald Trump Asked Her Out Once The Day After Her Divorce
Emma Thompson Said Donald Trump Asked Her Out Once The Day After Her Divorce

 

Emma Thompson was a guest on some talk show called Skavlan, and said Donald Trump asked her out while she was shooting the 1998 film Primary Colors in NYC. Her divorce from Kenneth Branagh was finalized the day before. Shooters shoot. Shoot your shot, Donald.

“I was in my trailer, and it was on the Universal lot. And I had just been divorced (from actor-producer Kenneth Branagh), and my decree absolute had just come through like the day before,” Thompson explained. “Anyway, so the phone rings in my trailer, which it’s never done before. I look at it, and it’s, like, weird. It’s like a moose has just entered in my trailer. …Anyway, so, I lift up the phone: ‘Hi, it’s Donald Trump here.’ I said, ‘Really? What? Can I help you?’ And he said, ‘Yeah, I just, you know, I wondered if I could offer you some accommodation in one of my Trump Towers. They’re really comfortable.'” Thompson says she then asked, “Why are you offering me somewhere to stay in my trailer?” According to her account, Trump answered: “Well, you know, I think we would get on very well. Maybe we could have dinner sometime?” “I didn’t know what to do with myself,” she said to host Fredrik Skavlan. “I was on my own, and I just said, ‘OK, well, um, I’ll get back to you. Thank you so much for the offer.'”

I’d be okay in a world where Emma Thompson was the First Lady, but she fucked that up. I’d also be happy with Casey Anthony as First Lady where she could use her talents for good.

 

 

#fbf Bae

 

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Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last Night
Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last Night

 

By now you’ve probably heard about that Rachel Maddow thing. It wasn’t good. Let’s recap then get to Stephen Colbert taking a shit all over it.
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Lana Del Rey Is One Of The Witches Casting An Impeachment Spell On Trump
Lana Del Rey Is One Of The Witches Casting An Impeachment Spell On Trump

 

So you know those witches who are casting spells to bind Donald Trump until he’s impeached? Yeah, Lana Del Rey is one of them. 2017 is great.

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Melissa McCarthy Has Donald Trump Shook
Melissa McCarthy Has Donald Trump Shook

 

There’s no way Donald Trump doesn’t have a small dick, because his obsession with SNL would be funny if it wasn’t depressing. You can count on a tweet storm after every episode, but weirdly, it didn’t happen this week. Why? Trump is upset Sean Spicer was portrayed by Melissa McCarthy – a woman. Good times.

More than being lampooned as a press secretary who makes up facts, it was Spicer’s portrayal by a woman that was most problematic in the president’s eyes, according to sources close to him. And the unflattering send-up by a female comedian was not considered helpful for Spicer’s longevity in the grueling, high-profile job in which he has struggled to strike the right balance between representing an administration that considers the media the “opposition party,” and developing a functional relationship with the press. “Trump doesn’t like his people to look weak,” added a top Trump donor.

To recap: Sean Spicer might get fired, not because he sucks at job, but because the President of The United states is upset his Press Secretary got roasted by a woman on a weekly comedy show.  Maybe he should build a wall around his emotions.

 

 

Here’s Ivanka Trump because she’s hot.

 

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Chelsea Handler Blames The Kardashians For Trump Getting Elected
Chelsea Handler Blames The Kardashians For Trump Getting Elected

 

I don’t know how Chelsea Handler makes her face looks so dry and moist at the same time, but that’s for another time. This time its about her interview in Vanity Fair where she blamed Trump’s win on the Kardashians. Sure.

Stop covering [Trump] so much. They were treating him as an entertainer first. It was a reality show. We’ve turned into a reality show. I blame the Kardashians, personally; the beginning of the end was the Kardashians. The way these people have blown up and don’t go away — it’s surreal. Everyone is for sale. We’re looking at a man that gets mad at Vanity Fair for reviewing his restaurant poorly. By the way, have you ever been to that restaurant? It’s the biggest piece of garbage you’ve ever walked into. That place looks like a Southwest airport lounge. It’s the worst.

My fellow liberal friends are still pretty confused as to why Trump won. Apparently everyone who voted for Trump is either a racist or hate women. The media they loved that told them that Hilary was going to win by every conceivable metric and laughed off a Trump win, is now fake news. Good times. For people who claim to not like labels, us liberals really like to remind everyone of a single defining characteristic before everyone’s name. Did you know that Hilary Clinton was a woman? Me either. I was just as shocked to learn as you that a woman could also be a horrifically bad candidate. Remember when we called George Bush was a racist? And John McCain? And Mitt Romney? And basically everyone else who disagreed with them. Take Trump’s immigration stance. It’s “dangerous rhetoric” or whatever, but he still needs to deport more than 3M people to beat Obama’s high score. That’ll be a while. And if you want to move to Canada, go to the border with just a dream and see how far that gets you (Hint: not far). Anyway, I’ve kinda went on tangent here and distracted you from the fact that the Kardashians are being blamed for something they had no control over. I always welcome that.

 

Not sure how Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner were that influential in determining an election, but it was 2016 and the year of realizing stuff so maybe Kylie should have made Hillary realize she was a cyborg Cersei.

 

 

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Kanye West Had A Meeting With Donald Trump Today At Trump Tower
Kanye West Had A Meeting With Donald Trump Today At Trump Tower

 

George Bush didn’t care about black people. Apparently Donald Trump does. So Kanye West just walked into Trump Tower today to meet with Trump and so Trump could have a photographic evidence of him standing next to a black person the youth of today enjoy. God help us all.
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